Jelly For a smile they could steal the night
by rach4444
Summary: a little story i wrote for Jelly fans :
1. Chapter 1

- -It was coming up to the final deadline for the teachers to submit all of their students work, and this was causing Jen some distress. Being her first teaching settlement she could not help but feel sad that she wouldn't see these student again and that possibly her position may not be reinstated if the work delivered was not up to scratch. She had been sat at the same table in her classroom for the last 5 hours one hand on her head and the other rhythmically drumming her pen to the table, she was hoping for something to distract her, give her a smile she so much wanted, something to take how tedious this day was proving to be out of her head. She knew deep down that this distraction was only surface deep, she knew that a certain face and pair of eyes was protruding right at the tip of her brain. _No Jen, stop it, you know you cant let yourself think of her. _The tormented thoughts she kept locked away had been harassing her for the last 5 weeks since she walked away from the only feeling she knew certain of. She knew that if she allowed herself to think even for a second about that feeling, those eyes, the lips she wanted to touch, that girl. She was finding it hard to contain her emotions enough to sort out the work that she had used as an excuse so much. She felt confused by how lack of care she felt towards work today compared to how much she felt for other things.

A woman came in unbeknown to Jen and moved around her like a shadow, it was only when Jen jumped at the noise of a vacuum that she realised that it was the cleaner, she had been sat in a daze for so long she hadn't realised it was 6pm and everyone bar her had left the collage. Jen gathered her things and made her way out of the collage and into her car, she threw her things into the back seat and secured herself into the drivers side and turned on the engine. The music played , the song she had left it on earlier reminded her of that day to the beach, she remembered how Tilly had chuckled to herself in the car mocking Jen for her bad taste in music. Jen smiled at this thought knowing it was allowed, it was nothing more than a person adding opinion to something, nothing wrong, nothing heartbreaking. A tear trickled carelessly down her face and she knew there was no way of avoiding her thoughts, they were like demons plaguing her every motion she knew she was in trouble.

She arrived at home and collected her things, she heard a giggle and without even realising she allowed herself to believe, she turned so quick hoping the noise was coming from the voice she had missed, dropping artwork and assignments everywhere, blowing around in the wind like her hopes and faith. She knew this metaphor was fitting, "Hey Miss Gilmore do you need a hand" George bent down and collected what he could walking with Jen to the front door helping her in. "Thanks George, what you doing here, you looking for Sinead?" she replied, probably a bit more harsher than she intended but she had been kicked back into reality so abruptly that she hadn't adjusted to her own bearing quick enough. "Where do you want me to put it miss?", "Just on the table will be fine thanks George, so what you doing here I think Sinead is out with Bart". George was looking at some artwork while he replied "Im meeting Sinaed, Tills and maddie here, were going to celebrate finishing our exams. Hey is this Tilly's ?" he said pointing at a portrait, Jen was not even listening, he did it, he mentioned the name she had been avoiding, the name she had been beating herself not to think of. She stood hands on the chair in front of her looking at the work George had pointed out to her, her stomach lurched, catching her breath in her throat brining a hand up to her mouth. "Miss are you ok you don't look too good, I was telling maddie the other day I think I had a bug and …" he may as well of not been talking Jen wasn't listening, she picked up her bad and walked to her room, slamming the door as though trying to knock this feeling out of her. She lay her head onto her bed. Another sly tear make its way out of her eye and onto her pillow, she watching it momentarily sink into the fabric and allowed herself to switch off. She slept.

She awoke a few hours later, hearing a group of girls laughing and singing, she turned her head to look at her surroundings, the clock stated 1am. She got herself up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and refresh herself, locking the door behind her. She sat of the edge of the bath letting out a tired yawn rubbing her arm where she'd slept with her bracelet on, leaving an imprint. She turned on the water and began washing her face and brushing her teeth when she heard a bang on the door which startled her. "Can I use the toilet please, I'm busting" a desperate plea came from outside, Jen immediately opened the door and instantly got bumped into. Staggering backwards she rubbed her heal that hit the sink, looking up she saw her, the read hair, the skinny but beautiful formed body, the eyes, oh the eyes that claimed Jens soul the first time she saw them. "Tilly" she let out the name like it was the last breath she had, it was raspy and desperate like she was calling her name out like a dying plea. "Hi Jen" Tilly's response confirmed it to Jen she was not dreaming, it was her. No the feeling she had been hiding, and the thoughts she had shrugged off had not gone away they were there and they were taking over her again.

"um.. How are you" the question sounded stupid to Jen in her own head when she said it but she wanted to know so bad that Tilly was ok and getting along with life, even though selfishly she hoped that she was suffering and feeling completely lost like she was. "Im fine, how are you." she could tell that although Tilly had been drinking she was always the responsible one who never allowed herself to become completely intoxicated and that the response was a front, she knew when the teenager was being sincere and this seemed like a childish way of acting fine to hurt Jen into thinking she didn't care. Jen allowed her head to drop down thinking she was hiding her pain but it was too clear to see, she felt the girls hand graze up her arm and rest of her shoulder, she remained head bowed trying to compose herself enough to meet her gaze "Jen look at me, im worried, Sinaed said you've been quiet and have barely spoke to anyone in weeks" she signed knowing the reason Jen was so upset was due to her "Are you ok, do you want me to leave?" it was with that statement that Jens head shot up, leaving her was the worst realisation in the world she never wanted to leave Tilly but for the teenage to walk away from her would completely and utterly destroy her. Her hand touched Tilly's on her shoulder and with a sharp intake of breath she met her gaze. The fireworks began in Jens stomach she didn't know whether she was going to explode, collapse, cry or even scream. "I'm, I have" _speak Jen, tell her … she sighed "_I have work to do" and with that she looked a look of defeat, why cant she tell her that she needed her, ached for her, wanted her and loved her. She removed her hand from Tilly's and stood backwards, Tilly looked confused for the millionth time but knew the brunette was hurting and it was killing her as she knew Jen would not let her help her. Tilly touched the side of Jens cheek, causing Jen's spine to tingle, moving her head to the side allowing Tilly to touch her, she couldn't stop it, she opened her eyes blinking away evidence of tears and looked into the other part of her souls eyes. Tilly simply wiped the side of Jens mouth where there had been residue of toothpaste and smiled at the teacher, it provoked a laugh out of Jens chest and she heartedly laughed. She always loved how the teenager calmed her and managed to make the most devastating situation seem plausible. Tilly simply smiled and ran into the bathroom leaving Jen stood in the hallway looking stunned.

Jen was now sat on the edge of her bed looking at the portrait Tilly had done of the statues the day they went to the beach, that beach was one of Jens favourite places to go. She felt like the statues, like she could momentarily stand still in time and become frozen in a space where nothing could hurt her. She had a way of feeling with her hands, she ran her fingertips over the portrait, savouring the raised bumps of paint as the teenager had marked a moment in both of their lives onto a visible scroll. There was a tap on her door and Jen called it to open, the red head walked in and sat next to her "I hope this is ok, I have a hangover kicking in and Sinaed said to ask you if you had any painkillers" she said with a smile, Jen smiled and rummaged through her bag and handed her some painkillers and a glass of water, Jen knew how she felt her head was spinning so much she felt like opening a bottle of wine. Something to take away this ache.

Tilly handled the glass with care looking at it and running her finger over the red lipstick mark and looking at Jens lips, and then she drank and swallowed the pills accidentally spilling drops, running down her chin. Jen moved her body watching the teenager in awe and using her thumb she removed the droplets of water from her chin, lingering the touch as long as she could get away with. Tilly stared back at her and they gazed, the loving gaze they often did to each other when the other wasn't looking, the pink cheeks that follow when they get caught, but this time they were both being caught and they both remained there stare, afraid to look away and snub the obvious and unforced connection.

"Do you want me to leave this time or are you going to do it again?" Tilly asked chuckling nervously, trying not to be mean but she simply couldn't be left fighting for what they have again and terrified Jen was going to say yes. "Tilly, you know I never wanted to leave you, I never want to leave you. I cant help this, this is out of my hands. Its not allowed, but I cant stop wanting it so bad. You make me think, make me feel, I cant stop this ache I have for you and to not have you is killing me" Jen was welling up again so Tilly jumped in before the brunette forced herself to walk away again, "Its only not allowed because of school, we are not in school Jen, I'm not back for 8 weeks now, that means we can go away, look at galleries, go to the beach, be here together, tonight its just us. I know you want this I know you cant control yourself with me and right now I cant control myself I will not stop looking at you, I will not stop you if you want to leave. But me, I'm under you" she let out a chuckle at the innuendo, even though it was not meant to be implied she was simply suggesting she was under this spell and couldn't even try to leave.

Jen however never removed her stare she smiled and cried along with what Tilly said. Tilly coughed and it broke their eyes apart and Jen was finding her eyes being able to move at another direction, here comes the second thoughts again. She layed back on the bed with her hands thrown onto her head, eyes shut beating herself for allowing herself to feel this, for so long her heart was red raw from beating herself up and deny her desire, allowing Tilly to get under her skin, for allowed tilly to walk into her room and allowing her to stay.

She was in a trance of hurt when she felt the bed shift and felt a hand on the base of her stomach, and one combing through her hair, she remained with her eyes shut but allowed the hands to drop, one feeling its way over her stomach to the source of warm running through her, she found Tilly's hand and there fingers intertwined, her lips pursed and she felt a warm pair of lips gently kiss her bottom lip and then the top, she remained still not allowing herself to reciprocate, the kisses continued on her lips and then her chin, Jen could feel herself pleading for the kiss to come back to her lips she needed it ,she wanted them so badly, they stopped. She opened her eyes searching for them "There you are, I thought this was going to become weird. Do you want me to stop?" Jen just stared at the girl scared, Tilly backed up taking this as unresponsive, Jen reached out and grabbed the girls blouse pulling her into a passionate kiss, tongues speaking for them both, the love between them both was enough to blow their minds, the both rolled around the bed kissing and allowing hands to wander, Jen could feel Tillys back and bra strap, cupping her shoulders, her fingers running up and down to her neck. She thought she was being too erratic but Tilly was worse she couldn't control herself her hands started at Jens waist, they were up and down her back, she threw off Jens dressing gown leaving her in just her nighty, she looked for a brief moment taking in the beauty of the teachers body, the body she was not allowed to touch but had full access to tonight, this was all new to Tilly she had never been this far with a woman before and it was exciting.

She seductively placed her hands of the base of Jens back and continued the kissing and then lowered them to the teachers ass, pulling her body closer to her, practically allowing Jen to straddle her, she ran her hands up Jens back and then rested them on top of her legs, making Jen moan as she was seducing her. She ran a hand along Jens stomach and then up the centre of her body to her neck holding her face while she continued to kiss her, her hair was so silky soft, Tilly loved playing with it, she ran her hand back down gripping her neck, the passion of being interlocked sped up the kissing they were barely in flow they were both desperate for it not to end. Tilly ran her hands from Jens neck to her shoulder, she could feel there was no bra strap and was overcome with excitement, this was amazing, she had never felt this turned on, she ran her hand and teasingly allowed it to stop and Jens boob, she cupped gently and allowed a thumb to graze the nipple, forcing Jen to let out a moan in pleasure. Tillys dress was already unbuttoned and the remnants of it was torn in the passionate moment, they both stopped the kiss and Tilly could feel Jens hand resting on her chest and one on the bed supporting them. They stared at each other knowing they could both go on and be lost in each others moment. Both heavy breathing, Jens chest was beating so hard her chest heaving lifting her assets with each stretched breath in seeking to catch her breath, Tilly knew she was in complete heaven and Jens eyes did not have a single sign of tears, all Tilly could see in them was her. "Are you ok" Jen asked attentively, making sure she wasn't taking advantage of the teenager, "Ha, um.. I cant breath but I don't want you to stop. Never stop kissing me, never stop holding me" Jen smirked and brushed her hair out of her face and kissed Tilly's forehead. Tilly didn't want to be patronised or treated like a teenager, tonight wasn't about age or experience, it was about this moment and two women making this moment count.

Morning came and the lovers were both intertwined on the bed the quilt carelessly thrown to cover them. Jen woke first and looked, she felt no guilt, no remorse she wanted this and she wants Tilly. She ran her fingers through her hair and ran circles along her shoulder and down her arm, the other hand on her own face tracing the kisses deposited there the night before. She was completely relaxed and knew that no matter what happened she wasn't going to ever be this happy, she was never going to be able to get away from this girl. She was completely and utterly in love and could not walk away from Tilly again, not without breaking her own heart.

Tilly's phone was buzzing for the third time and Jen snatched it up to look, she had 3 text messages from Maddie, asking where she was and that they had assumed she had gone home last night and they had left for breakfast at the collage, Jen smiled knowing she wouldn't have to try and explain why she had a student in her bed with her, in her mind and in her heart. Not for now anyway, for now she was allowed her, like she was hers and love her without worrying, Tilly stirred in her sleep and flicked her eyes open looking scared. "What's wrong babe? " Jen asked concerned, hoping she didn't go too far with the teenager and that know she had accepted what was happening Tilly may be the one questioning it. "I dreamt of us and when I woke I was scared this didn't happen, that you had walked away" Tilly allowed her eyes to well and blinked a tear down her face landing on the exact place on the pillow Jens had fallen the night before. "It was a dream Tilly, but it was also real, it felt like a dream. One I will never forget" Jen smiled, "Hopefully it will be one that will repeat itself" Tilly added with a cheeky smile, there was nothing forced from Jens expression she was overjoyed that this was finally allowed to be real.


	2. Chapter 2

- -They laid there until midday, in an embracing hold like they were both awaiting the inevitable pull that will drag them apart. At this moment though there was no way they were not going to let anything destroy them, they both held together like equal parts of each other. They felt complete.

"Do you think people will know about us" Tilly asked Jen, wondering if the teacher was thinking the same, will people notice that things were resolved momentarily between them. "I'm not sure babe, I mean I have been looking at you and we were sneaking touches and time together at collage and I don't think anybody saw apart from Ester that time. I hope not, I don't want this to end, I cant lose my job but I don't want you having grief being teachers pet and all" she winked and mocked the teenager poking her on the nose. Tilly wriggled her nose and let out a tut "Teachers pet aye, its not like I give you apples Jen, I'm more than your pet, really how derogative" she was joking and poked Jen back in the stomach laughing at the thought. Tilly was happy enough with the concept of being Jens pet, she would do whatever she wanted her to do as long as she got to be with her and hold her at the end of the night and in the morning like this. "I don't think a lot of the students even pay attention to the teachers anymore Jen, the classes can be boring" she replied evoking a reaction from the new teacher. "Well if you were so bored in my classes Tilly you didn't have to take my class, here's me thinking you want to go to Cambridge", "I'm trying hard to get into Cambridge, but I'm thinking I may take a year out next year, and you know I love your class, I love art and the teacher isn't too bad to look at either" she glanced at the teacher with her apparent compliment seeing if she had taken away any offence. "I don't think your teacher would approve of you looking at her that way Miss Evens" Jen replied seductively trying to hide her smile. "I think Miss Gilmore, that you enjoy the way I watch you walk around the classroom, don't you think I've seen you looking at me when you bend over like you want me to notice your curves. I've seen you checking me out, don't get all moral at me like what I'm doing is wrong, not after last night, I wont be able to look at you the same in clothes again" Tilly blushed as she relived the moments from last night, god she could see Jen's body in her head and knew she could relive that moment as much as she wanted. She smiled and looked down at her hand, Jens fingers were intertwined in them and she run her thumb repeatedly over Tilly's. "Tilly are you blushing? I agree if things were hard to bear before this is going to make things more strange for sure, but no regrets no? " Jen asked desperately hoping that Tilly felt the same, "No, no regrets at all, best night of my life and like I said we can always have the night again, right?" Jens hands continued to stoke Tilly's and she bent her head to lean on top of hers, Tilly knew this was not going to be the last morning she wakes up to Jen, and she couldn't wait, she had regained some control over Jen, it was her last night who made it happen she came in and allowed Jen to lose herself. Tilly smiled and let a strand of Jens hair fall onto her cheek, she loved the lingering smell of her perfume. They both laid there in a complete trance uncaring to the world moving around them.

Another 2 hours passed and Jen stirred she really did have work to do, she gently laid Tilly's head back onto the pillow and placed the quilt around the teenagers shoulders and watched her as she walked backwards towards the door and into the corridor. She shut her door and went into the bathroom and began running the shower, she ditched her dressing gown and jumped in, lathering shampoo into her black silky hair, smiling as she relived her conquest the night before. She washed out the shampoo and began lathering soap onto a sponge and rubbed it onto her arms, Jen began singing to herself, completely at solitude enjoying the water running down her back.

"Need a hand" a voice behind the curtain startled her, she looked watching the figure stalking her and she moved the curtain over slightly looking at the vision before her, "Tilly what if someone comes in, what are you doing?" she was panicked, the last thing she needed was for someone to come in and stop this dream. "Chill out Jen I'm not as stupid as you address me to be, Sinead is still in the library finishing her sociology work and her mums in work. We are alone, like we were last night. Don't tell me your not interested now you've got what you wanted?" Tilly was insecure and Jen had forgotten how young she was, this was probably the first time she had ever been in love or even in this situation before, Jen knew exactly how she felt when she was Tilly's age and knew she had to handle this carefully. Its not that she didn't want Tilly there it was just her normal second nature telling her to be cautious.

Jen stepped out from the shower, standing on the towel naked in front of Tilly, making Tilly blush and also Jen but she wanted so hard to show the teenager that she was being honest and this was trust between them. After a few moments she became overcome with embarrassment and reached for her dressing gown. Tilly grabbed for it first and gently threw it to one side telling the teacher that she was completely ok with the form in front of her, she lowered a kiss to Jens neck and followed the trail of water dripping from her hair down to her hand, she reached her hand and held it looking back up at the teacher reassuringly, she placed a delicate kiss on Jens lips, forcing them to part as the teacher was taken aback by her maturity. They embraced again in a deadlock of kiss, Jens wet body stuck to Tilly's torn dress. She slowly unbuttoned the teenagers dress as they continued kissing, and slid off her dress, Tilly was already onto it, she removed her underwear, hands laid across her stomach trying hard to shield her body from the gorgeous teacher. Jen was aware of this, she too gets petrified at the thought of bearing all, even after drawing all sorts of art over the years this is the most bare you can possibly be in front of someone, feelings and judgement is nowhere to be seen it is just visual. The two women stood looking passionately at each others bodies knowing they both set a mark on them the night before. Jen led Tilly by the hand into the shower and helped her wash her hair and washed her all over stealing glances at each other the whole time.

They showered and dried each other for an hour, and were back in Jens room fully dressed and sat on the bed, Tilly was looking at some of Jens drawings, mainly hands and the iconic drawing of her lips that Jen had drawn outside the hospital, how far they had come. Jen was blow drying her hair watching the red head in the mirror the entire time without being able to remove her smile. Things were beyond magical. They remained in silence, there wasn't anything needed to say, they were both content and needed no reassurance from each other, finally both knew where they stood, and it was heaven.

Tilly's phone vibrated once more and she completely forgot she hadn't replied to any of her messages all morning, Jen laughed as she watched the girl move her fingers fast typing away, "Hi Mads, sorry hun I was feeling so rough I went home and have felt rough all morning" maddie replied within seconds and Tilly looked at Jen, it seemed as though her time with the teacher may end sooner that she was ready to. "Maddie just text me, she and Sinead are on their way to here now they said to meet them here" "it's a good job your already here then, lets get you downstairs" Jen smiled throwing a t-shirt to Tilly, Tilly was baffled until she looked down and remembered the state of her dress from the night before, she couldn't help but smile it was all worth it, she pulled the shirt over her head on top of her dress and it seemed to improve it slightly, she caught on an intake of breath in the smell of the teachers perfume that must have been on the shirt and she placed her hands over it to savour the smell.

They walked hand in hand down the stairs and into the living room, Tilly knew within minutes the girls would be there and she would have to now pretend there was nothing between her and Jen, but she was happy to do so if it meant keeping her. Jen smiled as she also was looking towards the front door awaiting the unwelcome that will break into and stop their reality for an amount of time Jen was unsure of. She placed a coffee pot on and stood with her hands against the counter looking intently at the coffee willing it to boil quicker she didn't realise how tired she was she had been staring for hours at Tilly. She felt a hand on her waist and Tilly slid under her arm and resting her elbows against the unit, with Jen still keeping her position, they were close. "Were going to have to do more role play now aren't we, pretend again" Tilly said sadly, "Only while people are around babe, we will find another time, maybe we should go away, go into town see some galleries, I want to show you a painting that always inspires me, we could get lunch and make a day of it" "Like a date?" Tilly replied cheering up, "Um.. Yeah I think I would call it that, its about time really ha" Jen loved this idea and smiled too, she leaned in and kissed the teenager pressed up against the counter, they shared a kiss until the they heard the front door open and Tilly moved herself as quick as she could and sat at the dining table as she heard voices come into the room, "Hi babe what happened to you, fancy getting lunch? " Sinead asked Tilly, "Yeah sure" Tilly replied, "hiya girls, good night?" Jen added making herself seem less unsocial. "Yeah it was a laugh, whats got into you this morning your chirpy, anything we should know Jen?" Sinead pressed making Jen smile and Tilly trying to hide her own, as she looked to the floor, she had managed to help the teacher, which is all she wanted to do, to make her happy.

"Nothing just a good night sleep and some more coffee" Jen replied raising her cup, she was glad that her presence was happier and people had noticed she not always tormented. Tilly stood and grabbed her bag and followed the girls to the door, "What top is that Tills, is it new?" Maddie asked grabbing at the sleeve, "Just something that I found that now fits me" Tilly replied hoping they had never seen it on Jen before. "It looks good hun, makes your boobs look awesome" Maddie complimented as she blew her best mate a kiss, they walked out the front door, Tilly stealing a glance behind her blushing, Jen raised her eyebrows seductively knowing she had seen them in all their glory and smiled at the red head, she blew a kiss in return Tilly caught and threw one back and walked out the front door. Jen resumed to the table and took out her paperwork starting with Tilly's she smiled the entire afternoon thinking of the girl who stole her heart and healed it at the same time, she knew they would meet again and that she would be counting. Things were looking up maybe this could work.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 …

It had been 4 days since Jen and Tilly connected their lives together, not that Jen was counting she reminded herself. She was still smiling, but she could feel the smile fading and knew she needed to see her again soon. They hadn't even spoke, apart from a few text messages asking if the other was ok or just a smile. Jen flipped open her mobile and started to write a message, she stared for a moment thinking of something appropriate to say, she didn't want to sound normal and give Tilly the impression that she wasn't keen, but she always didn't want to sound desperate and declare her love scaring away the teenager. The house had been so quiet all week and Jen knew that the students were busy celebrating the end of term and house parties ready for the Jubilee.

"Hey, how you doing? Do you have plans this weekend? J xx" Jen paused for a moment and pressed send. She placed the mobile on the table and awaited a message back, looking every few minutes for a beep and feeling herself getting anxious because it wasn't coming quick enough. After an hour she placed her phone into her bag and took her keys and wandered out into the village, she was bored and wanted something to do, maybe some shopping in town or maybe hit a gallery or even the beach, which didn't seem right without certain company. She looked around and there was decorations everywhere delicately thrown over telephone lines and lamposts, people coming out of the shop bags full of alcohol ready for parties. Jen had been invited to a few parties in the village but wasn't sure whose to go to, the Mcqueens she knew would be a messy one, whereas staying at home would just be boring. She sighed, she walked down towards the coffee shop longing for something other than the four walls which bugged her so much. She grabbed a coffee and placed her bag on the table and took out her notebook, she always carried it as she was always feeling creatively frustrated and needed to release sometimes, it was human nature. She looked around studying the people around her, Lyndsey was cupping a hot cup talking and laughing with Riley while he tended to Bobby, Cindy and Tony seemed to be having their usual morning spat. The village sees its drama but most of the time its pretty drama free. She started doodling and sat happily sipping her coffee.

Jens doodling was forming into something she could recognise and she realised she had drawn a pair of eyes, ones that she took so much time to make sure the shades and love was completely realistic, she knew these eyes so well and she smiled, _oops, nice one Jen … _she thought to herself, but it was different now, she wasn't doing anything wrong, there was no fantasy about a student, it was her reliving a moment she had had with a woman she had feelings for, each time she thought of her she felt a pang in her stomach and it made her nervous but also made her silently smile. _Beep … _Jen nearly jumped a mile at her phone vibrating doing circles across the table, she snatched for it forgetting she had texted anyone. "Hey you, sorry was out with Mads, plans this weekend? Hmm I was hoping to catch up with someone I hadn't seen, xx" Jen's smile vanished "Ok no worries I was just wondering that's all enjoy yourself J" she hit the send button with a bit of force at how brutal this feeling hit her, had she been blown off by Tilly. Jen gathered her things and stormed out of the coffee shop nearly knocking over a couple walking in. she walked through the village and heard another beep, she ignored it for a moment and thought she wasn't going to jump to be rejected and continued to storm unaware of where her feet were carrying her. She finally set her bag down on the bench and looked around, she was at the place where she had broke her own and Tilly's heart for the first time properly. She sighed and took out her phone "You do realise Miss Gilmore I was talking about you, silly, I bet your storming around all pretentious and sulking. Of course I want to meet up, what did you have in mind sexy? J"

Jen had to laugh the teenager knew her so well, Jen Gilmore pretentious, cautious and always over the top. She shook her head knowing she needed to chill out once in a while. She paced back and forth, beep, "Have you made other plans or are you playing hard to get xx" Jen nearly dropped her phone she was rushing so much "No im here was just busy, playing hard to get ha, your cheeky Miss Evens, so I was thinking maybe head into London?". "Yeah sure thing, where shall I meet you, and do I need to bring anything?" Jen smiled this was actually happening, a proper evening where no one could stop them being together and they could hold hands and kiss when they wanted, and do things they both love like galleries … _slow down Jen … _She had to compose herself, stop herself getting carried away with excitement. "Meet me sat morning by my car, we will go early so 6am, and nothing to bring except yourselfJ" Tilly replied moments later saying she was happy and excited and would see the teacher soon, Jen was pleased with herself she would be seeing her girl in a day. She practically skipped her way back to the house, eager to pack and sort things out.

The next day dragged like hell, Jen had already packed, repacked and repacked again, each time thinking she had packed the essentials and then changing her mind. They would have to stay over somewhere and this was proving to be the problem, Jen was thinking was she to take normal pjs or take something a little more sultry, but then was she acting like a pervert or showing Tilly she was expecting the night to get sexy. In case of confused she packed both settled on either outcome, she didn't care if her and Tilly slept together again or not as long as she could spend time with her that was all that mattered. She had already received a text in the morning from Tilly "Sooooo excited J see you soon xx" Jen smiled her jaw aching with the new found ability to keep a smile on her face without it being fake. She couldn't wait for the next morning, she had already set her alarm to wake up and just stared out the window wishing the day away.

…

Friday morning came and Jen was at her car by 5am, she was too eager to stay home, they were all away for the weekend anyway preoccupied with the Jubilee parties and wouldn't notice if she was there or not. Jen had printed out some brochures and was excited to show Tilly the day she had planned. Jen half expected Tilly to be there early like her, too excited to contain herself and surprise the teacher at her car, or was she not coming, had she changed her mind. Jen began pacing and walked down to the railings looking over at Tilly's house. She waited, and waited.

Riley ran past Jen on his morning jog, "Morning" he shouted and Jen politely replied back, trying to look like she was sorting something out in her car rather than looking like she was being weird and hanging out alone, she also panicked Tilly would turn up at that moment and Riley would click on. She turned away to dismiss the chance of him starting a conversation with her, he simply ran on.

It was 6.15am and Jen had now talked herself into a stew telling herself not to be stupid and to just get into her car and drive away alone, she obviously isn't coming. She walked back to the railing one more time in hope. The door opened and she felt her heart do the same, Tilly was stood on the doorstep bag in hand and her mother exiting too with her keys, they were talking and her mother placed a kiss on Tilly's forehead and headed to her car, Tilly waited for her to drive off and ran over the street to Jen's direction. "Im sorry she kept asking me questions about where I was going on my girls weekend, and I had to come up with something. Did you think I wasn't coming?" her energy took Jen aback and she just looked " A little" jen admitted, and Tilly studied her face and looked side to side she placed a quick but meaningful kiss of the teachers lips and backed away before the teacher could or before anyone could see them. They both calmed and laughed and jumped into the car, Jen started the engine and sped down the street, racing like the beat of her heart, punching its way out of her chest.

They hit the motorway and seeing Tilly's white knuckles on the dashboard Jen immediately slowed down and looked over to the teenager. "Sorry babe" she stated, "That's ok, I felt like we were on a speed chase or something, it was fun, I think" Tilly smiled and released her holding grip. She sat back relaxed and they drove, music pumping and both happy with the silence between them, their feelings spoke more than their words could ever do.

…

They arrived in London centre within the hour but getting through all the traffic was proving to be challenging, Jen rested her hand on the gear stick her bracelets clanging with the motion of the car, Tilly rolled down her window and let the wind blow back her hair, this caught Jens attention she stared as the red locks of hair blew gently back and along Tilly's neck, a car beeped and they both jumped, Tilly laughing as Jen raced to catch up to the moving traffic, "Distracted were we Miss Gilmore" Tilly teased running a hand threw her hair mocking to rein act the moment that had stopped Jen. "SShh please Miss Evans driving needs concentration, I should have made you take the train then I wouldn't be distracted would I" she pursed her lips and gave the teenager a look of attitude but the blushes across her cheeks let the teenager know that she was not being serious. "Well eyes on the road please, I would like to make it to the hotel later in one piece please" Tilly blushed and was unable to look at Jen, she could have said that before and it would be full of what would or could happen, but now she knew exactly what could happen and couldn't help the smile across her face from her statement. " Here's me thinking you wanted to see the sights and art, tut who has a one track mind now aye" Jen replied and poked the teenager in the side and ran her hand across the her back, lingering for a moment, letting the intimate moment last, Tilly looked at her and placed her hand to touch the teachers. The tension was building up again.

Finally they made it through the traffic and came to a stop by Trafalgar Square, Jen had booked a night at the Mayfair hotel which although seemed expensive it was all that was available with short notice due to the weekends events. They checked in and dropped their bags into the room, looking around. Jen grabbed a dress out of her bag and walked into the bathroom, Tilly watched her, she wasn't doing anything wrong, Jen didn't make a point of shutting the door she knew Tilly would watch. She slipped off her top and shorts and pulled the dress over her shoulders, Tilly loved how soft her skin was and she longed to run her hands over Jens stomach and back again, she was leaning over the bed to get a better look and watched the dress jealously drape over Jens boob and falling to the top of her thighs, Jen let the bobble out of her hair and tidied it and looked over she knew she had an audience.

Jen didn't say a word, she walked over to the bed as Tilly tried to reposition herself so she didn't seem so obvious and just laid on her front staring at anything not Jen, too embarrassed. "Do you normally watch people undress Tilly" Jen smirked, she couldn't help but smile at the teenager, after all it is flattering to know someone lusts after you. "NO, I um… " Tilly was flustered she was used to flirting with the teacher but it was when she knew nothing could happen, like an empty threat, now, now it was real these feelings the lust all of it. They both wanted each other, heart, body and soul. Tilly was quick witted and controlled herself within minutes "I only spied because you didn't do it in front of me" she laughed back, she knew being cheeky was one of her best qualities and knew the teacher loved it. Jen didn't know what to say, she wanted to throw all of her clothes off and run over to Tilly but she was again like so many times taken aback by the girls response. Tilly stood up and made her way over to Jen smirking trying to incite a reaction and walked straight past her into the bathroom locking her eyes with Jens the entire time, Jen could not help but turn and gaze back. She knew the teenager was seducing her and she was beginning to feel the burning power of lust coming back into the pit of her stomach.

Tilly turned her back to Jen and removed her shirt, undoing her bra and letting it fall to the floor, she bent and removed her shorts sneaking a look behind her at the teacher seductively, seeing if her body was reciprocating what she felt. She turned on the tap and run her hand under it dabbing her wet hand onto her neck too try and cool herself down, Jen couldn't help it anymore this was too much, she either ravaged this girl here and now or she walked away. _what do I do … _

Tilly thinking this trick would work was becoming self conscious, how come when the teacher did it she was completely in awe but when she did it she wasn't pretty enough. She stood, head down her heart was on the floor. She picked up her bra and strapped it back on, a tear trickling down her face. It was then she felt the presence she had been waiting for up against her back, she felt like she had been shielded, like Jen was using her body like an armour, she never felt so safe before. Jens hands made there way across Tilly's bare stomach and rested around her shoulders hugging her, embracing her. "You don't know how beautiful you are do you" Jen whispered into her ear. The girl trembled, she felt so much for this woman, she scared herself at how much she could give away for her and never wanted her to leave, she turned to face Jen and gave a weak smile. Jen kissed her gently on the cheek and ran a nail along the teenagers stomach and up to her shoulders, her fingers followed the pattern of lace along Tilly's bra, she looked up to suggest it was ok but Tilly's eyes were already gone, she tried to remain looking calm but the eyes always gave her away. She could feel her legs shaking, she was like jelly unable to move. Jen moved in and kissed her, slow but passionate and waited for Tilly to reciprocate, she did of course and the kissing became fast, both locked together again into their own world, no one else was there, no one could stop them , no one could destroy this.

They fumbled around and made their way to find a wall something for them both to support themselves on, they were both close to trembling to the floor, Tilly with her unseen force practically held Jen off the floor, Jen wrapping her legs around Tilly's waist neither opened their eyes and neither stopping their tongues from dancing. Jens dress was hitched up from Tilly's erratic nervous pulse, she didn't know what she wanted first, she wanted to touch her, keep kissing her, look at her, she felt within moments she was going to self combust with excitement. This wasn't even heaven, this was a higher love.

Jen released her legs and they both stumbled into the room and landed on the bed with a thud, like their hearts, Jen was gasping and held Tilly's head in her hands holding her inches away from her face, "I think I, I cant breath, I cant think, I think ive fallen in love with you Jen" Tilly spluttered out the words unable to catch her breath. " Tilly are you sure I think that this is lust" Jen teased her trying to downscale the seriousness of it all, Tilly's hands were still under Jens dress and resting on her chest, "I cant explain it, sorry, look don't mock me, I was hoping you, never mind" Tilly was disheartened she hoped the first thing Jen would say was she loved her back. Tilly jumped off Jen and rolled onto the other side of the bed readjusting her underwear. Jen knew she was being melodramatic but knew the moment for now had ended. She got off the bed and walked towards the bathroom again, "You going to watch this time?" she winked at Tilly, but Tilly simply replied with a shrug "No im ok thank you, il look elsewhere" she rolled over so her back was to Jen. Was she really hurt? Jen threw the teenagers top and her and stormed over, she knelt on the floor, still back facing her. "I know your looking for me to say the same and the thing is.." Tilly turned "Don't say it because you think I'm hurting Jen its fine, I knew I was the only one who would get hurt in this and I don't think I meant it, I was in the moment". This was one thing Jen hated, she hated it when Tilly dismissed her own thoughts and didn't believe in herself as much as she aught to, whenever threatened she would act stupid and pretend to downplay herself and it drove Jen mad, but she knew all to well the feeling of hiding her emotions, how difficult it was to keep the demons away. After all she had been suffering with this for far long.

"Tilly, don't be childish your better than that, and don't tut at me! Look at me, LOOK AT ME" Tilly looked teary eyed as the woman she loved shouted at her. She curled holding her knees in a child like behaviour ready to receive a telling off.

"From the first moment I took your picture on the beach I knew id kiss you, I waited and waited until I couldn't wait anymore, from the moment I saw you in class I knew I felt for you, I tried to hide it I tried to run away but all I could do was chase my heart that had clasped onto you. From the moment I broke your heart I broke my own, and from the moment we touched I felt my heart beat again. If your asking if I love you" Jen sighed, " I've loved you from the first kiss on the beach, and I know I'll never let you go". Tilly broke, she sniffled and let her eyes pour down her face, Jen shook her own head tears bleeding out of her own heart "If only you knew how much I loved you".

It was undeniable how much these two women respected, wanted and loved each other. This was something real and they were both there willing to let each other in.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That was it Jen had laid herself bare, her body and her feelings. Now there was nothing to hide behind, she had told Tilly and herself exactly what her heart was feeling, she had actually admitted it. At that precise moment Jen knew she would rather die than lose this feeling she had, and knowing that it was felt back was enough to enlighten her entire being. Tilly had sat up dropping her knees allowing Jen to lay her head on Tilly's legs, almost suffering with her outburst, she had been holding in the information she had wished wasn't true for the five weeks, it had been hell. The pair stayed in that position for minutes, Tilly just ran her fingers soothingly through Jens hair and tried to calm her down. If truth be told Tilly welcomed the silence at that point, she was so overwhelmed and moved by Jens outburst, it hit her core.

"I think we should get changed and go out, lets have some fun" Jen was now back, her mind had had a weight lifted off it and she was ready to show Tilly that not everything associated with love was pain. "Ok, lets go" Tilly smiled this was the first time that they could go out in public together as what they were, rather than meeting at isolated locations or quick stares before having to retract their eyes and look like they were nothing more than student and teacher. Tilly jumped off the bed and threw open her bag chucking on a t-shirt and shorts and her daps, Jen stood up and straightened herself off and grabbed her bag and they both made their way to the door and out into the hotels corridor. Tilly joked it looked like a scene from 'The Shining' and Jen poked and tickled her, both playfully enjoying each other.

They exited from the foyer and walked out by Hyde Park, "What do you want to do?" Tilly asked, "Well the National Art gallery is only down there but it doesn't open till 12, so maybe the aquarium or London eye? " Jen acted as though she wasn't sure but she had looked it up online and as per her life she had planned a route. They walked to the destination taking in the sights of the attractions around them and each others faces as they experienced this with each other. Tilly reached for Jens hand, running her thumb across the back of Jens hand until she opened up for her, Jen didn't mind, she didn't even have the cautious dread plaguing her mind she had completely opened up for Tilly and she knew she had no reason to hide, no one here knew them. Hand in hand they walked through London smiling and chatting about random things.

They came to the aquarium and Jen paid for their admittance, they walked around looking at the fish and marine animals, both pointing and calling each other over to see what the other found. Tilly joked how she wanted a seahorse and an alligator, Jen laughed along she forgot that Tilly was only sixteen.

They got to the shark tank and there was a crowd, this was normal at feeding time. Spectators loved to watch as sharks ripped fish head apart, the brutal truth they fortunately never had to witness in their usual habitats. Everyone rushed forward, and for the unlucky people in the front they would be squashed against the glass. Tilly became aware that Jen was leant against her and breathed a deep breath moving her body, her back raising slightly, she would never get used to this. Jen could feel the shift and placed a hand on the front of Tilly's hip steadying her, this however was not helping Tilly control herself, she could feel Jens breath on her neck and it was making her sigh "Relax babe" Jen whispered into Tilly's ear and gently nipped the top of her lobe with her teeth. People around them were totally unaware of the two women's involvement with each other and non of them even cared. "Your not helping when you do things like that Jen, stop it I cant move" Jen could feel how tense Tilly was, her chest was heaving and Jen could not help but watch the teenagers breasts raising with each deep breath in, Tilly was trying to control her breathing all the while Jen kept hold of her, tight, not letting her go "Don't ignore it, feel it, I'm not letting go, I'm not going to let you lose this moment". Tilly breathed out the nervousness of it all and enjoyed how close the two were, Jen never loosened her hold, she never stopped her hands crossed over Tillys stomach, and she kept her head right behind Tilly's, her mouth close to her ear, whispering sweet nothings into it, as the aquarium cleared and re filled with new on lookers and then cleared again.

Tilly turned she must have been focusing on the same sharks eight times around the tank to control herself, Jen said to savour the moment but if she allowed herself to focus on it too much she would have slammed Jen up against the glass or fainted. "The things you do to me" she said poking Jen in the arm, she was not mad but maybe embarrassed about the way she felt she childishly reacted to the situation. "You do them right back babe, you ok?" Jen asked knowing sheepishly she had made the teenager uncomfortable. "Yeah just never been so uneasy in public before, plus I think you were more turned on than me" Tilly added cheekily and pushed Jen gently "Too fricken right babe" Jen replied honestly and stepped forward again towards Tilly making her back right up to the glass, Jen placed a hand either side of her head. "Uneasy now ?" she mocked but she was totally serious, Tilly could do nothing but nod slightly, she wanted Jen to kiss her, more than anything. How can love stop you on your feet, make the world stand still, minutes can go by staring into your lovers eyes and it can feel like hours. Jen leaned in eyes open the entire time she wanted to watch Tilly's eyes change as she kissed her, she wanted to draw the energy from them. She kissed her, and after a few moments her eyes shut and allowed the kiss to be as magical as it felt.

There was a wolf whistle behind them from a group of teenage lads, Jen smiled at them and grabbed Tilly's hand and they ran deeper into the aquarium to the reptile section laughing. They walked past children with their parents, dragging on their hands to move faster, there was teenagers laughing at certain animals, it was all so surreal that these two could keep walking hand in hand with no body judging them or asking them how wrong it was. They made the most of the dark in the reptile section, lovingly touching each others face or arms, Jen had a thing for always keeping a hand at the base of Tilly's back, as though guiding her where she wanted to go, Tilly didn't mind she looked at it as Jen being older and being protective, and she did enjoy the touch. She would often stop so Jen would bump into her and shed a laugh at the intimacy when Jen would tickle her as punishment. They exited the main door and got immediately struck by the sun, it was a scorching day and neither were more glad that they wore summer clothes.

They queued for the London eye for twenty minutes, it was a quiet day so they managed to get a booth alone. The eye itself takes thirty minutes to go around, Tilly had not revealed in all the excitement that she was scared of heights and claustrophobic, she began walking around the booth scanning for a way if needed to she could get out, Jen gently tapped the chair ushering her to sit but she ignored it she was panicking. "What's up, are you ok?" Jen worried she didn't know what was happening, Tilly was sweating "I don't like heights and I don't like small spaces" she stuttered and walked back to the chair pacing around. "Ah babe I didn't know, why did you agree, um… I can use the emergency phone, Tilly, TILLY" Jen stood up and grabbed the girls arms and shook her, "Look at me, breath, in, out, breath, your ok" Tilly began to relax but not enough she thought she was going to faint, she sat on the chair and stared straight ahead, breathing as instructed in and out like she was in labour, Jen was kneeling in front of her, her hands on her legs breathing with her, helping her through, Jen herself was panicked she had never seen the teenager so scared before. Tilly cried for the entire thirty minutes and ran through the doors when they opened into the welcoming fresh air, Jen followed both of their bags in tow. She stood rubbing the girls back as Tilly caught her breath and Jen looked out over the Thames.

They walked for an hour roaming London, allowing Tilly to free her head and get rid of the sick feeling, she never even thought about freaking out about the height, she was too excited from the aquarium. They made their way back to Hyde Park and sat on the grass shoes off and chilling for a while. "You ok babe" Jen asked feeling guilty for causing Tilly this angst. "Yeah sorry I didn't think, I have always disliked heights, silly me" , she felt guilt also for ruining something Jen had arranged for them. They laid back and enjoyed the sun, held each others hand, Tilly bringing Jens hand onto her stomach, she needed it more she was drained after the day and the sun was not helping, it was making her sleepy.

Jen woke up abruptly to a dog licking her face she jumped shooing the dog away in shock and chuckled to herself. Tilly was asleep next to her, her face bright red from sunburn, Jen noticed herself that her arms were pink but she was not as fare as Tilly. She woke her and they agreed to go to the hotel to cool off, Tilly was burnt and it hurt.

They got into the room, and Tilly took off her top and stood in her bra and pants looking in the mirror, she could see her burnt arms, chest and face, her white skin shining bright where the sun had missed. Jen came over and began to gently blow on the girls burnt areas "I've started a bath running, get in, it will stop it burning babe" she walked Tilly to the bathroom and left her to undress, this wasn't the time to be touching the girl. Tilly slid into the bath gasping as the pain seared through her skin, she shrieked and Jen came running in seeking to help the teenager as much as she could. Tilly wanted to cross her arms across her naked chest to try and hold onto some dignity but they hurt to much, she sat arms suspended in front of her letting the hot water take account. Jen began cupping water and releasing it onto Tillys neck and shoulders, the teenager letting out little cries as she did "I'm sorry babes, shut your eyes and tilt your head back ok" Tilly did as instructed and let the teacher throw water onto her face repeatedly until the pain was beginning to dull. She sat thinking how this day, this date could actually become worse, this isn't sexy at all.

Jen disappeared for twenty minutes allowing Tilly to soak and calm down, she returned with a carrier bag. She emptied it out onto the bed, Tilly had to smirk she had brought 6 different types of after sun and lotion and was reading the backs of them to see which one was the best. It was cute this little act of care. Tilly came over and propped herself onto the edge of the bed in her towel, she didn't know how she was going to get changed and the idea of putting her bra straps on top of the sun burn made her wince. Jen was like a doctor she walked in front of Tilly and gently pushed her backwards to lay down, she squirted a healthy amount of lotion onto her palm and began with Tilly's arm and worked her way up blowing to try and cool the teenager down, she could feel the warmth radiating from where she was stood. She worked her way up to the her shoulders and using as little force as she could massaged some into Tilly's face she traced the freckles along her nose that had come out the same time as the sun. Tilly shivered with the pain but also as she could feel Jens fingertips all over her body, she knew it was not a moment to become turned on but this woman had a way of making her feel excited at all times. Jen emptied more lotion onto her hands and began rubbing it into Tilly's chest, undoing the towel and bringing to down to Tilly's stomach. Although Tilly knew she was not burnt on the actual breast she did not stop Jen from making sure that area was covered, she covered it well until Jen could feel it becoming inappropriate.

Jen washed her hands and resumed to the bed, dropping a few ice cubes into two glasses and pouring them both a drink, "Here babe, drink it, it will take the edge off" Jen smiled and passed Tilly a glass of something iced, she drank it, she welcomed the condensation dripping off the glass and ran it along her skin, she was no longer stinging but she was very hot. The breeze coming from the open window cooled her a little making her a little more comfortable.

"Nice date aye, one to remember?" Tilly gave Jen a weak but sorry fuelled smile. "Ha, definitely different but still one to top the rest, but then I think it depends on who your with" she winked back at Tilly forcing a involuntary smile upon the teenagers face. "You don't have to lie, this isn't the ideal dream date is it" Tilly replied knowing that if she wasn't so sore she would be trying to charm the teacher. "Depends on your take on dreams Tilly, if you knew what it was like to dream my dreams, you will be happy to know you fulfilled them when you kissed me and let me hold you. I have been so scared to touch you incase you broke into tiny pieces, you are perfect and the thought of touching you sends shivers down my spine. Believe me when I say this is all about who I'm sharing the date with" she touched Tilly's arm and the teenager knew she was being genuinely sincere, she was moved again. Normally when Jen spoke it would fascinate Tilly she was mesmerised by the teachers voice and it was something she missed when she didn't hear it, but Jen spoke like her art, so expressively and so deep that she could do nothing but listen and believe every word. Tilly laid back down and allowed the drink and heat to take affect, she drifted, her eyes fighting to keep staring at Jen, she saw the brunettes smile as she went and knew she was going to be in her dreams.

Jen felt helpless she couldn't do anything except watch the teenager wriggle in her sleep, she thanked god she didn't have sun stroke, that would have been awful. She lovingly dipped her fingers into her glass and dabbed the scorched areas of Tilly's skin, blowing on the areas trying to make her as comfortable as possible, all the while Tilly slept unknowing how much the teacher needed to care for her.

For so many nights Jen was left to her own mind, desperate and shaken, her arms couldn't hold her loneliness much more. Then this girl ran into her life, knocking her off her feet. She left her breathless and Jen couldn't understand why or how but all she knew was she was not only fighting back her demons when she was Tilly she was constantly fighting for the deep breath, the one that gave her the strength to stand. Tilly had given her light and hope, she had given her heart some flight, stopped her being broken and lost. Jen had come to the conclusion she would never be happy with someone, the light must have been shining brighter somewhere else, some place she had never thought to let in. She had it now and she held onto it, like a firefly she smothered her love for the teenager never letting it lose its light.

Tilly slept with her arms wide open almost offering Jen to jump into them, she laid simply next to her and held her hand, from the moment they connected Jen thought could she if she had to, actually leave this girl. She never stood a chance.

The day was nearing its end and as the evening closed in Jen could feel her eyes closing, she could still feel the warmth of Tilly's hand in hers and she could only sigh as the heat made its way to her heart.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Tilly awoke rather refreshed, the air had turned cold and was billowing through the open window, she edged off the bed looking back at the teacher soundly asleep, her head turned as though she had fallen asleep looking at her. Tilly had never felt so loved, this feeling was new to her, she had had crushes on people before, like any normal teenager. She remembered back to when she was in high school and there was a teacher there that she had a crush on, nothing like this but she thought she was pretty and used to giggle at her stupidly. She wondered whether she had a thing for teachers, she chuckled off the thought she knew she never liked people her own age, they seemed too immature and although there was a few teenagers who had come out, none were ready to let their feelings be known to themselves yet. She liked the idea of an older partner, not too old but Jen was just right, in many ways Tilly thought. She walked over to the window clutching her towel to her, she looked out into the dark sky and watched the traffic and people go by. If she could get away with being in this room forever with Jen she would. The streetlamp shone romantically though the room, leading Tilly's view back to Jen's dimly lit face.

She resumed herself to the bed, she wanted to wake Jen, she was too eager to see her eyes. If you look closely you can tell so much from someone's look, Jen had so many expressions, you could always tell what she was thinking but when she was in control of them only her eyes gave her away. After getting closer to Jen, Tilly could see straight through them, she often would catch the teacher looking distantly into nothing and when she caught her eye, she could tell the teacher was thinking about her. Jen was so still laying on the bed, her one hand by her head and the other across her body where Tilly had left it when she released her hand. She didn't want to disturb her but she wanted so much to be alone with her body, there was nothing perverted in it, she appreciated it, she wanted it to belong to her and her alone.

She touched the teachers feet, running her finger along the base of her foot, she ran her fingertip up over the bump in her ankle, and up her calf, she stopped at the back of Jens knee and circled, causing Jens leg to spasm, she carried on up her thigh and teased her hand into her inner thigh and back around following the arch of her hip and up along her stomach, she ran a nail over the waist band of her pants raising the teachers dress, she was playful but sensual. It was like Tilly was on a treasure trail, she was exploring. She worked up Jens arms, her fingers enticed Tilly but she saw then all the time, at this moment she was taking herself out of bounds. She ran her hand under Jens ribs while the other followed the dent in her collarbone and she gently ran her finger down Jens cleavage and across the top of the breast, her face was concentrated and her eyes fixated on the beauty before her, she had never seen the full stunning form of Jens body in her normal state of mind, the other times it was rushed from lust and blinded by passion. Here she could just touch and take in all of its canvas.

She kissed the top of Jens boob protruding out of the dress, and kissed along her collarbone and onto her neck, she placed three kisses along her neck onto her ear, she removed Jens hair in the way and brushed it gently out of her face and traced a finger along her forehead, she noticed Jens breathing had sped up slightly, she kissed her cheek and placed a kiss onto her lips, her hand massaging her breast. She loved kissing these lips, they were addictive. She also loved the fact that hers were the last ones to claim them.

Her kiss was respectful she didn't want to be rough with her lips, she wanted to tenderly show how much she desired them. She felt the pull of the teachers lips and she felt her world shift with the gravity, she leant it more forceful this time kissing the teacher back, she opened her eyes and looked into Jens eyes "Hi, sorry did I wake you?" Tilly asked, she was not sorry at all she was ready for Jen to wake, this date had become no more than Jen having to mother her as she went from being scared and then nursing sun burn. She wanted her to know how much her heart beat for her, how her rib cage ached as her heart tried beating out from behind it.

"Wake me? Ha Tilly you woke me up all right, your feeling better? Jen replied slightly startled by the wake up call. "Sorry I was…. " _what was I doing? _" I was looking" she raised her eyes to her poor response. "Looking, is that what you call it, I felt everything. Did you find anything you liked?" Jen was flirting now she too had been caught up in the search Tilly had begun. "Well I think so, but it was hard to tell, you woke up" she smiled back. "Well I apologise, I thought I was invited to this party but maybe I should go back to sleep" Jen was not angry she was still flirting, her eyes hiding a magnitude of lust, she gazed back at Tilly trying to read her thoughts. "Shut your eyes and lay back" Jen looked back at the girl perplexed, scared and excited.

She was however concerned "Tilly.. " she let out a terrified plea, she wasn't sure if this was going too far, should they do this again. She wanted to but _should they? _

"If you don't know if you should stay, and don't say what's on your mind. Breath Jen, there's nowhere else tonight we should be, lets make a memory", Tilly almost sang to her, this was one of her favourite songs but she meant every word. Jen was taken, she was completely and utterly trapped, the teenager was so romantic she had wooed her, she smiled letting Tilly resume.

Tilly climbed on top of her "Lay back, shut your eyes, don't move or make a sound" Jen did as followed, she laid backwards still looking up at Tilly, Tilly leant over and kissed the teachers eyes forcing her to shut them. She followed the trail down her face and kissed one quick kiss onto Jen's lips, she bit the bottom lip teasing and kissed down her neck and back onto her chest, she unbuttoned Jens dress and kissed along her bra and ribs, she licked down her stomach and Jen entered the ecstasy of passion, who knew the teenager could blow her mind and her eyes bolted open as she threw her head back.

During the course of the evening the pair became one once again, they both moaned in pleasure as each took turns to excite and satisfy the other. Their fingers linked together and their mouths finding each others like magnets, never able to stay away from each other for too long. They both recoiled heads falling onto pillows, Jen smiled as Tilly stared at the ceiling catching her breath in her throat, she was still feeling the effects of her blissful experience and could not even mutter a sound. She panted and ran a hand across Jens arms that had thrown itself across Tilly's abdomen. Jen knew what Tilly felt she could feel the teenagers heart beating from under her arm, she knew she was not ready herself to speak. The two women laid there for what felt like hours but it was a few minutes, still waiting for something to knock this moment down but there was nothing, this fondness was more overpowering than anything Jen had ever felt. A tear rolled down her face and for the first time Jen was relieved that this was a tear of happiness, of complete overwhelm.

"Goodnight sweetheart" was the only words to come from Jen's mouth and Tilly leant her head onto her shoulder, and threw the quilt across them. There was nothing to say, her voice had been defeated by her actions moments ago, nothing she could say could top it so she remained silent, it was beautiful.

Tilly wasn't sure how, but she fell asleep again, being a teenager she was used to feeling the need to lazily sleep all the time, but it seemed allowing your feelings to open and embracing everything that came from it had taken its toll. She drifted into an abyss, dreaming of Jen, and the moments they shared, she held onto these thoughts and relived them, she wasn't sure whether it was for her own pleasure or whether she was terrified these moments would stop and so would they, she would become a cherished memory.

Jen felt the weight of Tilly's head drop , and she knew that the teenager had fallen asleep again, although this time she was content, she had shared another magical evening with this girl who had stolen her heart to begin with but who she had given it to. She didn't have enough energy to smile anymore, her jaw ached, but her smile was the only thing she wore at that precise moment and she beamed it with pride. Tilly had commented she had not realised how perfect Jen's teeth were and she knew that maybe due to the constant hiding she hadn't really let her smile shine through as much as she had the last day. She moved her head slightly as Tilly snuggled into her neck and grinned even more and the girl sleeping, her arms sprawled around Jen's waist. It was obvious how much they strived for each others warmth and how much their touch united them. _Who needs a prince charming…. _Jen chuckled.

….

The next morning broke with the sun again, it shined through the window onto the bed, revealing the two women sleeping still. The room was a scene in itself, Jens clothes had been thrown by Tilly onto the floor with no care at all, she only cared for what she could find underneath them. Tilly's towel had made its way in flight to the table by the window, and the bottles of after sun had been flung from the quilt to the floor. It was a surrounding that neither pair would regret. Tilly rolled over from Jen's grip that had become tighter throughout the night, maybe she suffered from the same night terror that Tilly had had, that she could within the next few hours when they returned to the village become a castaway recollection. Tilly yawned and sprang into the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and washed her face, she threw on her clothes and looked at the room service menu, she was beginning to feel the rumble that informed her she had not actually eaten since the morning before. She looked through and wondered what Jen would eat, she rang down to the desk and ordered bagels and some fruit, bottled water and a cup of coffee for Jen. It had been an entire day Jen had not had any and although they had spent some remember able time together she did not want to see the woman with caffeine withdrawals.

Tilly opened the door to the knock and took the tray off the waiter, she placed it on the table and picked up a bagel, warm and buttered. She held it under Jens nose for a brief second until Jens eyes opened and she stifled out a yawn, she adjusted her eyes and noticed the food. "Babe I'm starving, but I could do with a coffee, fancy going out for breakfast" before Jen could finish properly, Tilly held out the hot cup in front of her and Jen beamed, "Thanks, ha, how did you know" she asked rhetorically. She sipped the coffee and relaxed, if your dependant on caffeine that first cup is always the most rewarding and effective. She sat up and kicked off the quilt, she looked embarrassed at being naked in front of the teenager but they had seen and experienced each others bodies enough to shrug the thought off. She threw on her clothes and tidied up the bed, natural habit for her back at home. She liked things in a certain order. She sat on the edge of the bed drinking her coffee, Tilly threw her a bagel and she started nibbling on it filling the dull groan of her own stomach. Although not a romantic restaurant breakfast, both were silently agreeing that this was the best end to the night before, they were both more than happy.

Twelve o clock they had to vacate their room, so they both shoved their things into their bags and quickly tidied up, every so often coming across an item of the others clothing and throwing it over to the other with a seductive look, Tilly's expression was something she could not help but express, she had the look of something she had accomplished. "You ready" Jen asked, and the pair walked from the room, Tilly cast a look behind her, Jen caught it momentarily, it seemed a look of sorrow. She squeezed the girls hand reassuringly, the memory would not be left at that room, what they had was real and Tilly needed to realise that. Jen led her away from the room by her hand and they walked to the desk giving in the room key and walking back out into the London air, where they had begun.

…

Thankfully the weather had kept its promise and was still bright without a sign of rain which was easier for them to make their way across the city to Jens little yellow car. They threw their bags into the trunk and Tilly's heart was still weighing heavy, she could feel it in the pit of her stomach, she was worried. "Tilly what's wrong?" Jen probed, had she done something wrong. "I don't want to leave, when she get back things will be different I know it. You will walk past me and it will be back to the looks and quick hand touching and that's it. I cant go from this" and she pointed to the hotel, "to what it was before, were going backwards" she slumped her head down and was upset. Jen walked around the car and held her, she knew things would be different, as they didn't have as much access to each other at home as they did here, but neither could deny the feelings that had evolved between them and they wouldn't be able to stay away. They would have to be careful. Jen had the same dread feeling, it would be her who had the most to lose and to go back home would mean she would have to go back to being constantly cautious, she hated being that restricted but in the long run it meant they could keep what they had.

She tilted Tilly's head up so delicately, showing how precious she was to her, "Listen babe, yes things will not be as wonderful as they were here, but we knew this before we came and we knew we would have to be are usual selves when she got home. That does not mean that what happened here will be forgotten, or that it will stop. Can you walk away from this" Jen herself pointed to the hotel too, and raised an eye questioningly. Tilly looked up and was instantly hit with the events from the day before, there was no way she could forget what happened or walk away, she couldn't walk away from her feelings for Jen since the day on the beach, let alone now. "No, never. I would rather stop existing than not be with you" Tilly seemed to sound like she was over exaggerating, but it was how irrational her heart felt, she had worked for this, she had chased Jen as much as Jen had allowed her to, she had come to terms with everything and credited herself on how maturely she was handling the trip, but right now she was allowed to be acting her age it was after all the truth.

"Believe me when I say babe, there is no discrediting this connection between us and I will not ignore it, I cant. I may hide it when we need to but I will never let you believe that this didn't happen and that it can in time only get better" she forced a smile to Tilly trying to reassure the girl. "I cant get this thought out of my head of you walking past me and not looking at me, or not seeing me, or worst you seeing me but not looking at me with your eyes, that look you do, the one your giving me now" she touched Jen's face, her fingertips gently stroking her eye lids and taunting her eyelashes, she blinked back her tears and retracted her hand "You look at me like I'm the only person in the world, like I'm the only one who completes you", "That's because you do" Jen replied and placed a heart felt kiss on the teenagers lips and took her back into an embrace. They hugged on the side of the pavement, Jen leaning onto her car and Tilly in her arms, she cradled her head against her chest and allowed her heart to beat for the both of them, she wanted to take all the pain from Tilly and let her own soul bleed, this was heartbreaking and it was confusing as she kept telling herself it was not the end.

They got back into the car and Jen reluctantly started the engine and they were back onto the road and on their way back to the place they didn't really want to go, backwards being the appropriate word to cause the dread. Jen was sure she wouldn't let them be torn apart from going back to village, no one could stop what they had and as long as no one found out they could not stand in their way. She leant her head onto the glass beside her and drove, checking on the teenager every so often, Tilly didn't remove her glare out the window, almost in a sulking position.

Tilly watched the scenery go by, there was plenty of fields and greenery, she let them go by, she felt as though she wasn't going to see them as the car sped past so why bother look, she was on a complete downer, and could not imagine picking herself back up. She felt as though something was being taken away from her, like she was being punished for something. How can life dangle something amazing in front of you, allow you to become attached and then threaten to take it away. Tilly remembered reading somewhere that you were not supposed to meet your heroes as it takes away the allusion of them being something idyllic, she had met someone who had become her hero, its not about being who your hero is, there lifestyle or them in person, its about how they make you feel. She had been moved, touched and inspired by Jen and more so she felt like she could be herself and be better when she was around her. Yes she had met her hero, she had kissed and held her, did this mean that the idyllic outcome would now not be applicable.

She sighed, the drone of the engine took her attention away from her own mind, it was swirling around in her head, she rocked her head into her hands to try and massage away her headache. "Nearly home babe" Jen spoke, there was that angelic voice again the one that made her heart not skip a beat but drop into her stomach. She swallowed, her mouth dry, "Okay, what are you doing for the rest of the day?", "Not sure yet, I think I still have some work to do, I have to get next semesters syllabus ready in case they chose to keep me on" she didn't want to rub it in to Tilly that she would be returning to the reason that would keep them apart and potentially ruin everything, but she was happy, this would be an amazing accomplishment for Jen to be re hired for another year or maybe even a permanent position. After all relationships are about sharing your laughs, fears and dreams and hoping the other would embrace them all. "Oh okay, well good luck, I hope you get given the chance, Hey don't look at me like that, I really do wish you well" Tilly saw Jens mocking look and knew the teacher knew her thoughts, her hope was secretly Jen wouldn't get the job, not to be malicious but so she could spend a year off before university and possibly entice Jen to come with her and do some travelling or a holiday, whatever the destination it didn't matter Tilly was already desperate to spend some more time with Jen as they turned into the village.

They stopped, by the exact place they left the day before. Jen took her keys out of the ignition and wrapped them around her fingers, playing with them. She was looking for a reason not to leave, to not get out of the car, she wasn't ready to and her legs wouldn't let her anyway. Tilly couldn't take much more, the tears had already begun to break through her eyes, they burned she was beyond hope. She didn't want her eyes to be blurred she wanted to see Jen for as long as she could before she got out of the car, why did this feel like a break up. She let out a raspy breath as a tear stole attention rolling down her cheek, Jen used her thumb to wipe it away, she stroked Tilly's face and held onto her other hand. She raised it to her chest and held it there, she opened her and Tilly's hand so she could feel the intense beating of Jen's heart. There was something tragically beautiful about it, they knew they were not over but they didn't know when they would be allowed each other again. Jen kissed Tilly's hand, fingers and wrist she was quietly sobbing, she placed a hand on Tilly's chin, she too was crying they kissed a sobbing heart breaking kiss, never wanting to stop but the weight of the looming distress forced them to grapple at each others face. It was like a dying farewell.

Jen pulled away first and wiped her face free from tears. Tilly opened the door and stood out, she had to, she had to quickly get out before she begged Jen to turn the car around and drive, drive so far away to a place where it could stay the same. She shut the car door, and Jen's heart stopped a beat, it didn't re beat for a what felt like minutes, the first beat back knocking the breath out of her. She breathed a few short breaths and shook her hair she stepped out of the car, and walked to the boot to meet Tilly, she helped the teenager with her bag and shut the boot. "Thank you for a lovely day Miss Gilmore, it really helped with my coursework" Tilly politely enunciated as people walked past knowing the pair. Tilly wanted to pour her heart out but it wasn't the time. "Your welcome Tilly, I'm glad it helped. It was a truly enjoyable and meaningful day, one that wont be forgotten. EVER I promise" Jen wanted again to make it clear to Tilly, Tilly replied with a smile it was not all doom and gloom she did have a fabulous time. "I will see you around then?" she wasn't asking or even hinting at this, she was pleading. "Try and stop me, there's no way my eyes wont find you" Jen beamed back, she handed over the girls bag and held onto her finger as long as she could, they kept eye contact the entire time, each reassuring each others heart that it was ok to let go. For now.

Jen watched Tilly walk over the road and up to her house, she turned and waved, and Jen returned the wave and smiled. She walked back to her car it was time to restart the engine.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jen laid on her bed, it felt like for days she hadn't moved. She watched a raindrop make its way down her window, and followed it until it hit the window sill on the outside, she had been still for hours, she wasn't even sure if she had been asleep or in a daze. She wondered if Tilly shared the same discomfort she did, darkness was becoming too much to conceal, and it was taking a hold of Jen's essence. Even Sinaed grumbled when Jen did not reply to her when she had said hello the morning before. Jen was not concerned about doing any of her work, she hadn't even been able to draw or paint anything in her notebook. Every time she opened it she was greeted with portraits of the familiar hands or eyes of the teenager. She broke her heart with every breath out, she would awake during the night sobbing, or worst, thinking she was back at the hotel and she would wake up excited to smell Tilly and kiss her but she wasn't there. Nothing felt right and nothing made any sense at all. This was not something for the faint hearted, and if she was finding it hard how was Tilly coping, this was no romance for beginners.

The weather outside was relevant to Jen's mood, it was windy and pouring with rain. She was looking for some sort of divine intervention but it never came. She walked over to her mirror and fluffed her hair, _What was the point … _she had no one to impress. Jen laughed as she switched on her music player, the songs you hear make people think that love can solve everything and stand the test of time, but how much can it do really. It makes you question everything and makes you rethink all of your actions and thoughts. When its out of your reach it plays with your mind and the constant search for it makes you miss it. The power of love makes you feel invincible but Jen was learning that when it lets you drop, you realise it is made out of glass and you shatter with it. The expression of love is most often just used as semantics.

Jen made the effort to get herself showered and changed, she went downstairs to try and cure the necessities of being a human, she had to constantly remind herself to eat or drink something, her appetite was not quite accepting her state of mind and often the thought of food made her nauseous. She opened the fridge and rummaged inside looking for something to catch her palate, she slammed the door shut in frustration she was no longer hungry. She noticed the tapping of rain had eased up outside and she grabbed her bag shoving her notebook into it and she was out of the door. She got into her car and drove, the radio was buzzing due to the bad reception, but it was a relaxing noise to drown out the thoughts in Jen's head, she focused her eyes in front of her enjoying the mist.

She drove until she hit her ideal spot, she got out of the car letting the misty rain hit her in the face, her hair instantly becoming damp. She tied up her hair and grabbed her notebook out of her bag and locked up the car and made her way towards the sand dunes. Crosby beach, this was the place she came all the time, it was the one place that inspired her and hopefully will get her out of this gloomy state. She had to steady herself down the dunes the wet sand becoming more slippery with the coating of rain, she slid near the bottom and was thankful her clothes were not her best. She wiped her hands into her jeans and zipped her jacket tighter up to her neck, she cursed to herself for not buying a jacket with a hood attached.

After a short walk Jen was thankful she knew this beach and knew the trail to take, she found a spot by one of the statues and sat, for now the rain had stopped again but the mist was still looming around her, it was a slightly unnerving scene but she needed it. She opened her book, trying to skip through the pages as quick as she could and not dwell to much on the pictures in front of her, she got to the last page and couldn't help but run her finger over Tilly's painted lips, she sub consciously ran a finger over her own lip and reminisced how her lips had fitted hers. _No Jen … _for a few moments unwillingly the feelings overtook her, the sound of the ocean crashing against the rocks made the memory so haunting.

Her pencil was in her hand, the nib touching the page so far she had made a dot, it was not so much a masterpiece but it was a start, Jen looked ahead of her and began to sketch, rubbing her finger along the lead to create the smudging effect she wanted. She sat on the beach for an hour and the shivers from the cold began to shakily show in her work. She looked at her picture, it was of one of the statues, she frowned at it, it was not her normal standard and she was openly a critic. It showed no features it was plain, almost like the one Tilly displayed the first day they met, Tilly was hiding in her picture but here Jen was showing exactly how she felt. There was nothing to hide, this portrait was bare and empty, like her. She was numb and felt as though she stood alone, she had the statue knee deep in the sand facing the mist. How metaphorical of her she thought, it was like the reoccurring dream most adults have of trying to run or scream, being frozen from terror but their feet not moving or their voice not channelling. She was stuck, the mist didn't help with answers either, it was a foot in front of her, offering no vision.

She sighed a loud sigh, and muttered to herself, she should be making a move back but she felt the sense of danger giving her an adrenaline rush, it was something she could feel and she was holding onto it, something other than feeling hurt or numb. She stood up, notebook in hand and walked further down towards the beach, she stood at the waters edge and looked out, thinking things through was not on her mind right now, being able to have silence and just the therapeutic noise of water managed to sooth her.

Sometimes moments stun you letting time pass you by as you take time to adjust, time was passing Jen by but it was slow. She moved back with the tide taunting her shoes. She thought about Tilly, what was she doing, how she was, should she text her or invite her here. Tilly had not contacted her either surely she would be finding it more difficult that Jen, maybe she didn't want to speak to her. _Love makes you question everything and doubt every feeling you own_. She was tempted to text Tilly and thanked herself for leaving her phone in her car, she sat on the wet sand and stared up at the sky, _Is it really necessary to relive each look Jen… come on…. _Every kiss, every touch, every breath she took in when she was with the girl had been etched into her heart the more she relived them the more vacant they became, like an old video, the tape was becoming frayed, she needed more.

She saw a shadow from the corner of her eye and watched it as it edged its way through the mist, she stood up ready to run if needed, the shadow was distorted and walked her way. There was a glimmer of hope in her mind, was this Tilly. Was she looking for her too, had the girl come to save her, if only she could. The shadow was becoming bigger and closer Jen walked forward to meet the figure in the mist, arms almost open ready to embrace Tilly. The face and body became visible to Jen instantly and she backed away, a man with an overcoat and fishing box stared blank at the brunette, probably wondering why she was on the beach in these conditions. Notebook in hand she turned and power walked her way up towards the sand dunes, she was a little freaked out by the fright but and couldn't help but let out a tear, she had so hoped it was Tilly. She shook her head at how foolish she had been for even believing it could have been possible, for what felt like the millionth time she cried, she sobbed until her broken heart felt like it had choked its way up through throat. The icy rain was an ideal place to hide her tears, people walking past were none the wiser.

She let herself into her car and threw her head onto the steering wheel. Her emotion were as wild as the wind surrounding her. She sniffled and looked her head straight ahead, "Oh Tilly" she silently whispered "I'm so lost".

…

Tilly bolted awake in her bed, her first thought was of Jen, for Jen. She wanted the brunette to be beside her, but that reoccurring dream had not been true for the last three weeks. She was drenched in sweat, her throat felt sore. She could feel she had been crying, Tilly was suffering as much as Jen. She jumped out of her bed and went down the corridor to the bathroom, she walked straight into her mum. "Hello sweetheart, you okay?" she noticed Tilly's pale expression and felt her forehead, the way mothers do to determine if their child is unwell. "I'm fine mum I think I've come down with something, that's all" she replied nervously swatting away her mothers hand, her mum smiled and believed her, Tilly had always been a well behaved child and gave her mother no need for concern. "Ok pumpkin, take some pills and go back to bed okay", "Yes mum" Tilly replied she was already in the bathroom closing the door. "Oh, I forgot to ask, whose Jen?" Tilly shot out of the bathroom confronting her mother, "Jen, um… just a new girl, friend at school, I have been showing her around, why, WHY?" Tilly could hear her voice rising and tried to calm it, she was not ready to tell her mother especially about Jen and she could not hold her emotions long enough to explain. "Ok don't get defensive I was just asking that's all hun, You were calling her name in your sleep, must have lost her or something" she winked at Tilly and walked down the stairs. Tilly placed a hand upon the banister, supporting herself, she thought she was in control and hid her pain well but when she was asleep her conscious betrayed her, it gave her away. She had been calling for Jen, begging her to come back, this was becoming too much.

After a few minutes Tilly realised she was still standing by the banister staring after the words her mother had thrown into the air, this was madness, she shook her head and took herself into the bathroom. She ran a bath and slipped out of her pyjama bottoms and the t-shirt, Jens t-shirt, she stood in front of the mirror, the steam making its way around the bathroom, misting up the mirror hiding her reflection, she rubbed her cheeks, the colour was making its way back into them. She climbed into the bath and relaxed, she shut her eyes and let the water feel like it was washing away the voices. She had a problem with her conscience it kept replaying scenes through her head, everything she did reminded her of Jen. This bath for example, Jen had taken care of her so much that day, she sat with such patience on the bathroom floor and cupping her own hand full of water and attentively covered up Tilly's burnt skin, Tilly blinked away a tear, how she wished Jen could cover up her wounds now, her heart felt so far past broken she was sure she could see the pieces scattered around in the water.

She got out of the bath and rubbed the towel through her hair, she sat on the edge of the bath and pulled out the plug, her heart skipped as she watched the water rush its way to become vanished down the drain. Was it all too much between them or not enough, is this why Jen had not called or text her, had she already decided she didn't want to be with Tilly anymore. In the end everyone ends up walking alone, stand hand in hand with the cold. _But I don't want to, I don't want to give up on this … but how can I solve this. _She had always been so smart but at this moment she felt stupid, a girl with no knowledge or wisdom she for once, had no answers at all and it drove her crazy.

…

The night passed quickly, the moon at its peak and then fading away as the sun broke its way to light the sky before vanishing behind dark clouds. Both of the women slept restlessly, tossing and turning, and then awoke to start another day harbouring the same burdens.

Jen had things to do today it was Wednesday and she had a meeting with her teaching assessor and she was dreading the news that could make or break this year. She grabbed a hold of her things and made her way out into the village walking down towards the coffee shop. She bumped into the familiar faces but her smile didn't return theirs, she held her head down and her usual skip step turned into a stomp. She made her way into the shop and grabbed a coffee searching for a seat, she placed her things down and scanned the room looking for someone who resembled an authoritive figure, she had never met this person and she was rattled with the outcome of this meeting. A lady walked in bearing a briefcase, Jen automatically stood and awaited the lady to see her, but she walked on and greeted a man sat a few tables over, Jen sat down quickly to avoid embarrassment. She grabbed her notebook almost as a comfort, and searched her bag for her mobile, she wanted to recheck the date and time in her email.

A hand touched her shoulder and she looked up instantly seeking the touch she wanted, a older gentleman stood there with a polite smile spread across his face, "Hello Miss Gilmore, I'm Albert the teaching assessor sent to meet you" Jen bolted up and took the gentleman's hand shaking it back, she sat and he joined her and began asking her questions about her placement and giving her information about her statistics. Things were going well so far but the assessors tone started to become serious and Jen could feel her frown becoming evident.

She took her focus off the man sat next to her for a few seconds as her rambled on, she caught the eye of some girls walking in and recognised Ruby and gave her a small wave, she felt like she was being rude and returned her gaze back at Albert. He was none the wiser he was too busy reading out his report to Jen. She looked back up at the door, there was no noise left in the room, the world stopped, her heart stopped, and her eyes gazed as the love that consumed her heart walking into the shop clutching onto Maddie's arm. She stopped too looking at Jen a vacant smile, frown and lip quiver all on loop across her face. They locked into each others eyes and Jen could feel her legs stand, she wanted to run over and grab the girl, hug her, just breath the same air as her. Their hearts became connected again, like magnets being drawn to each other from across the room.

She got thrown out of her trance when Albert touched her leg she jumped back nearly causing a scene she thought she was going to be sick or laugh uncontrollably. She sat back down staring through the man as she searched for the girls face, Tilly too had been dragged away by Maddie to a table out of Jen's sight, she sighed. "I'm so sorry I thought I saw something, a… a problem. Um.. I apologise Albert please continue" the chances of her receiving good news off this meeting was slim, _Would I hire me ?…. _she thought.

Tilly sat facing the direction of Jen and this man, _who was he? _why was she meeting a man. He looked smart, she noticed the briefcase and his glasses pegged onto the end of his nose. She was tracing the condensation on her bottled water, she didn't hear a single word being said, she didn't care. She wanted to go over and find out who this man was. Why did it bother her so much, it may be a friend, a relative possibly another teacher. "Shit" she cursed, causing Maddie and Ruby to look at her. "Sorry, sorry I stubbed my toe" she said trying to look inconspicuous, how can you explain the fundamental state of the sub conscious. Of course how could she be so stupid, it was the assessor. Jen had told her she had an appointment about her job, she felt for the woman she had came in and made Jen lose herself and she could see Jen twiddling her hair in her fingers like she did when she was nervous. Tilly was torn she could have ruined Jen's chances, but the reaction she gave Tilly was worth it, it was heart felt and intense, Tilly smiled a little smirk, _she still cares…_

She watched Jen for over an hour with this man and detached herself from the conversation on the table in front of her. The man rose with Jen and shook her hand, she waved goodbye as he walked out of the door, Jen sat back down briefly and lowered her head she looked gloomy. She stood up and looked over to Tilly, her smile was of pain, she grabbed her bag and walked out of the coffee house. Tilly could do nothing but grab her own bag mutter something to the girls about needing to go and she ran out. She ran into the street her eyes not being able to search as quick as her heart. Where had Jen gone, why did she leave. She turned and ran towards the deli, and then doubled back and ran towards the archway, complete crossroads. Her ran became a quick walk she was breathing so hard, she looked around and her direction led her back to the iconic bench, she moved brambles out of her way eager to see if Jen was there, she reached the bench, she wasn't there. She sat on the bench and screamed, more of a shout, where was she.

This anguish was overwhelming, it took away the amazing feeling of the brief eye contact that they had both engaged, it was like finding something that had been missing and piecing it back together, Tilly knew that it was Jen that was the missing puzzle piece to her heart. She walked back towards the village and decided to return home, she didn't want to see the girls and try to explain her tears. She walked solemnly to the railings and perched her knee against the wall she let out a sniffle and raised her head she had hit a wall, she wasn't sure what she expected to do.

During the drama the weather had taken a turn for the worst again. The mist made its way through the village, drizzle making Tilly's hair frizzy. She turned and saw something out of the corner of her eye, it seemed like nothing but she was drawn to it, she started walking down towards the shadow, its movement fascinating her pulling her in like some unknown force. It was like a scene out of a movie, as she approached the figure knowing what she was leading up to, she could see her face, the sparkle in the eyes had vanished, the drop of the head in disappointment, she was leaning against her car her notebook thrown to the floor, Jen was sobbing. She looked over and saw Tilly their eyes meeting, she looked cautious but she was, Lost. Tilly was a foot away from her when she slowed down, waiting for a response. Jen looked back up from her hands pleading, she needed her, she outstretched her arm and Tilly wasted no time in running into them, she held Jen, she squeezed her, she let her hold her back as long as it was needed. She turned her head to look up into Jens eyes and she grabbed her face, the need for this kiss was enough to make the world stand still they slammed into each other and passionately kissed, the world span, and they became one again.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know you were at the coffee house, I didn't know your assessment was today, did it really go this bad?" Tilly didn't want to give the elusion of playing dumb. Jen looked up dumbstruck "I wont find out for 6 weeks until finish all of the other interviews, what are you on about babe?" Tilly was confused "So why are you so upset, Jen your shaking" Jen moved her body and looked at the girl smiling "You", she waited for her heart to deliver its beat, "You Tilly. I have not stopped thinking of you, dreaming of you, reliving you in my head. I was so miserable this morning and I needed you today with this meeting and you came, not intentionally but you were there you walked in and it made me feel whole again, I cant help this I love you so much that I left. It doesn't make sense but I wasn't sure whether you felt the same and I could see the pain in your eyes. I couldn't stop myself from coming over to see you, I wanted to push the girls off the table and have you to myself." she shook her head, "I cant have you, not like this, its not fair on you, as soon as someone walks this way I have to drop you and its killing me but at the same time I wont let you go, please don't let me go" she blinked a tear and embraced the girl.

They stood in the mist hugging, both tormented by love. How did it happen, that these two world's chose to collide, it felt like Jen had lost her way trying to fool her pride but this was true and this was real, this lovers ache would not go away. If the side effects don't kill you the heart break does.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Their kiss ended when they wanted it too, no rush, no pressure. At this precise time neither cared who caught them, no one would stop this hold. They pulled away keeping their closeness. They could feel each other shake, a mixture of pain, relief and excitement. Each breath was a longing one and it was totally mutual. They both rested their backs upon the side of the car, Jen looked at the girl lovingly, _Her girl .. _where could they go from here. As long as they stayed in this village they could not be with each other and it felt like the world was against them. Jen was still releasing tears, she didn't even attempt to stop them, there was no need to for this girl felt the same. She held Tilly's hand, tighter than usual, the need to touch her was overpowering and the hand squeeze was trying to suffice that. The mist was hiding them from the people in the street, giving them a slight break, maybe divine intervention was throwing them a chance.

They heard voices coming from the pavement and instantly Tilly tried to untangle her fingers from Jen's, Jen held onto Tilly's fingers like she was gripping for her not to let go, but she lost the fight, Tilly shot her a look to say sorry and smiled. Myra and Jackie walked past shouting about something, "Hiya girls, why so gloomy looking?" Jackie asked them, "Nothing, just Tilly worrying about her coursework. See you later" Jen quickly replied and they walked on continuing their shouting. Tilly froze as she heard the familiar voice of Sinead and Maddie close by, she opened Jen's car door and dived into the back "Drive" she shouted to Jen, Jen spinning around in surprise, "What, Tilly what are you doing?" Tilly was panicking, "JEN, BLOODY DRIVE !" she was abrupt and forceful and Jen listened and got in starting the engine and they sped off.

Tilly stayed laid down on the backseat until Jen turned behind laughing "You can sit up now babe" it was the first time in weeks Jen had smiled and she loved the feeling, she beamed in the front seat smacking a hand behind her on Tilly's leg. Tilly hit her back on the arm and chuckled "Sorry, I panicked, I didn't want them to see us. Move over" Jen looked behind her as Tilly tried climbing over into the passenger seat. Jen smacker her bottom as it protruded in her face, and Tilly fell into the window letting out a little scream. Jen swerved and came to a stop by a nearby lane. Tilly rubbed her head where she had head butted the window, looking at Jen "Sorry" she spluttered out the apology as she stifled a laugh, she couldn't hold it she belted out a belly laugh and hysterically lost control, she laughed so hard tears began to roll down her face, Tilly looked on angry at first but she caught the infectiousness of the teachers laugh and she too joined in. The pair sat in the car off the side of the motorway and laughed until their belly's ached, Jen breathed little short breaths trying to catch her breath as Tilly snorted and wriggled around. It was beautiful for them to share a nice moment compared to the hell they had been through.

After half an hour the laughter came to a stop and the pair just looked bewildered at each other, what the hell just happened? It did not matter how long they stayed apart when they were together it just worked, they were smitten. Tilly let out a gentle kick, kicking Jen in the leg, she looked back startled, the teenager wanted to play. She grabbed the teenagers foot as Tilly tried to grapple away, she pulled her leg and brought Tilly leg first closer to her, tickling her leg starting the teenager off in a giggle fit. She wriggled trying to fight off the brunette but Jen's hold was tight, Tilly shoved her foot into Jen's face trying to entice her to drop her leg but Jen simply retaliated by forcing off her shoe and throwing it out of the window, returning a smirk to let the teenager know it was her move. Tilly looked over trying to work out what she could do to the teacher, she leant over and grabbed her bottle of water, she seductively took off the lid informing the teacher that she was not afraid to use the contents.

Jen tilted her head and ran a finger up Tilly's leg, stopping at her knee she began to tickle, and then threw off the other shoe, with that Tilly threw her hand forward allowing the contents of her drink to drench the teachers face. Jen let go of Tilly's leg to wipe her wet hair our of her eyes and the water off her face. She looked over at Tilly, she looked mad. Tilly tried straightening up but she was stuck, Jen undid her seatbelt and turned to face Tilly, _Oh Shit now I'm in trouble … _Tilly thought and she couldn't help the adrenaline exploding inside of her. She gave an over the top smile and poked out her tongue at Jen. "Your going to regret doing that" Jen taunted, "What this" Tilly poked her tongue out again, that was it Jen jumped like a lion behind a bush, on top of Tilly pinning her down and kissed her, she forced her legs open so she could lay her hips in-between them and pinned down Tilly's arms so she couldn't fight her way free, and she tickled her hips, all the way up to her ribs, Jen's hand had brushed over Tilly's breast and Tilly's look wasn't so playful it was now more seductive, she had missed this touch, missed how tender the teacher was and how easily she could be turned on by her. The tension in this car was undeniable, these women wanted each other heart, body and soul. Jen smirked and brought her hand back to Tilly's abdomen, her fingers walked up underneath Tilly's t-shirt and found her bra, she ran her other hand under Tilly's back lifting her up to kiss her, their tongues found each others and went with the rhythm. Jen unclasped Tilly's bra hook and allowed it to release and laid her back down, her finger circling the arch of her back. In a swift motion Jen pulled Tilly's bra out and threw it onto the backseat, "I told you, you would regret this" she whispered, the anticipation was proving to excite Tilly too much she grabbed Jen and pulled her in for a kiss, biting her bottom lip as Jen ran her hands over the teenagers breasts, her hands were cold and this only excited Tilly and her nipples more. She reached out with her own hand trying to remove Jen's top and undo her jeans at the same time, she could feel Jens waist aligned with hers, slamming into her while Jen worked on the teenager. Tilly's hand made their way to the lace on Jen's pants and she gave a slight tug to let Jen know her intentions, she moaned as Jen's mouth teased her breasts.

Things were getting steamy, extremely steamy in Jen's car, Jen's shirt was lost and the teenager was still desperately trying to get Jen's jeans off, which was proving to be more difficult than anticipated due to the small space in the car. A car horn beeped loudly from beside their car and they both shrieked looking up at the light flashing in their window, Jen ran a hand over the steamed up window and saw a man peering in with a flashlight. A mad minute of jumping up and both getting into their seats properly, piecing together items of clothing to cover their dignity, and total chaotic panic. Who the hell is this. Tilly rolled down the window pink cheeked "Hi can we help you officer?" she was shaking, undecided whether it was excitement or the adrenaline of being caught, "I'm not an officer, I was wondering if you needed any help, your lights were off and I thought you'd broken down" Jen started the engine and laughed at this man, it was no proposition but the position they were both intertwined in was proving her mind to take the offer of help another way. She drove off laughing while trying to find her t-shirt on the floor, Tilly however had no clue where her shoe and bra was, she laughed, she'd been in worse situations, this was one of the highlights of her life.

They kept driving, as far away as they could from the man that had startled them. They in turn cast looks to each other, eyes undressing the other, they didn't have to imagine they had already seen each other in their beautiful forms. Tilly clutched her t-shirt to her bare chest, still scanning the floor and backseat for her bra, Jen couldn't help but chuckle. "Babe I think I owe you a new shoe" she let out another laugh, she had thrown Tilly's shoe out of the window by the lay-by, Tilly looked down at her bare feet and laughed too. Jen threw on her t-shirt and shook out her hair and rolled down the window a little and they sped off down the road. Leaving their troubles back in the village.

Jen would love to move away from there, get a little house by Crosby beach, she could take Tilly there all the time when she wasn't in school or in university, she could stay with her in the holidays and they would be able to be together for weeks at a time. Maybe Tilly would decide not to go to university and stay with Jen, after this mornings interview she didn't know what her future held for her but she was certain that the one thing that would remain in it would be Tilly. Jen could imagine sitting on the beach in the summer with Tilly having their breakfast before they start their day, her inspiration would never run dry. Maybe Tilly would consider moving in with her, spend all their time together, then people would take their relationship seriously. Jen was letting herself get carried away, but at least she had hope now, she knew this would never die. She looked at Tilly and ran her hand through her hair, the teenager looked over and smiled, this day was turning out to be perfect. Jen couldn't help but imagine them building their dreams together and believed in her theory that nothing was going to stop them.

They drove along, The sudden stop had forced the tension to still be present and both women could not take their eyes off each other, Tilly tried to diffuse it a little by switching on the radio, she flicked through the channels to find a song she liked. They both began singing along as Tilly drummed her fingers on the dashboard along to the beat. They stopped near a petrol station, in a hurry Jen hadn't even thought about her petrol level and the red light was beginning to flash, Tilly got out of the car too and walked to the rest room, she went came out shutting the door behind her and Jen was waiting, "You hungry babe?", "Yes starving actually" Tilly replied, they climbed back into the car and drove to a nearby café. They sat next to each other in a booth and looked at the menu, the waitress came over and took their order and they watched outside of the window at the people passing by.

Jen had always thought it had been better to be alone, at least that way you cant be hurt, but she wouldn't change this for the world. She had already won the prize for rotten judgment, how wrong could she be. Spending weeks craving the teenagers company had paid off, when Tilly found her by her car completely lost, it was to cliché to say but Tilly had saved her. Who was she to deny it, this scene was playing out and she was totally in love. Being so cynical could not be the way to play this, she would have to let it run its course. Their food arrived and they both began eating pancakes, this was the first substantial thing Jen had eaten in weeks and it felt great, she was finally feeling back to her normal self. Tilly poured more maple syrup onto her pancakes and scoffed she was supposed to grab breakfast at the coffee shop with the girls that morning to arrange her upcoming birthday, but she had seen Jen and she had stole more than her hunger. Jen teasingly wiped a bit of syrup off Tilly's mouth and licked it, she smiled. This was technically their second date and it was not going to end with Tilly being frightened by height or sun burnt, the weather outside clarified that for her.

They finished their lunch and made their way to a local clothes shop, Tilly was still owed a pair of shoes, and Jen had forced her to wear her shoes while she took to the pavement in bare feet, shrugging off the looks from the people walking past them, Tilly chuckled each time. They brought the first pair that caught Tilly's eyes and swapped back. "What do you want to do?" Tilly asked Jen and she had no idea, they looked around at their surroundings waiting for a clue to jump out. "Look there's a local cinema, that could be fun" Tilly nodded and they made their way over to the cinema to look at what films they could see.

There was a film Tilly pointed to that was in Latin, which meant subtitles, Jen was not totally into it but smiled and allowed the teenager to pick and they went in and found a chair. They sat the back, which Jen kicked herself for, it was a childish move, like when you were young and sat at the back with your crush so you could make the most of the dark. The teenager slouched and rested her legs over the chair in front of her, she was looking around at the sparsely filled room, not many people were into the same things as her, but she enjoyed her unique pleasures. The film began and Jen watched Tilly as her face lit up as she read along with the dialogue, she watched her as she mouthed the words to the subtitles. Jen was not even into the film she had no clue what was happening and actually found being left out of the movie to be rather boring.

She lifted the arm rest, and grabbed a hold of Tilly so she could ease her closer to her, she looked over at Jen and allowed her to shift her to her side, Tilly focused back on the film, missing key subtitles would ruin the movie. Jen placed an arm around the girl and ran her fingers rhythmically along her protruding collarbone and up around her neck, circling her fingertips up behind her ear. Tilly was trying not to allow herself to feel how electric the touch was, she shook her head in an attempt to shrug off the teacher but Jen knew that the teenager just needed more gentle encouragement. She stopped the touch and found Tilly moving her head sub consciously searching for her hand, Jen resumed her hand back onto her shoulder and leaned her head over, she blew into Tilly's ear, and the girl fidgeted in her seat. She licked her ear lobe followed by a tame bite. "I'm trying to watch this" Tilly gave the teacher a mocked eye stare with a little bit of attitude, Jen rolled her eyes back holding up both hands in a surrender stance. "I didn't say stop though" Tilly replied biting her lip as she ran a hand up Jen's leg. Jen placed her hands at the bottom of Tilly's back and lifted her, Tilly helped and sat herself on Jen's lap still facing towards the big screen. She ran her hands up Tilly's back dragging her nails back down making the teenager moan a little, Tilly placed her hand on Jen's knees in front of her. Jen could feel the force on Tilly's grip and knew she was succeeding in grabbing the teenagers attention. Tilly threw her legs around Jen's, wrapping them around her knees so her feet were symmetrically resting on each of Jen's calves. Jen's hands made their way onto Tilly's front, she was slow and passionate, her fingers ran along every inch of her torso. Her warm hands were inside Tilly's already stretched top, for the second time today her bra was in the way, she lifted it up supporting the breasts with her hands, massaging them as Tilly's grip on her knee became harder. She kissed her neck and back and let one of her hands slide to the teenagers waist, unbuttoning her trousers. "Jen" her moan was almost pleading, did she want to stop. "Tilly" Jen replied, whispering. "Are you telling me stop, or do you want this?" Tilly could not even speak, she had tried holding her breath for the last few minutes to stop herself screaming in the quiet cinema. People were watching the film ahead of them, none hearing this passion behind them. Tilly kept her head forward at all times she couldn't bring herself to look at Jen but she placed her hand over Jen's, which was still held on her skin above her trousers, she rubbed her thumb passionately over Jens hand and moved it downwards, they both gasped, Jen could feel the silk of the pants on her knuckles and Tilly threw her head back, she had completely discarded the film and had entered a complete state of ecstasy.

The credits rolled at the precise time Tilly let out a shriek, her body tingled and she stayed sat on Jen's lap for a few moments, Jen didn't rush her she held her arms tight around Tilly's stomach and kissed her between her shoulder blades. Tilly stood up and realigned her clothes and started walking down the isle to the exit of the cinema room, Jen stood up to follow the teenager rushing out. What was wrong. She practically chased Tilly into the ladies room and caught the red head slamming the toilet door shut. "Tilly, what's wrong, I'm sorry" Jen was panting from the chase. She leant against the sinks and crossed her arms, she felt awful. After ten minutes Tilly turned the lock on the toilet door and opened it slowly hiding her face behind it, Jen walked over pushing the door backwards and placed a hand to Tilly's face. "Babe what's wrong" Tilly looked up at Jen's eyes and then away again she looked past Jen and tried to explain, "I .. and you, and then… Jen I'm embarrassed" she smiled oddly and blushed. Jen breathed out a sigh of relief "Aw babe I thought id hurt you or something, aw its ok there's no need to be embarrassed, at least I know you enjoyed yourself" she winked, a cheeky grin spreading across her face. The teenager slapped her arm "It wasn't that good, god your big headed" she laughed mockingly at the teacher, even though this was a blatant lie, she was still shaking, Jen laughed led her out of the toilets and into the street.

This was so far was topping the first night her and Jen had spent together, and that was very difficult to top. She never wanted to let go of Jen's hand, she never wanted to let Jen out of her heart or head again, for the few weeks they didn't see each other she told herself that it would become easier to let her go over time, time is a healer is the saying but it was not true. As the time becomes longer the seeking to see that person turns to missing them and that is something the mind is not ready to comprehend. It doesn't know the easiest way to overcome the dread is to stop thinking of that person, to turn that part of their brain off. Instead it makes you grieve. Tilly looked over to Jen and her smile set fire to her heart, it is such a fine line between warmth and being burnt.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The pair drove around for a while Tilly still hiding her embarrassment, but with Jen she could feel herself ease up so she didn't dwell to much on it and tried to let it go. Jen was thinking about things, as her mind always drove her to do, this day had been so special and the intimacy between them was proving to be not only special but something consuming. She could not stop thinking about it and couldn't wait till it happened again.

"Do we have to go back" Tilly asked, pouting her lips to a sad face making Jen laugh, "Yes babe we do, I don't want to either but we have to. You'll get in trouble soon" Tilly nodded she agreed but didn't want to accept it. Tilly looked out the window again, feeling the same dread as she did the last time they were on their way back to the village, she shook it off, nothing could be as bad as those three weeks were and she knew that Jen would not let it get that far again, both being so depressed. It was a battle of hearts but which one won Tilly thought, was it Jen because Tilly turned up when she wanted her or was it Tilly because she chose to find her. Either way they both wanted to see each other and this was the clarification that Tilly reassured herself with that after the London trip, Jen did still want her in her life. Life was blissful.

"Tilly, don't panic, this time it wont be so bad, if you want to, text me, ring or email, anytime. Can I do the same to you?" Jen asked, "Yeah of course, I wanted you to but because you didn't I didn't. childish I know" she admitted and smiled. "I was hoping you would too, and the longer it went on the more I thought you had forgotten about me. So I wanted to give you space in case you needed to forget me" Jen shook her head at the thought, this day had been perfect _Don't ruin it Jen … Tilly say something, don't let the dark come back. _Tilly smiled and placed a hand on Jens arm "There is no way in hell I would forget you, are you serious. Forget you, jeez Jen come on, you make me wake up every morning" Jen smiled a smile that let Tilly know she was moved, "While were being soppy, your why I love to sleep, I see you in my dreams" Tilly laughed it was soppy but she felt the compassion, they both laughed and squeezed each others hand Jen kissed the back of Tilly's knuckle and they drove on. Both feeling a little happier about the trip back it didn't have to be so dim, they could text and meet whenever they pleased and this could become a secret, as long as they could keep each other to themselves then that was ok.

Tilly lent forward and switched on the radio, Jen frowned she hated people touching her things, but Tilly was always excused, she flicked through and listened for a moment to piece of music, she decided she didn't like it and went to turn it over when Jen's hand stopped her "This song is one of my favourites" , Tilly had a questioned look on her face, "What is it" she asked, "Its Bruce Springsteen, Backstreets, it's a little depressing but it's the story of my life, listen to it" the teenager sat back and allowed the song to play all the way through, it wasn't her style but it was full of hiding aches and the promise of friendship even if the outcome was so desperately wanting something else, the instrumental was moving and Tilly couldn't help but look at Jen. It is always exciting at the beginning of a relationship to find out things about the other, what they like, don't like, but finding out what makes them the way they are is a intimate and trusting moment. "Stay around a while babes and you see a different side to me" Jen winked, she was being lyrical and knew that Tilly had seen a new side to her soul that wasn't just sexual or tormented, she had some inner inspirations and issues.

They pulled up just before the village and looked at each other, it was time to be brave and harvest all of the goodness out of the day ready to relive it when they were alone and missed the other. "Well here we go again babe, thank you so much for today, I needed it, and you" Jen ran her hand through the teenagers hair and smiled, "No problem, I needed it more than you know, I didn't stumble across you Jen I was looking for you" they kissed, not for the last time, they were both sure of that, but for that day this would be their last physical kiss. They released each others faces and Jen pulled into the village. They both got out of the car and Tilly smirked at the teenager and waved, Jen blew a kiss and turned to lock up her car and watch her lover walk away towards her house. Tilly looked back after her keys opened the door and stared at Jen, she was not sad, there was no way to be sad after today, she waved again and went into the house.

Jen swung her keys around in her fingers and made her way to her house, her walk had the added accessory of her skip back. How odd, Jen thought as she looked at the sky, the mist had cleared completely and the sun was pleasantly hugging the sky spreading warmth through her skin. She chuckled and felt a breeze across her face, maybe a caution not to be completely lost in the warmth, but this afternoon had been amazing and she knew nothing could burn brighter than this.

Tilly slammed her front door shut and walked up the stairs to her room, her mum came out of the bathroom and Tilly greeted her with a smile, "Good day pumpkin, you look better?" Tilly let out a giggle "The best mum" she kissed her mum on the cheek and skipped into her room and threw her bad onto her bed and laid next to it, it had been the best day. She rolled onto her front hugging her pillow, she pulled out her phone and opened a new message "Is it too soon lol J x" she pressed send and it delivered to Jen, she smiled and left her phone open in front of her so she could wait for the reply her feet kicking back and forth off her bed. "Maybe, its been 5mins babe, but im glad you text J x miss you too" Jen replied, her heart jumped and she shut her phone happily and skipped over to her dresser and got out her notebook, she wanted to draw.

The next morning Jen woke, her phone was flashing colours and she knew she had a message, normally she let it flash away while she woke herself up but she knew who the message was from, she clicked onto her message, "Good morning sexy J", she went to the next message, "Hey take it your still sleeping, LAZY ha, I'm out with Maddie, she wants to arrange something for my birthday L xx" Jen laughed she could imagine Maddie dragging Tilly in and out of shops and talking about venues that Tilly would hate. "I was still sleeping, have a good day with your friend and text me when your done ok. Good afternoon beautiful xx" she placed her phone back onto her unit and rolled onto her back rubbing her eyes, and decided to get up.

Jen made her way through the village, she wanted to go into town and find Tilly something for her birthday, but what? Would she buy her something a teacher would buy or something a lover would buy, she fought back a smirk and the idea of some sexy lingerie.

Tilly was now back in the coffee house with Maddie she had been shopping all day, her feet were killing her. She had managed to point out a dress she liked and Maddie had taken the opportunity to buy it and stuff it into her bag ready to wrap. "So do you want a party then or what?" Tilly knew they all wanted an excuse to have a alcohol infused party but she wasn't big on going out to clubs, her ideal outcome would be her and Jen watching a film with a glass of wine, but the girls would not be happy with that, she laughed. "Up to you Mads, I'm happy enough to have a few drinks around mine and a take away" she offered weakly, "Tills you suck babe, leave it to me" she nudged her mate in the arm and they drank their coffees.

They walked back through the town arms linked chatting about Maddie's new crush, it changed every week Tilly couldn't keep up so she just shut up and let her friend tell her all about him, she wished she could tell best mate about her new crush, her first love, her first for a few things. Tilly checked her phone for the hundreth time that hour, just in case a message had missed her. "Hi, good afternoon" Tilly kept her head down letting Maddie talk to people she was logging onto the internet to see if Jen had posted anything on face book, "Hello you two, have you had a nice day shopping" Tilly's head bolted up so quick she thought she had caused a crick in her neck, Jen beamed at her. "Yeah we had fun didn't we Till's, how did you know we'd been shopping did we see you?" Tilly had a look of panic but Jen replied quick enough not to cause room for panic, "Nope I've been in the village, I saw your bag. Anyway I have to go, have a good day both" she smiled and walked away, the statement was obviously implied to Tilly, she turned her head to catch a look at the teacher and caught Jen doing the same thing, she had a look on her face of enjoyment, she had been checking Tilly out, they both laughed and returned the gaze forward. Maddie had resumed to talking about her crush and Tilly's phone bleeped in her hand she opened the message "Naughty, I saw you looking at my ass Jx" Tilly blushed "Says you, tut, cant keep your eyes off me haJ". She linked her arm through Maddie's and they went walked to her house.

Jen bumped into Sinaed outside the deli, "Oh Jen glad your here, have you see Tilly or Mad's?. Were arranging a surprise birthday party for Tilly, tomorrow night at ours. You in", "Yeah they were on their way that way" Jen replied pointing towards Maddie's house, "Yeah of course im in, I live there so may as well let my hair down and have a few drinks, let me know if you need a hand with anything ok, see you in a bit" Jen smiled at Sinaed and walked away, this could be awquard but it could be exciting, her girl was turning seventeen and she is going to be touched to have a surprise birthday but is alcohol around those two sensible. Either way she was going to get to see Tilly tomorrow night and she was not complaining. She picked up her pace and tried not to let anything else distract her as she went into town to find something acceptable for Tilly.

Tilly and Maddie were sat on her floor looking through magazines and chatting. "So is there anyone you have your eye on that I can invite out for your birthday babes?" Maddie probed, "Nope no one I can think of, you know you don't have to go out with people all the time Mads you can be single and happy" _Or you could be totally in love with your teacher … _She thought. "I know there is someone, you totally quiet last week and now your bouncing, who is it? Is it Esther?" Tilly looked insulted, "No it is not Esther, there is no one now drop it please, this conversation pisses me off" She glared a look at Maddie and it warned her to be quiet and let it go. Maddie looked back down at the magazines.

…

Tilly woke the following morning to multiple text messages on her phone from her friends wishing her happy birthday it was official she was 17. She skipped through them all and came to Jen's "Hey babe, happy birthday, drop you a present later on. X" Tilly smiled, "Does it have a ribbon?" she replied, "Yeah of course ha, what's a present without a ribbon?" Jen replied confused, "Just bring yourself and the ribbon and that will be plenty enough for me J can I have a birthday kiss?" she flirted back, it was a few minutes before Jen text back "What about, me, a ribbon, and you! And you can still have a present. A kiss? Hmm that might be asking too little of me cheeky. Now enjoy your day and il see you later xx" Tilly smiled, she was smitten and she knew it and embraced it. She made her way downstairs and was greeted with presents and cards off her parents.

It was evening and Jen was running around with Sinaed and her mother trying to help finish off the decorations and party food, Jen was helping Sinaed stock up alcohol on the island table, whist Sinaed mother was removing bottles, she was trying to be responsible. People started to arrive so Jen nipped upstairs to get ready to make herself look good for Tilly. She returned downstairs after an hour, it only took her twenty minutes to get ready but it took forty minutes to make sure she looked good, she checked herself more than once and then re changed, this was silly. She made her way down the stairs and was greeted with many faces only some she recognised from school. Sinaed ran over in a panic, "I text Tilly to come over to go out and she's text back saying she doesn't feel like it, how the hell do we get her here Jen" Jen frowned " I'll sort it Sinaed don't panic, give me a second" Jen walked away and pulled out her phone, "Hey babe, fancy coming around mine, the girls have gone out looking for you so we can be alone Jxx" Jen hated lying to her but she was sure it would work, and she was proved right "Yeah defiantly, I want to share my birthday with you, I'll be like ten minutes ok". Jen span around and found Sinaed "She's on her way, she tried ringing you back but she couldn't get through" Jen smiled hoping Sinaed would not wonder how she got hold of her. "Cheers babe you're a star. Right guys Tilly is on her way you need to shhh and get down, someone hit the lights" everyone scattered and hid, Jen turned off the lights and stood directly opposite the front door.

Tilly knocked on the door and waited for Jen to open up. Why wasn't Jen answering, maybe she was waiting for her upstairs or something and this was a flirting game. Tilly turned the handle on the front door and crept in, wondering why the lights were off. She walked in and shut the door, she could not see a thing and searched for the light, "Im here, where are you, I cant find the light" scared Tilly was going to mention her she flicked on the light, everyone shouted "SURPRISE" and Tilly shocked to her core jumped backwards, this was not the surprise she expected. "Shit, wow. Erm … thanks" she knew she sounded ungrateful she was so taken aback, she followed her eyes to the source of the light and saw Jen stood by the switch, Jen let out a wry smile and mouthed sorry, tilting her head.

The party was underway and the music pumped, Tilly made her way around the groups of people accepting gifts and drinks, Jen watched the entire time jealous of everyone spending time with her, she knew this night was Tilly's and she wanted her to enjoy it, but she wanted her to herself. Tilly noticed Jen's stare and was responsive with her own. Her heart was like a spotlight in the dark, Jen's face was all she could focus on as she moved along the room, desperate for people to leave her alone so she could finally greet Jen. The distance was different this time, it was not so depressing it was exciting, it felt like Jen had left a light on for her and it made her ecstatic, she could feel her eyes running along her body and Tilly found herself mincing around the room trying to tease the teacher.

She finally after twenty minutes made her way over to Jen, who had waited for her the entire time. "Hi thank you for coming to my birthday party Miss Gilmore" Tilly said loudly so people who could hear believed her greeting a guest. Jen looked disappointed but smiled politely and went to the back of the living room to get another drink, what did she expect Tilly to do, walk over and kiss her. Tilly followed "What's wrong?" Tilly demanded, she was the one who was meant to be mad, she thought she was coming over to see her lover not a room full of people. "Tilly this is driving me nuts, I have been watching you for the last half hour mixing with people and" she sighed, how could she explain, "There's something about the way you look tonight, you look different, older maybe I don't know" she shook her head and looked around the room in case people were watching, "Jen" she held her hand behind the table so no one could see but Jen could feel "I am older, does it matter? By the way your neck line in that dress takes my breath away" she blushed she ran a finger along Jen neck line like she had to touch it to show what she said was true, she blushed and reminded herself they were not alone. "Tilly don't, this isn't allowed, you know what you do to me. Somehow I lose my mind around you" Jen smiled she was finding the tension bubbling deep inside too much and her hands were having to hold themselves back. Saying this is not allowed is almost a challenge that must be attempted. Tilly leant in to Jen's ear she spoke loud enough to hear over the music but a whisper only Jen could appreciate " At least you lost your mind Jen, not a shoe or a bra" she nudged her in the rib and lingered her lips by Jen's neck, her breath causing short spasms through Jens body. She stood still stuck in this moment, if she moved Tilly may think twice and stop. She watched as people danced, drank and laughed, all the while Tilly kissed Jen's neck and ran her hand to the lower of her back, her hand slipping under the dress so she could grip Jen's bum, "Tilly" Jen squirmed, she could feel Tilly's hand cupping under her bum cheek, her nails running the top of Jen's leg making their way around to the front of Jen's thigh. Jen was smiling back as she fought off the urge to throw Tilly onto the table. She turned her eyes to look into Tilly's, they were driving each other wild and they knew it. Sinead walked around the room calling out for Tilly, Tilly dropped her hand and grabbed her glass, she regretting it but she had to leave Jen's side for now she didn't want anyone to find out about them, she glanced a desperate look at Jen and smiled. Jen looked back arranging her dress back around her legs, for a couple of flustered minutes she could not move, she was totally stunned and left slightly frustrated. After five long, agonising minutes she made her way back into the party, locking eyes with the Tilly from across the room, Jen was still running her hand across her chest sub consciously, she was turned on and flustered. She wanted her back by her side, her lips, her mouth, hands and most of all those eyes.

_Get a grip Jen… calm down… _Jen paced the room she could practically hear her bed sheets calling her, she was loosing control. When a feeling takes over you it can be difficult to shake off, but eventually you can push it to the back of your mind. When you find the person giving you the feeling is all over your mind you cannot push it away, Jen was feeling this effect she could not shake away how much she wanted Tilly at that moment. She held her hand onto the side of a chair and the fabric reminded her of Tilly's soft skin, she then moved a balloon out of her way and even that aroused her _A balloon Jen, really. Your 24 not 17... _she stepped out the front door and into the cold wind, she needed to hit back into reality. She stood hands on hips looking up at the sky.

Jen was sat on the step when Tilly came out to see where she had vanished to, she felt the girl behind her but didn't move she needed to calm down and this wasn't helping. She felt something on her head and lifted her hand, it was a bow and she laughed "I was hoping that later this would be all I would have to remove" Tilly leant on Jen's back her hands around her neck and diving their way into the front of Jen's dress. "Tilly, doing this in public is driving me nuts I came out here to try to get you out of my head and your in my dress" she tried turning her head but Tilly didn't care, "Any reason why you didn't wear a bra tonight Jen?" she teased, the cold was helping to emphasise her nipples. "Tilly, we cant do this here, later I promise. If you give me that look again im going to ravage you right here" she stood up and looked at the girl who was stood with a balloon tied around her neck, Jen couldn't help but laugh, there was nothing child like about this girl, she was stood with her provocative gaze and the warmth from Jen's breast still on her hands. Jen ran back up the step hand placed on the front door and leant in, Tilly seemed to be nervous now, "Is this what you want, me this close, am I turning you on" she was purposely teasing Tilly to show her how much of a thrill it was but how hard it was to shake off afterwards, she could see Tilly licking her lips eagerly and she began trembling, completely exhilarated , her hand on her stomach, their mouths met their hungry tongues indulging in their craving, their blood ran hot through their veins. The flames of passion, desire and love took their hold over them stimulating pure intoxicating emotions. The girls stood on pressed up against the door moaning as birthday tunes played through the open windows, they were lost in each others curves. Jen hadn't even had a chance to give Tilly her gift.

We are sensitive people with so much to give, when you connect your mind with someone its magic, connect hearts it can stun you, but when you connect your bodies its all you can think about and its orgasmic. When you get enticed and that feeling arises something enlightens inside of you and if you hold onto the light, it will never leave you.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

This door had never been so useful before this evening, it was supporting the two women who were pressed up against it and also hiding them from the party behind it. Their kiss becoming more deeper with each breath, glued together, unable to separate them from their urge. They stopped briefly to catch their breath and look at each other, then resumed the kiss not so forceful this time, the urgency had been solved. Jen had lunged at Tilly like her heart had screamed at her to do, for once her head was silent, it let her follow her body and her body wanted Tilly. She panted and looked deep into the girls eyes, Tilly looked like she had been pounced upon by a lion, she was still and had beads of sweat along her forehead, she knew she could tease and turn on her teacher but her teacher knew how to get her back and she loved it. "Close your eyes, give me your hand Tilly" Jen placed Tilly's hand over her chest to feel her heart, "Can you feel my heart beating" she touched Tilly's chest too "I think I may need an ambulance babe, its not slowing ha" she laughed, Tilly felt it and she tried telling herself she was dreaming. The eternal flame had been lit and she was in complete wonder.

Jen walked around the pavement and breathed leaving Tilly at the door, in the excitement she had let go of her balloon and watched it fly away in the dark sky like her defences. She knew this woman now, this wasn't watching from afar it was real and in front of her and trying to adjust to it was different but she was having fun trying. She walked down the steps and sat at the bottom in the shrubbery, she wasn't sure why she chose to sit in the grass and mud but she felt at ease with the nature of it all. She ran a hand over her chest, feeling her own heartbeat, it was steadying now a little and she smiled.

There was no need for this moment to be so serious but something had changed in Tilly, she was so smitten in love it scared her. Why when people fall in love do they question everything they feel and replace it with dread. Will she leave or fall out of love with me. You feel as though your heart cannot beat without them, that they are the reason why you are destined to be alive. Tilly felt like she had just died in Jen's arms and been reborn, it was a strange feeling to explain in her head but she had her eyes fixated on Jen, like she was stalking pray.

She picked at the grass on the floor, flicked bits of mud and twigs, Jen noticed she was distracted and came over bending down, "Babe what's wrong" she tilted her head like she did when she was upset and lifted Tilly's face to meet hers, "Nothing" she replied, this lie was obvious to Jen. "So why so glum looking, don't tell me you didn't feel that too, oh my god did I take advantage" Jen lifted her back to stand up and Tilly reached out, holding onto her hand, "Ok don't be mad" she replied looking slightly worried, "Tilly?" Jen was concerned what was wrong, the teenager had come onto her, was she too rough. "I love you, and im scared. I knew I did, but now I feel like if I lose you I will simply die, my heart could be retched out of my body and tossed away" she began crying, Jen leaned in and hugged the girl, "What made you think this Tilly, where am I going?" Jen knew this dread, she wore it often. It was the moment she knew she had fallen properly in love with the teenager, its only when you feel the pain and dread that you know your in love. You need to feel the anguish and be completely terrified and know that this paradise could be taken, to make you appreciate it. Jen had felt this the moment when she tried hiding from the girl in school, she knew this girl was her own personal drug.

There are many moments in a relationship that do take your breath away completely, and stay with you. To know that when they say I love you and they mean it and the little things that only you know about them, making those things yours. Waking up beside the other person watching the sun light up their face, you don't even notice time go by, just the changes of the seasons.

She smiled at Tilly urging her to explain, it was important for the teenager to release her fears to Jen and understand what she was feeling. "I don't even know where this came from, I was enjoying the party, it was thrilling turning you on and then when you jumped out here I wanted you I really did, but then when you walked down there something hit me. The pang made me feel sick and I don't know why but I didn't want to be out of your reach" she bowed her head looking defeated by her emotions, "Babe this is normal, do you understand, your in love" Jen reassured the girl, "But ive been in love with you since I saw you Jen" she was defensive, she didn't want the teacher to think she had been untrue this would crush her. "That was lust and a crush Tilly, this what your feeling now, the pain, that is love. You love me" she couldn't help but smile, the teenager loved her and now Jen knew it. She wiped a tear from Tilly's face, "Shall we call that ambulance?" she joked, Tilly laughed too "Yeah, I have a irreversibly bad case of loving you" they both laughed and Tilly felt reassured, she loved Jen, not liked, but full on, take all the consequences Loved her. "Thanks, so I love you then its official ha. Do you know what helped me?" Jen shook her head "No, what babe?", Tilly looked embarrassed but sexy "The way your balancing? I can see up your dress" she threw her head back and laughed as Jen slapped her across the knee "Rude, here's me thinking were bearing souls and your checking me out again, jeez Tilly" she laughed and stood up holding out her hand to pull Tilly onto her feet, it's a cliché but Jen had caught her while she fell hard into love. There are some moments your need to cherish and this was one of them, marked on Jen's memory forever, the moment Tilly fell in love with her, this was more than trust, this was commitment. All Jen's life she had been waiting for a fairytale to come her way, she painted with openness awaiting for something to come along, spending her day dreaming about things, but she had been living in a fantasy with no meaning. This was something she could feel and something she could hold.

They made their way back up the stairs, Jen smacked dirt off the back of Tilly's dress, her had grazing Tilly's bum, "I think you missed a bit" Tilly joked and Jen poked her tongue out and ran her hand the entire length of Tilly's back, letting her hand run a little harder over the arch of her bum, she cupped it with both hands and gave her a gently spank "Looks good to me, come on you have a party to get too". "It's my party, I'll do what I please, or who I please, damn il cry if I wont too" they both laughed and Jen opened the door and pushed her inside, waiting a few minutes and then entering herself. She had no idea how long they had been missing so she didn't want anyone to see them all rosy cheeked returning.

Tilly went straight over to the girls and was giggling within minutes, Jen circled the room in the opposite direction, mingling with some of the older guests. They stayed away from each other all night to avoid the tension from arising again, casting each other sly looks catching the other doing same. Tilly loved seeing Jen, she could feel herself missing her slightly and only had to look over and she would see the glint in her eye that made her smile, her very own little sparkle. She could feel Jen touching her, not physically but through their connection, just a look and she was knocking on her heart.

People started clearing out and it was down to Tilly, Sinead, her mother, Jen and Tilly's friends all making a start to the door to go out dragging Sinead with them, "Till's you coming babe, come on" Maddie shrieked, enticing her friend to continue the drinking spree with them. "Mad, im tired babe, and I think this punch has gone to my head, I caught Bart putting vodka and Malibu in it earlier, no wonder my head is spinning. You know me il be sick soon I best stay", "Awww babe you suck but true true" Maddie replied and stuck her tongue out, she ran over unsteady on feet and kissed her cheek "Happy Birthday babe" and with that they were gone. Sinead's mother was looking stressed at tidying up and Jen tried to help but she seemed to be in the way, she raised her eyes at Tilly at how dramatic Diane was being.

Diane threw the bin bag to the floor and gave up storming to the stairs "I'll finish this in the morning, night both" and she stomped up the stairs. Tilly helped pick up paper plates as Jen threw bits of silly string onto the girls hair chuckling, Tilly retaliated by throwing a party ring at Jen, who caught it and bit it savagely causing the teenager to laugh out. Tilly hit her over the head with a balloon, and stood back waiting for the response. Within seconds both girls wielded balloons and a full balloon fight had erupted in the front room, both darting around and smacking the other where they could, Tilly being her usual clumsy self slipped on a party ring on the floor and fell backwards, Jen ran over diving on top of the girl laughing from the trip "Ha you ok babe?" it felt like the scene from the car, although neither was using tickling as a method to get close, they were close and had been even closer than this. Jen tried defusing the situation as she bit into her balloon and sucked the helium "Happy Birthday" she sang in a high pitched voice, making Tilly wriggle in a fit of laughs, she rubbed a balloon on Jen's hair causing it to stand with the friction, Jen looked at the girl ready to retaliate. Tilly tried shifting to move away, she held the balloon in front of her chest distancing them playing, Jen ran a hand through the teenagers hair and in one foul swoop she pulled out one of her hair clips and popped the balloon in the way, falling a little further so the pair were one. Tilly's breath was taken away. They kissed.

This room an hour before was filled with at least forty people all laughing, alcohol infused and dancing, now party poppers, food, empty bottles and two women were all that littered the floor. Things were getting heated again and Diane was only upstairs, Jen was still as always cautious, "Tilly, Tilly stop … stop that babe. Listen to me, lets go upstairs" she was trying to remove the girls lips from depositing on her neck and her fingers trailing a path she knew well. "Ok" Tilly's reply was muffled but she knew it was best, and who said the party was about to end. To think a party ring started this.

They made their way tip toeing up the stairs, Tilly's hands were holding Jen's and there look would be undisturbed. Jen walked into her room as Tilly went in search to the bathroom quickly, she brushed her teeth with her finger, tidied her hair and pulled up her bra so her boobs looked good. When she was happy she made her way into Jen's room, knocking the door and entering with one leg first trying to be sexy, she ran it up and down the door seductively the vodka had taken its hit and she was tipsy but drunk on love and more so lust at this precise moment. She entered the room shutting the door quietly behind her and she looked, her jaw hit the floor at the beauty in front of her. Jen was laid across the bed completely naked with a ribbon covering her mouth, she had a gift for Tilly on her chest, she had even wrote a card.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The mood had been set, it was obvious. How far this pair had come, they had both been tormented into believing that this was something they were not allowed, they denied the connection and chemistry they could feel and the dragging force of their hearts pulling them together. How could they have believed that this would not be destined, they were looking for each other and this kind of love before they had even met. Tilly did not know any other feeling, it was her first time for feeling the effect of love and the aftershocks it can bring, Jen was a little more experienced by age but she too had never felt something like this, it was enchanting.

Tilly was completely immobile in shock, this vision before her was stunning to the eye, pleasing to the intense feeling running through her trembling body and enough to squeeze out any remaining air in her lungs. She was exhilarated and marvelled, and could not wait to take advantage of the offer welcomed in front of her. She tip toed over to Jen, cursing the floor boards creaking beneath her, and climbed her way seductively onto the bed. Jen did not move, she waited for the girl to take in the bare embarrassing token she had made for her, it was a piece of art indeed. Tilly ran a hand along Jen's shin up to her knee, the other hand ran over her hair line and across her face, removing the ribbon, she kissed Jen, a soft and thankful kiss. She really did appreciate the effort Jen had made, after the kiss she put the ribbon back onto Jen's mouth teasingly and smiled. Jen held out her card and Tilly took it opening it. It was a normal card with a happy birthday animated across the front, she opened it and it read "Hope you have a wonderful day, Jen Gilmore" Tilly turned the card over to the back and opened it again it wasn't the heart felt message she had assumed and a frown crossed her face. Jen smiled and blew the ribbon from her mouth, it landed next to her. She held out the parcel and her look suggested Tilly open it.

She took the gift and held it in her hands, what did she take, would it be something disappointing like the card had been she ungratefully thought. She ripped the paper and found two more gifts inside and another card, she opened the card excitedly she knew this one was the one, she took it out of the envelope and it had a simple heart on the front with a thank you scrolled along the bottom, she opened it to the centre " Happy Birthday my love, hope your have had an amazing day, and I hope im still awake when you read this. All my love, always and forever, until this heart stop beating, and maybe even after. Xx" there was a complete paragraph of x's along the bottom. She looked up at Jen and her eyes reciprocated how she felt, they were lost in each others. She put the card delicately to one side savouring it, it was not one to put up on the mantel piece at home but it was one she could keep, and re read when she was alone. A written declaration of love, it could not be erased. She looked back down at the presents, she took the first one and eagerly wanted to know what it was, she excitedly ripped the paper away again, and removed a box, she undid the ribbon and took off the lid, inside was a necklace, she pulled it out of the box and held it up to her eyes. There was two charms on it, one of a little silver paint brush, and the other of a tiny bottle, it contained sand. "I stole a little sand from Crosby beach, our first encounter so to speak. Its just so you can always keep the memory. And the paint brush is, well you love to paint and I know the sand will always inspire you in many ways to express yourself. So they go hand in hand. Do you like it, I can get you something else" Jen was panicked that it had been to soppy. "Its perfect, thank you" she ran her fingers over the necklace she was in awe, it was so far the best present she had ever had. She put it around her neck and did up the clasp, placing her hand over it, she really did love it.

Jen sighed a relief and reminded her there was more. She opened the second box and found a little key, she tilted her head confused, "What's this one, I don't remember anything on you needing a key ha, or is this metaphorical. Do I have a key to your heart or something" Jen laughed, "No it opens the cupboard next to my wardrobe, go and see" Tilly was excited this was like a treasure trail, she jumped off the bed and ran over and placed the key into the hole and turned, she opened the door and there was another wrapped gift, she took it out and placed it on the bed. This gift was bigger and heavy, she unwrapped it quickly throwing wrapping paper onto the floor. She stood back and looked at the present in front of her, it was a painting. It was Crosby beach, the Gormley statues, the water line and the descending sand. In the middle of the sand dune sat Tilly, drawing something on a notebook. She flashed back to that first day they went to the beach and remembered Jen drawing, she thought it was the normal hand or lip drawing but it had been her, the sly looks behind and smiles had been not only for the intention of just sneaking a flirty look but also to capture that moment so she could draw her. It takes raw talent to be able to draw something from memory or one or two looks, it was moving to know that Jen had spent so much time perfecting everything. The lines were defined and the little details of Tilly's hair and her freckles were to the spot, the water looked happy, personified. It was dancing to the sun light shining upon it, the picture was a capsulated memory Jen had kept "I just wanted you to see how much this meant to me, how much you mean to me. I want you to see yourself how I see you. Smart, inspiring and heart breakingly beautiful" Tilly smiled back a tear, she was temporarily stunned emotionally. She placed the painting to stand up against the wardrobe, she did not want any harm to come to it, she cherished it. She walked back over to Jen and kissed her, she meant every moment of it, this was the best birthday ever and she had made it the best.

She laid next to Jen just savouring the moment, the gifts had been so thoughtful and compassionate Tilly felt she wanted to get Jen a gift as a thank you, but what. "So birthday girl, you still have one more gift" Tilly looked over, what else, was she going to give her a box with her heart in. Tilly was a helpless romantic and she had been wooed. "Another gift, you are spoiling me Jen. What's this one?" she was still excited, presents were after all always exciting. "Consider it a paint by numbers type exercise" she flirted and placed the ribbon back on her mouth, she smile evident behind it. "I get you as a gift?" Tilly replied, she knew this moment, she had shared a few with the teacher. "For one night only im completely yours", Jen whispered "Just for one night, well that sucks" Tilly replied pulling a sad face but she was playing she knew this was like a sailors last night on land before they have to go back to command, she could not get the image of Jen in a sailor outfit carrying her, out of her head. She laughed, "Maybe not one night only but its only your birthday once a year" she replied, wondering why Tilly was laughing, "Well then we best make this night count" Tilly replied and leant in to devour Jen's lips, she did want this night to count, she wanted to remember it forever.

She released her grip on Jen's mouth catching her breath, there was no rush, this was not going to be a session full of lust it was love and they were making it. Jen was already naked so the teasing started immediately with Tilly's hands running all over her torso. Jen had already made a move at undressing Tilly, removing her dress over her head and flinging her bra and pants across the room, she held onto her hips as she straddled Jen kissing her neck and moaning in agreement as Jen pleased Tilly with her fingers, making the temperature in the room heat up. Jen was sat up with Tilly's legs behind her, she was sat in her lap, their arms were wrapped around each other, every part of each other was touching and again they were connected. Their kiss was passionate, their tongues circling in each others mouths, Jen's nails were leaving visible trails down Tilly's back as Tilly paid attention to Jen's breasts. They stayed in this position so they could see in each others faces what they were doing to the other. Jen's head was held to the right, as Tilly's hand was tickling behind her ear, she glanced at the painting and felt herself be taken away, she was completely lost in a higher state. Moans from both of them were obvious how much they were both enjoying themselves, and the thought of Diane being in the next room, possibly hearing them, was exciting. They forgot they were not alone and every so often they recoiled their screams, stopping briefly to watch for the door to open, it never did and they resumed making love until they had both climaxed bringing their hands and mouths together.

Jen laid back pulling Tilly back with her, they laid there smiling like they always did with each other, Tilly's leg was tiredly thrown over the teachers. Jen had her arm around Tilly almost like a triumph of conquest, "So.. How long is the return policy for that gift" Tilly asked laughing, Jen laughed and smacked the girls side, "Serious question though Jen" Jen looked over "What babe?", Tilly shifted so she was laying on her side and looking point blank at Jen her hand walking across the teachers stomach. "When's your birthday?" she laughed and Jen smirked, neither one could get enough of the other. They were headed in the right direction, there was no longer a dark passenger behind the wheel of their path.

The pair went to sleep, faces inches from each other and their insecurities tossed to the floor with their clothes. Tilly woke up to an itch on her nose, Jen was trying to stick the ribbon to it, she laughed "Morning sweetheart" Tilly smiles and yawned, "Mmm Hey you, I was dreaming of you"

The best feeling is waking to the person you love, the dreams in the night take you to another life, one where the other part of your soul is always with you, you dream what you truly feel and what you actually want. You hate waking if they are not there, every time it makes you further away from them.

"Why dream about me, im here" Jen asked, she often dreamed of Tilly, she laughed, she dreamed of Tilly every moment she wasn't with her, if she could not see the girl or even see her eyes she missed her. "Yeah I know that, but you wont always be with me" she meant it as in she wont always be able to stay over and lay in each others arms, but she felt the pang of grief. She may not always be with Jen, she may go to university, Jen's placement may send her somewhere else to teach. They could stay together but long distance was not something she could do, they couldn't even handle being apart for longer than a few hours let alone miles away. Her eyes were focused hard on piece of lose fabric on the bed, she picked at the frayed fabric and began pulling it, obviously she was fighting her demons again. She would do anything to have her in her arms every night. This was the love talking again, it makes you think the most impossible things, it gives you the illusion that you are liberated that you can fight the world.

"Tilly, yes in the future we may not be together…. Hey bear with me. I love you and never want to lose you it would kill me. Tilly don't hide your face, your eyes, they have brought me to my knees. plenty of times" she smiled she used the innuendo to try and return a smile to the girl of her dreams but she was being truthful, the amount of times when she wasn't allowed Tilly, she would catch her eye, her entire world would fall and she could feel the tremble of her legs, an eye, so small and insignificant compared to the rest of the organs in the human body but the only real port of our individuality and our soul. She stroked the girls cheek, "Even if in the future we go our separate ways, which unless you want that, it wont happen. Im always with you, even if im not there. Im in here" she held her hand onto Tilly's heart, and ran her thumb over her own. "No matter the ending babe, my life began with you". A tear exited both of their eyes and landed onto the sheet between them, correlating the space between them. They were so connected it hurt, they could feel the others pain.

After cuddling for an hour they both got dressed and made their way downstairs and saw Diane tidying, they forgot how much of a mess the living room was, balloons and party rings everywhere, they both hung their heads like minors and chuckled, it had been a good party had by all. "Hiya Till's did you stay over?" Diane asked questioningly. "Erm yeah I passed out in the bathroom and Jen found me so I stayed on her floor, hope that was ok Diane" she blushed a little, she was never good at lying. "Yeah just wish you had told me I would have made up the spare room hun. Nice necklace whose that from?" she walked over and run her fingers over it taking a closer look. "Its odd isn't it, cool though" Diane added. "Yeah I had it off a friend" she didn't want to say Jen had gave it to her she didn't want to cause any unneeded tension.

Diane went back to tidying and Jen walked Tilly to the door, she leant on the frame and smiled goodbye to the teenager, Tilly glanced around quickly and placed a kiss to her lips. "Thank you for my presents, I really did love them. Let me know when its safe for me to get the painting ok" she didn't want to risk taking that with her, everybody knew she Jen was the only artist in the house and it would be difficult to explain that one away. "Your welcome, I enjoyed them too you know" she wore her smile was so often across her face when she was with Tilly and it never wore out. Tilly hopped down the steps and turned "I will see you soon yeah?" she asked, hoping it wouldn't be too long, "Yep defiantly, I cant resist you for too long you know that babe. Il see you tonight though in my dreams" she returned "That's fine with me, do me a favour though" Tilly asked, "Anything babe, what?" Jen was curious. "Wear the ribbon" she laughed and winked at Jen and skipped away twiddling her necklace in between her fingers. Jen watched her walk all the way down the street and even after she was out of sight she stayed at the door with her hand on her neck smiling. She couldn't wait to go back to bed to dream of her.

Dreams are odd things, they can tell you so much of what you are thinking. The barest essential of your soul. A series of images, ideas and emotions run through your mind sub consciously, leaving you in a trance. They can enhance your feelings, making you feel outstretched things. Jen's dreams were influenced by love, she saw the images of Tilly and she felt that her purpose in this world was to make that girl happy until the end of time, be her air source. Inside her heart will do summersaults and her eyes burnt with fire, longing to see the images again. That day at the beach with the mist Jen looked up to the sky, in her moment of need she made a promise that if she could keep Tilly, nothing would blind them and her prayer was strong to her word. To spend the rest of your life without your love would be an eternity of wait. You have to open your heart to breath.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The mornings came and evenings ached by as they were supposed to, light to dark. Spring seemed to have flown by, a brief fortnight of sun and then back to the normal gloom of British weather. Jen watched leaves blow their way down the street, carelessly being lifted by the wind to any destination they would fall. Rain pelted on the floor bouncing joyfully, irritating anything around it as it splashed. Jen had been staring out of this window for the last hour, she was thinking and just lingering for some social contact. She had been alone in the house all day and was beginning to feel bored. The last few weeks had been so hectic with sorting out paperwork and submitting the last of peoples coursework, Tilly had been busy also sorting out her portfolio ready for the possibility of university looming. Maddie had claimed a lot of the time too, she wanted her friend to go with her everywhere, into town, out drinking and to London to pick up some new fashion items that had caught her eye. She hadn't had much time to speak to Tilly, they text everyday, sometimes all day but it was not enough to either of them, they needed to physically see each other, look into the corresponding eyes. Just a simple moment like holding hands can be enough, it's like it's the central nerve point, one touch of another fingertip and it can spasm all the way through the body. It's a soothing touch. Jen relied on Tilly's touch to elevate her, it sparked something inside of her like an engine, she missed her.

She tidied the house, fighting with the hoover wire as it un cooperated with her and the table legs. She polished and even found a feather duster, containing more dust than what she wanted to use it for. She relayed the table and started cooking dinner, she didn't know what to cook and had a rummage through the fridge. She found some chicken and turned on the hob heating up the pan with a little oil, and laid the chicken in searing it, she took out some peppers, onions and spices ready to make up a fajita mix. Her phone beeped and she ignored it while her hands were busy cutting prep. She cooked until the juices crept out and the clear protein became white and placed on the side to cool, she heard the front door go, "Hi glad your back, dinner is ready and its hot" she chirped cutting up the chicken into strips to go with the mix. "Ah nice one Jen im starving, mums on her way back now. Its ok for Tilly to stay for lunch isn't it?" Sinead asked making Jen drop her knife onto the chopping board, she gathered her breath and turned her head checking that Sinead wasn't by chance lying to her. She saw the red heads eyes and was thrown into her own world, momentarily silencing the room. She coughed and brought herself back into reality "Yeah of course, there's plenty to go around, take a seat girls" she picked the knife back up almost tempted to place it upon her chest to cool herself down. She cut the rest of the chicken and plated up all the food and placed it on the table, catching Tilly's eyes as she bent down. Tilly was smiling the same smile as Jen, they had been waiting to see each other in weeks and this was their reward.

Diane came home as the girls were making their wraps and sat down hungrily making her own, with limited seating Jen's only option was to sit next to Tilly. She wasn't complaining, but she was cautious about the temptation of contact, she knew she wouldn't be able to keep control of her urge to reach out and touch her. She caught Tilly's eye wander as she sat and shook out her dress to lay properly in her lap, Jen smiled placing her hand onto her stomach to try and shoo away the intense surge erupting within. They all tucked into their food complementing Jen in turn to how nice it was, she smiled politely responding. Fajitas were not the tidiest of foods to eat, every mouthful you become annoyed as the contents of your wrap fall back onto the plate, it is not the food to eat if you are trying to look sexy for your lover either.

Tilly was having a hard time eating the peppers, they were proving to be too hot for her mouth to handle, she was turning red and her throat was becoming a little too tight for her to inhale as much as she needed. She reached out for her glass and gulped water, Jen was the only one not consumed in scoffing to notice the red head matching her hair colour. "Tilly are you ok?" she patted the girls back, she thought she was choking, but the shocked jump from Tilly at the touch of Jen startled her too making the others look up. "Till's you ok?" Sinead asked, "Yeah, too hot" she replied panting and pointing to the wrap. Sinead laughed and slid another glass of water across the table to her and she gulped that too. She didn't want to leave the meal Jen had made, incase she caused offence, but being hot and sweaty is not expectable unless its in certain circumstances. A blush although not visible to the others darkened the red glint on Tilly's face and she got up taking herself to the bathroom to cool off. Jen felt awful, it was the first meal she had prepared that Tilly had eaten and she had this reaction. She had often thought about cooking for the teenager, set a romantic ambiance and enjoy a date with the girl, spicy food was now not an option Jen noted.

Tilly came back after ten minutes and Sinead had already gone back to her mobile chatting to Bart while Diane washed up. Jen was preparing a dessert, a custard tart with chocolate mouse, she shook the squirty cream and she could see Tilly bearing her teeth into a full grin, Jen stifled a smile and placed the desserts onto the table. She walked around the back of Tilly's chair placing the phallic shaped bottle in front of her, Tilly could sense her presence behind her and she could fell her leg begin to tremble. This was fun and exciting but also a complete game of trying to control herself, fighting between instinct and conscience. Jen's hand ran along her shoulder as she placed herself slowly into the next seat, it took everything in Tilly's will power not to reach out and hold onto the teachers palm, she wanted so badly to feel her touch, be consumed in her warmth. She unclenched her stomach trying to snap herself back into the kitchen but her cheeks remained pink and her smile remained for Jen.

Jen picked up her fork and began carving out bite size pieces of her custard tart, sub consciously she wanted to feed it to Tilly. She brought the fork to her mouth and let her teeth pull the food away off it, she felt a hand on her knee and she knew not to jump or react but to hide the inner bliss. She licked her lips knowing she was being watched, this was becoming a kinky game of enticing the others stare, another reason to stare wantingly at the others lips. Tilly was not too keen on custard she was eating the chocolate mousse, she let the spoon linger in her mouth while trying to get the same reaction out of Jen that was cart wheeling through her body. Sly looks up at each other were in full effect, with a cautious look over to Sinead and Diane, they were finished and were already throwing their plates into the dishwasher, Sinead made her way into the living room putting on the tv and throwing herself onto the sofa, phone back in hand. Tilly shook the can of squirty cream and sprayed it onto her moose, the spray flying everywhere like a new can does, she wiped a bit of cream from her eyelid and reopened her eyes chuckling to herself, Jen slapped her leg playfully and Tilly noticed a splatter of cream on Jen's chin and just under her lip, she laughed nervously at the challenge she was setting herself. She ran her thumb over the teachers chin, Jen licked Tilly's thumb teasingly while the teenager tried to hide the butterflies creating waves in her heart, she scanned the room and moved closer, inches from each other. She held her chin and licked the cream away allowing her tongue to enter slightly into Jen's shocked open mouth. She pulled away and sat back running her tongue across her top lip, and smirked. Jen had no clue what to do, it was such a bold move from the teenager knowing other people were in the room with them but Jen was begging herself to calm down, she was not allowed to deliver the same sentiment back. She could not indulge herself on Tilly here, she felt like she was capable of anything. This was pure torment, and she secretly loved it.

"Tills you done or what babe?" Sinead called over breaking the trance the two had put themselves in. "Yeah coming now" she mouthed sorry at Jen and kissed her fingers and stood up, she placed her two kissed fingers to Jen's mouth and Jen kissed them back, letting Tilly walk away, there had to be some compromises. The teenager smiled, and sub consciously brought the fingers to her own mouth running a finger over her lip. She could feel her.

Jen finished tidying the kitchen again, casting looks over to the back of Tilly's head while Sinead and her watched tv, she wanted to be next to her, but knew to keep the space. This was working out great so far, the sexual tension was building back up but it was keeping them keen, she did panic that she may have been a phase for the teenager, maybe after she had had a taste she would lose her interest but Tilly was head over heals and so was Jen. This was more than lust it was company, a partner to share everything with. She could feel the future becoming something she could see. She laid there in the evenings watching night come and the dark, normally the moon was the only light she could see, but now her head is full of dreams of Tilly and their lives enfolding in front of them.

After sitting at the table with a cup of tea in her hands for an hour, Jen was trying to summon her thoughts to reality. She had been staring at the back of Tilly's head willing it to turn around, maybe come over and see her but it was ludicrous and stupid, Sinead would wonder why. She yearned to be around Tilly, to be in her presence, but even when she was she was never with her. She wanted to be alone with her, just to share a conversation, she loved the girls voice, she could hear her and Sinead laughing to something on the tv and held onto the sound, she replayed it in her head and it made her smile too. She took a sip of her tea and after pulling a sour face she discarded the now cold drink into the sink and made her way over the table grabbing her keys. She needed to get out of there and clear her head.

She got to the front door without being seen, turning the handle quietly, she was out in the open windy air. Her hair got caught up in the wind and she let her head be swayed with the motion. Eyes closed for a moment while she gathered herself, she began walking down the street to the village stopping by the lake in front of the pub. Her shoes clacked as she walked along the wooden path to the edge and sat, hands under her legs as she swung them beneath her. She found it therapeutic watching the water ripple with the wind, the way it hugged the sides of the four walls supporting it in its space. This water could be content with drifting around, swirling in certain areas never knowing when it manage to rotate its way over to the other side, why couldn't Jen just except in her head and convince her heart that Tilly could not just be there with her at all times, sometimes you have to drift for a while to be pulled back.

She was focused on the water as the drops began to come, the specs of rain causing circles to appear. "Hey you" Jen felt a pair of arms wrap around her neck, and she hated to admit it but she had been feeling lonely, yet again Tilly had came and returned to the light to her heart when it was wavering. "Hey, alright babe?" she asked, "Yeah where did you go?" she sat next to her, dipping her feet down too hovering above the water edge. "Just needed to clear my head, you and Sinead seemed to be enjoying your programme?" Jen replied, she knew it sounded jealous and needy and dropped her head in shame. "Is this why you left, because I couldn't be with you" Tilly replied sounding a little irritated. "No" Jen snapped back, and gathered her emotions to reply properly "Yes ok, im not handling being in the same room as you and not be able to be near you, its awful" she was sincere she meant it, she felt like she was breaking her own heart keeping to her rules. "Jen it is hard for me too, but this is what we agreed, we nearly broke it earlier. I wanted to let my tongue excite you but I had to stop" she smirked and ran a finger across the teachers face. "And for the reason your upset, it may have gone unnoticed but its here in my heart. I felt the warmth be sucked out of the room when you left. Its like it was when your not with me, everything turns cold. Believe me your not alone in this" Tilly was heart felt and she hit a nerve with Jen. The teenager seemed to be understanding this more than she was, the maturity level swayed sometimes between this pair and it kept Jen feeling young.

They sat next to each other fascinated holding each others hands, they were like each others life support and they knew as long as they held on they would be able to stay warm.

Words of a broken heart say its just emotion, your happy to know your nothing, but when your not broken the emotion is everything you cling to. Its no tainted love, you must listen to your heart when its calling to you. It bleeds to let you know your alive. It knows what you want.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The lake was like a sanctuary, it was peaceful and calming. It savoured all things unique and allowed special things to grow untouched and undisturbed. The love Jen and Tilly shared was sacred, it had developed even though it was not pushed and desired even though it was deemed forbidden. They sat holding each others hands, holding onto each others hearts. They chatted about the last few weeks apart and what they had been up to. It was the company they had both missed. "I cant believe no one ever comes here its so tranquil and beautiful" Jen remarked, "Yeah, to be honest I have only walked by here, but now im sat here it is somewhere I think id come more often." She smiled back. "Maybe you could meet me here tomorrow night?" Jen asked suggestively, she wanted another alone date with the girl. "I could, maybe. Shall we say 8?" Tilly teased. "Yep il be here waiting" they both looked back down to the water smiling as they accomplished another conversation that had not ended up in them throwing themselves at each other, even though the wooden path was looking rather inviting all of a sudden.

Jen did not want the teenager to think that all of their meetings was going to be about pleasuring each other, she wanted intimacy with the girl but sometimes it was nice in a relationship to just be the best of friends and laugh and joke without clothes being torn away. She was struggling to tell herself what she believed to be the appropriate thing, her urges were strong and she was always aroused by Tilly, she just didn't want the girl to get into a rhythm of thinking that was all they were.

After an hour the drizzle picked up and they were both becoming soaked by the rain. They stood up and looked for nearby cover and spotted a tree, hand in hand they ran over, water splashing up their already soaked legs. They listened to the rain bounce off the floor, and the thunder beginning to rumble ahead of them. Jen looked to Tilly whose face was becoming concerned with the light beginning to fork in the sky. Jen loved thunder and lightning, she loved the noises, the claps of thunder and the piercing sound of lightning as it confidently shot its sparks to any direction it pleases. She held Tilly's hand a little tighter, sensing the girl becoming scared. Tilly jumped at each clap and shut her eyes when the lightning hit, she trembled. "Till do you want to move, we can go back to the house, I don't want you to be scared babe?" Jen asked concerned, "No im ok, honest" she looked at Jen and forced a fake smile, it was obvious by the shakes she was not ok. "Tilly you are shaking, come on" Jen pulled the teenagers hand and tried to pull her away from under the tree to run home, Tilly however was not moving. "Jen I want to stay, I have always been scared of this weather, but …" she broke off, she looked embarrassed again, "When im with you I feel I can face my fears, can we stay, just a little longer" Jen was touched, this was what she wanted, she wanted them not only to share their fears to each other but help each other through them.

She stepped back under the tree, her hair drenched and stuck to her face, she smiled and held the girls hand again. Tilly looked back thankful, there was another clap and Tilly instinctively shut her eyes, Jen's hand shot out and pulled the girls face to her own, "Don't shut your eyes, look into mine" she was trying to make the girl associate the noise with a moment, something that would not scare her in the future. A clap came again and Tilly squeezed her eyes shut temporarily and opened them before the clap ended, it was progress. Jen smiled, there was a bright sharp fork and the puddle next to them lit up. "Its just light babe, it wont hurt you" she chuckled, it could hurt you if it hit you, and they were stood under a tree of all places, but she didn't want to scare the girl anymore. "Keep your eyes on mine" another clap was looming, it was like a tsunami brewing you can hear the water sucking itself back before it crashing itself forward. Tilly could feel the air pressure retracting and she held her breath till the next clap, she was staring into Jens eyes controlling her mind, this woman would not let a thing in this world hurt her, and Tilly believed it, the only thing that could hurt her was this love stopping. The next clap came and Tilly forced her eyes to stare into Jen's, they did not falter or blink, she was completely there, and in that moment Tilly belief was they would be forever. The clouds had opened but so had Tilly's heart.

The thunderstorm was completely underway, the pair were still stood, hand in hand and eyes locked. Tilly blinked when Jen did and even followed her breathing pattern, like so many times they had become one. The claps did not even register with Tilly now, she did not jump or even move she was focused on Jen. Jen was in a trance she was helping the teen but she was being taken to a complete higher state, she felt like she was meditating. Her surroundings were not even coming into sight she could see was the pupil in Tilly's eye. She was mesmerised as it went from being bigger than the iris when she was terrified, to a small ring, this told her she had calmed the teenager but now it was becoming bigger again and she knew the teenager was feeling what she was. She was becoming engulfed with the intense wave rising in her stomach, she ran her hand along Tilly's ear, combing back her wet hair, the trail followed across her face and circled her chin. She cheekily poked the girls cheek where two dimples were forming as the girl was agreeing to the touch. Jen leant in and kissed the girl gently. The kiss felt electric like the weather they were one with nature, their primal instincts were kicking in. Their hands found the back of each others heads and they grasped onto each other as the kiss intensified. Jen's back was against the tree, the slippery bark making it difficult to stay in one place. The scene was messy, hands grappling and both sliding to keep balance, but the passion was overpowering and neither stopped. Jen moved forward, their wet clothes moving as their bodies touched. Jen's hands were having difficulty getting under Tilly's top as it stuck to the girls back. She was becoming frustrated, she broke off the kiss and looked at the uncooperating top frowning. Tilly felt the frustration and grabbed Jen's hand and they ran down the street to Tilly's house.

Jen stopped outside the front door hesitantly, this was a bad idea. She was Tilly's teacher and her mother knew that as she had seen her on parents evening, the teacher and her student caught in an embrace was not a situation Jen could talk her way out of. Tilly could feel Jen's hand pull back, "Jen no one is home, my dad is away and my mum is in work till 7, were fine, lets just dry off" she smiled and Jen calmed. They walked into the house and into the living room. They were soaked to the skin, Tilly caught herself admiring Jen's body, she could see every inch and curve as her clothes clung to her. She looked around the kitchen and grabbed a tea towel, shaking her head and laughing at the thought of that drying both of them.

"Upstairs Gilmore" she teasingly stated, causing a raised eyebrow from the teacher. She followed the teen to the stairs and watched for a moment as the girl walked up the stairs, she was checking her out. Her socks squelched as she stood on each step, trying to resist the urge to run to catch up with Tilly who was already at the top and enjoying the view of Jen's assets moving with each step. "Tilly, your making me nervous" Tilly leant on the banister, "Why im not doing anything" she replied mocking innocence. "Your eyes are peeling my clothes off, I feel like im walking towards a shark tank, your going to devour me" she laughed, and her head took her back to the scene in the aquarium. Tilly caught the memory too and she knew how turned on she was with Jen pressed up against her with people all around, "I still haven't got you back for that day" she replied knowing Jen was referencing it. "I am eagerly awaiting your punishment" she held her hands out mimicking waiting for cuffs to be placed upon them. Tilly pulled Jen's hands, taking her onto the last but one step so she was level with her, "Your going to pay Gilmore" she leant in whispering into Jen's ear causing the teacher to let out a raspy breath. She stood onto the top step over towering the teenager, it was a sexy move as her breasts became level with the teenagers eyes, she stared for a moment, hands itching to reach out, she felt a tug on the back of her hair and looked up to Jen's face. Jen's hand ran suggestively from Tilly's neck down to the zip on her trousers and back up, Tilly's eyes followed the move. "Is this my punishment" she tilted her head she was completely in control, the teenager was under her summon and she knew it. Jen kissed the girl's forehead as Tilly kissed the middle of her neck, she could feel the teacher swallow and she found her lips and they locked lips.

They stumbled along the landing still keeping their lips busy, pushing each other with their bodies to somewhere they could fall onto, Jen didn't know Tilly's house, she had no clue where her room was so she allowed the teen to direct her. She found her way to a door frame and kicked the door with her heal and stepped backwards into the room. Tilly's eyes opened checking for a moment it was her room and after nodding Jen knew they were in the right place. There kiss became forceful they knew what they wanted, Jen was totally in the teens trust as she was led backwards. Her heal hit something and she moaned slightly not able to turn her head back to see, she felt her feet go from under her and she landed on her bum onto a chair, convenient she thought. Tilly became straddled on her and they kissed, moving each others wet hair out of their face. Tilly was becoming excited she could feel herself grinding the teachers lap as Jen kissed her neck and chest. Her hands were guiding Jen's head as she bit the top of Tilly's top and pulled it up with her hands from her waist, she threw the top to the floor with a squelch, she ran her hands along Tilly's sides, she was still damp from her wet clothes. Tilly's hands were working their way down Jen's back and back around to her front, she found a breast and started massaging it. Things were heating up and Tilly was bouncing in Jen's lap, Jen was enjoying the movement as she ran her hands into Tilly's pants gripping her ass.

With a deafening thud Tilly landed on top of Jen causing her to yelp out in pain, the chair had broke beneath them. Tilly erupted in a fit of giggles, she playfully slapped Jen trying to catch her breath before the snorting started. Jen did not reciprocate instead tears began forming in her eyes, she was hurt. "Jen you ok, Jen?" Tilly rolled off the teacher and pulled her into a sitting position causing another yelp "My rib Tilly, I think its broke or bruised or something" Jen was sobbing now she had really been hurt by Tilly's elbow as they fell to the floor. She stood taking in a deep painful breath. "Tilly help me with this" she was referring to her top, she had one arm out of it, she had not even realised Tilly had started to undress her. Tilly lifted her arm trying to place it back into the sleeve, "Shhh I know it hurts im sorry. Shhh its ok" she was trying to calm her but the pain of lifting her arm with a painful rib was proving difficult. She managed to slip the arm back into the top and helped Jen down the stairs, this was not the outcome Jen had planned after frolicking in the rain.

They got the emergency room and Jen was seen, she came back out and waited for an x-ray, Tilly twiddled her fingers in her lap and looked glum, she felt guilty. "Tilly this is not your fault" Jen tried reassuring her but she did not believe her, "It was my fault, it was me jumping on the chair Jen I shouldn't have been so stupid, I have a bed for Christ's sake" she shook her head, letting a tear fall out. "Hey I was enjoying you on the chair, accidents happen babe, don't beat yourself up" Jen was in pain but the pain from her rib was nothing compared to seeing her lover upset. "You did say I was going to receive a punishment ha" she was playing, trying to cheer up the teen who had become defensive with the sentence "I did not mean to hurt you, I would never hurt you, how could you…" Jen leant in and kissed her quickly, the teen was working herself up. "Hey im the one who has to go lay in there and have photos done, cheer up" Tilly smiled. "Id take better ones" she chuckled, her spirits lifted. _How does Jen do this to me … _she smiled and it was genuine.

The pair stayed in the hospital for four hours in total, the joys of NHS Jen thought. Jen was sent for an x-ray and then had to wait to be seen by a doctor who gave her some painkillers and they were on their way home. Turns out there was not much they can do for a bruised rib expect pain relief. Jen was uncomfortable every time the cab went over a bump and she winced, making Tilly's protective hand squeeze her leg. She was happy Tilly was with her she hated hospitals they always freaked her out.

The cab pulled up outside Jen's house, Tilly didn't want her to have to walk back home and be in anymore pain. She ran up the steps with Jen's keys and opened the door, running back down trying to support Jen up the stairs. They got into the living room and Diane greeted them, she was dressed up and had an umbrella in her hands, "Hey you two, oh my what happened Jen". They explained Jen had jumped when she heard lightening and fell down the stairs by the pub and Tilly had seen and helped her to the hospital. "Well I feel awful now Sinead is out with Bart, they have gone into town for the night and im off out with some old friends, your going to be alone tonight. I'll tell you what I will cancel" Jen jumped in, "Don't cancel, I'll be fine il run a bath and im shattered anyway. Honestly Di there is no need I will be asleep soon enough" she smiled a believable smile and Diane was convinced. "Ok if your sure hun, ive been looking forward to this all week. Night" with a kiss to Jen's cheek and a hand to Tilly's shoulder she left.

"Would you mind staying for a bit" Jen asked Tilly, "No, not at all, Jen id stay with you for a life time. No need to ask, and Diane did say no one would be alone tonight" she winked back. "Yeah she did" she smiled too, "Although no more chair play Till, I don't want to break a leg or anything. I wont be able to chase you" Jen replied cheekily, she poked Tilly in her side and went to tickle her, causing her rib to pull and she winced. She was injured, this was going to be no fun at all.

Tilly walked her slowly up the stairs and ran a bath, she checked the temperate with her hand and walked back over to Jen who was leaning against the sink dreading having to take off her clothes with this rib. Tilly bent down and removed the teachers shoes and socks one by one. Jen supported her hand on Tilly's shoulder as the teenager took off her trousers, she stood back up and lifted her arms gently so she could lift up the teachers top over her head. Jen allowed her to do it and enjoyed being taken care of. She was uncomfortable, she knew Tilly would have to take off her underwear, the teen had done this a few times when they were caught in the mist of lust but this was different. Tilly was uncomfortable too, she hated seeing Jen so vulnerable, she hugged her gently cautious of her injury and unclasped her bra, she pulled it down her arms and placed it on the sink and bent down to take off the teachers knickers. Her hair brushed Jen's knee and she could not help to feel slightly flustered. She leant on Tilly and got into the bath. They sat in silence for a few minutes, "Are you ok?" Tilly asked, "Yeah fine babe just been a strange day" they both nodded to this. They didn't speak, the sexual tension was creeping in, Tilly was confused, she knew the teacher was hurt but it was the most sensual thing she had ever done. Jen felt the same but did not say a word either she wasn't sure whether the teenager was feeling the same or bored with helping a woman out of her clothes.

Tilly helped Jen out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her and led her into her room, she had completely taken on the role of the caring companion and Jen was touched. She sat on the edge of the bed and swallowed her painkillers. Tilly came back into the room with one of Jen's art aprons on, mockingly trying to look like a doctor. Jen let out a laugh and brought her hands forward, she wanted a hug. Tilly came over and hugged the teacher gently, she kissed her and rolled her backwards. She pulled the towel down a little gathering the access fabric in her hands and started patting Jen dry, she undid the towel further and kissed each breast lovingly, she hovered back up to find Jen's lips and kissed them wantingly, she wanted to know that it was ok to be touching her. Jen held onto the girls apron and kissed her back giving her full permission. She went back to the towel and stood back "In my opinion this needs to go" she smirked, Jen raised an eyebrow and smiled "If that's what Dr Evans suggests" Tilly opened the towel and let it lie either side of Jen, she could see the bruise beginning to appear on Jen's rib, she leant in and lifted the breast and kissed where the bruise was purpling. It send a shot of pain through Jen's side but it was a bearable and oddly sexual pain, she enjoyed it. "Tilly" she called and Tilly lifted her head cautious, "Are you ok, am I hurting you I can stop" Tilly exclaimed hands in the air. "Don't ever stop, just be gentle with me" Jen smirked, she wanted this touch she wanted them to do what lovers do.

Loving someone is making the others wishes come true and trying to take their fears away. If you allow yourself to love your there through the best and worst times. Sometimes dying is required and other times killing seems the most dramatic solution. You can give the person you love the greatest gift, by being there.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The towel had made its way to the floor along with Tilly's clothes, they laid in a pile like obstacles in the way of a goal. Tilly was being as gentle as she could with Jen, she didn't want to cause her rib to hurt consequently ruining the moment about to happen. Instead of the rough desperate grappling the pair were caressing each other. Tilly was propped up on her elbow running her fingertips along Jen's stomach, she had managed to find one of the art teachers quill pens and removed the nib, she had an idea and it excited her. She ran the feather along Jen's face, causing a little sneeze to exit and she laughed as Jen adorably twitched her nose. She kissed the teachers eyes, nose and locked onto her mouth, she released and let her work begin with the feather. It tickled its way along Jen's foot and around her ankle. Jen's eyes were shut she wanted to just feel the touch, it was light but soothing, and stimulated her senses. The mildest touch like a feather raises the hairs across your skin making the pours open, enhancing the feel. Tilly was rotating the feather between her fingers allowing the feather to spin along Jen's legs, she found it therapeutic but it was exhilarating for Jen, she could not see the feather but could feel it walking up her body and every bit of skin it glided over sent her chills. By the time the feather made its way to her chest Jen was already moaning, her skin had raised goosebumps, every so often she would feel a warm touch and knew it was Tilly's fingers or moist lips, keeping her on her toes to which touch she would feel. After a minute Jen started to wonder why the amazing sensation had stopped, she opened her eyes and Tilly had fallen asleep next to her. She laughed a frustrated laugh and kissed the girls forehead and laid back, this was not the ideal moment to be aroused and left.

The dark of the room took a hold of Jen and as she watched the moonlight make its way from the crease of her wallpaper down to her carpet. She threw as much of the quilt as she could over her and Tilly and shut one eye, it had been a long day and the pain killers were making her feel suddenly sleepy. She tried to focus her eyes on the teenagers face but the blurred vision and heavy eyelids took their toll. She reached out stroking the side of the red heads cheek and she fell asleep.

The weather had picked up again, the wind souring through any hole in the window pane it could find and making its way around the room. Tilly awoke to the sound of the gale beginning outside and she was shivering. She rubbed her eyes trying to gain focus, what happened, she remembered teasing Jen and looked at her assailant, the feather laid innocently by her hand. She felt awful she must have fallen asleep and left Jen. She kissed the teachers hand and jumped off the bed in search of something to wear. She found one of Jen's cardigans and although her t-shirt was next to it she found herself pulling the teachers top on. She hugged it briefly and smelled it, she loved the smell of her. She remember the time in collage when Jen seduced her while she was painting, she could feel the teacher pressed up against her but it was the smell of her perfume that lingered it had caught her attention. She walked around the room, studying the walls of Jen's bedroom.

She sat at her dressing table touching the products that laid assembled there. Jen was a very plain woman, her needs were tame compared to most and her make up selection was minimal. She had a few items of jewellery on the unit, mainly her bangles she wore so often on her wrists, Tilly picked up a necklace and held it in front of her face to see better. It was the same sort of necklace she gave Tilly, a little bottle with some sort of discoloured sand inside, it looked aged and vintage. The teenager placed it back down onto the table carefully and thoughtfully gazed at it. It was moving that Jen had given her such a considerate gift for her birthday of the first moment they met but this seemed to mean more. Jen had the same which meant that she had thought of how much this jewellery had meant to her and still decided to get the same for Tilly. This gift had become a personal token from Jen given to the woman she loved, surely it would take a little meaning away from the reason she had one, or was this her trusting Tilly enough to share the meaning with her. It was hand made and the bits of metal that held it together had rusted, Tilly ran a gentle fingertip over it and made a mental note to ask her when she woke back up.

She continued snooping around the desk and pulled out the top draw, she found a miscellaneous stack of art supplies, paints, brushes etc. She shut it and opened the next one, it was a draw containing Jen's briefs, she took a pair out and held them up savouring memories of the teachers body, casting a look behind her at the sleeping beauty. She smirked and placed the pants back in and shut the draw, moving over to the other side and opening the next. She found paperwork, maybe important bills or something, she moved them aside and found a little red box catching her attention. She pulled it out and placed it onto the table, should she open it? Everybody has a box that they put things in that means something to them, a keep safe capsule to harbour memories.

She lifted the lid and peaked inside. She pulled out what looked like old painting, and she admired it, the painting was of a derelict beach with a boat stuck in the sand, the tide had gone out. It didn't look like Jen's work, it looked years old, maybe someone she knew painted it. She sifted back through the box and pulled out a photo album and started flicking through the pictures. Shots of Jen's face appeared with people, some at nightclubs and pubs and others from outings she must have taken with the people when she was in university. It was nice seeing Jen in her own environment, when she moved in with Diane for this placement she left her old life behind to try and start new, she looked happy in these pictures. Tilly began to feel a little jealous, she wanted to know who these people were and why Jen was so happy, she knew she had made Jen happy a few times and the teacher always seemed to be smiling when they were together. There were the times when they were apart though that Jen's look was tormented, that day she found her by her car, Jen looked crippled, she was on her knees on the eve of defeat. Tilly couldn't help but feel guilty, she allowed the teacher to feel something for her, the day at the beach was innocent, neither knew the situation it would lead to but when they found out it couldn't happen. Tilly threw out her feelings hoping the teacher would grab onto them and reel her in, and she did. Maybe Tilly should not have let the teacher fall for her, she could not control her own feelings but she could have saved the person she loved from being unhappy. Tilly's mood was starting to become miserable, she felt to blame for Jen's frown when she was not there to replace it for a smile, what would happen if she went to university? Would Jen become depressed, spending her days longing to be near the source of her happiness. _How could I be so selfish … _Tilly allowed her mind to beat her heart up for a few moments, she wanted to feel the pain.

She looked back down to the photos and flipped through more, she came across Jen with her arms around a older woman and man, these must be her parents. Tilly smiled, she could see Jen got her hair and mannerisms from her mother, but her eyes came from her father. They were the first feature you saw on his face like Jen. They told a story, she could see from his eyes that he was ecstatic, he looked proud and you could see the love he had for these two women. She ran her finger along Jen's face in the photo and turned the page, the next few pages were filled with images of what looked like other family members and memorable events like weddings and christenings. She shut the book and placed it back into the box, she sifted a little more and came across a little plastic bag, taking it out and emptying the contents into her palm. Little shells fell out and one of Tilly's hair clips, she smiled, she had made her way into Jen's memory box. It was a moving moment, Tilly put everything into the box and put it back into the draw and made her way over to Jen and placed a kiss onto her lips lovingly, stirring her to wake.

"Hey you, awake now are we?" Jen asked mockingly. "Jen I am so sorry" she laughed back, "I didn't even realise I was tired until I ran this along you" she held up the feather. "I could feel my eyes going and I laid my head and that was it ha, I owe you" she winked and Jen slapped her arm. The teenager dramatically fell backwards playing a wounded soldier provoking a laugh out of the teacher. They both stared at the ceiling, it was only 3am Jen's alarm clocked flashed. "Jen" Tilly moved her head to the side to look into the teachers face. "Yes" Jen answered, curious to the girls tone. "Tell me about before you came here, before me" Jen shifted onto her side looking puzzled, "Why do you want to know babe?" she replied. "Just curious I wanted to know where you came from, your background. I snooped a little too, and saw your necklace on the dressing table, its like mine" Tilly knew the obvious statement was more of a question rather than an observation. Jen sat up and looked at the girl, they were going to have the chat, the chat where you become more engaged with the significant other. You delve into your past and share it with them so they become part of you and connect to your future.

Jen began with her hometown and her childhood, she laughed as she reminisced key moments and fond memories, she jumped off the bed and grabbed the necklace and returned to Tilly's eagerly awaiting gaze, she was loving to hear about Jen she could see her face warm up. She held the necklace in her hand and the grip was protective, she explained how it had been a gift from her father who used to own a boat, her mother had been an artist too and she used to paint him on the boat all the time. The pieces were starting to fit together from Tilly's snoop in Jen's hidden treasures. "Me and my dad used to go to the beach every day to clean his boat, when he got ill I would run home from school and clean it for him" she was talking in such a tone that Tilly was fascinated, she could see into her eyes and they were lit. "My dad gave me this, when I asked why it was empty, he told me to fill it with memories" she stopped briefly and although she didn't realise she dropped her head a little, signifying the change in mood. "When he died I went to the beach and collected a bit of sand by his boat and kept it with me for years. This is where I get my obsession for memories from. You have to make things count, right in that moment, otherwise they pass you by" she smiled a sad smile.

"Im ok Tilly, he died years ago, he is my inspiration for everything" she could see Tilly's hand reach out and she let a tear escape. "Jen I didn't mean to make you upset" she hugged the teacher and released her when she didn't feel Jen's arms embrace her back. She was not angry at Tilly but she hated crying and being upset, she hid in a shell when this happened until she could control the lip tremble and fake a smile. The only times she had cried since her father died was for this girl, when she couldn't have her. She raised her head and her smile was normal again, it wasn't slanted as it was when she was wearing it to hide it was curved, releasing the dimples in her cheek. Tilly's kissed her, she loved it when Jen smiled when they were kissing, it was a delicate moment and she knew the woman was happy. "I just wanted to get to know you a bit better, do you forgive me" Tilly tilted her head, she was after all younger than Jen the experiences she had had were minimal compared to Jen. "Of course babe I knew you weren't provoking me to cry" she teased.

They held hands and the touch rekindled them back to being as one, Jen knew she needed to trust the girl in all of her emotions. Whenever she found things difficult she talked in circles and Tilly knew she was lying. She could not conceal the way she felt about Tilly, all the time they had spent together, the pleasurable and the torment, it will be a part of them forever.

This had been one of Jen's favourite moments with the girl so far, "Tilly, I " she was choked. "Hey its ok, speak to me" Tilly waited patiently. "I just, don't know how to share things that upset me with people, but with you…. What im trying to say is, you just make things better"

Even though it had been years the process of grief was still incomplete. Tilly had only witnessed Jen's darker side when she had seen her around the school, stomping like a child that could not get her own way, when she could not get Tilly. She would catch herself in Tilly's eyes as she too would be watching the eyes she wanted to stay on her forever. Jen was now overwhelmed and thankful that in a distressed state she could open up to Tilly, she knew no matter where she would go emotionally, she would stand by her.

She had fallen in love with this girl already, but she was now falling in love with everything she did. She made her laugh, smile and turned her on. The moments that remain with you is when your love picks you up when you fall, they ring the bell before your counted out and they rescue you. They wont let you go or give your love away, if you let it in the love will not be the same, it will be better. Sometimes you just might need somebody too, the proof is three words, but then words cant say as love can do.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Tilly and the teacher spoke for hours, until the light brewing from under the clouds informed them that it was nearly 7am. They both let out yawns and Tilly got changed back into her clothes, helping Jen put on her pyjamas. They sat on the edge of the bed Tilly's arm latched through Jen's and her head resting on her shoulder. It had been an emotional day, Jen's rib was still sore, the bruise had completely appeared covering Jen's ribs and diaphragm, and the reminiscing had taken its toll on Jen making her laugh and cry, but she didn't regret a thing. She felt closer to teenager now, she was already emotionally attached to her, she knew this but now Tilly knew things about her that she only shared with certain people, she could go where no one could go. This façade of hiding your fears or things that make you insecure would no longer work, sometimes you only push people away because your desperate for them to pull you closer.

"Are you going to the end of year Valedictory party tomorrow night?" Tilly asked, "Yeah but I have to go with the teachers babe" Jen replied, she did not want to be separated from Tilly but it was not the time or the place to be close to a student. Tilly maturely understood this "Yeah I know, I shall be on my best behaviour then" she winked "I'll be watching, one step out of line missy and you shall be in trouble" Jen seductively replied and pointed a finger to Tilly, who in return gently bit the tip and smiled. The pair knew this was going to be difficult to stay away from each other, they could not even stop themselves from looking or touching each other longer than a few minutes. Jen reached out first and ran a finger down Tilly's cheek, provoking Tilly to lean in and kiss the teacher. The kiss sparked through them and for that moment they were the only two people in world, it didn't matter when they had to pretend to not be what they were as long as these moments remained with them.

The stairs creaked and a hung-over Diane walked up the stairs holding her head in her hands, Jen and Tilly let go of each others faces and jumped back. Jen ran out of the door and shut it behind her. "Hi, how was your night?" she asked Diane, looking sheepish. "It was fun, but too much wine" Diane replied groggily she walked into her bedroom and threw herself onto the bed, Jen followed "Get some sleep Di" Jen informed as she pulled the door quietly shut. She ran back to her door and opened it releasing a panicked Tilly, "Quick" she dragged Tilly out the door and they bolted down the stairs. They got to the bottom step and the front door opened with a stumbling Sinead "Shhh" she giggled, she wore the morning after look and was still tipsy. Jen pushed Tilly back up the stairs and she shut them both in her room, what were they going to do. It was like an exciting game of cat and mouse, both of theirs hearts were racing. Jen stood, her ear pinned to the door waiting for Sinead to finally stumble into the bathroom, Tilly was pacing, there was no way she could explain this if she got caught, Diane knew she was meant to be going home, why would she stay with her teacher, why would she care. Jen grabbed onto the girls top and shook her out of her trance and swung the door open and popped her head out, she pulled Tilly hard and they ran back down the stairs making it to the bottom when Sinead reopened the bathroom door. They stood frozen in the kitchen and tip toed over to the front door and Tilly was on the doorstep she had made it. They both looked exhausted but smiling, "That was new" Tilly laughed, "Yeah, ha, I shall see you tomorrow night babe, I'll keep my eyes on you" Jen replied out of breath a little. "I bet you will" Tilly cheekily teased and she skipped down the steps, she smiled and blew a kiss to the teacher and ran down the road.

Jen shook her head, what a close call, at least they were both dressed and not doing anything else. She laughed and sat on the sofa putting the tv on, laughing as a James Bond film screened, they had indeed been copying some of his moves, ducking and diving out of view. Jen stayed watching the tv until mid afternoon, she was finally relaxing but secretly pined for her girl.

Tilly spent the entire day tidying her room and putting things back where they originally stayed before they had both stumbled in. Her mum had quizzed her to why there was a broken chair on her floor and she had shrugged it off saying how she had fell on it, leading her mother to check her for bruises. She hated how her mother treated her like a child, she felt as though she had grown up a lot lately and it had gone unnoticed by her. Just being around Jen and this love situation had aged her making her except what was going on rather than the silly crush it had began as. Jen often acted like a child but it was when they were messing around, she treated Tilly with respect and spoke to her like an adult and touched her like one too. Tilly blushed, she was missing the teacher a little, she was bored without her and as she interrupted all of her thoughts she could never stop thinking of her. She loved it when Jen popped into her head, she was so beautiful, it made Tilly's heart melt a little. She knew the teacher didn't see what she saw, she seemed almost self conscious but then this may be due to the fact she was hiding a red haired secret. Tilly nodded to herself as she told herself that Jen needed reminding everyday how special she was. Tilly smirked at how soppy she felt this morning, she pressed her remote and let the music beat out of her speakers as she danced her way around her room, cleaning very little as she went.

The day breezed by and Jen caught up on some sleep, by the time she awoke it was 10pm, she yawned a little and stretched letting out a little moan. She threw the quilt off her and gathered her focus, her stomach rumbled and she forgot she hadn't eaten all day. She swung her legs out of the bed and stood up making her way to the door, she caught herself in the mirror and caught her smile looking back, she was content and happy, it had been a while. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen fixing herself some toast, she drummed her fingers along the work surface while she waited for the bread to crisp. Sinead and Diane must still be in bed nursing their hangovers. Jen made her way to the sofa again and ate her late dinner, flipping open her phone and checking for any missed calls or messages, there were none. She sighed and began typing a message, the butter smudging across the touch screen phone "Hey babe, just woke back up. How you doin? Xx" she pressed send to Tilly. She finished her toast and placed the plate gently on the floor and laid stretched on the sofa and let herself be caught up in the movie showing, beep, she jumped at the sound and grabbed the phone eager to see her lovers response "Hey you, im doing ok, tired though so laying in bed, care to join?xx" Tilly's flirting worked causing a brief smile across the teachers face followed by a frown as she knew she couldn't. "Would love to babe, but cant L keep it warm for me though?" she pressed send again, she was gutted she couldn't spend the night with the girl but she was also thankful for an evening alone. "Not sure about that, its cold at the moment, but my side is warm lol, im so tired im drifting off to sleep babes. Can I say goodnight xx" Jen smiled it was adorable that the teenager was trying to stay awake as long as she could to speak to her but she wanted her to get some sleep, it was after all the Valedictory party tomorrow night and Tilly needed her sleep, she was young. "No stay awake with me ha, joking babe go to sleep and I will see you tomorrow night. I hope you will be dancing ?xx" she hit send and savoured the image for a few moments, the thought of watching her girl from afar dancing made her stomach flip a little. Her phone vibrated in her hand "I may shake it a little, you shall have to keep your watch. Night beautiful Jxx". With that Jen took her smile back to her room and turned off the light, she threw back the covers and climbed into bed looking up to the ceiling. She drifted off within seconds and kept the smile until she hit unconsciousness.

The night passed by calmly, Tilly didn't stir she remained in the same position, hugging her pillow. She had fell asleep so many nights with Jen in her arms and now she couldn't fall asleep without something acting as a substitute. The mind takes on many routines and the mind adapts them as necessary.

They awoke in their own rooms but in unison, their first thoughts of each other. Tilly jumped out of her bed, her second thought was of the dance that night, she had to go into town and pick up her dress. "Mad's you awake, we need to go into town" Maddie replied within seconds and they arranged to meet up in half hour. Tilly got herself changed and run down the stairs, skipping two at a time, she grabbed her bag and ran out to Maddie's car. They drove for twenty minutes into town, Tilly half heartedly bopping her head to the dance tunes blaring out of Maddie's car, she hated this sort of music. They made their way to the clothes shop where they had reserved their dresses, excitedly trying them on and posing for the other laughing. She was having a girly teenager day, playing dress up and trying on new make up. She loved these immature moments, they reminded her that she was still in her youth, the last year she could be placed as a teenager.

They spend all day shopping for accessories for their outfits and met up with Sinead and Bart and went for lunch and ice cream. They were all eagerly awaiting the evening where they could party and decided to get ready at Maddie's house so they could get drunk before they went. Tilly was up for this, she was never normally led by the normal cravings of alcohol or smoking but she wanted to live vicariously tonight and enjoy herself, and agreed to her shocked mates that she was in. They split back up and Maddie drove Tilly to her house to get her things and they went straight to Maddie's to get ready.

Sinead and Bart turned up with plenty of bottles in tow and the party had officially begun, the teens took turns to swig bottles of spirits and passed out shots. By the time it was time to leave they were all very intoxicated and Maddie had already abandoned her heels and was bare foot, all running towards the limo to make their way to the hall with all the other students. They all climbed into the limo and marvelled at the classy atmosphere, they all scrubbed up well. Bart and the others boys were in Tuxedos while the girls were in their feminine ball gowns. Bart pulled out a bag that clattered with bottles and they all cheered, turning up the music and drinking more.

They arrived at the hall and excitedly lined up at the door to be let in. There was two teachers minding the door checking all the teens I'd's and checking there were not smuggling alcohol into the dance. They group waited and moved along with the queue all trying to look as sober as they could, Tilly could feel her head already spinning and her feet were a second delayed to her mind telling them to move, she giggled. She received a stamp informing the bar she was underage and could not be served, she was not interested she was already drunk enough, the others seemed angry though they had tried to fake their age but they too received the red stamp. They made their way into the decorated hall, the others were following Bart to a dark corner probably to drink something he had managed to smuggle in, but Tilly found herself spinning around in circles playing with the balloons falling around her. She was laughing and laughing making herself sick from spinning, she tried stopping, her feet taking her in diagonals across the room, she was still laughing. She bumped into people and apologised, all of her senses were over exaggerated and she had no clue what she was doing, her reflexes and mind had been impaired from the alcohol and she was completely out of it.

She danced and span around again and bumped into someone again, she grabbed their waist trying to lift her head to apologise, but the giggling took over and she had a hand on her side while she tried to calm herself out of this non hysterical moment. "Tilly" her name rang out and she looked up, she was being glared at by a teacher, Jen. "Hey babe, wow look at you" Tilly practically shouted thinking she was over yelling the music, there was none it was in her head. Jen grabbed the girl by the hand and dragged her to a nearby corner and lowered her tone, "Tilly, Tilly look at me, how much have you had to drink?" Jen sounded authoritive, she was becoming irritated as Tilly wasn't answering her but playing with her dress, floating it out and she span around.

"TILLY, hey, look at me. Are you on something, have you been given something?" she was worried, she had never seen the teenager so out of it before. "No silly, I think I had some aftershock though, and this much vodka" Tilly opened her arms wide looking at them to check her estimated measure was right. She smiled at the teacher, hiccupping "Tilly you need some water and a sit down, your going to make yourself ill" Jen was still angry sounding, "Why are you mad at me? Can I kiss you?" Tilly was leaning in, Jen stood back and her look was evil. She loved this girl but she was more than impatient as the teen tried to recollect her thoughts from her drunken state, she was trying to kiss the teacher unaware of the hall full of dancing teens and teachers who would see them. "Tilly stop it, NO." Jen was forceful in her tone and it shocked Tilly making her stand still and take it in, she looked upset and looked down, the tears were uncontrollable in this state. She ran across the dance floor letting her tears hit the floor, Jen's heart broke a little.

Jen was on watch all night for any problems, drink related or fights etc, her eyes constantly scanned the room taking her duties seriously, but her mind was focused on Tilly. She should never have been that harsh with her but she was not listening or making any sense, how could she be so stupid to drink herself into a paraletic state. Jen wanted so much to show people how much she meant to her, but it would not be the right time. Why couldn't Tilly just wait until she finished school and then people would not be interested in the ramifications. Jen replayed the scene back in her head trying to shake off her guilt, it wasn't working she felt awful and her hand repeatedly ran along her stomach. "You ok Jen" a fellow teacher asked noticing her rubbing her stomach, "Your not?" Jen had to laugh, "No not pregnant, just feeling a little odd this evening, im going to go take a walk around ok" she walked away from the woman and murmured "Rude" under her breath. She stormed through the masses of students all grooving to the loud music, random students she knew begged her to join them to dance and she politely refused or did a little wiggle to satisfy them and moved on. She walked her way to the other side of the room and lent against the wall and scanned …. _Where was she…. _She wanted to just make sure Tilly was ok and she could go back to being a little mad at her for nearly ruining things. She adored that the girl couldn't stay away from her and she was drunk and wanted to kiss the woman she loved, this was normal, even Jen felt the same and she was sober, but in that moment she was frightened, she was terrified that someone would have seen and this love they shared for each other would have been ripped away from them.

After an hour and some polite chit chat with students Jen's eye caught hold of the beauty making its way onto the dance floor. Tilly and the group all began dancing and laughing to the music, Jen couldn't help but stare at her. She was in a red dress which floated to the floor, the top half was corseted showing off the curves of the teen that Jen loved the most. Her make up was subtle, light eye shadow and mascara, and a red tinted set of lips. Jen was completely captivated, her eyes could not peel themselves off the teen dancing on the floor. _Am I in too deep, have I lost my mind…. _Jen got barged making her come out of her trance and move herself back against the wall out of the dancing students way. Tilly was looking over too she could not stop her heart from searching for Jen, they were connected now and although she was upset her first instinct was to run to her. She saw Jen leaning against the wall, her hair in front of her eyes and the different colour lights bouncing off her face, by her look Tilly thought she was still mad at her and this provoked a childish response off Tilly making her laugh and dance sultry with the boys, she grabbed the smuggled bottle of vodka off Bart and took a swig purposely disrespecting the teachers authority. She was trying to wipe the frown off Jen's face, but she couldn't see the tears pouring from them.

Tilly looked back at the group who were becoming suspicious of their friends behaviour, "Tilly what are you doing? Your normally a goody goody, why are you looking at Miss Gilmore?" Bart asked, and the group all began teasing her for fancying the teacher. Tilly was not in the best of emotional states as it was and the nights events were starting to catch up with her. Not only was she getting stick off her mates but had she actually managed to ruin the thing between her and Jen, the reason she believed her heart was beating. She looked over to where Jen was stood and let out a cry when she did not see her standing there. She had promised to keep her eyes on the teenager all night and as much as Tilly searched and became desperate she could not find them.

She felt the wave in her stomach and felt sickness fill up to her throat she ran to the door and out the front and threw up over the floor, to the disgust of the students watching her. She backed up against the wall her mind proving to be paranoid, her eyes darted left to right and she bolted down the street and stopped when her heels gave way and she landed on the floor. She began to cry and picked herself leaning against a nearby wall.

She was sobering up and her mood was becoming down and irritated. She threw her plastic cup that was occupying her hand and watched as the contents splashed onto the floor. "You should really watch where your throwing things" a voice spoke, Tilly turned and saw Jen in front of her and she scowled at the teacher. "Well maybe my aim missed" she snapped back, Jen looked as though she was there to apologise but this made her angry, "Do you know what Tilly, grow up" Jen turned on her heel and began to storm away, Tilly was hurt "Hey don't walk away from me, you made me promise that I would never walk away from you. Don't you dare walk away from me Jen" Jen stopped and hanged her head down, the teenager had hit her nerve, she walked back up to her and waited for the teen to speak again.

"Why are you mad at me all I wanted was to kiss you. I know I was very drunk at that point but you were a complete bitch Jen" Tilly stated, she was angry, rejection causes different emotions to kick in and Tilly was already regretting being so harsh she could see the light in Jen's eyes change and she looked evil. "Tilly there was a hall full of kids and my colleagues, I told you to be on your best behaviour and you tried to kiss me. I told you no and you were being a child. How could you be stupid drinking so much, its dangerous" Jen could not help but come across angry, she had been worried. "That's it isn't it, that's why we cant go out in public together because im childish, and what else was it, oh yeah im stupid. Cheers Jen" they were in a full swing argument and it was pointless as neither were getting anywhere. "Tilly stop it, I don't think your stupid but you acted that way. Just take yourself home and sleep it off" Jen was still trying to be the responsible one but she was loosing patience.

"I don't know why I let myself think that what we had was special, or that you loved me. Stupid Tilly, stupid stupid stupid" Tilly smacked her own leg and started pacing, kicking the litter across the floor. "You know I love you, what we have is special and you know it. Don't you dare Tilly Evans say I don't care for you. Really is that what you believe?" Jen was shouting at the girl. "Well" was all Tilly replied and carried on acting like a child pulling faces at the teacher. "Tilly stop acting like this its not you, I hate this side of you" Jen's eyes flickered as she said this instantly feeling the pang in her stomach she never thought she would ever say she hated something about the teenager that she loved so much. "Don't you think it kills me not being able to show people who you are to me. I have to be two steps behind and pretend you mean nothing. Don't you think I want to take you by the hand and tell people that this is the girl I love and would spend my life with. Who makes me so unbelievably happy that it takes all other pain away" Jen let the tears fall, she didn't care anymore, she could hear students making their way out of the hall and she never stopped her raised voice or her begging body language.

She walked to Tilly and reached out a hand "Tilly, are you not going to say anything" Jen was begging for the teenager to shout, scream or even reciprocate the same feelings, but she didn't her eyes were on her hands. "I cant explain or give anymore of myself to you Tilly, you have all of me. If you have nothing to say, nothing to fight for then you're the one who doesn't care" Jen turned and started making her way back to the hall. Her heart was broken and as long as she kept walking it would not fall out and crash to the floor. She heard a sound out of the girl behind her and it sounded like a scream, Tilly had broke too she sobbed. Jen wanted to run back but she kept walking, it hurt too much.

Tilly let her body hit the floor and she sat in a ball curled and she rocked herself hysterically into a state, she had broke her own heart, she did care she wanted to fight but she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She wanted Jen to know she was angry with her for rejecting her but she did not want this, she sat unable to breath and let her heart shrivel up into a ball. She didn't want to be found or saved, only Jen's love could revive her now.

Jen entered the hall and shoved a teenager out of the way, realising and grabbing the boys jacket to apologise, she was out of her mind, her mind was still in the alley with Tilly wiping away her tears and making her forgive her. She took a stand by the bar and looked down into her hands trying to force back the glum look on her face, she watched a balloon float across the floor carelessly making her calm until a foot went backwards and stood on it making it pop and disappear, she felt her heart do the same and she was broke. 'Lady in Red' played its way into the room and she knew she couldn't take it anymore she laughed a sad laugh at the choice of song, only an hour before she had been looking at Tilly in red dress, admiring her form, thinking of how to apologise before that darkness crept in. Jen ran from the room and into the street, she took off her shoes and ran into the night letting the darkness consume her.

Everybody has a dark side, you hope the light can shine brighter so people still love you through the dark. Jen needed to get Tilly out of her dark side, she had placed Tilly upon a pedistool and now she had let her fall. Is this what happened when love and anger collide.

Jen found her way home and slammed the front door, stomping her way up the stairs into her room. She slammed her door catching a sock, she removed the sock from the floor and slammed the door again to get the satisfied bang sound. She flung herself onto her bed and cried. After an hour she blew her nose and wiped her burning eyes, she stared at the ceiling wishing she was somewhere else instead. She was waiting for the call, a text anything …. _Come back to me Tilly… _

Tilly stood outside Jen's house, leaning against the wall, she wanted so badly to ring the bell and see if the teacher was home. She did care enough to fight. She pulled out her phone, she wrote six different messages and deleted them each time, why explain, they both knew what happened. All she knew was she loved the teacher, but would Jen still love her when she had nothing to say. "I love you" was all she could write and after a few deep breaths Tilly pressed send, she held her breath and her heart stopped while she awaited a message back. Her entire world depended on it.

After five minutes Tilly had no response, she let her lungs fill with disappointment as flames reached their way through her soul, destroying every piece of feeling she allowed herself to feel, she was numb. She held onto the bottom of the wall and cried out. She didn't even hear the front door open, her phone beeped and she held it in front of her hands "I should never have left, no matter what your doing or where you go it will always matter to me. Im sorry" Tilly read Jen's message and her heart beat forcefully, one massive thump and it was for Jen. She turned and there she was, she had pyjama bottoms on with a coat thrown over the top "Tilly" she breathed in like she hadn't all evening. "I was just coming to find you. Im so sorry, I love you, that was stupid" Tilly didn't need to hear it, she had come out of the house and came to find her that was all she asked, she ran over to the teacher and kissed her. They hugged for their lives, they thought they had lost each other and they would not let this touch go again. They released their grip but still held onto each others arms, "Was this our first fight" Tilly asked, "Yeah babe I think it was" Jen laughed, she didn't even care, all of her attention was for this girl, always. "Can we never fight again, I cant lose you again" Tilly smiled but she had died a little inside over the last few hours. "I will never hurt you again, I promise you" Jen kissed the girls hand and ran a hand threw her hair. "Don't give up on me Jen, you remind me of who im supposed to be" Tilly placed her head on Jen's shoulder. Jen replied "Nothing heals me like you do" and held a hand to her heart and cradled the girls head.

Everybody needs a little time away. To realign your place on earth to know where your being pulled too. It's what a million love songs are about, you feel the pull, the use of the mind to drag you into the images you hold deep. The saying is distance makes the heart grow fonder, it doesn't it makes it dwell in a state of desperation. Of wanting to just feel them for a moment or simply see them. Nothing stays the same, you cant tell yourself things are not true, if you believe in love then you are willing to play the game. Love changes everything, loves makes the rules.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

In life, like art, the endings are bittersweet, especially when loves comes into the equation. Sometimes fate throws two people that are completely destined to be together into each others lives just to rip them apart. This is so they can make the decision to fight and think from their heart, if they come back to the other it was meant to be. Sometimes the hero finally makes the right decision, the timing is everything. This pair have a second chance and they desperately hope it will not end in tragedy again.

When its gone, you will know how much of a gift love is, you suffer desperately scrapping the air from where it was snatched away. Go back and fight to keep it, hold onto what you've got it makes no difference if you make it or not. Claim your role in it.

Jen and Tilly were still sat on the wall holding onto each other like they were each others prize for the race they had put their hearts through that evening. They had both won. Tilly's eyes were shut, she was trying to erase the moments that made her break but she couldn't, somehow her brain was telling her she needed to remember them, to know what she fought for. Jen was staring to the floor, she was not thinking she was just caught up with feelings, so many tonight alone had made her exhausted. Her pyjama bottom blew in the wind, sending a chill up her leg. She was shivering from the cold but she didn't want to move, she didn't want to break their touch or rush the teenager. "Babe do you think we should go in?" Jen asked, quietly whispering into her ear. There was no need for noise, the street was empty but they were the only two people in the world at the moment. "Ok" it was a feeble response from the teenager but Jen understood, not only was the girl starting to feel the after effects of copious amounts of alcohol but she was still shaking from the crack across her heart, now it was time for Jen to fix it.

They walked up the stairs and into the living room, Jen grabbed a throw from the sofa and placed it around the girls arms and rubbed them "Where did you go, your freezing Tilly?" Jen was still concerned for her, this time she did not feel guilty or discredited her worry, she allowed herself to feel it, she accepted how much she cared. "I don't know, you left and I walked for a while and I looked up and I was here. You left" Tilly stuttered the entire time, she had been told she was cold and she now felt it, but she was teary eyed and was dwelling. "I had to Tilly, you didn't answer me and I couldn't let you see me break, I couldn't die in that alley way thinking you didn't care, that you didn't love me back" it was in this light that Tilly could see the extent the evening had had on Jen too, her eyes were red raw, her fists were curled where she had been cradling herself angrily and her posture was deflated. She had been hurting too.

"Jen, I cant even understand any of this, I have no clue what my head is yelling at me and when you walked away the only thing I felt was my head yelling No, I love you" Tilly threw her head back, she was testifying the truth of her heart. She was angry at herself for not being able to speak. When your head becomes traumatised from a moment or event you cannot even comprehend the thoughts to understand, you just feel the remorse and pain, Tilly was suffering. "Im sorry for what I did I should never have let myself get that bad" she sighed, this was her first love and she had no way to explain anything that was scrambling around in her head. "Jen I love you. Thank you so much for choosing to stay, even though you had the chance to leave" Tilly held a hand to her heart, she didn't mean the party she was thanking Jen for staying with her, holding onto her heart when Tilly had so quickly thought she had thrown it away.

"Tilly, I never changed my mind about you. I did try too, but there is something inside of me that you have got a hold of and I cant let you go. I did not even have a say whether I stayed or not, you have every piece of me" Jen was so happy but so sad too. It was a complete oxymoron, Jen had been devastated but it had made her happy that she had had something that broke her, it showed her that she had something to say goodbye to. Only in the agony of parting do we hit the bottom and look into the depths of love.

Tilly was starting to regain some of her control on her mind but she was feeling venerable, Jen noticed every mannerism on the girls face, she could tell her mood, what she was thinking and quite often say the end of her sentence. She knew the girl needed cheering up, they both did. She kicked off her shoes and threw off her coat, laying it over the sofa, Tilly was still hugging the throw around her. "Babe" Jen said, bringing Tilly out of her stare into oblivion "Huh?" she replied. "Tell me if im wrong, but you still owe me a dance" Jen winked, she was moving on from the evenings events, if she allowed herself to think of it she would realise what she could have lost. At this moment she had made it, they were together and it would never stop. Tilly was intrigued, "Do I really? But Miss Gilmore, I thought I had to be on my best behaviour and not seduce a teacher" she was mocking the evenings events which made her smile a little less vacant but she was using her humour as a defence mechanism and was slowly being swayed by Jen to conform to her new mood. "Well Miss Evans" she walked towards the teenager and placed a hand on her waist and the other outwards like a ballroom stance, "This is not just any teacher requesting a dance, it is your girlfriend requesting our first dance" she smiled, this was the first time they had been categorized as something, been labelled, Tilly loved it. She watched her hand spread out to reach Jen's and they took the stance, music, Jen ran over and pressed play on the last song on the cd player. It started blaring some of Sinead's dance music and Jen quickly stopped it, a laugh escaped its way out of Tilly's throat and it shocked her, the happy feeling was storming its way through her soul.

Jen flipped through some cd's and after selecting the one she deemed appropriate looked over to Tilly raising her eyebrows and allowed the cd to play. 'Show me Heaven' began, Jen knew this was corny but she didn't care, they began to dance mocking the way the professionals do it. As the lyrics played they felt it all, "Though im barely touching you, ive shivers down my spine" the pair looked at each other, they could feel the tingling beginning, they were completely in the moment and the lyrics was telling them their direction. They were no longer dancing, there feet moved a little side to side but there hands were finding each others, fingers trailing the arms becoming fascinated in the curves of the elbow and the veins running through their wrists. They could feel each others heartbeats, every breath. They kissed and it felt like the first time, they had rekindled and there were alight.

The song finished jumping onto the next track, the pair were still locked, they hadn't even begun. The mood on the song had swayed from corny to something a little more adapted for the new moment forcing its way through the pair urging the pace to pick up. 'Take my breath away' sung its way over the pairs heavy breathing. This even was all about the romance and them finding each other again. The song itself was like an inner monologue crying out of them, they were grappling each others hands and hair, each eager to have the touch they desired. They released their kiss, and Jen squeezed Tilly's hand pulling her to the stairs gently, she didn't want to push the girl. "There will be more times like this babe, but when the party's over and the drama has gone, we will still belong to each other" she smiled at her smooth talking, "We really do have a little world of our own don't we? Where no one else can go" Tilly wasn't too bad at being corny either. They both laughed at their lines but it worked they were back on track.

They made their way up the stairs, Jen led and waited as Tilly caught up to her steps, she loved Jen's patience. She walked backwards into her bedroom holding one hand in Tilly's and the other running its way seductively along the walls, she never took her eyes of Tilly's for a second, she would not betray that promise again, tonight she would be keeping her eyes on her all night. They backed into her room, Tilly felt protected and safe, she was being led delicately into her heaven, she felt the laminate flooring change to soft carpet and she knew they had entered Jen's room. She felt behind her for the door and pushed it shut, she did not want to be interrupted tonight.

Jen separated their hands but kept Tilly with her still staring into each others eyes, she ran a hand along her shoulder and pulled the straps of her dress down and let the entire dress fall to the floor, Tilly was torn to look down the teachers now near bare body, Jen let out a chuckle as she could see Tilly's beginning to squint her eyes to keep her focus. Jen eyes were telling Tilly what was happening she could see the glint of excitement and the warmth oozing out from them, summoning her in deeper. She ran her hand along her shoulder again but this time it would expose her breasts, she raised an eyebrow and watched Tilly bite her lip in agreement. She removed the straps and unclipped the bra, pulling it off slowly and throwing it past the girls head, Tilly was still being good she was keeping the eyes the only focus, they were burning a hole into her head. Jen bent down pushing her bum out she removed her pants keeping her head tilted to Tilly keeping their contact. She stood back up and raised her leg removing the lingering undergarments and throwing them over to the girls feet. Tilly held onto the chair behind her, she needed the support, she loved this woman so much and her eyes were welling up trying to keep the gaze. She broke it and she wasn't sorry she took in the entire of the teachers body and her heart began to race. Her look back to the teachers face who was smiling because the teenager had broken the stare, under her clothes read an endless story.

Jen nodded and it was Tilly's turn, she was too eager to strip seductively, she wanted to get to Jen as soon as she could, within one minute she was stark naked, Jen laughed at how adorable she was. She walked to Tilly and held out her hand, Tilly watched her, her body make its way and she felt the sensation begin in her stomach, she needed this woman and her touch. She grabbed onto her hand and they laid on the bed, they were on their sides facing each other, they kissed and allowed each others hands symmetrically touch each others bodies. Jen's finger ran down Tilly's side stopping and circling at the base of her back, she gripped slightly and brought her closer, they were nearly touching, her foot grazed the back of Tilly's calf. Her hand now had more access and she groped the teenagers bum, mimicking her nails dragging along her skin as the teenager sent chills with her own nails down Jen's back. Their kiss intensified as they moaned, their fingers finding the areas that made them enter a world of paradise. Jen stopped the kiss and smiled at the girl, she wanted to see her face light up as she drove her crazy, the way her eyes got bigger as Jen graced her finger into her inner thigh. Tilly watched the brunettes face as she too worked her hands down over the teachers breasts, letting her thumb and forefinger rub the nipple gently forcing a moan out of Jen as Tilly couldn't help but smile. They both worked their way to the area they both desired to be touched and they simultaneously pleasured each other, both staring into each others eyes. It was full of passion but the lust did not slow them down, they were lasting and completely lost in each other, they were looking into the other part of their soul and the eyes were the opening. They were reaching their climax, backs arched and their hearts thumping out of their chests, "Hold on, hold on" Jen wanted them to release together, it didn't last long within a minute Jen threw her head back as Tilly let out a shriek. They regrouped and kissed quickly and rested their foreheads on each other panting. The one remaining hand had stayed linked the entire time, they never stopped that grip, it was their life line.

Sometimes its hard to be lovers but its harder to be just friends. Footprints cannot be removed from someone's hearts once you have stamped on it, our fingerprints cannot be erased from the lives we have touched and the eyes never lie.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

When a moment breaks you but you manage to find a way to repair it, it is one of the most rewarding things. A broken heart can hold more love and knows what it means to hold on. It can fix you. The pain should be temporary allowing the love to stay with you forever.

The pair fell asleep in each others arms and didn't move all night. Every so often Jen awoke in a shock, gasping for breath, she didn't believe the make up had happened and had to check she was still breathing. When she could see Tilly's face smothering itself against pillow and felt her hand in hers she knew the world was as it should be, the atmosphere was bearable again. They slept in until late morning, thankful that Sinead and Diane would still be either out or nursing hangovers. Jen watched the girls face as she slept, it didn't matter where they went or who would try to take this love away, they would find their way back to each other and this made her beam. She tilted her head back and watched the blue colour claim the sky, it was going to be a nice day, what a great start it had been already. Jen's hand reached out tempted to remove an eyelash from the girls cheek, she watched it for a moment, blowing gently, it travelled across to her lip and lingered for a moment, taunting Jen to remove it. She placed out her finger and gently touched the girls lip and blew the lash away, she had no need to make a wish, she was already living it.

The light broke its way into the room, lighting the one side, the other remained dark, a complete understanding of the night before till now. Jen was in her element with this girl, she was complete. Tilly stirred in her sleep and her lips parted briefly as she let out a breath and then a deep breath back in, she was dreaming. Jen ran a finger along the red heads hair line, circling around the creases in her ear and behind it, her thumb was running along the girls bottom lip, Jen wasn't trying to wake the girl up she just wanted to touch her, feel the warmth that came with it. She could see all of Tilly's limp body, her spare hand resting on Jen's side, every so often she would feel her hand grasp a little, just checking she was still there, it was gratifying.

Jen looked around her room, the portrait she had drawn was still locked in the cupboard, she wanted the girl to take it home, so when in the next few days they would not see as much of each other she could look at the beautiful art work and hopefully feel a little satisfied until they could spend more time together. Jen was starting to get restless, she tried unclasping her hand from the girls and felt a little resistance, she placed the girls hand onto the pillow and slowly backed out of the bed. She stretched and let out a little yawn, checking Tilly was still sleeping. She tied her dressing gown up and made her way to the bathroom to take a shower and wake up properly. She thoroughly washed her hair, letting the water run down her back removing the soapy water, she rubbed her eye as a little shampoo irritated it. She stepped out of the shower and tied a towel around herself and walked back into her room to her sleeping beauty. Tilly had moved completely onto her front almost like when Jen moved she had fell forward reaching out for her filling the gap created. Jen couldn't help but laugh as she ran her hand down the centre of the girls back down to the crease of her back, she lifted the quilt to cover the girls naked bottom on show, and gently smacked it. She sat on the end of the bed and began towel drying her hair, trying not to move the bed too much. The hair dryer would have been an easier option but she didn't want to wake the now snoring girl. She laughed there was nothing that was not adorable about her, even things deemed to be her imperfections were something Jen loved about her.

After a deep snarl and growl the girl had awoken with a hangover's joy of a banging headache and fuzzy feeling. "Morning babe" Jen smiled running a hand behind her on Tilly's foot. Tilly was feeling fragile, "Ergh, how much did I drink, my head is exploding" She pulled a sad face at Jen, who stifled a sympathetic laugh and turned to greet her. She crawled her way across the bed to hug the red eyed teenager, she was suffering. "Jen I think im dying, my mouth is so dry" she was over exaggerating but the feeling of a hangover is not pleasant and all rational goes out the window. "I know babe, alcohol was awful friend of mine too when I was younger" she offered a smile but Tilly looked like she was going to be sick.

She stroked the teenagers face and jumped off the bed to open a window to try and freshen her up a little. "Take a shower babe, it might wake you up a bit", Tilly sat up cradling her head in her hands, Jen could not help but laugh she had been in many mornings after like this and knew exactly how the girl felt. Tilly didn't answer Jen she was taking deep breaths, with a quick kick of the quilt Tilly threw herself out of bed and swung open the door running to the bathroom, Jen followed tripping slightly on the quilt that made its way to the floor. She opened the bathroom door as the teenager heaved her entire nights worth of alcohol up, her hands hugged the toilet as her head became buried inside the opening. Jen made her way over to the girl, Tilly raised a hand to keep away but Jen ignored it she ran a hand through the back of the red hair massaging her neck. Tilly made the most awful noises as she tried to shake off all of the sins from the night before, Jen wet a cloth and ran it along the back of the girls neck trying to make her a little more comfortable. She sat behind her, her arms wrapped around the girl, supporting her every time she retched. Jen shook her head, _this must be love, for better or for worse … _

_Tilly had finally emptied her stomach contents and she sat leant against Jen gasping for breath and tears rolling down her face, she hated being sick. Jen released her grip standing up and pulling the girl to her feet, Tilly turned on the tap and swilled her mouth out, sipping a little mouthwash and swashing it around and spat it out. She stood back and looked in the mirror she was pale and goosebumps had made their way across her naked body, she was getting the shakes. Jen looked around for something to put around her, she removed her towel and threw it over the girl, who smiled at the gesture. Tilly walked back to Jen's room as Jen washed her hands and brushed her own teeth. She made her way out of the bathroom turning off the light and walked to her room, she heard the creak of the stairs and heard someone coming, she picked up the pace and tried to break into a run, holding her breasts down. "Uh Jen why can I see your ass" a shocked Sinead shouted. "Sorry" was all Jen could reply as she skidded into her room and slammed the door shut, locking it after her in case Sinead came in to question her naked run . She laughed at a confused Tilly who had laid back down on the bed, raising her heart at the teachers heaving breasts and raised heart beat. _

"_Ok, I have just realised that you are naked. If I hadn't just been throwing my guts up this would not have gone unnoticed" Tilly said breaking the silence affectionately. Jen laughed a little laugh, "Am I, hmmm I wonder where my towel went. Maybe I should claim it back" she winked and tilted her head at the teenager running a hand down her own side teasing. Tilly perked up a little, she rested on her elbows allowing the towel to open a little, "Then I would be naked" she was provoking the teacher to come and claim back the item. "That's the way I like you… Now this would just be in the way wouldn't it" Jen replied as she opened the towel completely. "Really, even after just seeing me like that, look at me I am a state" she was playing too but she did wonder how the teacher could find her attractive after the bathroom incident. "Babe im crazy for you" she crawled across the bed so she was hovering above the teenager, Tilly looked down her body as she appreciated the woman's breasts hanging their own taunting her to reach out, "State or no state, I wouldn't want you any other way Babe, and I was thinking, what's the point in a fight without make up sex" she winked and dipped her head to kiss the teenager, who rose her head off the pillow to meet the delicious lips of the teacher, their lips touched and their tongues began their dance of passion. Jen's arms were beginning to buckle as she moaned into the teenagers reciprocating mouth, she lowered herself slowly on top of the girl, moving slightly so their bodies aligned, and they became interlinked. Tilly was still fragile and Jen didn't want to move her too much, the last thing she wanted in this state of mind was Tilly to be sick again, slowly they began to move, every breath their tongues deeper into the other. Every time they became intimate the world looked away for a while, stood still, stopping for them to connect and then it would kick back in where they needed it, following through on its promise that what they find they can keep._

_The pair were starting to become hot, Jen's hand made its way down Tilly's side caressing her hips as her other hand walked its fingers along her chest, feeling the dip where Tilly's cleavage began. Tilly's exposed neck was tingling as Jen's kisses lined it, followed by gentle sucking, raising the skin slightly leaving red marks, Jen continued this down to Tilly's bare chest, sucking a little harder so the marks would remain. The red head wrapped her legs around Jen's waist so she could pull her in tighter, running a hand through her hair as she enjoyed the teachers tongue on her breast. Jen came up for breath and smiled at the teen who was certainly waking up, she sat backwards so Tilly could reach her front as she began tickling up her leg, resting her fingers on the girls hip as she found the teachers breasts. Jen was grinding her hips in agreement sending sensations through the girls body as they were touching. They could hear Sinead talking on the stairs and stopped briefly, Jen placing a finger on the girls lip to quieten her looking to the door, Tilly was in the mood now and didn't want to stop and Jen knew this as the girl lightly sucked on her finger provoking a laugh out of the teacher. Jen leant over and pressed play on her music system and "Dance with me tonight-Olly Murs" played, Tilly laughed at her taste in music but the beat created the pace for them and they began to move quicker, Jen could not help but dance a little she was grinding the girl to the beat, wiggling her bum and bouncing her head. Tilly was like an erratic teenager having sex for the first time her hands were everywhere, she could not decide where she wanted to touch Jen first and everything was exciting her, the music had cheered her up and the goddess in front of her was reminding her of her smile. Jen slowed for a second trying to work out where Tilly was going, every time she hit a spot Jen moaned and she was off searching for the next area, her hands were working over time and her kiss was desperate, biting Jen and demanding more attention. Jen laughed and placed her hands on the teens face forcing her to look at her for a moment "Babe?" Tilly focused on the teacher and realised how inconsistent she had been, "Sorry I don't know what's going on, my hands have a mind of their own and they want you" she smiled offering her lame excuse, Jen was not mad, there was no reason to be the teen was keen. "Tell your hands to stay here" she placed the girls hand where she wanted as she did the same to her, "Follow me, keep to this rhythm" It was excruciating for Tilly to keep control but the excitement that came from it drove her crazy. They were working together and following each others breathing, movement and even their eyes dilated at the same time as they had satisfied each other. Jen rolled off the girl falling to her side, letting her arm drape across the teens stomach, Tilly was breathing heavily, she was trying to slow her heart rate down. Jen's smile was spread from ear to ear, she loved these moments, she loved every moment even the bad ones and more importantly she was irreversibly in love with this girl. _

_They laid in silence for a while, Tilly was still preoccupied with thoughts of moments before and let out little chuckles as she remembered Jen dancing. She was a little glad she did not catch Jen dancing at the party as she would not have been able to remove her eyes from her body. The events from the night before had left a mark on both of them but the pain had faded, they were in bliss. Jen stared to the ceiling she was wasn't even thinking she was watching a spider make its way scuttling from corner to corner. She had never been bothered by bugs or insects, she appreciated the movement. She looked over to Tilly who was wearing a sagging smile that she couldn't wipe off but seemed to be aching her jaw a little. Tilly crossed her gaze back at Jen and her smile re curved, "What you looking at" she jested, Jen laughed and hit out gently to the teens arm, "No idea, just some state in my bed" she replied joking. "I have to say Jen, I love it when you talk dirty to me" Tilly and Jen both let out a laugh at this, Tilly's hangover had officially subsided and her personality was shining through and Jen could not help but suck it all in. "How do I break this spell you have created Miss Gilmore" Tilly asked, "I thought you were the one who chased me?" Jen replied, but she let the wave of nervousness consume her "Do you want this spell to end?" she asked without being able to hide the panic in her voice. Tilly rolled onto her side and frowned for a few minutes at the teacher, watching her face as she suffered a little, "Never, just wondering if there was a cure. I want to know what to avoid" she smiled at Jen who returned the smile a little relieved, she kissed Tilly and rested her head back onto the pillow. "You will prove the death of me Miss Evans" she stated smiling. Maybe that was the only cure for this love, until the end. _

_Sometimes love doesn't have to be sweet misery. _


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The pair made their way downstairs for some breakfast for Tilly and some much needed coffee for Jen. They passed Diane in the kitchen and explained how Jen had found a drunk Tilly on the floor outside the party and brought her back here to sleep it off so she would not get in trouble with her parents. It seemed believable and thankfully Diane brought it. Tilly sat at the table as Jen threw her an apple, which she managed to catch before it hit her in the nose, she smiled. Jen switched on the hobs on the cooker and began making a fry up breakfast, Tilly was so hungry she could smell the bacon cooking and started eating her apple to prepare. Sinead walked into the room with her eyes still half shut, Jen thought Tilly looked a sight for sore eyes this morning but Sinead wore a hangover well. She dropped herself into the chair next to Tilly laying her head on the teens shoulder. "Tils what the hell happened to you last night? What happened to me I cant remember getting home" Sinead asked "I drank way too much, I was sick outside and passed out, Jen found me and got me here, not sure what happened to you babe, ask Bart" Tilly replied, she worried a little about how much her friends drank and the states they get in but after last night she had no reason to judge.

Sinead placed her head on to the cold table trying to regain control of her brain, Jen served up breakfast for the four of them, although Sinead passed on the idea she turned her nose up and looked like she was going to be sick, Jen had already held one teenagers head off the toilet this morning she would not be doing it for another. Sinead stood up and walked to the fridge grabbing a cold bottle of water "Jen this may sound odd but I had a bizarre dream I saw you naked this morning" Jen spluttered with a mouthful of food spraying across the table, she wiped her mouth and looked surprisingly at Sinead, she forgot she had seen her running from the shower to her room. "Um… strange thing to dream hun" Jen replied a little more refrain from her outburst, "Yeah that's what I thought, odd ha sorry babe" Sinead replied a little embarrassed, and walked over to the sofa. "No problem hun, sorry I was naked in your dream" Jen replied and raised her eyes at Tilly, she had got away with that, Tilly however looked excited. "Your always naked in my dreams" she whispered into Jen's ear making her drop her fork loudly onto her plate making Sinead moan and go upstairs. Jen smiled at Tilly from the response and squeezed the girls hand that had made its way to rest on the teachers lap.

"So what's your plans today ?" Jen asked the girl who was still groping her leg making her hand quiver while she was trying to eat her food. "I think I owe Maddie a shopping trip, I have barely seen her all weekend and she wants to get a new top for results day" she replied pulling a mock smile. "Yes that is Monday isn't it? Nearly forgot" Jen replied, a good move from the forgetful teacher. Tilly smiled, she had managed to work her way into every thought Jen had, she was also excited as she would get to see her teacher in two days.

Tilly tucked into her cooked breakfast and it did her wonders, she needed something after her morning of being sick and Jen had helped her work up an appetite. Jen finished her plate clean and sat back into the chair feeling stuffed, she looked over to Tilly who was struggling to finish "You can leave it if your done babe" Jen said and Tilly pushed the plate back looking relieved, she didn't want to seem rude. She had more colour in her face since the morning and the pink cheeks had calmed themselves down to her normal pale complexion. They were alone in the living room except for the sound of the tv still on from Sinead, Jen stood up and nodded for Tilly to join, making their way over to the sofa. Jen sat and began flicking through the channels finding something decent to watch for the both of them, she gave up hope and put on the music channels instead, letting the room fill with music. Tilly sat on the chair the furthest away from Jen and she noticed "I don't bite" Jen exclaimed smiling, "Um… yes you do" Tilly replied laughing pointing at a love bite on her now exposed breast, Jen jumped at the sight "Tilly what are you doing put it away" she laughed as she said it but Diane or Sinead could come down at any minute. Tilly fiddled with her top as she walked over to Jen and pulled the other breast out taunting her, Jen snapped her teeth together loudly mocking a biting motion. Tilly put them away and slumped next to her laughing.

The music was not what Jen was used to, these days its all dance or rapping music which Jen hated, music is supposed to be empowering, moving and inspirational. She could not understand a single word being said and flicked over the channel to a power ballad session which was more her genre, Tilly chuckled at this. It was one of the moments where they noticed their age difference even though Tilly liked all music types. They sang along to a track, laughing along with each other the whole time. Jen loved the fact that Tilly was her best friend, they could spend any moment together and it made her overwhelmingly happy. She got brought out of her thoughts as Tilly jumped onto the sofa by her feet and started rocking out a guitar solo, she grabbed Jen by the arm and pulled her up too making her join in. The pair bounced on the sofa like children, Tilly laughed as she could not actually make out what instrument Jen was meant to be playing, her arms were banging ferociously in front of her either as a drum or a piano, Jen was not really sure either.

The mimicked songs and instruments for twenty minutes until they heard the back door go again and heard Diane make her way in, forcing them to sit back down out of breath and rosy cheeked and break into hysterical laughter. Diane cast them a look their way, bemused by them "You two have so much in common" Diane stated, "Really, yeah I suppose we do" Jen replied trying to be unsuspicious. "You be careful Tilly if you were older you would be Jen's type" Diane winked and added a laugh, the pair laughed back along with Diane looking at each other. Jen poked Tilly to stop as she was overdoing the laugh , "Il have to keep my eyes on you Miss Gilmore" she replied and smiled at Diane who put the dirty plates in the dishwasher and made her way to the stairs. Jen and Tilly looked at each other and let out a genuine laugh this time. "I would be your type would I, and what type is that exactly Miss Gilmore" Tilly asked mockingly. "Well I would like to point out that its not normally students, but when I was a student myself not so long ago thank you" she slapped Tilly as she mocked counting on her hands. "Right im not telling you now" she threw her head to the left pretending to be annoyed, her arms crossed across her chest. Tilly laughed and moved closer to the teacher, her lips touched her neck as she spoke "Please" she kissed a little "Please, oh Jen im begging you" she was teasing Jen and she knew she was winning she could see Jen's hands curl in refusal and her breathing was escaping her quicker. "Do you want me to get to my knees and beg" Tilly replied to the silent teacher and ran a finger gently from Jen's knee to her thigh, pausing to let it take effect. Jen moved her head and watched the hand, her lips slightly parting. Their power ballad journey took a turn and "Take my breath away" played making Jen let out a little moan, she remembered only the night before what this song helped cause and she could not stop the new memories from entering her head. Tilly sensed this and took perfect advantage running her finger back down to Jen's knee scraping her tights with her nail. Jen uncrossed her arms and reached her hand out to Tilly's to stop her from enticing her anymore. She looked at the teenager who had the look in her eye that she was beyond cooling down, Jen smiled a silent laugh and kissed her quickly leaving Tilly's tongue in limbo. "Not here, we will get caught babe" Jen regrettably noted, and Tilly nodded a disappointed nod, she knew it but she let herself get excited and was now a left a little frustrated.

They sat with their heads facing the tv, neither of their eyes were focused on the images though, they were both hiding the glances they were stealing of each other, keeping their arms crossed, trying to stop them from wandering. Jen coughed, causing Tilly to break her concentration for a few moments and look at her, Jen poked her tongue smiling, they could resist each other. Tilly's mobile buzzed breaking the stare, she looked down on the floor and found her phone opening her message. "Hiys babes, il be ready in 5 mins and il come get ya xx" she frowned, she forgot she was meeting Maddie. "Im going to have to make a move in a sec babe" Tilly told Jen. Jen looked glum for a moment and realigned her face to a smile "Ok, we cant have all the fun aye" she poked the teenager in her leg.

Tilly stood up and grabbed her bag off the table, she dithered for a moment and threw Jen her key "If you fancy it later on, my parents are out for the evening so you can pop over maybe for some dinner or a film or something, its ok it's the spare key" Tilly mentioned shyly, this was different she thought. Jen looked back at her with no expression on her face, Tilly began to worry "Nothing implied I just thought it would be nice, I don't know why I did that, um.. " she walked back over to get the key back and Jen sat up to her knees leaning across the back of the sofa, elbows resting on the tops of the cushions. "I shall see what im doing but I shall pop over maybe" she winked, she realised the panic in the teenagers face and reassured her that nothing was rushed or wrong. "Have fun with Maddie and I may see you later on ok" Jen leant over the sofa naturally to give her girlfriend a kiss goodbye, they were going to have to be careful, they fitted as partners now, the pretending had reversed, they now had to prove to everyone else they were not together. Tilly leant in holding the teachers face and kissing her deeply, she released her lips but remained her hold and kissed Jen's forehead, tracing the lines of her jaw with her thumb. "Pleasure as always, I will see you soon, yeah?" she asked Jen rather than stating, "Of course" Jen replied and Tilly smiled and skipped out of the living room and through the front door giving a quick glance and wave as she left.

Tilly jumped into the passenger seat and buckled herself in wearing a slightly massive grin, "Your perky this morning, you were smashed last night Tils. What was wrong?" Maddie asked looking at her best friend confused, Tilly shrugged "Just had too much to drink that's all, we all did" she replied, "Yeah but you were odd babe, you kept giving the teachers dirty looks and Miss Gilmore you drank vodka in front of her babe, you may be in trouble Til, did she say anything?" Tilly looked at her baffled, she had already forgotten all of the drama from the party, she shook her head at this lie she had not forgot but she had thrown in to the back of her mind like Jen had told her to. "Maybe I was rebelling or something, I don't know I was drunk. Ha Jen was fine with me this morning so I don't think she will tell anyone to get me in trouble" she replied to Maddie, she didn't have enough energy for twenty questions. "So where we off then, I was thinking town you wanted that new top didn't you?" Tilly changed the topic quickly and for materialistic Maddie it worked. She started the car and they pulled out, Tilly cast a quick look to the house and swore she saw the curtain twitch, it made her stomach flip a little and she smiled.

The teenagers shopped all day and Tilly feet felt like they had run a marathon, she sat on a nearby bench as Maddie flirted with a lad outside a shop, Tilly didn't know how she did it, she had so much confidence. Apart from Esther, Jen was the only woman who she ever chased or allowed them to chase her, maybe it was the difference in her being gay. It was different for her to feel accepted sometimes, they have so much stigma and abuse thrown at them, it makes even the strongest person scared to come out. She became irate when she thought of people not excepting her, she was no different from anyone else or any other relationship. She felt love, lust and she had experienced her fair share of the pain that comes with it, that made her feelings real, it made her real so why was she treated differently. The world automatically hates something that is different or something that doesn't conform to the ideal 'normal', if you look around not one person in this world is the same. You cannot help who you fall in love with. She smiled at the thought, it took her back to Jen, she wondered what she was doing at that moment, if she was thinking of her too. Sub consciously Tilly ran a hand over her own, it was their signature touch.

Maddie finally joined Tilly after adding another contact to her mobile she winked at the boy walking away, Tilly shook her head "Seriously Mad's how do you find the time for them all" she laughed and Maddie chuckled too, she wasn't going to deny it. They drove back to the village turning into Tilly's street, "You coming back out tonight or early night ready for the morning?" Maddie asked knowing Tilly would not be ready for another drinking session just yet. "Early night, sorry to disappoint" she replied and blew her friend a kiss goodbye gently shutting the door. Maddie beeped as she drove away.

Tilly held her breath as she made her way to her door she was hoping that Jen had taken her up on her offer and came over, _would she have text me first_. She nearly snapped her key in the lock trying to get in as soon as she could, the house was quiet and all in darkness. She ran into the living room and through to the kitchen, _Where could she be…. _Tilly walked to the stairs casting her eyes up them expecting to see Jen stood at the top arms stretched waiting for her. She climbed up the mountain of stairs, she was so eager and these felt monstrous at this moment and never ending. She skipped two at a time and ran to her room, she never even bothered with turning on any lights. She opened her bedroom door and sighed, it was in darkness and there was no goddess laying on her bed, she sat on her bed and sulked. Maybe Jen was busy, something came up, or did she not want to see me tonight. Tilly had so many insecurities when she wasn't around Jen, she could not accept that the woman loved her. She leant back on her bed and switched on her lamp, looking for her phone. She began writing a message to the teacher but trying to write a message without sounding needy or jealous was proving to be hard, she didn't want to seem immature, she glanced her eyes up from her phone and looked around the room. She caught her eye on something bringing her to her feet, how had she not noticed it, it came spinning into her vision and made her eyes widen as she focused, her phone fell to the floor as she placed a hand to her mouth.

Diane paced along the kitchen with an envelope in her hands, she waited for an hour for Jen to return home, she said she would be right back. Jen walked through the front door shaking her fringe out of her eyes and throwing her coat over the hook, she had a smile spread across her face and she was humming some tune under her breath. She walked into the kitchen and Diane bolted over to her, shocking her a little. "Hi, um.." Diane stuttered and held out the envelope addressed to her, it was from the school and she was just as nervous as Jen suddenly became. Jen took the envelope and sat on a nearby stool rotating it in her hands like it was going to open itself or jump out and bite her. She laid it on the table and stood up walking around the chairs looking at it, and then returned to the stool placing a hand over it. She chewed her nail and looked up to Diane who looked like she was about to pass out, she held a lingering smile that was starting to freak Jen out. She looked back to letter, "For Christ's sake Jen open it" Diane had flung herself across the table in desperate need to know if Jen had managed to receive good or bad news about her placement. Jen ran a nail under the envelope and ripped the paper apart and pulled out the letter, opening it to scale. With a petrified look at Diane she read the letter.

Tilly was still standing in her room, eyes fixated on this new item placed on her unit, she jumped of the bed and walked over, tilting her head to take it in. She found a sticky label reading 'Turn me on x' in Jen's writing and she laughed at the innuendo, she did as instructed and the room filled with lights, the source of this light was decorated around her portrait Jen had drawn, She left a little note by the side of the mirror asking to ring her when she got home. There was a scribble on the bottom of the painting "You changed my life and showed me the way" it was woven into the sand so those who never take the time to appreciate art would not notice such a delicate touch. She pulled off another post it note and read aloud Jen's love note ; "There's a storm raging through my once frozen soul. Every time I think of you I have to catch my breath. If my dreams were wings I would have flown to you tonight." she turned the lyrical note over and read on "Sorry I cant be there tonight babe, Diane rang me on my way over il explain later xxx love you J " Tilly laid the note down and stuck the sticky side to the unit, she smiled as she run a finger over the imprint on the paper. _She was in my room….. _Tilly smirked, she could almost smell her perfume.

Jen watched Diane too ask she read the letter both unable to speak, Jen ran her fingers over her necklace thinking of Tilly. How this could change things, it would never stop how she felt for her she loved her with every beat she owned, she was not just passing through, this was carved in stone. She rubbed the necklace harder, it was like her message in a bottle, sending out a telegraph for her girl to respond, she needed to share this moment with the girl. "Its results day tomorrow, I think they are all going to the theme park afterwards, I know Sinead mentioned asking you to join them. Maybe you could tell them all then hun" Diane offered as Jen chewed her nail and nodded, maybe she could tell Tilly then.

For a long time people wait for their lives to begin, they feel as though things are in the way, obstacles stopping them from moving forward in any direction. Some sort of unfinished business, a debt to be paid or time still to be served for something they think they deserve to be punished for. The true joy of life is the journey and where it can take you. Each thing we do causes a ripple effect in our lives and its our choice to make the directions. If nothing changed there would be no butterflies to feel. Change is when you can see the next step, and sometimes there not always bad.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The new morning began and a bird outside Tilly's window chirped waking her slightly. It had taken her hours to get to sleep, she tried returning Jen's call but she didn't pick up, she text her twice and still no reply, she was a little worried but knew she probably couldn't talk if Diane or Sinead were around. She glanced over at her painting and smiled, she had hidden her note in her draw so her mother would not see it, she wasn't ready to answer these questions yet, she studied the painting and Jen's plan had worked, it made her smile to see herself so at ease, just sat on the sand drawing. She had no cares in the world, if only Jen had known what was running through her head sitting a few feet behind her. The thoughts running through this girls mind in that early stage were new to her, she knew she found Jen attractive, she felt a strange pull from her and she had a feeling like she would always be with her. She mistook it at the time for just being inspired, little did she know she would colour her life.

Tilly rolled over and took her phone off charge and checked for a message, when seeing none she began typing another one to the teacher "Hi Jen, me again, im worried xx" she didn't want to push for a response but just a 'im fine' or 'go away' would suffice at that moment in time. She hated not hearing from her, she craved it. Her phone bleeped and Jen had replied this time, "Tilly we need to talk, meet me by the bench in 10 mins" Tilly looked shocked and re read the message twice and jumped off the bed and got changed, she couldn't disguise the panicked feeling raging inside her stomach, she hated the seriousness of this text. She made her way down the stairs and out into the street, moving her walk into a slow jog to the bench, she skidded on a wet leaf and slowed herself down, taking in a few deep breaths to calm down. She sat on the bench and waited for Jen to arrive, wondering what this conversation could be, they were close now she could have phoned her or text her.

Jen walked around the corner and Tilly caught her eyes looking up for a moment, dithering whether she should just walk away. Jen swallowed her fear and walked over to the girl, placing herself next to her, she turned her head to face her and Tilly could see she had been crying making her hand automatically come out and touch the teachers face. "Jen what is it, your killing me here?" Tilly asked urgently. "Its about my placement, I didn't get it. They offered me a placement down in Cardiff instead and I had to take it. What have I done" Jen replied shaking her head, this could possibly be the worst outcome, Tilly was going to be spending her last year in school without her teacher, without her girlfriend. This was terrible news. Tilly let herself well up and let herself sob, she didn't care, Jen knew how much they meant to each other. "Maybe I could move, convince my parents to come down to Wales to live instead" Tilly said, she knew this wouldn't work but the sudden realisation of the situation was kicking in and her heart was racing as her mind thought of theories she could run past her parents, reasons to leave where she lived to be with her girlfriend. There was no way she could tell anyone that she wanted to leave school because she was in love with her teacher, this sort of thing happened all the time where teachers mess around with their students and normally it's the student who gets hurt. Tilly shook her head this was not like that, this was real, they were real, she was always told from Jen that no one could take this away. She was taking this away.

Tilly could feel herself becoming mad with the teacher, how could she do this. She knew that they had to keep the relationship a secret because of her job but she never knew Jen would chose the job over their love. Voiding their feelings and all they had accomplished, she stood up and paced for a moment, was it her turn to walk away like Jen had done to her not so long ago, or was she supposed to fight. She had learnt so much from the painful moments they had shared, but did they outweigh the good times. She was completely confused and torn about how she was supposed to react to this and took her anger out on Jen "For gods sake Jen say something, what do you want me to do! Do I fight for you as you asked me to, you said never walk away and you are literally running to another country. What do you want me to do?" she shouted her way through the sentence she was becoming erratic and desperate, pleading the woman she loved to make this all better.

"Let me go" Jen replied, her bottom lip quivered as she spoke and she looked shocked to her core that she had said it. "You will never be able to make your parents leave here, your best chances in your future will be for you to finish collage and go to university Tilly. This is my chance to become a permanent teacher, I cant get that here. I know your hurt, you think ive chosen this over you but .." she didn't know how to say it "Yes in a way I have, this is what I have been working for, I love you I really do but this is something I have to do. Im telling you this now as I have to leave in a week. Babe breath, we will meet again" she stood reaching out to Tilly but the girl backed away, one touch from this teacher used to send her heart racing, make her feel safe and totally complete her. At the moment if she touched this woman's hand and let them connect she felt as though she would explode from the pain, it would sign the pact that this was it and she would not accept it, she couldn't. Tilly walked backwards further away from the teacher, she couldn't feel the pull, she wasn't being drawn back to her. This was what it felt like when it was finally deemed over, she could feel her chest moving but there was no blood pumping to her heart, there was no beat. _Heart down fail me now, I need to feel, I need to fight for her….. _Had she let go?.

The morning broke in the village, sending light through all the streets, lighting up the houses like life was beginning. The early starters were already making their way to work or out for the their morning errands. Diane had been running around all morning packing Sinead's bag for her ready for their trip to the theme park after they collected their results. She paced the room wondering how the girl had did, she knew she had worked hard but she always thought Bart was a bad influence on her and distracted her time from her. She called up the stairs and shouted for Sinead to get up, they were all leaving in half hour, she glanced at her watch and shouted a call for Jen too. Jen heard her but kept her head laid on the pillow, taking some comfort as the pillow took some of her pressure away. Her thoughts went to Tilly like they did most mornings and she could not help but allow her lips to curve, she wondered if she was awake and thinking of her too.

….

The new morning began and a bird outside Tilly's window chirped, she bolted upwards shaking and sweating, she had been crying … _what a shitty dream … _she thought. It had taken her hours to get to sleep, she tried returning Jen's call but she didn't pick up, she text her twice and still no reply, she was a little worried but knew she probably couldn't talk if Diane or Sinead were around. She glanced over at her painting and smiled, she had hidden her note in her draw so her mother would not see it, she wasn't ready to answer these questions yet, she studied the painting and Jen's plan had worked it made her smile to see herself so at ease, just sat on the sand drawing, she had no cares in the world, if only Jen had known what was running through her head sitting a few feet behind her. The thoughts running through this girls mind in that early stage were new to her, she knew she found Jen attractive, she felt a strange pull from her and she had a feeling like she would always be with her. She mistook it at the time for just being inspired, little did she know she would colour her life.

She shook her head at the déjà vu moment, this was odd. She sat up rubbing her eyes, _it was only a dream Tilly, come on… _she repeated it a few times, it had felt so real. She grabbed her phone and text the teacher, "I need to see you had the most awful dream L xx" Within seconds Jen replied, "Hey, sorry about your dream, you shall see me soon babe, leaving now. I have to be at the collage early with the other teachers ready for results. See you soon gorgeous" Tilly smiled at the message, it was only a dream, she could never let this woman go. Her thoughts did wander to Jen's placement for a few seconds, she should have received some news on it by now, it was nearing the end of the summer holidays and the new term lingered. Was this dream her heads way of telling her something was going to happen, dreams often don't mean what they seem. Could this mean a new beginning or an end.

She jumped out of bed and got herself changed, her parents had made a big deal about taking her to collect her results, she felt embarrassed but also it was nice that they cares and showed how proud they were of her. She tied a bow in her hair and applied some make up, normally she wasn't too bothered about her appearance but lately if she knew Jen was in the same facility as her she made an effort for her girlfriend. She skipped down the stairs and into the living room to find her parents both stood waiting for her. They were dressed nicely and both had a camera hanging from their arms "Really? Are those necessary? Im literally getting my A.S levels not graduating, jeez guys come on" Tilly shook her head, her mother sniffled a little and the teen stormed to the door and down to the car waiting for them to. _Parents ….. _

They drove to the collage and she saw all of her mates waiting for her outside the front doors waving as they recognised her parents car, she returned the wave smiling, catching Jen's yellow car in the corner of her eye, she smiled even more. She jumped out of the car and ran to her friends all hugging, some had smiles excited about their grades while others looked nervous, Tilly hadn't even thought about hers. Her parents caught up to her and she dropped her head ashamed at how eager they were, her friends politely said hello and chatted to them as Tilly cast her gaze at the beauty walking out of the door greeting other parents, she looked Tilly's way and her eyes smiled, she gave a little wave and continued talking to the parents. Jen looked gorgeous today, Tilly noticed she dressed smartly knowing she would be seeing parents, she looked confident as she shook hands but Tilly could see her playing with her bangle's and the teen knew she was a little nervous. Tilly returned her eyes to the group and motioned her head for them to go in.

They went in through the doors and Tilly looked at the Jen, she would not return the girls eyes but smiled at the parents behind her. Tilly walked into the back of Maddie and apologised, Jen was obviously feeling a little odd as Tilly was with her parents, it was a surreal moment for the teacher. How could she look the teenager's parents in the eye knowing what she had been getting up to with their daughter, she had seduced her, had sex with her many times and fell completely in love with her. That was not something to tell them here, it was for another time maybe.

They all entered the main hall and found their alphabetical labelled names, collecting their envelopes. They all promised they would open them together on the count of three, they waited for the rest of the group to gather and all stood envelopes in hand looking nervous for each other. Jen watched from across the room, she felt her stomach pang, she too had been stood with an important envelope the night before, she still had to speak to Tilly about it. She watched them all open their envelopes and studied their faces wanting to know how they did, Maddie stormed off and Jen let out a chuckle she was intelligent enough to get the grades but she didn't excel herself enough. Bart air punched the air and Jen was ecstatic for him he deserved it, he ran over and hi fived the teacher thanking her for helping him so much, Sinead ran over and joined in by hugging her cousin she had done well too. Jen looked over Sinead's head and saw Tilly's parents taking pictures of the girl as she held up her results. She was smiling and Jen let out a little shriek, her girl had done well. She released her tight grip on Sinead and waved them both goodbye as they ran over to the other teachers. Tilly's eyes walked their way around the room and found Jen's.

Jen tilted her head as she smiled, making Tilly's legs tremble she loved her look when she was happy. Jen was beckoned over and she had to resist breaking into a run and embracing the girl, it was time to be discrete, they had after all had a lot of practise now. She walked over forcing her eyes to look other directions so she didn't seem odd to the teens parents, and came to a halt by them. "How did you do Tilly?" Jen asked in her most professional voice, she laughed inside her voice came out very unlike her. Tilly picked up on it too and chuckled "I did ok, I passed them all" she beamed, "She did amazing, all A's" her mother interrupted shaking Jen's hand. "Mum, modesty please" Tilly replied a little embarrassed in front of the teacher, her lover. Jen smiled "Well she is a very hard worker, she always delivers and is always willing to learn" Jen replied to the eager mother, her father had not said a word yet but his gaze was watching as Jen's cheeks reddened a little at the statement, she wasn't lying after all, she just didn't mean at school.

"Well she always has such nice things to say about you Miss Gilmore, she loves your class and loves art so much, I think you have inspired her to do it in university next year" her mother beamed, Tilly held her head she was beyond embarrassed now. "Well I do love your daughter… Erm.. I mean I love teaching your daughter, she's a joy to teach" Jen smiled trying to recover her speech. Her cheeks became even more red and she took her eyes around the room looking for somewhere for the ground to swallow her. She shifted her feet and cast a quick look to Tilly who had became red herself and was swaying herself to her own rhythm trying to look innocent. Her fathers expression seemed to be questioning Jen's statement but the mother nodded along in agreement, Jen held out her hand and shook the mothers grip again and said her goodbye walking away to greet other parents, she turned her back and glanced quickly at Tilly who was trying to stifle a laugh.

_Phew… what the hell Jen…._

Tilly said goodbye to her parents by their car and collected her bag ready for the theme park, she was too excited. She walked her way back to the group and dumped her bag, "Im just going to use the toilet a second guys" she said to the gang, she wanted to see the teacher quickly again, the moment with her parents had certainly nerved Jen but it was highly amusing to the teen, she had admitted to her parents that she was in love with their daughter unbeknown to them. She began walking to the doors and she felt someone jump on her back, "Hi babes" it was Maddie, Tilly frowned a little, she had ruined her plan. They walked through the school and towards the toilets, Tilly ignored Maddie as she spoke the entire time, she looked down the corridors as they walked back out looking for the teacher, Tilly walked straight into the door bumping her head a little as Maddie laughed. She rubbed her forehead all the way back to the car and joined the others. "Who are we waiting for now" Sinead asked, looking around. "I think its just Jen now she's going to drive up too" Maddie replied. They all threw their bags into Bart's car and started climbing in, Tilly made sure she was last, she had already done the maths and there was one person too many, which meant she could drive up with Jen alone. They all climbed in as Jen came skipping over, she wore her smile well.

Tilly stood next to the car as they group caught up that there wasn't enough room, "Its ok guys I'll go up with Jen, if that's ok Jen?" she asked winking. "Yeah of course plenty of room in my car, do you want me to take some bags" she responded to Tilly's look. "Nah we got it, cheers Jen you're a star. Follow us Bart knows a quick route" Sinead replied, Jen's eyes rolled as she knew this meant doing 100mph down the motorway. "No problems, see you all soon" she walked over to her car unlocking the door, Tilly blew a kiss to her mates and ran over joining Jen. She climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door beaming, some alone time with her teacher.

"Nice way that worked out genius" Jen teased and touched the girls hand, they had been seeking the touch all day. "Well someone has to think of these things, so how was it telling my parents you loved me" she smiled sweetly, mocking the teacher. Jen slapped the girl lightly on the leg "Til I could have died, I stopped thinking for a moment, do you think they noticed" she replied a little panicked. "Not at all, my dad is always grumpy and my mum was too pleased with my results" she reassured the teacher. "Phew, I had to just walk away. You did really well, im so proud of you. I checked your results yesterday I knew you would ace my class" she smirked back, "Well I had extra help from the teacher, it never hurts to be teachers pet" Tilly replied. "Hey don't discredit yourself babe, you did this on your own. As for teachers pet, you have proved to be more useful than that" she winked back.

They buckled up and Jen turned on the engine, this was going to be a fun day for them all. Theme parks were always fun, not for the faint hearted, Jen wondered if she would be sick. "Oh I forgot, I have to speak to you later on" Jen mentioned quickly, she had forgotten about the letter. "Ok, about what. I need to tell you about my dream too, oh it was awful Jen" Tilly replied, she had been so caught up with results and babysitting her parents that she had forgotten about her dream. "What dream babe? You ok? " Jen couldn't help but feel worry when she saw Tilly's eyebrow furrow, she could read her like a book. "yeah it was about your placement and we broke up, you told me to let you go" she looked at Jen, and Jen felt her stomach clench, she had a wave of sadness and smiled a weak smile to the girl. She reached her hand out and stroked the girls cheek "No matter what happens in the future babe, I will never let you go" Tilly looked at her cautiously and raised her hand to her face to meet the teachers "Jen do you know something about your placement, this is starting to sound like the dream" she had a worried feeling in the pit of her stomach, what was Jen hiding, why was she hiding it. "I do, I wanted to talk to you after the theme park, it's the students day out to have fun" Jen replied, she hated keeping things to herself. "Jen tell me now" Tilly begged. The back car door opened and Maddie threw herself on the back seat "Oh my god Bart is doing my head in already and we are still in the car park. Im hitching a ride with you two ok" she had loudly ruined the moment between the lovers. "Of course, more the merrier" Jen commented and she started the car, looking at the teen who wore a shocked expression, Jen mouthed "Later" and she moved the car into gear and they were off.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The journey was torturous, Tilly kept looking at Jen, squinting hoping that if she stared hard enough the information would fall out of Jen's eyes. Jen kept her eyes straight, she could see Tilly staring but could not bring herself to look at her the girl, not with Maddie in the back seat. Maddie was chatting away about something which neither pair had no clue about, they were too busy with their thoughts, they could hear their own thoughts shouting and were adamant that the whole car could hear them too. Tilly was panicking, she had a strange gut feeling that her dream was going to come true, why else would Jen not be telling her what they said, surely if it was good news then she would be beaming and tell her, it must be bad. Tilly could not help but let a tear roll down her cheek, she turned her head to look out of the window and wiped it away. Jen could do nothing, she tightened her grip on the steering wheel and allowed her stomach to clench and her heart to break for Tilly. She never wanted to hurt the girl and she had not even told her the news yet, this whole situation had been taken completely overboard and they was no need. She let out a deep breath as she could feel the girls heart struggling to beat on its own.

How do you ever let people slip away, you never know at the time what you will be giving up on. Inspiration stops, drying up on your creativity. Time goes by, whether it is hours, years or even a short car ride, in the blink of an eye blessings are made and memories are dwelled upon. How long is it appropriate to suffer, the begging of them to return starts to calm down and its just becomes a gentle ache. It doesn't matter how many times you replay the motions or think how you would have redid things, the outcome that stays the same is you would never have not loved that person.

They had managed to drive for an hour without Maddie realising that neither was listening, Tilly had managed to chew 9 fingernails and the 10th was on its way into her mouth to finish the job, she was not even feeling going to the theme park now, she just wanted Maddie to disappear so she could speak to Jen alone. She turned her head so her eyes could walk their way up the teachers leg and hopefully sneak a look at her face. She managed to get her eyes level with the teachers face, lingering for a moment and finally Jen looked at her, her eyes were lying and her smile told Tilly she needed her.

They pulled into the car park and Maddie jumped out running over to the other guys, the pair sat in silence for a moment. Tilly let another tear out and let it fall into her lap. "Don't do that sweetheart" Jen stated leaning over and wiping the wet track down her face with her thumb. "Jen you have to tell me, im about to break here. I have been thinking all the way here that this was going to be it, that you were going to leave me or walk away like in the dream" Tilly bowed her head and sobbed, the teacher tried to move her hand to her again but Tilly had it gripped in her lap she held onto it like it was her only remaining part of Jen left. " If you chose the job that's fine, but if you don't love me.." She shook her head at the thought, "Jen if you don't love me then just lie to me, I cant take you telling me, it's the only thing I have brought myself to believe. If you leave, I have nothing, NOTHING." she opened the car door and ran over to the nearby field. "She's feeling sick we will catch up" Jen shouted over to the others and ran after the teen, _Where was this coming from? …. _

Jen caught up to Tilly as she banged her head lightly against a tree, "Babe what is this, are you breaking up with me?" Jen asked feeling the wave ripple up through her chest, "What, why would I break up with you. You're the one leaving for your job, and im just being left here. What was it you said to me, I was your light or something, well your leaving me alone in the dark Jen" Tilly sounded disorientated, Jen had no idea what was happening but she treaded carefully. "Babe what was this dream, because I think your confused?" Jen touched her back as Tilly kept her focus on the tree, it was like a child covering their eyes, what they couldn't see wouldn't hurt them. She filled Jen in on the dream in-between sobs and short breaths, she kept her hand on the tree for support physically and emotionally. Jen let her tell her and she held a hand to her chest, she could feel the girls pain. She tried to breath and beat for the both of them.

"Tilly, you need to look at me" Jen replied after Tilly had finished telling her about the dream, she still didn't turn around "Jen I cant, I wont look at you. I don't want to remember your eyes breaking my heart, just tell me and leave me alone" she was harsh but Jen knew she was hurting. "Turn around bright eyes" Jen's tone was pleasant she was loving as always and Tilly could not understand how she could be so callous. "My letter stated I had done a good job, they wanted to send me to Manchester" Tilly turned a little looking into the teachers eyes, this was it, she held her breath and waited for the news that would bring her world crashing down. "I told them I wasn't willing to go, so they let me stay here for the next 2 years and they will review my work and see if I can make 10 year" Jen waited but Tilly gave her no response she was turning red from holding her breath, she was collecting the information trying to make sense of it, the grass she was focused upon didn't offer any understanding it just moved in the wind. "Tilly, are you listening? I chose to stay here, I chose to teach you for another year, I chose you, my choice in all of this is you" Jen bared her soul and the only thing the teenager had done was to move her back against the tree and stare to her feet. She had truly believed that Jen was going to leave her, take her heart and run away into the night with it. She inhaled a deep sharp breath and shuddered, she felt the blood run back through her veins a little and she built up the guts to raise her eyes to meet the teachers, her eyes never lied to her. She caught them and locked into them for a few moments, they didn't falter, they stared back burning into her soul, loved back to life.

"So, " was all Tilly could spit out, Jen walked over to her and grabbed her hands, the touch hit her like a bus, she closed her eyes and let herself drift away. _She chose me…. Tilly she chose you… wake up ….. _Her eyes bolted open and she touched the teachers face "Is this what you want Jen, really? If you wanted to leave I would let you" she was being truthful she loved her enough to let her go, she could not have loved her more and would never find someone better. Just knowing she had loved her and been loved by her was locked safe inside and she knew her heart could always beat. "Tilly you don't get it do you, I could teach anywhere, live anywhere, I could take you and your memories anywhere but I cannot resist you, yes things will change but that's why I wanted to speak to you later on, to see if I had done the right thing. Oh, if I couldn't touch these" Jen shook Tilly's arms as she sniffled through the tears flowing from her eyes, "These held me, they made me never stop believing in love, in you. I tried for hours to decide what I was going to do, that's why I didn't reply to you, I was thinking could I leave you, I knew the answer straight away you never left my mind for one moment. I cant believe you would think I would be strong enough to leave you, you have me Tilly, you have my heart, my soul. Leave that light on for me" Jen touched the teens chest and Tilly smiled, she felt awful, she had made this entire scene more than it was. "Im so sorry, what is it with us and drama" she let out a laugh, Jen kissed the girl and she kissed back, they needed to believe that as long as they loved each other nothing was going to stop them, they had to keep believing. Their kiss parted "We said until the end" Jen smiled, as they both wiped the wet tear stains from each others faces. "Waiting until the end of time isn't too long to spend with you" Tilly soppily replied. They held onto each others hand and Jen led the girl walking backwards towards the car park, "Shall we go have some fun? Im not too keen on rides Babe" Jen smiled curling up her mouth into a scared face and laughing. Tilly wiped over her face a last time and shook her heart taking in deep breaths to shake away the moments ago, "Lets do this, your going to scream baby" she joked and they both ran back over to the entrance.

The others had already gone in so the pair queued and purchased their tickets and went into the grounds. Theme parks are always uplifting, there is so much adrenaline in the atmosphere you automatically become tuned into the surroundings. They looked around at the rides, children ran past them shortly followed by their parents shouting after them, queues were forming all full of eagerly waiting teenagers and adults waiting to have a quick ten minute thrill of adrenaline. Jen felt her stomach do a flip when she saw the size of some of the rides, they went so fast and high she knew she would end up being sick today. Tilly squeezed her hand and laughed "We are going to be fine babe" she winked, Jen knew she meant with her dilemma of the rides but Tilly reassured her eyes to mean in every way.

They walked over to the first set of rides and Jen looked her eyes up, and up further till she bent her head completely back to see the peak of the ride, a cart zoomed past them so quick she just felt the breeze across her face and her hair whipped up and fell back down, she looked at Tilly apprehensively, but the girls face was excited she was ready for the thrill of the rides and dragged Jen by the hand to the queue. They patiently waited and Jen was thankful as she needed the time to steady her breathing and calm her nerves, this was not proving to me successful each breath in and her nerves got worse, she was twiddling her hair so much it was beginning to curl on the tips. They came to the front of the queue and were shown to their cart. Individual two seater carts have been dynamically laid along the track, being in the front you will see everything but when you sit at the back it takes you quicker and drags you along. Jen rolled her eyes, they were right on the last cart, she sat and watched the man helplessly as he locked the bars across her and she double checked to make sure she was not going to come flying out on the loops, she was over thinking it again as Tilly sat waiting for the ride to start swinging her legs underneath her.

Tilly glanced a look to her right to smile at the teacher as the ride began to move, Jen was pale, she looked like she was going to be sick and had a bead of sweat starting on her forehead. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the bar, and as the ride began to speed up slowly she jolted with each move, her eyes darted to Tilly and she reached out her hand and they held on to each others fingers tight. The ride dragged its way up the steep climb and Jen knew what would happen at the top, she shut her eyes tight and felt Tilly's fingers grasp tighter. "Babe get ready to scream" she shouted over and her voice helped calm Jen for a split second before they plummeted over the edge and dropped 100 feet, the ride was racing fast and Jen lost her breath at the top of the ride, her head shook against the bars supporting her and she kept her eyes shut. The ride slowed briefly Jen could feel the jolting beginning to slow, she opened one eye and then the other and looked to Tilly who was laughing at the top of her lungs, strangely the adrenaline makes people either scream, laugh or cry. Jen made the misconception that the ride was coming to a stop, she was too busy admiring the girls happy face to see the three sets of loops looming at the middle of the ride, they picked up pace again and before she even had time to look the ride went full pelt looping in circles sending the carts upside down, Jen screamed. She screamed the entire three loops and although it was a petrified moment she felt amazing and exhilarated. A strange feeling overcame her, she knew this scream had been boiling up inside of her the entire ride but it felt like it signified her relationship, at times it seemed to be like a rollercoaster, and she knew she just had to take the moments to scream and let the adrenaline run with her.

The ride ended and the man came along to remove the bars, Jen had been leaning on them so much she fell forward when the support had been removed. Tilly jumped out of the seat and helped her up walking her to the side, she could not help but laugh the state of Jen's hair was causing hysterics to the teenager as it was swished across her face. The teacher scorned a look back removing the girls smile temporarily, Jen slapped her arm and smiled back. "Til I have never been so scared in my life" Jen was shouting, a mixture of the noise from the ride and the wind billowing in her ears had caused her to be slightly deaf. "It wasn't that bad, you will be even worse on the next one" the teen laughed back, "Really never been that scared before?" she probed, poking the teacher in her side, she was trying to make Jen realise that the rides were not that bad. "Well, I have been" she looked down and gathered herself for a moment, she was feeling flustered from the ride and the fall. "Come on lets go and see what else can make me sick" she laughed to Tilly walking her was slowly from out of the rides exit area, her legs were like jelly. "Jen, how can you keep things to yourself? I cant wait to tell you, and when its bad I cant help it from coming out. No secrets, where have you ever been more scared than that ride, your face terrified me?" Tilly had stopped and stood in front of the teacher, she wanted to know the woman's story.

Jen darted her eyes anywhere but on Tilly, "Unless you don't want to, no worries come on lets go do something fun" Tilly pulled her arm and turned around, she felt the pull back and Jen wasn't following she looked at the teacher who was wiping a stray tear from her eye, she turned her back to the teen, she didn't want to be sad now, even though she was petrified of the ride they were having fun. Tilly ran hand along her back, Jen turned at looked at her "I have been scared once where I thought I was going to die, I had to check I was breathing and my heart was beginning to shrivel." Tilly reached out to touch the teachers hand and stroked her wrist with her thumb urging her to go on. "Tilly, the day where I was so low from missing you was nothing compared to an hour ago, I thought you were breaking up with me" Jen told the teen, Tilly was overwhelmed, she was too consumed in her own thoughts in the car and hating Jen she never thought of what Jen was thinking. She dropped her head and looked back up and without looking the coast was clear she jumped in and kissed the teacher, it was a thank you for caring so much but also a heart felt sorry for causing her so much pain. "Im so sorry Jen" she offered, "Me too babe" they both held hands for a moment.

"Now im thinking, lets go find the others and have some fun" Tilly said and smiled, the teacher grinned back and followed her, hand in hand. They came to a less scary ride for Jen and the teacher winked at the teen "Really the log flume, Jen it's a water ride. Do you want to get wet?" the pair both laughed as soon as they heard it, "Promises Tilly, promises. I will if you will" Jen flirted back and they ran to the ride entrance. Things were heating back up, the cold moments when their souls began to freeze over with the fear of loosing each was completely melted away. They got into the wooden cars and jumped in, the seats were one behind each other so Tilly sat in the front as Jen sat behind. She couldn't help but look for some sort of seat belt and after seeing none she clung her arms around the girls waist holding her close, resting her head on the girls shoulder. Tilly ran her hand in the water to her side waiting for the ride to start, she cupped a hand full and threw it behind her soaking Jen a little. She heard the shock gasp and knew she was going to be receiving punishment in a few moments, the tension was rising again.

Jen scooped both hands into the water and splashed the girl laughing, she cupped one hand full and lifted back Tilly t-shirt by the neck and poured the water down her back. The teen arched her back forward as the cold water worked its way all the way down her back to the gap at the top of her shorts. "You cow, that was freezing" Tilly laughed back still arching her back, "Don't play with the big girls sweetheart, we don't play fair" Jen replied into the teens ear, her hand working its way over the now wet path down her back. Tilly swung herself around so she faced the teacher, the ride began and the cart jolted to a start, making Tilly wrap her legs around the teachers waist and hold on for dear life as she went backwards around the ride. The man controlling the ride was shouting over for her to turn back around, Tilly ignored the obvious danger warning and planted a kiss onto the teachers lips, they passionately let their tongues meet and tease each other as Jen held onto the teenagers back so she wouldn't fall backwards. With each change of direction the car jolted banging their hips into each other sending moans in their mouths and making their kiss deeper. Their embrace was loosing its tightness as Jen could not control her hands from wandering, she was being thrown around the car and she was sure at any moment her and the teen would end up swimming. Hand worked its way under Tilly's wet shirt and began circling around her hips as her other hand found its entrance into her conveniently low cut top, they went over bumps and around corners, water splashing with each thud as the car and their hearts hit the water again. Jen was thankful this ride didn't go upside down. Tilly was so lost in Jen that she forgot she was on a moving vehicle ride, her eyes were shut the entire time, the thrills she was feeling, the motion sickness and general loss of awareness was how she felt every time she allowed these lips to touch hers.

There was a final splash at the end of the ride and it broke their kiss, a wave of water splashing down from the thud and drenched both of them to the bone. They broke away and laughed, it had been a ride indeed but they had only just begun. Jen helped the teen unwrap her legs and stand up onto the ledge from her backward stance she followed and they ran along the side path, they stopped by a staff only door and Jen's eyebrows raised suggestively to the teen, she was feeling liberated and dangerous off the ride. Tilly pushed her up against the door and kissed her, her hand made its way across her neck and down the centre of her body, it lingered on her chest as it rested in her cleavage, her fingers spreading trying to reach both breasts at the same time. Her other hand was resting against the door, which was creaking with each move. Jen was completely in the moment too her hands had already tried removing the teens t shirt and her eyes opened quickly to glance around to make sure no one was near them, thankfully the exit was a few yards up from them so they only way they could get caught was by a member of staff or security cameras, the thrill in being caught was a ride itself, that wasn't seen in the brochures. Jen resumed her hands to the girls torso, running her hand underneath her bra and cupping the teens breast, she felt her back firmer against the door as Tilly agreed with the touch, she held the girls head as she had found the teachers breast with her mouth, Jen threw her own head back moaning with delight. Tilly's hands worked their way under Jen's dress, such easy access, she run her finger over the lace of her briefs and she could feel the teachers breath quicken to short exhales over the teens head. Tilly moved her briefs to one side and began to tease the teacher, Jen was holding onto her tight, she knew at any moment someone would ruin this and she wasn't going to let her go. The log flume loaded another load of passengers as the pair hid away in the shadows, alone in their world. Jen shrieked in pleasure just as the ride plummeted to the last water splash, sending another wave over the shocked passengers, they found each others lips again and Jen caught the look out of the corner of her eye and grabbed the teens hand and ran, looking behind her as the maintenance man angrily chased after them for being in a restricted zone.

They entered into the middle of the park like a maze and doubled over catching their breath and breaking back into laughter. Tilly spotted Maddie and Sinead wearing waterproof capes and nodded to Jen to follow, Jen stood up straight wiping the wet hair out of her eyes and face and leant back stretching, causing Tilly to childishly poke her stomach. Jen straightened down her dress and walked with Tilly trying to wipe her smirk off her face. They caught up with the gang "Guys you are soaking, where have you been" Maddie asked questioning their wet and creased clothes. "We couldn't find you so we went on the Log Flume" Tilly replied her smile a little too big for the credit of the ride. "Where you headed next babe" Maddie asked Tilly who was wiping her red cheeks, she noticed Jen looked behind her and became distracted by the teachers return gaze it was panicked. "Were going to run to the photo stand as see if they have our picture" Jen replied abruptly and grabbed the teens hand and broke into a run. Tilly followed a little shocked, "Jen why are we running, Jen?" she was a little behind her and she wanted to slow down as the teacher broke into a sprint behind a snack stand. "Tilly look" Jen pointed and the teen saw the maintenance man and two other employees had spotted them and ran in their direction looking angry.

They looked around but there was no where to go, Jen decided to approach the situation professionally, she was after all a teacher. She let them walk over to her and she tried to look smart. "Hello, what seems to be the problem" she asked as Tilly was frantically trying to hide, she even eyed the bin but changed her mind. "We need you two to come with us, we do not condone behaviour like this in our park and you were trespassing" the man replied, Jen could not help her hyper state at this moment and simply nodded along as the man spoke, she could not help the laugh raging up from her chest and she belted out a hysterical laugh in the mans face, she could not stop to even apologise and got swung around by the arm, Tilly in tow and they were placed at the exit of the park, they had been thrown out.

"Jen what the hell has got into you, we just got thrown out" Tilly was laughing herself as she looked at Jen, who had thrown herself onto her car bonnet still grabbing her sides as she continued to laugh.

Life is a rollercoaster, the ups can out weigh the down. The climb is often long and monstrous but when you let yourself go the ride will be amazing. It is however a long way down if you fall, but the darkest storm will eventually pass.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Tilly shook her hands to the sky, she was embarrassed to be thrown out of the theme park but the moments that made it happen made her happier than she had in a while. This was no longer a dream, there was no one else's life she wanted, she loved her own. It was a nice feeling being able to accept your life without any envy for others, she had no need to she had great friends, she loved school and she loved her girlfriend more than anything. Jen was still laying across the bonnet or her car, she had calmed the laughing down and was now laying comfortably, still holding her sides and letting out the sly snort. She felt amazing and the rush had taken her off her feet. Tilly could not help but admire the beauty in front of her, she was smart, funny, sensitive, over the top, gorgeous…Tilly got distracted with the last thought and walked her way over to the teacher and her draping legs.

She walked in between them so she could lean her hands either side of her hips. "Hey you, calmed down now" she smiled at the teacher, "Hey, sorry babe, that was too funny" Jen replied sitting back up slowly, she had to remember that she was only 24, she still had plenty of childish left in her and this teen made her feel so young and alive. The contrast from the beginning of the morning till now was as different as rain to sunshine, and it didn't matter she had her girl in her arms and she would never change it. Jen raised fully now aligning her body with the teenager, her breasts levelled with her chin and the teen stared for a while smiling, she knew these, she had about half hour ago knew them well. Jen chuckled which in turn raised her breasts to hit the teen a little and she ran a finger under her chin and lifted her face up to greet hers. "Hey gorgeous, up here" Jen teased and she blew onto the teens pink cheeks and leant in to kiss her, Tilly's lips pouted ready to receive but Jen lingered teasing her, Tilly's eyes opened and it was then she planted the kiss, they looked deep into each others eyes.

The guys were still in the park and considering the pair had only been in there for an hour and a half they knew the others were hours away from exiting. They had the rest of the day to themselves to do whatever they pleased. They stopped kissing and looked around trying to find something to do, they needed to calm down their passion for a while, onlookers were beginning to watch and Tilly was becoming paranoid that she would see someone she knew. Jen's mood was coming down from the silly episode and she slid down the bonnet rather than wrapping her legs around the teenager. She opened her car door and threw her bag onto the back seat and climbed in, Tilly was still watching people, she was convinced that the guys would come running out any second after being told that they were thrown out, she was beginning to worry a little. Jen beeped her horn making Tilly jump a mile and turn around and look at her shocked, Jen replied with a smile and waved her hand for Tilly to jump in.

The pair drove for a little while casting little smiles at each other and both reliving the events of the day, it made them both chuckle every so often. They turned into a street and stopped at a supermarket store, Tilly looked at Jen confused but the teacher had a plan. She jumped out the car and came back ten minutes later dropping bags into the boot and climbing back into the drivers seat laughing at Tilly who had been in full swing of belting her heart out to a song on the radio. She poked her tongue out to the teacher as she mocked her and continued with Jen's accompaniment to deliver the last big note of the song. They both wore there smiles as they drove back in the direction of the theme park. Tilly looked out the window and the area passing her by, she glared at the sheep and horses in the fields and laughed as a farmer chased a wandering sheep into another field. She laid back and shut her eyes, enjoying the breeze making its way across her face like a welcomed touch to cool her down a little. The day was turning out to be a hot one.

Tilly felt the motion of the car come to a stop, "Stay still and trust me" Jen told Tilly as she tied a handkerchief around the girls head covering her eyes, "Jen what are you doing?" Tilly replied a little nervous and raising her hands to trace the material, this was feeling like a fun game but no vision made her uncomfortable and unsteady. "Trust me" Jen replied whispering and letting her lips linger on her neck. Tilly heard the car door open and shut again, a brief silence and then she felt her door open and a hand take hers leading her one leg at a time out of the car. She walked blind and was placed to lean against what she felt to be the car, a finger placed upon her lips taunting her to keep quiet. She could hear Jen rattling the bags and felt her walk past, letting her head follow her nose as she tracked the scent of her perfume, the smell vanished within a few seconds and it tormented Tilly she took another deep breath in. She leant sensing every movement around her and just listened to the sound of the leaves as they tried to fly away from the tree branches which held onto them, she could hear water and outstretched her foot to feel for sand but was confused when all her foot could feel was grass, she suddenly wished she had not taken her shoes off in Jen's car.

She started to feel a little lonely, almost paranoid, where was she and where was Jen, she could hear sounds every so often but she was unsure of them and was beginning to wonder if she had been left there alone. She shook her head this was probably supposed to be sensual, erotic maybe Jen was waiting for her to settle down before she devoured her, they did get interrupted during their shenanigans at the Log Flume. Tilly allowed herself to become a little turned on and she could feel her body sub consciously loosed up and allow her pose to become something a little more sultry rather than the grumpy teenage stance. She kept this pose for what felt like hours until she smelt the perfume return and her lips curved creating a welcoming smile.

"If you allow yourself to be moved by a moment, listen to all the sounds, allow yourself to be still and take it all in, you become the moment" Jen was whispering and Tilly's theory of this being sensual was making her quiver, she seeked more. She could only feel Jen as she whispered her way around the teens neck and ear, her breath tickled and her voice was mesmerising. She felt Jen's finger nails on her hand as they circled her palm relaxing her hand to open, the teachers hand made its way into her open hand, her outstretched fingers filling the gaps in her own. She felt a little pull and she was being led away from the support of the car, she walked carefully aware that without shoes and no sight this could end badly for her and her clumsy nature. She over stood her feet like she was wearing gravity boots and she heard an angelic laugh and she began trying to walk normally. She could feel her way through Jen's touch, she knew when she was straying to far away from the direction and was pulled back and when she had to be careful of her step Jen tightened her grip. She stopped as Jen stopped and the teachers hands went to her hips as she helped her to sit, Tilly did as instructed and sat feeling a smoother surface beneath her as her fingers felt her way to the ground.

She felt a set of arms wrap around her waist and a pair of legs cross over her own, she leant back and she knew she was leaning against the teachers chest and she felt amazing. Jen ran her hands through the girls hair, Tilly swayed her head as Jen's fingers massaged her scalp she was lost in the touch. She held her hands onto the teachers legs as she leant further back so her head was back on Jen's shoulder nuzzled into her neck. Jen ran her nails delicately along the knot of the handkerchief and replaced it with her hands, she could feel the girls eyes move as she was becoming desperate to see. Jen removed her hands slowly circling her fingers across her face and down her neck to rest upon the top of her chest. "Open your eyes gorgeous" Jen instructed and Tilly did.

She blinked a few times and readjusted her eyes to take in the brightness and looked around and took in her surroundings. They were in the most beautiful and scenic area Tilly had ever seen in her life. They were in a small isolated field with a big oak tree, tall and aged standing high on its own dominating the area. There was a lake which sparkled with the gleam of the sun beaming upon it, it looked inviting and Tilly felt tranquil, it was so peaceful she was in heaven.

They stared into the openness and became one with nature and each other, Jen gently ran her hand lovingly across the girls skin, Tilly was running hers along the teachers leg, although the passion had ensued when they first arrived they were calm with just being together at the moment, happy for the peace and quiet and not having to hide how they feel, or how they looked at each other and they were free to touch each other any way they pleased. "I love being able to do this, without looking over my shoulder all the time" Jen commented, Tilly turned her head a little agreeing, "I know, do you think now you have the job that we will have to keep being careful. I will be 18 surely there is nothing they can do" Tilly was searching for any plausible answers even though she knew there was none. "I don't think it's the age that matters babe, its not professional for a teacher to be consorting with a student" Jen replied, sounding a glum about the situation as Tilly. "Is that what we are doing is consorting? Ha" Tilly joked, this moment was beautiful she didn't want to make it serious. Jen wrapped her tighter into a grip, she couldn't move, "Jen I cant breathe" Tilly squirmed trying to wiggle free, Jen kissed her neck "Then you know how I feel every time I see you babe" Tilly was officially seduced. She stopped fighting back and remained still, why fight the teacher, she had already won her heart.

Jen tilted her body so the tree behind her was now to her side, she shifted Tilly so as she laid back the girl laid next to her. Tilly propped herself onto her elbow so she could rest her head on the teachers stomach, she looked up and smiled. Jen's look was more free, she wore her tormented eyes too often but she seemed to be outgrowing them lately, this girl was the reason. She rested her chin on her chest so she could see the red heads face, she was licking her bottom lip and a small nibble, she could not stop the butterflies that came and then followed by the tingles in her stomach. Before she could control herself she could feel her entire body being thrown into the state of lust, this girl had done nothing except look into her eyes but Jen was smitten with her. Tilly gradually managed to stand herself up, she too was feeling the effects of this emotion, she could feel Jen's body becoming more rapid, her heart went with the rise of Jen's stomach every deep breath she took in and she was becoming excited watching her breasts being heaved up now her breaths were becoming short and raspy. She knew exactly how she made the teacher feel, after all Jen did the same to her.

Tilly walked around Jen in almost a skipping motion, she was feeling silly again from the heat and the sudden wave of excitement, she didn't want Jen to think she was constantly thinking of sex all the time and finding reasons to be alone, but something about this woman had caught her in a net and reeled her into something deeper. This infatuation she had with this woman was driving her crazy and making her desperate to touch her every time she saw her, she could not control her thoughts to her or the way her body responded to her. She could feel every time she tried to walk away like a magnet she was drawn back, it was comforting. It didn't matter how far away they got from each other they would never be too far and their connection will always bring them back.

Jen watched the girl walk circles around her and skip to her own beat in her head, she loved the face Tilly pulled when she was thinking, she stuck her tongue out to the side of her mouth a little and her nose twitched. She was deep in thought and Jen knew it was about her, she could not help but release a smile. She lifted herself up and took off her shoes, followed by her socks and then tights. She slipped her dress over her head and stood up wearing her underwear proud. She walked away from the mat she had laid on the floor leaving her clothes in a pile. She walked to the edge of the lake and dipped in a toe looking back, the red head was still pacing by the tree. Jen lifted her arms and her slender figure shadowed into the sparkling water and she jumped forward diving in.

Tilly heard the slash and turned, she saw the clothes and filled in the gaps, clicking on slowly to the new plan. She stripped quickly and searched for the teacher to rise out of the water. She was under the water for what felt to Tilly like minutes but she resurfaced making Tilly run a hand across her chest, she was like a goddess. She threw her black shimmering hair back as she rose out of the water, her toned stomach smooth and her breasts visible through her white bra. Tilly was in a trance, this was something else, Jen belonged in this scenic place she was a vision of beauty.

"Come over here baby" Jen beckoned, she knew the teen couldn't stay away, and she walked backwards running her hands in the water causing a rippling. Tilly walked to the edge and lowered herself off the bank into the cold water, she shrieked a little as her body became engulfed into the dark substance. Tilly was a little uneasy about what she was standing on, she wasn't sure what sort of creatures lived in fresh water lakes and had a strange phobia of eels, but the gorgeous woman enticing her deeper into the unknown was enough for her to keep moving. She picked her feet up off the muddy floor and began to swim, making her way straight to Jen. She reached her goal and placed her feet back onto the lake bed, her teeth chattered a little as she smiled. "Cool you down a little?" Jen mocked and she knew it was working Tilly's slender frame was curved into a hugging position as her body filled with goosebumps and her face was back to its normal pale complexion.

Jen moved forward and embraced the girl, rubbing her back to try and warm her up, she could feel the girl shaking in her arms. "Im ok, promise. All I want is you" she commented she didn't want the teacher to resume the role she took on so often and protect her or look after her, she knew what she was getting herself into and she took herself into the situations she wanted to and she wanted Jen. She pulled her head back so the teacher was inches away from her face, and she kissed her, the kiss was deep and passionate and the motherly hold Jen had had around the girl became more of a lovers hold. She held a hand on the girls lower back, pulling on the waistband of her wet pants, pulling her closer to her, her other hand cradled the girls neck, keeping the pace of the kiss. Tilly's hands had already found Jen's protruding nipple which made her moan as it was already sensitive from the cold water. The pair became frantic trying to have as much access to the others body as they could but that was proving to be unsteady as their feet sank and slid with the shift of the mud. Jen lifted the girl so her legs were around her waist and treaded the water back to the bank, she sat Tilly down on the edge and began the sped up kiss again. Their tongues stroking each others as they resumed their groping. Tilly's fingers were already cupping inside Jen's wet bra warming the breast back up as she released her mouth to do the same to the other. Jen's eyes were torn between shutting them and feeling each of the girls movement, or opening them focusing her eyes across the landscape in front of her.

The trees danced in the wind, the core of the trunk keeping them in place allowing stray leaves to be blown from their branches, Jen watched as they floated their way to the ground resting upon the grass before being taken off in flight again. Jen felt free, she was being summoned into a state of ecstasy as the teens mouth had managed to warm up her torso as her hand worked its way back under the water and Jen had to brace herself as her legs became forced open, her hands rested on the slippery bank as she allowed the teens fingers to work their magic. She wasn't sure if it was the cold water taking effect or the excitement but she was trembling and as she tried to scream in pleasure the cold forced her to catch her breath in her throat, the mud sliding beneath her feet forced her to thud on top of the teens body.

"You ok Jen, your practically blue" Tilly asked as she rubbed the teachers arm and back to her face, the heat of the moment was fading with release and the cold of the water was taking its toll, with the help of Tilly Jen managed to climb onto the bank and realign her underwear which had made its way to her knees. They walked back over to where they were sat and Jen rummaged through the carrier bags and set up bottles and snacks. "Oh a picnic, this is romantic" Tilly commented, "Thought we would have a little date" Jen winked, they were beyond dates but this was sweet. "Baby you're the best" Tilly replied smiling as she threw her clothes back on top of her wet body to removed the shivers. Jen did the same and they both sat waiting for the sun to warm them back up, Jen passed Tilly a packet of biscuits and the teen laughed as she opened the party rings and slipped one into Jen's mouth.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The pair sat under the Oak tree for two hours, there clothes had dried from their wet bodies and both of their hair style were considerably different from the beginning of the day, Jen remembered how she had re straightened hers twice due to the nerves of her first teacher to parent interaction. She was surprised her hair didn't curl after her encounter with Tilly's parents, she blushed at this thought, maybe one day when they were allowed to be together she would meet them properly as Tilly's girl friend. This was exciting as it would mean they made it, they would still be together after a year, that would be amazing. What if her parents became curious as they knew how they met or how long they had been together. She recalled Tilly's father looking sceptical as she spoke to them about the girl, he must have seen the way her entire body and mannerisms changed when his daughter was close to her. This could still cause problems for Jen's job he could tell the school that they were together during the time of teaching, all the time they had worked hard not only at the difficult times but at keeping the relationship a secret, it would be for nothing.

Tilly could see the teachers face had changed a little from moments before, her face had been completely relaxed and the only movement it showed was when a breeze had swept across it and her hair took flight for a second and relayed back across her cheek. Now her face was stern , her eyes were focused and narrow, her cheeks were clenched as she grinded her teeth thinking and her hands were no longer seductively stirring a pot of chocolate spread they were drumming along the matt. "Jen? Penny for them?" Tilly asked in reference to the teachers thoughts, Jen was oblivious until the teen placed a hand onto her shoulder causing a jump out of her. "Sorry babe, what did you say?" Jen replied consumed by thoughts, "I was asking what you were thinking so hard about" the teen commented again. "Nothing really" Jen replied but as soon as she said it she could see the teens face recoil as she knew the teacher was lying again. "I was thinking about your Parents" she dropped her head a little, it was an odd thing to admit to your teenage girlfriend, Tilly's head however bounced up in concern. "Why Jen?" she removed her hand from the teachers shoulder, a habit when parents are mentioned you resume the innocent role.

"Nothing bad, I was thinking how one day imagine having to tell them about us. But then I panicked how they would react, your father did not seem to like me this morning" Jen genuinely looked worried, she loved this girl and they had kept this a secret for the vital point that no one would disapprove , when it came the time to branch out and tell those closest to you who you chose to love, it was daunting. "Jen my mother loves you already, she tells me all the time I should find a girl like you. My dad is grumpy, he still does not like the fact that I like women, he thinks im too young to decide what I want to be, but this chose me and you chose me. As long as im happy they will be" Tilly reassured the teacher a little but her look was still vacant to Tilly, she tried to turn the table. "How would your mum like me" she asked, involuntary Jen released a little smile, she looked to the teen with a little sparkle in her eyes "Oh Til she would love you so much, she always seems to know what's best for me" she laid back onto her elbow and was back to Tilly being the only one there. "When I came home and told her I thought I was a little different I panicked so much as it wasn't the norm. She waited for me to tell her and her smile stayed as she nodded, she simply waited for me to finish pacing and explaining how confused I was and finally admit it, and she kept the smile and said she knew. She had known before I was willing to admit it. It was reassuring babe, the support was endearing" Tilly loved how Jen talked about her past and her family she had such an energy about her that was inspiring and contagious.

Tilly watched Jen speak, her own face mimicking the expressions spreading across her girlfriends face. "Have you ever brought a girl home to her?" Tilly asked sounding a little jealous in her voice, she was not sure why but when it comes to speaking of ex partners the feeling of jealousy sweeps you, you wonder if they did everything better. Did they make her happier or satisfy her better than you would. Tilly realigned her head and looked back into Jen's eyes which were trying to hard to read the teens. "Yes one, im not much older than you remember, there was not a queue Tilly" Jen smirked as she joked breaking up the tension a little. "She was in Uni with me, we were friends, alcohol fuelled and curious we experimented and all the broken pieces and thoughts fitted. We only went out until the end of term which was 3 months but I took her home at the end of term and although I didn't tell my mum we were dating she must have known. I came home one day over the summer in a state as we had split up and she knew, she told me one day I would find someone I would mean the world too and would have the same interests as me. Someone I would fit into and become my soul mate" Tilly pointed a finger to her chest holding her head high in a mocking but asking way. "Believe me babe she would love you" Jen reaffirmed. "Am I your soul mate?" Tilly asked smirking as Jen seemed to have side stepped the gesture, she knew the connection they had, when they were not together the world did not spin right. "Hmmm… well I love you, I cannot resist you, I cannot stop thinking of you, I hear your name in certain circles and it drives me wild and I do not imagine the rest of my life without you. I think that makes you my soul mate" Jen replied poking the girls chest.

Their soppy moment was in full swing, and neither had a reason to stop. Tilly scooted over and sat cross legged in-between Jen's, "Kinda makes me feel sad for the rest" Tilly sang, probing Jen to return "Nobody does it better, baby you're the best". The pair laughed and the trees danced along in the wind, it was as it was supposed to be, nature has a way of being atmospheric, it makes you feel as it feels.

Jen passed a look at her phone, "Its nearly 5 babe, we should be getting back to the park" she looked as sad about it as Tilly did but they knew they would have to leave soon otherwise the others will ask questions. "I cant believe were back at school next week, these holidays have gone so quick" Tilly sighed, "Time flies when your having fun babes" Jen winked, "Its not all bad, im officially your teacher till the end of your school year" she smiled, they were both excited about this, as long as they can stay together this would be the best year of their lives. They were past the awkward unresolved tension section, they had moved their relationship along to the stage where they were both happy and in love. If they could handle the year and all the complications of school etc they will be on the home free.

They gathered their things off the floor and stuffed them into Jen's boot, the teen folded the matt respectively and laid it on top of the carrier bags and returned her gaze to the floor to see if they had forgotten anything. Tilly felt a little odd again, she felt as though for now she would have to leave the life they had created and the love they had given to each other at this place, all the moments had become memories now and Tilly knew she could keep them safe and think of Jen when she wanted. Her feeling was changed to good ones, this school term was going to be great, she would be taught by her girlfriend and they knew there love was real so hiding their signs of affection in school would be fun, almost like role play. Although they could not disappear on trips like they did over the last few weeks they can still meet up in the evenings and weekends, and they always have Jen's classroom. Tilly blushed a smile as she thought of sneaking around with the teacher in the place she worked and Tilly learnt.

Tilly caught the teacher frowning, she could not read the teen sometimes "You will get wrinkles if you keep frowning at me" Tilly joked and ran a finger mockingly along her eyes and forehead, "I can see one now" she joked causing Jen to slap her shoulder and look into the mirror in her car, "I do not, im only a little older than you sweetheart don't get clever" Jen loved the banter they shared. "Your still young enough for a spanking young lady" she poked out her tongue and manoeuvred her way around the car to the teens side mocking an authoritive power stance, "Teachers are not allowed to hit students" Tilly replied duelling with Jen. "Teachers are not supposed to steal the student for a day of frolicking in the lake either, hmmm… maybe I should consult the handbook and stop this tirade" she had replied the perfect winner, Tilly looked stumped she could not top it.

She thought for a few minutes and looked blank back, "Babe don't get glum, I always win" she joked back and returned a smile to the teen. "Shall we make a move back then, the guys will think we have gone without them" Tilly motioned standing up from her leaning position ready to jump into the car, Jen stayed watching her "I believe we had 5 more minutes on my clock" she pointed to her lips and demanded a kiss, chuckling to herself, she moved to stand in front of the girl and placed her arms either side blocking her in. She leant in and their foreheads touched, she watched the girls eyes dart to her lips and she knew she desired her kiss too, she sub consciously licked her lips and it drove the teen wild, she was mesmerised by the teachers tongue, she gave in and locked her lips to Jen's and they rotated their mouths moving their heads slightly to the right to allow the angle to comfort the full desire. Their hands caressed each others faces and allowed their hands to run through their now silky lake smelling hair and finally resting their hands on each others hips as they fell full swoon into the kiss.

After the five minute curfew they released their kiss and forced themselves to disconnect slightly from each others grasp, they had to leave, if they continued this embrace they would not be leaving each others side. Jen smiled and ran a finger over Tilly's lip and walked around to the drivers seat and climbed in shutting her door, Tilly did the same and slipped her shoes back on smiling. She buckled up and wound down her window, resting her head against the chair and smiled goodbye to the scenic heaven they reversed away from. Jen momentarily did the same, and looked at the beauty next to her, this moment for a while could not get better.

They drove for an hour and Tilly started to remember the route back, seeing the fields she passed and the supermarket where they had brought supplies. They had only actually eaten some party rings, neither could bring themselves to look at them long enough to try to control the laughing. Tilly climbed over her seat and into the backseat as Jen tried to look behind to see what the teen was up to. She opened the hatch between the boot and back seats and rummaged around in the boot for what her mind was searching for. Jen looked frantically in the mirror and quick glances behind when she felt secure in a lane. "Tilly what in god's name are you doing" the teacher asked a little confused, she did however take a slight distracting moment to focus on the girls wiggling bum and let out a smile. "Aha" Tilly pulled out something and climbed back into the front seat looking pleased at herself. "What have you got?" Jen asking already laughing at the teens face as she pulled a smirk.. She held out a jar to the teachers face and flicked off the lid, she had brought the chocolate spread back out to play. Jen raised her eyebrows and watched the teen as she dipped a finger in and teased the teacher, she threatened her with the now chocolate covered finger waving it around her face and arms as Jen tried to concentrate on the road in front of her, her stomach doing flips as her eyes stole cheeky glances to the teen.

Jen focused on the red car in front of her and read the licence plate over and over she was trying to take Tilly out of her mind for a few more minutes, the urge to pull back over was intense but she knew they had to get back by 6 to meet the others and to pull over would take a lot longer. She felt a cold finger run down her arm and her arm tensed trying to keep it steady and tightened her fingers around the steering wheel, she kept her eyes focused on the car in front, the licence plate was becoming fuzzy. The warmness of Tilly's tongue worked its way over the length of her arm and her lips parted for a moan to escape, the cold finger worked again and tickled her along the crease of her neck, she shivered and ran a hand threw her hair becoming caught up in the moment. She eagerly awaited for the teens tongue to finally satisfy her waiting touch, Jen licked her top lip and followed the lick along her teeth and bit her bottom lip as she tried to control the effects of the sensual touch. Tilly's hot breath reached its way along Jen's neck and she shuddered anticipating the next move, she shut her eyes briefly forgetting she was driving as the teen leant over and held on to Jen's leg and the back of her seat as she licked along the teachers neck, Jen tilted her head to the side to allow the access but fighting her lungs to take a breath.

The girl licked all the way around the teachers neck and ran a finger to pull her dress down a little exposing her shoulder, she laced it with a trail of chocolate and kissed, letting her mouth linger a little to tease Jen, she could feel her leg tapping with excitement and she let her tongue back out to lick the shoulder and as far as she could reach along the teachers collar bone. Jen was struggling, her hand kept lifting from the wheel as she wanted to touch out to the girl, she released her grip for a moment to change gear and her hand could not help but take a divert on its direction back, she allowed her hand to graze along the teens leg and she the fireworks in her stomach exploded, she was officially turned on. Tilly flew backwards as the car swerved to the side of the road and Jen's buckle was off within seconds and she threw herself on top of the shocked red head, the teachers lips took no time to find the teens and they roughly kissed both succumbed by their overwhelming urge. Jen released and wiped under the girls lip where she had eagerly over kissed leaving a red lipstick smudge, "You young lady nearly caused an accident" Jen joked as she ran a finger along the girls chin. "I have no idea what you mean, I was peckish" Tilly replied and could feel the teacher moving on top of her, her hands were caressing as much of the girl as she had access too. Jen sighed as her heart beat through her chest, "Babe you drive me crazy, I would love to ravage you here but it is ten past six, we have to go" Jen pursed her lips to look sad and trailed her finger along the teens face and lifted herself off the girl and sat back in her own seat, regretting the move already. "Well" Tilly sat herself back up and played the violated look, secretly she did not want it to stop. "Miss Gilmore your self control is disgraceful" she joked and Jen rolled her eyes, throwing her head back to giggle, she kept her hand on the steering wheel still trying to control her breathing. She held the other hand in the teens and for a few minutes they both looked as their hands intertwined and Jen ran a thumb over Tilly's, together they will make it.

Jen kissed the teens hand and started the engine, they drove in silence savouring every last bit of tension that filled the car. They arrived at the theme park and both climbed out of their seats and walked around the car waiting for the others to join, Jen could still feel her legs being a little uncooperative, the rides, lake and car scene had left her a little flustered and tired. She let out a little yawn and shut her eyes as her hand covered her mouth, she let out a stretch, "Keeping you awake am I" Tilly joked and sat next to the teacher on the bonnet of her car. "Well now you mention it" Jen replied mocking for a second, "Its been a long day babe, and I think that cold lake took it out of me a bit" she rubbed her arm sub consciously reliving the cold, she had however been warmed up by Tilly and the new blush creeping its way across her cheeks agreed with it. Tilly let out a laugh as she knew exactly what the teacher was thinking, she looked her eyes forward and watched as her friends came out laughing and jumping around, all soaking from the rides and by the looks of it all hyped up from caffeine and adrenaline. They waved when they saw them and all noisily made their way over to the two girls who were smiling for their own reasons.

"Hey what happened to you pair? We looked for you for ages?" Maddie asked a little annoyed at Tilly for ditching her, "Sorry babes, I was feeling a little sick so we got some air and they would not let us back in so we just sun bathed by here" she smiled sweetly and Maddie bought it, Jen let out a little hidden breath she had been holding onto. "You all have fun?" Jen asked smiling and the teens all let out laughs and smiles and agreed, "Yeah it was fab Jen you should have joined us, Bart spewed on the one ride and Maddie screamed so much we nearly got thrown out" Sinead replied, it was endearing to Jen how much they all had grown to like her. She was younger than the other teachers, and as she was a student teacher she was a little more lenient with behaviour, they knew she would have a laugh with them. "Jen can we ask something?" Sinead asked, causing Jen's head to slowly look back up, "Erm.. Yeah course, what's up hun?" Jen replied a little trepidation in her voice. "Mum said you had a letter this morning and we were wondering if it was about your placement" Sinead was obviously the chosen one to ask as she was closest to Jen, Tilly tried to hide a smile as she knew the answer to the secret they all wanted to know. "Well yes actually it was, im assuming you all want to know whether I will be your teacher next year?" Jen asked she was taunting the teens as she had all of their attention. Sinead and Bart answered the same time both eagerly awaiting the teachers reply.

"Well its bad news" she looked down playing the teens, Sinead and Maddie crossed shocked faces, mouths open, Jen smiled inside they truly looked gutted, it was moving to Jen, she had became fond of her class too especially this bunch and one student in particular. They all looked to Tilly to check the truth and she nodded a sad nod to correspond what the teacher had said, Bart kicked a can on the floor and swore, "This is stupid how can they not have you back, you're the best thing at collage, you actually make us want to go to class" he ranted and held his hands to his head, it was true that Jen had helped him a lot and renewed his faith in the education system, he had just passed his exams due to her help. She felt a little bad as he stormed around stomping as Sinead held his shoulders "Its ok babe, calm shhhh. Jen will still be living with me and mum so you can come and bug her for help all the time" she thought and turned "You will be staying in the village wont you, they haven't moved you anywhere" Sinead was concerned and the tear forming in her eye told Jen she needed to stop the teasing and out the teens out of their misery. "I shall be living with you, I shall see you all the time. Bart come here" Jen called out to Bart who still angry and seemed to be taking it out on the can, he obediently turned to face her and leant on the side of the car in a strop. "The bad news of it all, is I have the placement for the next two years, so you will have to put up with me for a while longer" she beamed a smile back and caught Sinead's hug as she jumped into Jen's arms laughing, Bart practically shoved her out the way and hugged Jen too, "That was totally mean Jen" he stated and hugged her again, she let out a heartfelt laugh as he ran and air punched the sky. This day could not get any better, Jen glanced to her right and winked at her girl, who was shaking her head mockingly at how mean Jen had been.

They all jumped back into their designated cars, Maddie resumed onto Jen's backseat which she didn't mind, she needed a rest and if they were left alone again, she would not be able to make the drive back. She let out another yawn setting Tilly off yawning too, Maddie laid in the back and by the time they drove out of the car park they could here her stifled breaths as she slept. Tilly looked almost jealous, she too was shattered and could not hold another yawn from exiting. "Babe have a nap if your sleepy" Jen smiled to the teen, "That's not fair, your tired too I cant leave you to drive alone" she weakly replied she knew within the next few moments she would not keep that promise. Jen let out a little laugh as the teen finished the statement with another yawn and had already snuggled her head into the seat, she watched Jen drive for a while and blinked every time the teacher looked back and their eyes met. "Tilly sleep" she encouraged as the teen had one eye open concentrating, not wanting to miss her face. "I think I am babe, I just want your face to be the last thing I see" and it was, she blinked her last blink and her eye shut joining the other one. Jen kept her looks over she loved to watch the girl sleep, her nose twitched every so often and she looked so peaceful, little smiles formed and Jen could feel the world stop each time, her heart gave an extra beat. Angelic and addictive.

The pressure created from an ex can cause friction for new relationships, even though you never knew the ex you can just see the remnants left behind. You bombard yourself with expectations and comparisons driving yourself crazy dwelling on the non important facts. Even though you have chemistry with the new love, you are plagued with the history. The good thing about history is that it is not always carved in stone, its there to be re written and there is always room for better memories.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Jen pulled into the village and drove the long way around, she didn't want to disturb Tilly or Maddie quicker than she had too, she decided to drop Maddie off first so she could say goodbye to her girlfriend properly and alone. She pulled up outside Maddie's house and gently tapped the girls shoe awaking her, she let out a yawn and a moan and sat up to look where she was, "Oh im home, thanks for the lift Jen. Is she asleep" Maddie commented poking Tilly in the neck, her head simply fell to the side and she resumed her snuggle into the window. Jen smiled and her head tilted to one side, her eyes gazing in love. The blonde teen in the back let out another yawn and knocked Jen out of her trance, she looked back at Maddie changing her smile to a normal polite one. "I'll get her home to sleep now, glad you had a good day" she motioned to Maddie, "Yeah it was brill, well Miss Gilmore I shall see you for class Monday morning" Maddie returned and laughed, Jen could not help but smile, "Of course, bright and early. Goodbye Maddie", the girl climbed out of the car and shut the door as quietly as she could without waking up Tilly. Jen watched Maddie to make sure she got in ok and returned her gaze to the girl, she already missed her.

She felt a little foolish sometimes being so soppy about the girl, she missed the most random things about her that other people would not necessarily pick up on. She felt lost when she could not see the girls eyes her own desperately seeking her direction, she loved the crease created in her nose when she laughed, the way her dimples hugged her cheeks when she smiled and most of all she missed the way she felt warm when she was in her presence. She could not even comprehend discrediting her feelings for this girl, whether deemed childish or not. Love can make you act differently, people often say you've changed but all you hope is you have changed to what they want you to be. The best kind of love is when they accept you before you change and never let you. She smiled, Tilly was smitten with the teacher before she even allowed this feeling to overwhelm her, she hoped if she had changed that no one would ever tell her as she had become a better version of herself, she was in heaven.

She pulled up by the railings in-between both of their houses and turned the engine off, cradling the keys in her hand. She looked over to the girl who had her arms wrapped around herself, her breaths out left condensation marks on the window, she looked so peaceful Jen did not want to disturb her. She leant back in her seat and undid her seatbelt so she could stretch her legs a little, opening the her car door and hanging one leg out. She reclined the chair a little, and sifted through her bag, she pulled out her phone and replied to a couple of messages she had received, she had one from Diane asking what time she would be back as Sinead and Bart were already home. She sighed and replied saying she was still dropping the girls home and would not be long, she felt like she was being checked up on but she shrugged it off as paranoia. She had been watching behind her back and sneaking around since the moment she saw Tilly, even before they allowed themselves to be with each other she was checking all the time that people were not seeing her gazes to the teen. She was a little shocked to how blind people must have been, the day Tilly got caught up in the fire Jen remembered how shocked she was to realise she was her student, she sat in the ambulance and could not stop her face from expressing worry, she was sure Maddie would have seen. The amount of times during her lesson her eyes trailed the room, desperate to lay them on something other than the red head, she would look around the other students with her breath held in tight, her fingers fidgeting and pulling on her dress as she tried to take all of her attention off the girl who had captured her heart. When she finally allowed herself to look into the teens eyes she would breath again, the world would stop and she for a brief and amazing moment felt like they were the only two people alive in the entire universe.

She looked back to the sleeping beauty and smiled. Basic breathing and the beat of your heart you take for granted your entire life, you become so accustomed to it that unless your fighting for it you do not realise your even doing it. Every so often with this girl Jen had to remember to do the necessities of life and take a breath back in, she was amazed by how much this girl could shake her world.

She watched people walk their way through the village, she laughed as she tried to work out what people were thinking. She was always told she had a very readable face, her eyes told her story, so why could she not read Tilly's. She looked back over to the teen and flipped her phone open, she leant over so she could capture the teens sleeping face on her camera and snapped away, although she felt a little odd to be taking pictures of the sleeping girl like some sort of deviant, she knew over the next two days she would miss her and this angelic face would help her through her day. She smiled at her phone and shut it, it was time to awake the teen, this would be considered a nightmare for any other person to awake a teenager who was sleep deprived but Jen had her own method and it tended to work.

The teacher leant over and ran a finger along the teens soft and relaxed cheek, causing a little moan but the teen continued to stay unconscious, she twirled the girls hair around her finger, she was starting to enjoy teasing the teen. She gently ran her finger along the red heads ear and softly stroked her ear lobe, Tilly's arm raised to find the itch, instead finding Jen's warm hand. She opened her eyes and turned her head sleepily to look for the touch, she blinked at Jen and smiled as she yawned. "Good morning" she sleepily replied as she kept hold of the teachers hand, "Babe its early evening" Jen laughed in reply to the girls dozy state, Tilly looked around confused and realised where she was and chuckled too, "Ah I thought for an amazing moment, I woke up with you somewhere" the teen replied a little glum. Jen raised her dropped head with her hand letting her hand gently run down neck, "Babe don't be glum, you woke up to me, that's just as good" she smiled. Tilly sat up properly and leaned over to kiss Jen, a quick wake up kiss but enough to restart her brain and kick off her heartbeat. She sat back into the seat and smiled, she was officially awake.

"So what are you up to this evening Jen?" Tilly asked a little mischievous smile spread across her face she was secretly asking for them to spend more time together. Jen smiled she knew what the teen was suggesting, "I would love to spend this evening with you babe, but I have to pack. I have to go to a teacher training course on the weekend ready for Monday" she stuck her bottom lip out to pout and the teen poked her finger and ran it down the pouting lip and Jen licked her lip where it had been. "That's ok, my parents are probably wondering where I am anyway. I have had the best day ever, and I overcame another fear" Tilly's look was full of proudness and gratitude "I knew it, I knew you were afraid of chocolate spread" Jen poked her tongue out as she joked. "Yes the chocolate spread makes me tremble, hmmm.. Or was it you who trembled from it" her reply was intended to be seductive and Jen felt her stomach do a flip as her palm began to sweat a little. Her smile quivered as she reminisced the touches along her neck and she looked down to control the desire that began to burn again, she returned her gaze back up to the teens eyes, checking out the girls body on her way. "I really must write a letter to the chocolate spread company and thank them" she winked and Tilly let out a chuckle. "I must do the same. So you will be away all weekend, what ever will I do without you?" Tilly sulked mockingly, but she really did feel the sulking mood work its way through her. "Im sure you will be fine babe, go out with the girls, I will be back Sunday night" she forced a smile to reassure the teen but she too was feeling the childish I cannot be without you pull.

Tilly's mobile buzzed in her bag, she only noticed as Jen leant over her and she opened her arms so the teacher had more access, Jen laughed and poked her in the ribs and passed her her phone. Tilly chuckled too "Oh ha whoops" she commented, she looked at her mobile and she had four missed calls from her mother, she sighed and rang her back, Jen watched the teen as she spoke to her mother. She smiled sub consciously as she told her mother a little lie about being held up in traffic and all the rides she went on, she was not going to tell her she got kicked out of the park or that her teachers hand was making its way teasingly up her leg, taunting her dress up a little. Jen looked around to check for an unwanted audience and licked the girls neck, Tilly shuddered and looked shocked to the teacher as she tried to control her now muffled voice, Jen blew onto the wet area on her neck and Tilly zoned out. It was only when she could hear her mothers raised voice that she clicked back in "Sorry im here" she replied back quickly and playfully swatted away Jen's face smiling.

Jen held up her hands in a surrender pose and pretended to sulk back into her seat. Tilly rushed along her tedious conversation with her questioning parent telling her she was going under a tunnel, smirking a little as her lie worked.

Jen sat with her hand to her mouth rubbing her lips, she loved winding up the teen, it was normally her who was in the situation. Tilly hung up after embarrassingly being made to tell her mother she loved her too and Jen placed a hand mockingly on her heart, provoking the teen to slap her leg. Jen raised an eyebrow threatening the teen that she would win this war if they were to begin, Tilly's face reddened as she remembered the last time she started a war in the car, she ended up loosing her shoe and bra. "Jen, my mother kept asking me what was wrong. She thought my asthma was back" she laughed placing her phone back into her bag. "Sorry babes, your just too cute, all innocent and sweet. You lied to your mother" Jen commented and wore a mocking shocked face, "I blame you, you bring out my naughty side" the teen poked out her tongue and they both enjoyed the relaxed moment.

Tilly had told her mother that she was an hour away so the pair did not rush to get out of the car, they both sat back resting on the windows, Jen had her legs stretched out and Tilly had hers crossed underneath her, she was babbling about school and gossip as her hands massaged Jen's foot, the teacher was happy enough just listening to the teen and the attention being given to her foot was an added bonus. She loved these moments, it reassured her they would make it, it wasn't pain, torture, torment, sexual tension or even sex itself, they were being the best of friends. They stayed in the car for the next hour and a half until Jen's phone this time disturbed their moment, she looked at her phone and slide her finger across the touch screen to cancel the call, "Diane again, I don't know why she feels the need to check up on me im 24" Jen released a sigh, there was always some obstacle in their way.

"I should make a move home anyway Jen my mother will send out a search party soon" she laughed but knew how much her parents worried, it was the usual teenager/parent relationship with all the question of where you are who your with etc. She released the teachers foot and Jen recoiled her leg back and climbed out of the car, Tilly grabbed her bag and followed as the teacher walked her through the partition in the middle of the street, between the railings and her home. Just laughed to herself about the metaphor, the obvious obstacle in her way. She walked her to the middle to avoid her mother, who was probably peering through the curtains waiting for her late daughter to come home, from seeing them. "Well have fun on your training, will you be able to take your phone" Tilly asked the butterflies stirring in her stomach, how could she miss this woman, she was always in her mind. "Yes of course I shall be alone in the nights in the hotel so I shall need someone to talk to" Jen replied with a smile. They held onto each others hands in front of them, uniting them, both sets of eyes focused on the touch, trying to savour it for a while. "Well I will miss you, even when we are not meant to see each other we end up finding each other", "Maybe I will surprise you in your training" Tilly offered with a cheeky smile, "Id love you too but I may be thrown in a room with another teacher" Jen replied with a awkward face and Tilly chuckled. "I best not text you anything to wind you up then" Tilly laughed. "Tilly you best, do not promise something you will not keep. Just a hello from you and you drive me wild." Jen smiled back, she meant it. "I had you from hello" Tilly mocked herself from her soppy response. The pair leaned in quickly and kissed, letting their lips grace each others enough for the fireworks to alight. They released their lips before anyone could see and hugged goodbye. Jen leant against the railings as she watched the teen walk her way to the doorstep and enter her house, her mobile buzzed, "Have fun babe, don't think of me too much J I love you xx" Jen smiled and walked back to her car texting back "I will never stop thinking of you babes. I will come back to you, love you too xx" She placed her phone back into her bag and made her way back to home to a awaiting Diane.

She collected her bag out of the car and checked for anything that had fallen out, she leant under the seat the teen had been sitting on and picked up a nearly empty jar of chocolate spread, she felt her stomach give a little and she smiled remembering how amazing the girl had been with licking the contents off her neck, she chuckled. She lingered a little smelling the last few lingering scents of the teen in her car and shut the door, sealing them in.

She walked up her pathway and opened the front door immediately greeted with a little annoyed Diane, "Jen I thought you had crashed or something, Sinead has been back for two hours, where have you been" Jen looked to Diane a little confused as to why she was being questioned, she was ruining the memories replaying in her brain of her day with Tilly. "I followed them back and I needed petrol so we got petrol, then the girls needed the toilet so we stopped for a while. I dropped Maddie and Tilly off but they were both asleep, it took some time Diane" Jen knew she sounded a little harsh herself but she was annoyed. "Okay, im sorry I was just a little worried hun and Sinead has wound me up something rotten. She wants to go and see Bart but I have told her she needs to tidy her room first" Diane cast a look to the teenage girl having a strop on the stairs and Jen released a weak and sympathetic smile to Sinead, she too felt like she was being told off. She politely said goodbye to Diane and walked up the stairs placing a hand on Sinead's shoulder as she went as a gesture of being supportive, the teen gently tapped the back of Jen's leg and the teacher continued her walk up the stairs, she was shattered and as the girls had managed to fall asleep in the car, her entire concentration was on not letting her eyes shut too.

She dumped her bag onto the floor and kicked her shoes off, both landing in random angles of the room, she didn't care. She slipped off her dress and chuckled at the dirty colour the lake had left on her bra, she removed her underwear and slipped on some fresh pants and a t shirt and climbed into bed, collapsing her head onto the pillow and hugging it in gratitude for a moment before allowing herself to drift off to sleep. She had trained herself not to sleep when Tilly stayed over, she didn't want her eyes to close in case she missed her, she would listen to her breathing and watch her little smiles as she was dreaming. This was a girl that had been made up of Jen's dreams and she now hated to sleep as she would not be there, tonight her first thought went to the teen as she relived moments from the day, a smile presented across her face as she slept and she finally became peaceful and drifted into her inner unconsciousness.

She awoke with a start and jumped, she had completely forgotten to pack, she dived out of her bed and ran to the bathroom and turned the shower on, she had the quickest shower she had ever had, towel drying her hair as she went not completely sure whether she had washed out the shampoo. She ran back to her room, and grabbed a bag from under her bed and threw clothes and necessities into it, she discarded her towel to the floor and rummaged threw her draw throwing on a random mis match of clothing and blow dried her hair as she looked around her room for anything she may have forgotten. She was ready in under an hour and smiled a little to herself as she still had ten minutes spare till she had to leave. She had always been accurate with her timing, she normally woke earlier than supposed to just incase, but since she had met this girl she would be awake so late talking to her or thinking about her that she could not get up in the mornings.

She made her way down the stairs and skidded past a brown bag on the counter with her name on it, she grabbed it in a rush and made her way out the front to meet the rest of the teachers waiting in a mini bus for her. She climbed in and found a seat next to a woman 30 years her senior and she for the first time in the hour she had been awake allowed herself to miss the teenagers company. They mini bus restarted its journey and drove for an hour, she was a little bored and restless and remembered the brown bag and she slipped off the post it note from Diane, "Have fun, sorry for being a cow" she looked to the woman next to her to say something and turned her head back quickly, it wasn't the red hair she was used to looking at or searching for. She looked into the bag and found sandwiches, she felt oddly like a child on a school trip, she looked around she was the youngest there, being a teacher and dating someone younger than her had left her a little unprepared to be the one now lacking the age behind her. She stuck her head down and remained painfully quiet for the entire journey, for the second time she missed Tilly. She wondered if she hit the third time would she appear and save her.

They arrived at the Marriott Hotel and Jen raised her head upwards taking in the length of the building, it was safe to say she was a little intimidated. The day itself was full of teachers who by their age and demure they had been teaching for decades, Jen was merely a student first year teacher and she felt like she was being dumped at her first day of school again. She noticed the last teacher off her bus walk in and she ran a little to catch up, she followed them into the foyer and she was instinctively drawn to look at the décor and appreciate the statues and paintings across the walls, she smiled at a chandelier as its crystal glimmered in the light and hung so delicately from the ceiling. Her focus got brought back to the room as a gentleman spoke over a speaker " Welcome to the teachers training day, if you will all make your way into conference room 2 to register your names and we shall begin the day" Jen forced a fake smile as she was already bored and gathered all the patience she could ready for this draining day.

She carried herself into the room and got given her name badge which she stuck to her chest, smiling a little as she did, she had to remind herself her humour and the humour she had become accustomed too was not acceptable here. She could not laugh along with these people about how if she had done that back at her school that she would have known a certain students eyes would be fixated on her wishing she was doing it for her. She walked over to a nearby table which was currently empty and sat down, rummaging through her bag for her phone, she should turn it onto silent just incase, she flipped open the phone and she had a message waiting to be read. She smiled as she knew it was from her girl "Hey you, missed you last night and I don't know how I can manage to get through this day without seeing you. God knows how you feel babe. Speak when you can xx" Jen smiled, it was not the visual or physical contact she desired but it was enough to put a smile on her face, she looked around paranoid that the grumpy people around her would question her smile, she replied quickly "Babe this is dragging already, I will ring you when im done okay. I love you xx" Jen hit sent and turned her phone to silent and regrettably shoved her phone into her bag and sat back in her chair waiting for this day and the next to be over with already.

The day continued with the same monotonous drone as it started, Jen's table had filled up and she was surrounded by a group of four miserable and very old men and two women who scared her to look at, the one had a face like she had not been able to smile for years, she wore wrinkles around her mouth which proved her often frown, the other glared back at Jen when she stole a quick glance causing her to recoil and keep her look to the floor. She felt a little lonely, when your in a certain place for long enough or the same company all the time, change can be daunting whether it is for a while or even just a two day period, Tilly was slowly deserving herself a massive hug when Jen returned. It confirmed her theory that she never wanted to leave the village or Tilly's side ever again. She let her thoughts run to Tilly the majority of the day, she blanked out the tutors boring voice and replaced it with memories she had made with the girl, she knew keeping them safe in her mind for her own secret pleasure would prove useful at some time. She let herself divulge into her mind and picked out the moment she met the girl, who would have known that that first day could become the rest of her life, she had only been in the village a couple of hours and the Art show was the first thing that took her fancy, she went along for something to do and Diane had practically walked her there. When she saw Tilly the dynamic in the room changed, lighting became brighter and her focus which had been a little vacant had managed to hook itself upon this vision she was seeing, Jen knew, she knew that for some reason this girl had captured something from within her and she wouldn't be getting it back.

Jen's chin rested upon her palm and her gaze was deep in thought, the gleam in her eye would tell anybody who knew her well that she was happily in thought. She heard a bang and the woman next to her with the scary eyes banged her chair noisily back under the table, everyone was getting up and leaving the room all chatting and yawning. She looked at her watch and it was 4pm, she chuckled a little time really does fly when your having fun, god bless the fun distractions running through your mind. People seemed to have notebooks full of writing and Jen panicked a little, she had not heard a word apart from the introduction, she told her students off all the time for day dreaming, she had managed to take it to a completely new level today.

She followed the people who came on the coach with her as she assumed they were all being dissected into designated rooms, the guys in front were deep in conversation so she walked at a slower pace behind the miserable woman who sat next to her on the bus, who kept looking behind her and smiling her yellow teeth to her. She was correct, a lady came from behind the counter and gave the four men two sets of keys and moved behind to give the woman in front a key and smiled at them both. Jen stared at the woman begging her with her eyes to check there was not another key available, she did not really want to stay with this woman she wanted a private room where she could ring her girlfriend and moan about her day and the unfriendly company. "I guess we are sharing deary" the older woman commented to Jen, she could only offer a polite smile and tilted her head to read the key number, "I have to take a call so I shall be up to the room in a little while okay" Jen confirmed and before the woman could speak again she was out of the foyer and into the fresh air, she threw her head back for a few breaths and sighed, this day was turning out to be rubbish.

She dived into her bag desperate to seek her phone the only source of contact with Tilly she could have, she rang her number and waited for the ringing tone to finally stop and the angelic voice to begin, Tilly didn't answer and Jen honestly thought she could at this moment cry, she stared at the mobile screen telepathically trying to make the girl ring her back but it didn't work. She looked around as watched a squirrel make its way across the field, she remembered a fact she read once that a squirrel will often forget where they put the nuts they collect and she chuckled, she took a photo to show Tilly, they shared the same humour unlike the people Jen was with, she sub consciously raised an eye and threw a disgust look to the foyer opening. She waited for another 10 minutes and sulked and walked her way back into the hotel and up the stairs to her room number, she stood outside the door and had to knock the door for the woman to let her in which was a little awkward, the exchanged polite smiles and Jen made her way over to the bed which was not littered which a bag and items not belonging to her and threw her bag onto the bed and sat. Ideally she wanted to kick back and jump onto the bed and lay in her pyjamas or speak to Tilly or allow herself to think of the girl, but this was not really the place and this woman was not invited in Jen's alone space and thoughts.

An hour passed as Jen unpacked a little not wanting to intrude her clothes in the already full wardrobe, she simply folded her clothes onto a chair and sat looking out of the window as the woman stayed in the bathroom for a while, Jen could hear water running and she assumed the woman was taking a mid evening bath. She was driving herself mad, it was never pleasant being in the company of someone you don't know or have nothing in common with, but sharing a room in which she had to sleep in with this woman was ridiculous. She was in a full on sulk and she was fighting her brain not to grab her belongings and leave.

She looked back to her phone as the little blue light indicating interaction flashed catching her eye, she flipped open the phone in great need for it to be Tilly, it was not it was Diane "Hey Jen not sure what time you finish but give me a ring if your bored D" Jen was a little hesitant but she seeked some social interaction with someone she knew and rang her, they exchanged small talk and greeted each other and Jen talked about how boring her day had been, she didn't want to seem rude and slag off her boring room mate so she made her way out of the room grabbing the room key as she went.

She talked in the hallway pacing as she venting about her day, "I know its boring hun but you only have tomorrow now and you shall be home, less than 24 hours and you shall be back here as a trained teacher" Diane offered and although Jen knew it was correct she still couldn't help but sulk. "What's happening there it sounds noisy" Jen passed comment as she could hear people laughing in the background, she felt a little left out" "Ah its just Sinead and the girls getting ready to go out, there hitting the town" Diane replied and Jen felt a pang in her stomach, was Tilly there.

She paced a little more quickly and felt a rush of jealousy over take her, "Ah I forgot it's a Saturday night, whose going out all together just so I know to look out for the hungover eyes Monday morning" Jen joked but she secretly wanted to know if the red head was there, it would explain why she didn't answer her phone. "Erm… obviously Sinead, Maddie, Ruby, Tills is here somewhere I think she said her mother was ringing her so she disappeared a few minutes ago. I think they are being Bart and the boys in town" Jen was so eager to hang up she rushed the end of the call saying she was loosing reception, she knew Tilly was trying to get hold of her and would not have much of a time frame to do it in without the others going looking for her. She said her goodbyes and hung up almost expecting her phone to ring as soon as she did. She paced and walked to the end of the corridor looking out of the window, trying to ensure she kept the reception. She jumped as the teen's name flashed on her screen and by the second ring had ended she had flipped open the call and her giggly smile returned to her face as she smugly said hello to her girlfriend. "Im so sorry, im at yours and I couldn't answer and Maddie was sorting out my hair, im so sorry Jen. Hows it been?" just the voice of the girl took Jen off her feet and she had to lean against the wall to control her legs from buckling. "Babe I miss you so much, this is one of the most boring days of my life, the people are so miserable and im sharing a room with I think the head of maths, she is just creeping me out. Come save me" Jen knew the teen couldn't see her but she let her bottom lip pout anyway. "Aww Jen if you want me to I will get on a train and come collect you, cant you just leave" Tilly answered a concerned tone in her voice, she didn't like the sound of how grumpy the teacher sounded, instinct told her to make her feel better and she couldn't. "I cant babe, I have been contemplating leaving but I need to do this to let me come back to school Monday, im going to have to grin and bare it but its so tedious, and knowing your in my house and im not there to see you is killing me" Jen really was gutted more about this, she knew if Tilly was there she wouldn't even have to touch her or try and steal some alone time she would settle for just the eye contact and the warmth that radiated when they were near each other.

"I know I walked from Sinead's room past yours and looked in, forgot for a moment you were not there. Time will fly past Jen I promise, just keep thinking of me" Tilly tried to reassure the teacher, there was no point in her dwelling and complaining how much she truly missed the teacher, that being her home without her being there completely left her feeling a little empty. "I am thinking of you a lot, ha I didn't even listen to a lot of the seminar babe. I hope there is not an exam or something, I may wander down and get the booklet and read up on what I missed" Jen was finally thinking of the actual reason she was there, she did have to learn what was going on. "Yes go get the booklet and fill yourself in on what you missed. You kicked me out of your lesson the one time because you thought I was not listening Jen, tut tut" Tilly joked, of course she was listening to Jen, how could she not she craved to her the teachers voice all the time. "I kicked you out because I thought you were mocking me and laughing at me in front of your friends, I apologised for that babe it was me being paranoid" Jen replied, she reheard the tone of the teens voice and knew she was joking, "So what you wearing?" Jen asked, she heard the teen release a sharp breath, "Im wearing a black and blue dress, what you wearing" she retaliated, this went from an innocent question to something more sexual. "Tilly I have just finished my conference im still in my skirt and blouse, nothing sexy, im not in some sort of catsuit sweetheart" Jen replied, she looked at her attire and pulled out her blouse a little sub consciously. "It depends on who is judging sexy, that sounds like what you wear at school, my eyes are undressing you in my memory" the teen laughed, she knew it was not really fair to try and turn on the teacher when both could not resolve it but she was cheering her up none the less. "Tilly, Tilly, Tilly, this is unfair, my blouse is still on. Ah if only you were here" Jen sighed and she pouted again, she would do anything for this girl to be by her side.

"Right babe, im going to have to go down to the foyer and collect this booklet" the emphasis on booklet was grumpy, Tilly sighed and put her happiest voice on for the teacher "Ok babe, by the time you read it it will be time for you to sleep okay. Text me, I have my mobile with me, im here" Jen smiled she loved knowing this, even if she could not touch or hold the girl or they were miles apart to know that she was there even just via her phone filled Jen's half empty feeling heart with a little warmth.

"I know, right ok I shall leave you to finish getting ready" Jen commented "Jen im ready, do you know how quickly you can get changed when a certain teacher is not pulling items of clothing back off you?" the teen joked back, "Well here was me thinking you needed a hand, ha thanks for cheering me up, your voice is settling my mind. Have fun this evening and do not get too drunk" Jen could not help but sounds authoritive and she chuckled a little, "Jeez Jen one day at a seminar full of teachers and your bossing me about" Tilly laughed back. "Haha sorry babe, ok go out and get pissed, this better?" Jen always sounded odd when she swore, it was always odd hearing a teacher or elder swear but Tilly found it strangely arousing "Jen I love it when you swear, say it again" Tilly jested causing a roar of laughter out of the teacher, "Tilly I shall not be shouting obscenities down the phone to you, maybe when im back and I know my surroundings I shall teach your innocent mind some new swear words. Right I have to leave people are coming out of their rooms I think we may have to go somewhere. Have fun baby and I shall text you later okay. I fucking love you" Jen whispered the swear word and held her stomach as she heard the teen laugh loudly on the other end of the phone. She hated having to hang up on the teen but people were starting to fill the corridor and she recognised them from the seminar so she knew she must leave, every door that opened resulted in a glare to Jen who was propped up in the corner under the lampshade hidden on the phone to her hidden treasure. "Okay babe, I will check my phone all night, I love you too and chin up, you will be back to me in no time" Tilly sent a kiss through the phone and Jen looked to the speaker for a brief moment, almost tempted to kiss her phone to send one back to her.

She chuckled and said another goodbye and shut her mobile, making her way down to the foyer to catch up with all the others who all congregated in a group. Jen stood like a spare part near them, still holding her smile she had been given from her girlfriend, this was enough to keep her happy for a little while. She overheard a few mentioning about going out for food or drinks and a couple more following the crowd like she had, she looked behind to a hand that tapped her shoulder and it was the woman from her room, Jen politely smiled back but sighed a little inside to why this woman was latching onto her. "Do you know why we are here Jen?" the woman asked, Jen felt a little embarrassed she had no clue this woman knew her from school and she had no clue what her name was. "Erm im not sure, I just followed" she laughed a polite laugh and a man in front turned and informed them that they were being given information from the days lecture so they could complete a written exam in the morning and as soon as they were done they could leave. Jen's insides jumped a little, she could be home by 12 tomorrow and surprise Tilly, her smile beamed and she skipped along with the others and collected her booklet, she turned it over in her hand sighing there must be at least two hundred pages here, no wonder the talk only lasted till 4pm they would need the entire night to cram this into a study session. People studied in different ways, some ran with the books clutched to their chests back to their room ready to get out highlighters and pens and make extensive notes, the group of men were going for bourbon and cigars where they would casually flick through the pages with no real effort and most certainly pass. Jen liked to just sit in silence and read through, she would then re read and make up little ways to remember all she had read.

She walked away from the group and went back to the hotel room, leaving the door ajar so the woman staying with he could get back in. She laid across the bed kicking off her shoes, spreading open the book in front of her, she was becoming frustrated with her clothing. She by know would be in shorts and a vest but due to the unwelcome company returning back to the room she remained uncomfortable in her complete outfit. This woman was becoming unfairly hated by Jen.

Hours passed and the woman's snoring informed Jen it was now nearly 11pm, she let out a yawn and rolled onto her back, stretching out her hand for her phone. She had two messages from Tilly, "Hey you, hows It going?" and the other "Babe im drunk, I miss you, come get me" Jen smiled she could here the teens accent and knew her tone, she allowed for the sound of a hiccup to come into her head and she could imagine the girls state. She sulked a little as her instinct told her to go get her girl but she knew by now Tilly would probably be nearly home or the girls would be watching her. She could not help but smile she would be able to surprise her in the afternoon by coming home way earlier than anticipated. She replied to the girls message "Babe, get some water and get yourself home. Im reading through this book and going to go to sleep soon. I love you xx" Jen knew she would probably not get a reply until the teen clumsily found her phone so she put hers on vibrate and made her way to the bathroom with her bag.

She came back out checking to see the woman was asleep and she dropped her bag and dived under her quilt and rested her head back against the pillow, the entire day had drained her and the book had taken its toll filling her head with information, she could not even summon a thought to the teen before slipping away into sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Jen's sleep was the most restless she had ever had, being in a strange bed and sharing a room with someone you don't know is not the most relaxing setting for someone to drift off peacefully. She tossed and turned all night and at one stage had to stop herself from smothering the snoring loudly woman in the other bed with a pillow. Jen spend an hour staring at the woman as she slept on her back, opened mouthed letting out the manliest of grunts and snores, she was trying to use every ounce of brain power to force the open mouth shut without physical force. The annoying sound stopped and Jen smiled, she rested her head back onto the pillow and shut her eyes, sods luck decided to welcome itself and the snoring back and this time louder. The sound this woman was making replicated the sound of a car revving and Jen let out an annoyed moan and bolted herself into a sitting position forcing evil looks to the woman, she threw a pillow over to her bed, she was instantly thankful that the woman did not awake as Jen's angry moment exceeded itself.

In the end frustrated and shattered she rolled onto her side looking through the gap in the curtain so she could stare out to the open sky. It must have been nearing morning as Jen could notice the sky lightening slightly and as slowly as it was taking her to fall back off to sleep. She had always loved animals but she was becoming irritated as a bird had flown by a few times squawking and took rest upon the outside window sill, the pigeon cooed noisily and fluttered its wings to full span, Jen felt another urge to throw something at the window to scare the bird away but she remained cosy and snuggled under the quilt and shut her eyes trying to control her stressed out mood. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to fall back to sleep before her alarm went off, she thought of Tilly, whether she was ok.. From the state she sounded earlier on in her messages she knew the girl would probably be suffering, she felt to dull weight of her heart as it dropped, she wanted to be near her and look after her.

Jen's thoughts calmed her a little, she could see the girls eyes and her smile and although her dream was a little distorted and blurry she focused so much on the vision that she drifted back off to sleep. The alarm blared and Jen slapped her arm across her bed trying to find her phone, she managed to find it under her pillow and pressed it to stop, it didn't, she opened one eye and looked at the screen seeking the dismiss button. The second eye opened as her mobile stated it was 5am, her alarm was not set until 7am. Her head slow motioned itself as her eyes grew bigger into an evil glare as she turned her head and looked to the woman, who was leaning against the side of her bed stretching, she noticed Jen. "Good morning Jen, lovely day" she chirped and Jen honestly with no normal angry bone in her body wanted to punch the woman so she would lay back down. Jen yawned and grunted at the woman, who seemed to frown a look of rudeness towards Jen's choice of morning greeting. Jen smirked, this woman had a nerve after some of the noises she was making last night. "Is this yours" the woman walked over to Jen's bed and laid the pillow back by Jen's head, patting it gently motioning Jen to put her head back onto it. _Steady on love….._ Jen could not help but bring her quilt up to chin as the woman lingered a little by her "Got lonely did we" the yellow teeth was all Jen could see and she politely smiled and the woman walked away. "What a complete fruit loop" Jen mumbled under her breath, she decided there was no way she would be getting any more sleep now and it was time to wake up and get changed and out of this room.

She stripped quickly keeping her eyes glued to the bathroom door before the woman came back out, she tripped on her pyjama bottoms as she pulled them down stumbling onto the bed as she tried quickly to regain her balance. She threw on a red dress and walked in circles trying to do the zipper up at the back, her eyes desperate to move to the back of her head. In her shuffles she did not hear the woman exit the bathroom until she felt a cold finger and a rough nail against her back and she jumped and could not hide her shocked face, the woman did up Jen's dress for her rather roughly, puling her backwards as she tried to drag the zip up. Jen felt thoroughly violated she held onto her own arms for support and when the woman was done she shakily returned to her side of the bed and began packing her bag, her eyes still focused on the woman who was smiling at her, "Uh thanks" Jen commented politely. She was a little paranoid and could not wait for this morning to be over and she wanted to call from her girlfriend.

She made her way out of the room as quick as she could with her bags under her arm and grabbed her booklet, she almost forgot she had an exam soon. She made her way down to the foyer and out of the main lobby, it was only 5.30am so she side stepped the cleaners as they ran the hoovers across the carpets and polished the décor back to its sparkled best. Jen didn't even realise she was day dreaming until she hit the glass panel of the door and bounced backwards dropping her booklet on the floor as both of her hands raised automatically to her now banging head. She secretly blamed the woman still sat in their room, if she had not have kept her awake all night and then woke her up two hours earlier she would not be so tired. She rubbed her forehead and looked at the apparent audience she had gained, she opened the door and walked a little quicker than normal out into the morning breeze, letting it hit her face a little as she walked her way over to a empty bench and sat down. She felt fuzzy, her mind had not registered that it was awake yet and the teacher upstairs had made her a little freaked out, she pulled out her phone and considered ringing Tilly, it was nearing 6am and there was no way the teen would even be conscious let alone in a mood to cheer Jen up, she sulked. She logged into her social media favourites and read up on all the gossip people had posted from the day before, when she was done she quickly scanned her screen for the time and it hadn't taken as much as she hoped and she sighed.

She was so bored she had even smiled when the squirrel from the day before wandered close to her foot in search of some food, she leant down slowly to smooth it "Hello" Jen greeted and the squirrel ran away, she let out a disappointing tut to herself. _Really Jen… _She chuckled, the only friendly face she had seen in the last 24 hours was a furry squirrel that had run away, she looked through her pictures on her phone to find the photo she took yesterday so she could send it to Tilly. She slid the screen to the left and she gasped a little, it was the photo she had taken in the car of her sleeping beauty, she let out a smile and a little giggle. She missed her.

She was alone and there was no body in the area, she wanted so much to hear the teens voice. She just wanted to be able to tell her she loved her and missed her, she wanted the girls touch so much and she wanted to touch her, she couldn't help herself around her. She would tell her heart to slow down and her hand would be already stretched out, fingers stretched ready to link with the girls skin. She opened her lips as she released a deep frustrated breath, she bit the bottom lip and sub consciously ran a hand over her chest. This was not the time or place to be turned on by your memories, thankfully the woman from her room walked out of the main door and it worked better than a cold shower, Jen actually shivered.

The woman seemed to be looking for her and clicked her fingers like she was calling a dog, Jen point blankly refused to get up off the bench to this, yes the woman was older and had been doing the job for a lot longer but this was still blatant disrespect. The woman obviously confused as to why Jen didn't come over chose to walk to her instead, "They said for the early wakers, there is a coffee and breakfast available in the canteen" she told a uninterested Jen, "Ah ok, well im just waiting on a call and I shall be in" she replied politely, this woman was like the antichrist but the need for some caffeine was screaming from her body, she needed her fix. She smiled at the woman and she walked away clanking on the concrete with her heels. Jen chuckled to herself she was never mean to people or judged people but this woman had provoked a reaction in her that forced her to be almost spiteful. She watched the woman walk into the foyer, and looked back quickly to her treasured photo, she ran her thumb over the screen and let the wave of fireworks work their way through her stomach, she willed it to run through her veins, the girl was already running through her mind.

After an acceptable 7am flashed across her phone she decided to text Tilly, "Hey baby, good morning. I hope you had a brilliant night and I hope your not unwell today. I have an exam soon, wish me luck. I love you xx" she didn't want to tell the teen how bad her night had been and how this woman was driving her crazy she knew the teen would worry and keep ringing her until Jen could talk and she didn't need the distractions. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought about the last statement, it was a quick reminder that she always welcomed the girls distractions, she needed them like air, they kept her smile and made her day without her bearable.

She shut her phone and collected her bags and walked back into the hotel and followed the smell of food and coffee graduals that was engulfing her nostrils. She walked into the cafeteria and took a quick glance around, the woman from her room was sat in the middle with four men all laughing and chatting and Jen felt a little relieved she thought the woman would be alone and she would have to sit with her. She walked around the morning buffet and grabbed a croissant and two coffees, she needed them, and walked to a table in the corner placing her things onto the two chairs next to her to avoid any unwelcome visitors. She opened her booklet and re studied the information in front of her, the exam was at 9am so she had a good amount of time to finish cramming, she flicked bits of croissant off her paper and welcomed the steam of her coffee to linger in her face for a little while.

8.45 am came and the awaiting teachers were given and 5 minute moment for a cigarette or toilet break and they had to make their way to the hall for their written exam, Jen glanced around and a lot of people were making their way out the front for the smoking break rather than toilet, she made her way to the toilet and then to the hall and placed her bags at the front, she felt like she was the one back at school. She grabbed a pen and walked to the table with her name label on and sat twiddling her pen with her thumb, her right foot tapped the leg of the chair as she chewed the lid in her mouth, she was nervous.

After two hours Jen crawled her way out of the room with the rest of the teachers and made her way out the front, they were being ushered already to their coach and she was relived to be getting back to the village. She got in first thankfully so she could get a window seat, sulking as the woman sat next to her again, she returned her gaze out of the window and did not remove it for the entire journey. She listened panicking as they all discussed the questions and answers to the exam and she tried remembering if she wrote along the same lines, she was feeling a little down and completely lonely. They were told they would be emailed the results in the next few hours as they were being marked there and then but there was an option for a resit but it would be a three days course instead and a little more extensive, she really hoped this would not be the case. She switched off and went with the motion of the journey home, she stared keeping her eyes level so the passing fences just looked like lines, her eyes raising a little when it came to a dip in the fence and the line dropped.

She was starting to drift off when he mobile clutched in her hand vibrated, she squealed a little and looked to the shocked woman next to her and smiled a back off smile. "Hey babe, im feeling ok surprisingly. How was your day, good luck for the exam, I cant wait to see you, will you be back late? Im home alone at the mo, parents are out until tomorrow afternoon, so we will have the house to ourselves xx" Jen could not help but wear a big grin across her face, she had been killing herself to see this girl and cursed every time the coach stopped for something, her girl was waiting and her heart was racing to get back. She fiddled with her hair and chewed her fingernail, she didn't want to ruin the surprise of being back with Tilly before 12pm, "I wont be late I promise. You home alone all day, poor baby L xx" Jen hit sent and tapped her foot with delight she wanted to make sure the teen was alone, no point in surprising her if she wasn't home. "Yeah I have to wait in for a delivery or something L xx" Confirmed, Jen's plan would be going ahead.

She was the fourth stop and she practically jumped off the coach step and walked as quick as she could away from the last days events, she turned the corner and smiled at the car, familiarity was back and she was overjoyed. She ran quickly into her house and up the stairs to her room, she showered and changed into something more appropriate for her girlfriend, welcoming something not so serious. She re touched her red lipstick and combed through her hair, she zipped her knee high boots and stood up feeling automatically refreshed, the tiredness had been left on the coach, back to her normal surroundings and she had a new rush of energy. She tied her coat across her front and smiled she was ready to go, she made her way down the stairs carefully placing her feet on each step, she had not wore these boots in properly yet. She grabbed her handbag and walked out into the village with a look of confidence and oozing sexiness, she minced her way in the direction of Tilly's house and nothing was going to stop her.

She walked up the steps, each one increased her heart rate and sped up her breathing. All of the confidence was turning to jelly and she could feel her legs trembling, this is how Tilly made her feel, but this afternoon was about making this teen feel like the only girl in the world, she was the only person in Jen's, the only pair of eyes she could see on her way home. She gathered her thoughts and steadied her breathing and positioned her arm to lean up against the door, accentuating her boots to stand out on their own. She knocked the door, "Who is it" she smiled as the innocent teen called out, "Delivery" she replied back and could feel her heart thumping out of her chest. The teen became visible through the frosty glass and Jen slapped her stomach a little as it churned for her. She opened the door and screamed and jumped forward hugging the teacher, "Oh my god, I want expecting you for hours" she jumped up and down and Jen could not help but laugh her smile was ear to ear, she was just as happy as her. Jen retained her pose, her sexy stature silhouetted on its own and Tilly stood back to take in the extent of Jen's attire, she tilted her head and eyed the teacher from the black boots that hung to the bottom of the legs, the coat stopped just above the knee and Tilly followed its material up, it laid spread across her body caressing her curves and Tilly could not help but feel excited she knew the teacher was hiding something. The coat curved around her breasts and the collar disappeared past her delicious neck, Tilly licked her lips knowing she would be kissing them soon enough, her body was swaying forward a little desperate to have the woman's touch now. Her hair moved slightly in the wind and it taunted Tilly each time it returned to touch the teachers face, she wanted her fingers to lay there. Jen's smile was beginning to make its way from a smile to a smirk as she could see the effect it was having on the teen. She stood forward so she stood a few feet away winked, Tilly knew what this meant, fireworks were going to fly.

"Do you want to come in or you going to tease me on my doorstep" Tilly asked, not realising how shaky her voice sounded, she was suffering to control herself, "I believe you have to sign for this" Jen replied and she undid her coat and opened it seductively to reveal her naked form awaiting Tilly to complete it. The teen almost fell backwards.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Wearing something sexy does not always come from the wardrobe, sometimes it's the way you feel, the way your eyes show your desires, your body holds onto your curves and how the tension previews a glint of the performance about to happen. To dance with someone's mind you can ignite fire that consumes their passion, when you allow the connection and share the intimacy it is intense.

Jen wore her body sexily she could see the tremble in the girls knees and the beads of sweat appearing along her forehead, she dropped the opening of the coat from a flashing stance so it hung back to her sides, open a little taunting the teen, she could see what Jen was not wearing but it was the touch she was desperate for, her hands ached as her fingers cramped into a claw trying to stop them from snatching out and taking what she desired so desperately. Jen lingered on the doorstep, although the breeze off the disapproving wind blew underneath her jacket making her a little uncomfortable and cold, the look across the teens shocked face was worth it. "Jen, im almost too excited to let you in" Tilly claimed, she seemed to be frozen in either shock or excitement, she could not summon a thought to clarify which, her brain was not even ticking as it should her entire body was moving from the beat in her chest, the craving she had for this woman was unbearable. "Babe you have to let me in" Jen took a step forward her coat moving slightly with the movement of her breasts, Tilly almost squealed and took a step backwards, she looked terrified.

She laughed as she took another step as slowly as she could she was backing the girl into the house as people walked past and were beginning to look at the scantly dressed woman, her sexy pose starting to deteriorate as she fought with the wind not to blow her coat up. She stood forward and laid her hands on the girls shoulders and walked her backwards and kicked out her black heel behind her with a clank swinging the door shut, Tilly's head tilted as she glanced the length of Jen's bare leg, from her boot heel to her inner thigh. The moment was now sealed and even though her body was going into shock Tilly knew there was no way she could get out of this moment, not that she ever wanted to but she was more thrilled than she had ever been before. Jen was becoming frustrated, she was not angry with the teen but she was turned on and ready for Tilly to devour her but she was not moving, her eyes were leaving trails along Jen's body which the teacher could feel her longing, it was time Jen turned the submissive role on and dominated the girl. She ran a hand on the inside of her coat and Tilly was eager to see what the teacher had, she removed a small joke whip and flicked her wrist so the leather strands slapped the wall, Tilly looked frightened and her eyes flickered in dislike, Jen sensed her shock and threw it to one side, it carelessly landed on the stairs and the teachers eyes resumed on her prey.

She lunged forward unable to control her burning as she slammed Tilly hard into the wall causing the girl to moan. She tried raising a hand to the back of her head, Jen gripped the girls hand with the other and held them up above her head knocking photo frames and ornaments that was littering the walls, sending them clattering to the ground around them. Their tongues avoided each other in their mouths, it was a feisty and forceful kiss but it was satisfying the cravings that were demanding full attention of their brains for the last day. They finally allowed their kiss to slow as their heart rates resumed the fast beat, Jen pushed her body against the teens feeling the girls material along her naked torso and she could not wait anymore, her body ached for the teens attention. She backed up a little as a gesture for Tilly to follow her move which was edging its way up the stairs, but Tilly was involved in the heat now and it was her turn to push Jen up against the wall, she could now have the access she wanted and she opened her eyes mid kiss to check out the body in front of her, she unlatched her kiss and held the teachers face as she taunted a little with a kiss on Jen's mouth and pulled away, she could see how desperate the teacher was and how she was trying to hold onto her emotion so the teen could catch up.

Tilly kept her hold on the teachers neck and kissed her way along her chest and side, following the trail with her finger, which enticed a delicate moan from the teachers open mouth, she parted her ruby lips a little to allow her teeth to bite onto them as the teen brushed deliberately passed her breasts and to her stomach.

Jen could not contain the teasing anymore, Tilly didn't understand how much she had relied upon this moment during the last 24 hours, she used Tilly to get her through and now she was being delivered her reward and the girl was teasing every last breath out of her until she could not take anymore. Tilly's hands were finding the spots which made Jen tremble, she ran her fingertip under Jen's coat and it found the tip of her neck, she pulled down on her shoulder to pull the teacher back into a kiss as her nail circled the crease in her neck and seductively trailed it down her spine to the base of her back, it send a shiver through Jen and by the tingling she knew the teen had left a mark. Jen's eyes were staring at the girl as her tongue darted around her chest, her fingers manoeuvred the black coat out of her way and her tongue found its purpose and began flicking the teachers bare breast. Jen's moans corresponded that she was enjoying the motion as her eyes begged not to stop. Her hands were becoming restless she needed something to fill them, she tried tugging at the teens clothes which were not cooperating. The tension and longing was driving her mad, she was in a near state of ecstasy as the teens tongue had made its way to her legs, as she tickled the back of Jen's knee her mouth kissed its way up her thigh, each kiss closer to the area crying out, Jen's body became more responsive she knew where this way leading and her breath could not catch up to her racing heart, the anticipation was burning through her forcing out longer moans. Tilly found her most sensitive area and Jen was more than ready, she leant her head back against the wall and spread out her arms to balance herself as the teen was now on her knees for the teacher, supporting one of her legs on one of the teens shoulders, the heel digging in. Jen was thrown into another universe and she could feel the fireworks begin to erupt in the pit of her stomach and the smile lurking ready to appear across her face. Her back arched as she felt the wonderful sensation running through her veins causing her to spasm uncontrollably, she was so close she was afraid to open her eyes incase this feeling stopped, behind her eye lids she could see the colours forming lighting her world.

Three loud knocks came into sound and the feeling stopped, Jen could still feel the sensation for a few seconds and she almost believed the sound was her heart beating against her ribcage, she opened one eye to see the teen looking panicked. Both eyes bolted open as the annoyed feeling of being interrupted quickly shifted as the realisation that some one was at the door, a mere foot away from them. Tilly put a hand out to cover the teachers breasts and Jen laughed as it was not enough, she did her coat back up and tidied her hair which had become thrown across her face by her own hands during her moments of pleasure. Tilly walked to the front door a little unsteadily the aftermath of being turned on affecting her balance. "Who is it" she called out and coughed to clear her throat after hearing her voice come out raspy, "Delivery" a voice bellowed back and Tilly cast a look to Jen who had stifled a laugh. She opened the door a little and poked her head out, Jen was trying not to look shifty as a man in an overall walked his way into the hallway carrying a large box, he scanned the teacher as she leant against the wall with her black coat tangled but covering her dignity and her knee length boots crossed, he grinned a manly smirk "Alrite sweet cheeks" he winked and Jen politely smiled back and looked to her girlfriend, the man didn't move for a moment he was weighing his options of whether he stood a chance or not. She stood up from her lounged position and he aligned his eyes to trail her body completely checking her out, she sent him a glare and turned her back and walked to the stairs, Tilly let out a cough and he made his way back out of the front door, Tilly wanted to slam it in his face. She shut the door shocked when the man shot out his hand with a clipboard attached to the end, "I believe you have to sign this" he called out and Tilly could not control the flip in her stomach as Jen laughed hysterically, _This shmuck stole my line …. _

Tilly scribbles her name along the signature box and returned the clipboard to the man and shut the door remembering to put the chain back across, she turned to Jen who was still laughing. Jen's laugh subsided and she stared at the teen, studying her features admiringly. Tilly walked towards the teacher "Why are you staring at me, what are you looking at?" the teen asked wiping hair out of her face wondering if she had lipstick across her face. Jen looked down and back up again "Wouldn't you like to know" Jen teased back winking, Tilly walked forward a little more "What are you looking at?" she leant over Jen looking down to her face as the teacher laid back on the stairs, "The rest of my life" Jen replied, feeling her cheeks blush. Tilly chuckled and raised her eyebrows but she was secretly touched, Jen wanted to spend her life with her. "Your so cute when your soppy" Tilly leant down and made Jen lift herself to reach her mouth to pursue the kiss. "Am I?" Jen teased as she looked up to the teen as her hand ran its way up her leg, "Jen don't start something that we cannot finish" Tilly commented, Jen leant up and Tilly shut her eyes expecting another kiss but she felt Jen's hot breath as she whispered back to the teen "Challenge accepted" Tilly jumped a mile as a slap reverberated along the banister as Jen cracked her whip again, Tilly's eyes flashed open and she jumped over Jen and ran up the stairs giggling as Jen span around to her front and chased the girl into her room.

The afternoons activities were silently announced and both women could feel the tension and anticipation created in the air, they lit this fire and were about to be the last two standing, there was no need for gravity when they were together, they elevated and grounded each other. Jen stood in the doorway catching her breath and looking at the girl who was cornered, Tilly succumbed to the failure of escape and simply removed her shirt and smiled as Jen stood cross armed and tilted her head to the new development. Tilly made her way over and kissed the teacher on the lips, is was a deep and satisfying kiss, their tongues danced the familiar dance and the passion began to engulf them again, they had not finished their moment and as Tilly's hands worked their way to untie Jen's coat and slip it over her shoulders Jen bit down on the teen bottom lip enticing more. Jen slipped off the coat and threw it across the room, she bent down and began unzipping her boots, "Leave them on" Tilly smirked, she liked them and it send Jen's stomach into a frenzy and she threw the girl to the bed.

The pair entangled limbs for hours, they satisfied each other a couple of times and made their mark on love. Jen always had a way of making Tilly feel sexy, she looked at her like she was the only girl in the world, she was irresistible and like she had something no one else had. They laid in each others arms panting, their hands not relaxed enough yet to remove their grip on the bed sheets. "Oh Jen" Tilly panted, "Will you be mine forever?" Tilly asked as her chest heaved upwards sucking in deep breaths to fill her empty lungs. "No" Jen replied and looked to the shocked girls face, "I cant promise you forever as I wont live that long, but I shall promise you my last breath will be for you" the teacher smiled as the look of relief ran across the teens face and she ran a finger along the girls lip. They both smiled along with their bliss, moments like this cannot be faked or forced and the fact this was so genuine between them made it feel right, Jen didn't even realise the changing of time, it went from the beaming sunlight to moonlight.

Its not just what you do in the moments its how it makes you feel, it's the way they love you and how you feel special, you're the only one they are thinking of. The moon is the most divine of light but it's the stars that make the night so beautiful, in your eyes the face of the person you love is the most divine but it's the twinkle in their eyes that gives off the sparkle. Its like intuition when you look into their eyes you always find your way

It was undeniable love, like dropping a tear into the ocean, the day you find it will be the day when you stop loving that person.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

There was a defiant absence in Jen's room, Tilly filled such a presence not only in the room but in her head, when she wasn't there it consumed Jen with the feeling something was missing. She felt the need to snuggle into her pillow and seek the comfort missing, she regretted leaving Tilly the moment she stepped back out the front door, she turned to pout and Tilly laughed and simply laid a kiss onto her protruding bottom lip, pulling away before Jen could throw herself back into the hallway and into the girls arms. "Babe its 5am and you have to do the walk of shame home" Tilly mocked, sticking out her tongue, Jen reached out to grab the tongue with her hand but the teen snatched it back in and ran backwards into her house. Jen followed and pushed her into the wall inches away from her face. The teen had managed to control herself up until now, the responsible moment of trying to make a woman older than her and her teacher to return home before she misses the first day back at school , was now no longer important. She leant forward to meet the set of lipstick faded lips, she always felt apprehensive before the kiss, it excited her and she always felt like she needed a little countdown to calm her self before she let her desires take over.

Their lips touched and not even a bus could break them apart, they locked and the overwhelming feeling of love and lust was enough to throw them into another universe, Jen felt as high as the clouds and as long as Tilly continued this passion there was no way she would fall back to earth. Their lips parted after they deemed satisfied and Jen kissed the teens cheek and stood backwards "Now I can go home" she winked and walked to the door throwing a cheeky glance behind her as she took the first step, it was the hardest one to do, once she had stepped off this one she was on her way and Tilly watched her leave blowing her a kiss, her grin was something to be jealous of.

Jen made her way through the village smiling as she floated back to earth, she held one hand to the belt of her coat she was aware that it could open with any sudden gust of wind. The other hand was still curled, her thumb rubbing over her forefinger knowing the last thing it touched was Tilly's face and it kept her heart warm. She glanced her head up every so often to see who was seeing her make her way home, she didn't want to leave this late but she could not rip herself away from the girl. She saw mainly delivery drivers which made her chuckle and postmen, who looked twice as her knee high boots clicked their way past them, they knew by the attire that she was on her way back and she returned her smile to theirs, a secret acknowledgement between them. She made her way to Diane's and unlocked the door as quietly as she could, she had to remind herself not to take off her coat and hang it on the hook as she would normally do and she made her way slinking up the stairs. She managed to reach her room and shut the door behind her, she threw off her coat and laid back onto her bed, she had not had much sleep during the night or morning but she had no room for regrets, the happy and content feeling could not be removed by anything else.

Jen moved her arms and backed her way up her bed and threw the quilt over her, she had 2 hours until her alarm would shout for her to get up for work, she threw a disgusted look to the alarm and shut her eyes. When she awoke a mere hour and a half later she looked in disbelief as she really didn't want to get out of her bed, she hugged the pillow tighter and threw the quilt over her head and moaned, hiding like a child. Her alarm blared again after 15 minutes and she knew this was the final wake up call she would receive, she threw the quilt off her and after a delay moved her head up to greet the morning that she had had a preview too a couple of hours before. She swung out her legs and heard a clunk and realised she still had her boots on, she laughed at the memory replaying across her mind and she unzipped them, rubbing her legs underneath as they breathed again.

The bathroom seemed like a trek but the teacher made her way stomping along the landing and running the shower, she returned out feeling a little more awake and refreshed but this tired feeling would not wear off until she hit her head onto her pillow hours later. She got herself ready quickly, she wanted to get to the collage as early as she could, the first day always consisted of stocking things back up and took a little longer to settle back in. She made her way downstairs and looked to the clock to check on her time, she still had half hour but she knew if she didn't leave she never would, she grabbed a bottle of water and made her way to her car and drove the short drive to the school. She remained in her car for a little while, there was only three other cars in the car park and she knew she was too early. She admitted to herself she was allowed to be excited, it was official now she was a teacher and would not be going anywhere for the next two years, the only thing standing in that way would be if someone found out about her and her student relations. She shook her head, they both knew to be careful, but it was a shame they were now back to the place keeping them apart, the last few weeks had been amazing some of the best moments of Jen's life and the teen knew she played a very major role in the teachers smiles. Jen could not help the feeling of apprehension in her stomach, she was nervous for school even though the thought of seeing her girl made her stomach clench, it over took the nerves and warmed her blood.

She got out of the car and made her way to the main doors looking around for any other sign of teachers, the collage did not actually start until 8.45 and she had a good hour to settle in. She made her way down the corridors taking in the familiar sights that made her smile, she turned and went up the stairs and made her way to her classroom, her safe haven in the big school. She could not help but look back down the stairs, she remembered how the last time Tilly and her crossed these steps they caught each others eyes and were fighting their own hearts not to beat out of their chests. Jen knew she could not allow her eyes to focus, Tilly was forbidden to her and all of her senses ached for the girl. She could not get the emptiness of her heart out of her mind the entire last month of their semester together, her hands burnt as her nerves fought to pull her to their source, her eyes flickered everywhere causing the headaches to begin as she would deny herself to look at the teen but could not stop the connection. How far they had come, it had been the best moments of Jen's life and given the option of her career or her life with the girl she would not even have to think twice. She rolled her eyes at herself and laughed, this was the old Jen, the tormented and too scared the leave her classroom in case she would be thrown into a moment of pure agony, now she could not wait for the teen to spring into her classroom so she could tease her as she taught.

She skipped into the classroom with a beat to her step, she had a feeling it was going to be a good day. Her bag laid on the table as she walked into her cupboard to check none of her supplies had been moved, she had a certain order she liked things and the cleaners had a habit of moving things around. After assuring herself things were in place, she placed a few items down onto her desk and opened her top draw to throw her bag into, it was already littered with random pieces of paper and tissues. She shook her head and threw them into the bin behind her, she no longer needed to dab her eyes and spend a few moments with her back to the class as she silently cried. She sat on her wheelie chair and moved side to side looking across the empty chairs, she was over prepared for the day and within half hour before the students would enter nosily finding chairs and speaking about their holidays, catching up with classmates. Jen regretted being the first lesson of the day for them she would see them at their most grumpy but she was thankful she was lenient and would not let them be too challenged this morning.

She span around on the chair thinking of the girl, kicking her feet out to make herself go faster, she was giggling like a teenager, this was how the teen had made her feel. She span around and around in circles throwing her head back as she went faster, "Having fun Miss Gilmore" Jen heard the voice and tried to frantically stop the chair spinning, her vision a little blurred as she tried to source the sound of the voice, she reached out and stopped the chair to a halt and almost flew off the seat. She stood and shut her eyes for a moment and reopened them so she could see straight "Hello Mr Keller" she replied a little red cheeked and embarrassed and offered a polite smile. He did not seem impressed but smiled back and walked down the corridor, Jen was thankful she did not have to walk as she zig zagged her way to her way to the window to get some air. 6 months ago she would have been panicking and worrying about her actions but this morning she let out a laughter that she had felt brewing and giggled to herself casting a look out to the car park.

This day has seemed to be set to reminiscing, it was a massive change for both of them to adapt to, all this torment and all this time they had been waiting for something to happen or something to tell them it was not right. All this time they were just waiting for each other. She glanced her eyes across the car park watching the familiar cars slow drive in and the older teachers climbed their way out eyes darting along the building in disbelief that the summer was really over, other cars began speeding in vibrating from their music systems blaring and Jen smiled a little as she knew the students were making their way. She leant against the window allowing the breeze to move her hair, glancing back out the window, the trees were dancing again and the birds chirped their way along the branches. Jen enjoyed nature she had an eye for movement and capturing things she could draw or paint, she took her inspiration from the things that could move her like she preached in her lessons so often. Things that catch your eye, people you meet and moments you make.

The vision climbing out of a car with Maddie in tow was causing Jen's stomach to flip as she raised sub consciously to lay her face onto the glass for a better look, last year she would spend her entire lunch break looking out of this window searching for a glance of the teen she desired so much. Things were different now, she watched Tilly make her way across the car park and her smile beamed, it was not a secret smile only she could see that hurt as she hid it from the world it was a proud smile, it was her girlfriend, she felt like shouting it out of the window that she loved this woman. She watched her laughing and raised a hand to her neck as the teen did, she loved it when the girl laughed her nose crinkled as her cheeks made way for the dimples, steam billowed onto the glass as her breath became hot with longing. She held onto her breath as the girl stood still waving to the others as they made their way in she looked in her bag and Jen leaned closer to see what she was doing, her pocket vibrated and she jumped a mile pulling her mobile out of her pocket. "Stalk much Jen, I can feel your eyes on me from here" Jen laughed rolling her head back and cast her eyes back out of the window to see the teen looking up to her smiling. "Was just checking you were awake, and its Miss Gilmore to you" she hit send and saw the teen look to her phone and glare back up laughing, "Well best behave then, sorry Miss" she replied and taunted a seductive reply to the teacher through the window. "I think you should, I would not want to give you a detention missy" Jen knew it was not as sexy as she wanted to be but she knew she could not afford to lose herself in lust before the day had even started.

She watched her girl move inside of the building counting her steps and went back to her desk and sat in the wheelie chair, her inner child told her to pick the pace back up and start spinning again but her heart was already racing and her head was already spinning, this time she did not feel sick she was smiling widely. She propped herself forward onto her elbows and day dreamed a little of whether she had enough time this evening to squeeze Tilly in, or whether the girl would be bombarded with homework, she sighed and looked up to see a group of students making their way to her classroom. She breathed in and out shocked at the sudden nerves and straightened out her dress smiling to some familiar faces and some new ones, she greeted them all with her patient temperament settling their nerves.

She made her way around the classroom saying hello and welcoming those who had chosen to continue her class for A level, she felt the breeze behind her as students chose seats and she turned to greet them in turn asking how their summers were etc. She shut her eyes as the breeze turned warm and she smelt the familiar perfume that lingers on her pillow most mornings, she opened her eyes a little and they changed, they were wide and searching. She looked to her side and caught the teen looking at her and her smile was a grin, this was going to be harder than they thought. "Miss, MISS" Jen looked back to the girl who was sitting backwards as Jen leant her body over the table sticking out her bum to try and seduce Tilly, she jumped back from the student who was looking at her a little funny, "Sorry, erm… Right class welcome back, for those who know me Hi, for those who are new to my class Hello im Miss Gilmore" she smiled around the class as she walked her way around knowing all the eyes were glancing up every so often to look like they were listening, she knew one set of eyes were burning through her back and she knew it was pay back time, if she could focus on teasing Tilly rather than letting herself be teased then she hoped this wave of lust would die down for a while.

She walked to the back of the classroom and continued to speak about the syllabus and criteria they needed to cover this semester, her voice wavered a little causing a couple of students to look behind them as she walked to lean against the wall directly behind the red heads chair. She spoke to the back of the girls head and saw her head drop as she tried to redirect her eyes or maybe control her breathing, Jen laid a hand over her stomach to steady her voice and continued delivering her speech. She noticed one by one the heads starting to waver to the front or to their friends to slyly chat and she knew no one was now paying much attention to her, she walked towards Tilly's chair and thanked god she was sat alone her bag waiting on the chair next to her for Maddie, who Jen had clocked never made her class. She leant onto the back of her chair casually and Tilly shuddered as she could feel her breath and smell her perfume, the teacher continued talking people through their theory work as they flicked through the pages of the art book laid in front of them. She pushed a foot out in front of her and let her shoe touch the back of Tilly's leg which were crossed behind her under the chair, Jen heard the teens breath stifle as she tried to catch it before she moaned. Jen laughed a little and she ran a hand out quickly to stroke the girls neck as she walked past, she stood deliberately in the gap between the tables in front of the teen so she could see her back, glancing behind her as she continued to walk and coughed as she saw the teen looking at her bum with rosy cheeks.

Fortunately the hour flew by for Tilly who spent the entire lesson chewing her pen lid and staring holes into the teacher, hating how embarrassed she had let her become but loving her for not shunning her and treating her like the rest of the students. As the student answered questions on the sheets in front of them Tilly kept her stare up towards the teacher and waited for her to look back, of course she did, it was allowed now as long as they were careful. Jen tilted her head and smiled a cute smile, wrinkling her nose to mock the teen. She looked back across the room and back to Tilly, her face was stern with a look of you owe me an apology but Jen could see into her eyes and knew she was laughing inside and was still her girl. Jen poked out her tongue and turned quickly as a boy in the front looked at her, she turned her tongue poking out into a yawn and heard a belly laugh from the top of the room as the funniest facial expression had tickled the teen. Some other students turned to see what the noise was as the teen let out a snort followed by a hysterical laughter, she could not stop and although she knew she was totally alone in this she had no control on the laughter belting from her mouth. Jen rose and walked towards Tilly's table "Miss Evans, quiet down please" she shouted out and Tilly for a moment held a hand to her mouth to try, she was doing well until Jen jumped a little inside and she could tell the teacher was dying to laugh too, and the laughter resumed out of her louder this time. Jen sighed as she knew she was supposed to discipline the girl, but the idea sent a wave of excitement through her and she shut her eyes as the bell rang for the end of the lesson. _Saved by the bell had never been so welcome…_

The students gathered their things glancing odd looks towards the red heat who had now buried her head on the table under her arms still chuckling. "Miss Evans can you stay behind please" Jen spoke out and she secretly knew this was working out well, the students would thing she was going to be told off. Jen followed the last student to the door with a practised stern look to fit the scene and shut the door turning her back against it and looking to the teen, Tilly looked up wiping her eyes still little aftershocks of giggles escaping but she was calming down. "Jen im so sorry, your face cracked me up and I lost it" she put her things into her bag, she had not even done the work set for the lesson but knew she had an advantage as she knew the teacher very well. "Tilly you must try and control yourself in my lessons, we cant afford to bring attention to ourselves. Plus I nearly laughed as much as you when he looked at me, how can a poked tongue turn to a yawn" Jen replied shaking her head with a little laugh, her smile always made the red heads face curl up into a beam but when she laughed it was the cutest thing she had ever seen, to know she caused this made her insides quake. "Erm I seem to remember you starting this Jen, you stood right behind me and touched my leg, I nearly span my chair around" she breathed out pointing to the scene of the crime at the back of the room, she breathed back in a deep breath she knew they had to calm it down when they were in collage too but it was going to take some practise. At least this pretending was fun.

"Well I suppose im to blame a little" the teacher confessed smiling, "But I am your teacher and you must abide my every rule" she seductively turned her eyes to demanding and leant back against her desk slipping herself to sit upon it, crossing her legs exposing more of her thigh. It may not have been intentional but Tilly was interested and rose from her chair grabbing her bag, "The bell went Miss, so I may have to leave your demands for later" she teased, testing the teacher. "Erm I believe that the bell is for the teacher and you young lady are still in trouble" Jen replied, the tension in the room was undeniable and the stare between the pair was going to be dangerous if someone walked in, with a building full of students and teachers this was not a slim chance.

To reminisce and look back at how far you have actually come can be mind blowing. If you take it back to the first step where it was confusing and terrifying, denying yourself something that you could feel yourself shouting for, taking away the arrow in front of you that beamed the light and choosing to take the unlit path as it is proved to be familiar. If you let yourself go through the unknown with that person you become part of each other and the daze and everyday motions become a easier route, the loneliness can drag you down but the regret of not allowing yourself to succeed will destroy you. Jen knew she was the only obstacle that stood in her way, she didn't ask to feel anything, to fall in love, at the time she didn't want it but now this girl was in her way and she could not imagine spending a moment without her. Her entire day had consumed thoughts of what was and what is now, it moved her to how far she had let herself be taken with this journey. She used to think there was no place for her and her dreams would slip away, she allowed herself to catch one one day and it had blossomed into something more than she could ever grasp, the love was not just internal it was everlasting even if the wind took another course in the future.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

It's the danger that enthrals you in a moment, the adrenaline causes a reaction and forces your heart to race and you become more focused on anything and everything, this feeling takes over you and it can make you feel liberated and invigorated but it can also blind you to the inevitable fall when the adrenaline wears off. If you believe in things you don't understand it can send you into a paradise of the unknown.

Jen still kept her stance supporting herself against the desk as the teen turned to return to her like she had been summoned. "What is my punishment then Miss Gilmore, I have more classes today" Tilly mocked and put a finger to her lip as her body swayed a little side to side trying to taunt her control, Jen smirked she knew this was Tilly sub conscious mind wandering and she tilted her head to the girl seductively raising her eyebrows. When Jen could feel her legs again she managed to stand fully and walk her way over to the teen who took in a deep breath to brace herself, she still needed her own mental countdown before casting her eyes to meet the teachers. She allowed the warm feeling to spread across her cheeks and she knew the butterflies causing her stomach to flip were only going to get worse as Jen made her way closer to her, her dress billowing with each step as the material grazed the teachers leg distracting the teen.

"I think this is proving to be your punishment, you can see me, you can feel me" Jen seductively brushed past the teen, letting her arm torment the girls back as she passed by her like a breeze. "You can sense my presence, and by that intake of breath you can smell my perfume" Jen teased as she lingered behind Tilly, her hot breath moving the teens hair as she whispered onto the top of her back and along her shoulders. "Your heart is racing and your beginning to feel the clench of your stomach as you give into me, you want me" Jen ran a finger along the back of the teens neck and let it trail down her back. She felt Tilly tremble as she let out a moan as her spine tingled, she turned giving into her desires, she was turned on and in a moment she wanted the teachers touch and wanted more than anything to let their lips touch. Jen walked backwards smirking "But you cant touch me, not here" she walked to her chair and sat, legs a little open taunting Tilly as her dress hung a little above her knee.

Tilly's expression was of complete shock and longing, she parted her lips and let out a raspy breath and let her bag drop onto a table as she walked over to the chair, her footing a little unsteady. She stood in front of the chair as Jen swirled it a little as she chuckled at the teen, Tilly held out a hand and stopped the chair in its spin and her look was serious sending a knot in Jen's stomach. She looked at the teachers legs and slipped one of her own through the arm of the chair followed by the other straddling the teacher, she held out her arms and held the back of the chair looking deep into Jen's eyes. The teachers breathing picked up a little as she glanced down and back up lost in the beauty in front of her, she was mesmerised and her little escapade backfired as the fire within her ignited. She bit her lip and allowed Tilly to move in and kiss her as she reciprocated and their tongues danced their now natural rhythm, it was only when they heard a laugh that they both remembered they were in school and Jen jumped up clutching the girl around her waist as both sets of heads looked towards the door.

Students pilled out of their lessons and into the hallways all rushing to make their way to the hall for their lunch, teachers also relieved for a break made their way to the staff rooms in need of some adult conversation. Within minutes the halls become empty and classrooms deserted, sometimes people took advantage of these quiet moments to run errands. The new science teacher clumsily made her way into the halls, appreciating the quietness as she tried to distress from her first day, she clutched her paperwork to her chest as she went through door after door trying to find her way into the staff room, she slammed straight into a running teen and knocked her paperwork flying causing a giggle out of the unhelpful teenager as he ran on.

Jen watched this woman through the window and could not help but feel pity rise up through her chest but also a sign of relief as she still had her girlfriend's legs wrapped around her waist. Tilly breathed out after a few minutes and unclenched her tight grip letting her legs drop to the floor as she looked to the teacher to see what to do. She watched Jen's face as she stared to the woman knelt in the corridor picking up her belongings and she could not help but see a little glint in the teachers eye. She reached out her hand stroking along the teachers arm for a moment, like a child pulling on their parents for attention, Jen's eyes however did not return her gaze and it torn a crack straight through Tilly's heart. She stood back and although it was a mere ten seconds until Jen looked back it felt like an eternity to the teens awaited breath back in. "I think were ok babe" Jen commented as the woman leant against the wall by the door collecting herself thankful there was no one she could see to hide her embarrassment from. Jen glanced to the teen with a smile "That was close aye" she chuckled, but her smile was not reciprocated, Tilly was distanced with an obvious concern across her face. "Who is that woman Jen" Tilly exclaimed in an accusing tone and it caused Jen's posture to stand taller to defend herself, "it's the new science teacher Tilly, why are you so angry looking. Has she done something to you, shall I have a word" Jen was worried. "This is my first lesson of the day remember and she is not even my teacher" Tilly snapped back. "Well then why the sudden grumpy mood, you were fine a second ago" Jen ran a hand up the teens arm in a seductive way but Tilly reclined a little, "Tilly, what's the matter" Jen was becoming a little impatient, it was not the first time she had been immature or caused a scene and Jen had to council herself that the girl was still a teenager, this mood was subject to them.

"The way you looked at her, it just didn't seem right" know she was saying it out loud she knew that it seemed childish but she was so close to her now that she could not hide her feelings even if she tried, Jen knew by each expression how the teen was feeling, her face had dropped and the dimples had vanished from her cheeks. The most obvious sign Jen always picked up on was how her eyes became dark, she had such bright eyes normally. "Babe, is this jealousy" Jen laughed and Tilly's eyes turned evil, "Don't laugh at me" she turned and walked around the desk to sit on one of the tables, looking to the floor swinging her legs. "Tilly, do you honestly think I like that woman, ive seen her once this morning and she spilt coffee on me" Jen opened her cardigan and showed the teen a little stain on the side of her dress, she offered a smile and walked to lean against the desk opposite the grumpy face. "She is not my type Tilly, you are, you are the one I love" she tilted her head trying to trace the girls to bring it back up, "You Miss Evans are the one im in love with. Nothing compares to you, I honestly don't think anyone will ever come close" the teachers words were slowly working, Tilly's cheeks were beginning to blush with embarrassment and she kept her head down not ready to look up to apologise. Jen knew it was starting to sink into the teen and she stood again walking slowly over to the her, "I mean you can chose to believe me but all I can do is wait for you and its all I have to say" she leant across the table her elbows supporting her as she cupped her face in her hands.

"Im sorry, I saw you look and you had that look in your eye that you give me and well I got jealous" Tilly let out a sigh and forced her eyes to meet the teachers so she could show she was genuine, she was glad she did as Jen looked adorable. Her pose was of complete attention for her and it cheered Tilly back up, "Babe I will look at other people from time to time but its just a passing glance, it doesn't mean anything its just a look. My eyes only open to look for you, forgive me if I hurt you, made you feel uneasy or rejected, don't deny what you feel your only human babe. My eyes had a glint as you put it, as moments before your legs were wrapped around me beaut, please forgive me if I cant stop loving you" Jen had managed to work her way around the table and was stood in front of Tilly whose expression was overwhelmed. Jen leant forward and despite the possibility of being caught she leant in and kissed the top of the teens lip, followed by the bottom, she pulled away for a quick moment to open her eyes to look into her lovers face, she smiled as Tilly's eyes closed and she leant back in kissing fully onto her lips and waited for her to come back to her, after a few seconds the girls mouth parted and allowed the desired kiss to commence.

The results of a desired kiss however simple can physiologically encouraged the feeling of affection and attachment, if you kiss someone with what it is you feel it can tell them just how much you love them, and their lips will forever be yours. A kiss can take your breath away, heal or make a moment which will mark your heart.

The locked lips separated and although the kiss was not as long as either had wanted it cured what was needed, they both wore a secret smile for the other and it was one which would last all day. Jen stood back and grabbed the teens hands as she jumped off the table and grabbed her bag, "Im sorry darling I have made you miss lunch" Jen gestured to Tilly who did not seem bothered, "Here" Jen threw the teen an apple which she had kept on her table for her own lunch. Tilly caught it and laughed "Isn't this supposed to be the other way around" she motioned turning the apple in her hand chuckling, "Well you already are teachers pet im just keeping you mine baby, right go catch up with your friends and I shall text you later ok. Maybe we can meet up" Tilly heard the hopeful tone in the teachers voice and nodded "Yep I would really like that" she smiled, she really did want to see Jen out of school, she was already feeling the restraint the school was having on them and she knew she would have to get used to it but the exciting moments like this morning would help keep her mind under control. She blew a kiss to Jen who caught it and her grin gave Tilly a skip in her stride as she bounced into the corridor looking behind her as the teacher had her arms straight out across the table with her head resting against them staring in her direction, she felt her stomach flip as she knew she was desired. She laughed and waved a little and Jen wiggled her fingers back and watched the red head walk away. She could not wait until the end of the school day, no other lessons would be like this one, the visible results of being in this girls company left her glowing.

The day went by rather quickly for them both and Tilly had one last lesson which was beginning to lose her patience, she was desperate for this day to be over, she wanted to get out of the school premises so she could text Jen and find out if they could meet. Maddie and Sinead were talking about the trip to Abersoch and Tilly's mind wandered to how Jen would look on the beach in the sun. "Babes you even listening" Tilly looked to the voice and noticed Sineads impatient look "What did you say sorry I was thinking" Tilly replied with a smile. "Are you coming back to mine to online shop bikini's. Mums out and Jen will probably be around but she will stay out of our way, and you never know her credit card could come in handy" Sinead smiled and Tilly was sold as soon as the teachers name was mentioned. "Yeah ok, ill meet you all at the gates guys I have to get to class" Tilly took herself down the corridors sub consciously directing herself in the direction she needed to go, her mind was begging to be elsewhere.

The lesson dragged and before the teacher even said his goodbyes Tilly was out of the classroom and into the car park greeting the girls all desperate to get out of there, they wasted no time and got into Maddie's car and drove away music blaring. They pulled up around the corner by the lanes and jumped out walking their way to Sineads all chatting about their day and gossip they had picked up from the other students. She turned the corner and heard Sinead sigh and tut, "This woman is always embarrassing me, if its not in school saying hello its her half naked in the street" Tilly raised her head to follow who Sinead was moaning about and caught herself before she fell. Her heart raced, her breathing sped up and she opened her mouth fully shocked as she stood with legs like jelly at the woman a few yards ahead of her.

Jen was bent over the bonnet of her car with a sponge in hand as she wiped over the window screen, water splashing over her vest which was soaked to her chest. Tilly's mind went into overdrive as she picked up a foot to catch up to the other girls, she ran almost following her now natural urges to spin Jen around and kiss her pushing her body onto the soapy car and devouring her lips. She slowed as she reached her with the girls and ran her eyes over the teachers body, she wore shorts which were short enough that Tilly could see the crease of the her bum cheeks, her hair was tied up and Tilly felt herself wanting to touch the black stray hairs lingering across the teachers neck. "Hiya Jen" Sinead called out and Tilly nodded, she could not bring herself to speak just yet. Jen turned and greeted the girls, her eyes lingering as they caught Tilly's look, she knew she had caused a reaction but it started her head spinning knowing she was tormenting the teen.

Tilly was thankful she was stood behind the girls as he eyes wandered over the teachers wet and soapy body, her vest was soaked causing her curves to be more accentuated, her sides seemed appealing, Tilly could feel her hands burning to grip onto them, Jen moved her posture as she knew the teen was remembering what was underneath her bare clothing as she smirked as the teens eyes followed her down her stomach and across her shorts, she tilted her head to trace a soap dud run its way down her thigh to her knee, it tempted to drop for a moment and Tilly held onto her breath as it shook waiting to fall, Jen moved her leg again and it ran down her shin to her flip flops and settled. Tilly's eyes stayed to the floor for a moment to gather herself and then walked their way back up to Jen's face, she felt a nudge and looked to her side still mouth open and gawping. "You coming in or you going to help Jen" Sinead asked and by her tone it was not the first time she asked, "Yeah sorry I " her words became lost and she walked into the house after them her eyes still staring at the teacher who winked. Sineads room fortunately had a large bay window where Tilly conveniently positioned herself so she could cast sly looks down, she watched the teacher let her hair out throwing her head back letting her boobs protrude out with her ribcage, she lifted a leg to the bonnet and let the sponge run seductively over it as she went back towards the car, she looked up and smiled as she knew she was being watched and Tilly felt almost like a pervert, she knew however that this show was for her and it was her girlfriend.

A little bit of jealousy in a relationship is healthy, be jealous and be mad, it is only because you care. It shows the person who you love that your afraid of loosing something, that you are terrified in your heart you believe there is more of a chance of loosing them than there is of them loosing you. If you let jealousy consume you it can plague every thought, the more you let it over react the more you create, the outcome will be that the person you love wont end up turning around to see you cry, they wont have the energy to listen to your reasons why, they wont realise that they were the only person who really knew you all along.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Humour is the most important thing in life, it makes you laugh and sometimes cry with laughter. It is essential for the soul for it to keep the mind young and relieve stress. If you cannot laugh at yourself you can always rely on the people you love to jest at you, keeping humour is as important as air, when the humour leaves the darkness creeps in through the open mouth and causes the frown and tears to follow.

Even though Tilly knew she had Jen, her body, her mind a lot of the time and her love she felt disheartened at the moments when she could not get her own way. Watching her out of the window made Tilly crazy with desire, the way the teacher moved her cloth across each soap dud that Tilly's eyes landed upon and the glare of the sun shining off the car sent sparkles across her slender frame making her body if possible even more godly. She wanted so badly to just tell her friends she was going out to see her girlfriend and just be able to tell the world how lucky she was. This was one of the first times she had felt angry about keeping their relationship a secret, she was so caught up with Jen that it had become normality for her to sneak around, she felt it made them closer as they had to make the most of each moment they spent together as they did not know the next time they would be able too. She got irritated when she could not ring her as people were always around and a quick unsatisfying text had to do, the teen knew that this was the only way, as long as she kept it to herself she had her, this love was becoming too consuming for it not to burst.

Her anger was not aimed so much towards Jen as she knew the teacher felt the same, she had told her plenty of times that she would shout it from the rooftops that she loved her, but it was annoying her that she could not approach the woman when she saw her and do what her heart wanted her to do. She wanted to be able to walk hand in hand through the street with her, touch her the way lovers do in public, a gentle stroke across the face or run her fingers through her hair as they sit with their friends on a summers day. The urge that was killing her the most was how badly her mouth ached to be where it belonged, every time she thought of her a kiss was what started her heart beating, when she landed her eyes on those ruby lips it drained her trying not to touch them. It was painful keeping her distance when the people she was hiding it from were supposed to love her and her choices, this desperation was starting to take its toll and it was wearing the teen down.

She knew being only a teenager people did not take her seriously when she said she found women attractive, stereotypical people believed she had chosen it as she had not felt she fitted in at the precise moment or group but she knew this was what was normal to her. She looked back through her memories and thought how it would be the hardest thing she would ever have to do but at this moment hiding her heart was worse. Not only was it already frowned upon as only certain people accepted her sexuality but the fact she was dating and completely in love with a 3teacher was a complete path in the forbidden direction. It made her confused sometimes as to how much she desired Jen, she knew she wanted her and loved her, this was carved into her heart but to know a lot of the time she was not allowed her left her longing. Was this the eager feeling, was it because she could not claim her whenever she pleased or was this the effects love has on you.

The glass of the window was steamed and there was a visible palm mark where her hand had been begging during her thoughts, she focused her eyes and looked down into the street where Jen had been and she was not there anymore. The pang in her stomach was abrupt and it took her breath a moment, now she was not in her sight she missed her, where did she go. The reality of being too involved had kicked in, it was intense and she could feel her heart struggling to beat a little as the life source that had carved its way into her soul was out of her reach. She looked around the room eyes wide they were looking for the light, her eyes met the girls and Sinead's eyes were questioning her.

"What's up babe? You ok?" she asked concerned, Tilly shook her head a little as though to realign her thoughts back to the room "Yeah fine hun, sorry was deep in thought" she replied, coughing at the end as her voice sounded distant and wobbly. "Im fine, im fine. I think I have eaten something dodgy my stomach is hurting. Im going to go and I shall meet up with you guys in a few hours ok" Tilly grabbed her bag as she spoke and walked to the door, she felt odd and knew these girls could read her face. "Alrite babe, as long as your ok" Sinead replied back as Maddie looked on worried, Tilly smiled back to them and made her way down the corridor to the stairs and walked her feet down them slowly a little confused by her mind and heart racing each other.

She could not get through a night without talking to Jen, to spend her life without her made her feel sick, what kind of life would it be, but at this precise moment she was freaked out and wanted to run from her. The feeling was odd and sudden, she was happy and in love but she felt like she had missed something and it had knocked her for six. She felt unsteady and her feet were shaking as she stood down each step, her head was begging for her to run while her heart was telling her it was the place she supposed to be. She was consumed with confusion and the not knowing what to do was making her walk down two steps and back up one as her fingers clutched onto the necklace Jen brought her, her heart was forcing her to run to her. She made it to the bottom step and could feel her mood changing as she became glum, she could not control what her thoughts were telling her and she could feel her mind shutting down.

She was not sure what was happening but it scared her, she turned the down the step into the living room and bumped into Diane, "You alrite Till, you look pale darling?" Diane commented, Tilly looked to her briefly but her eyes were caught on the figure laying across the sofa. She looked up at the toes wiggling and the legs tapping as Jen laid with her ipod in her ears, she was reading a magazine and didn't even realise Tilly was there, Tilly was a little relieved of this as her eyes must have shown her current state and the teacher would most certainly pick up on this. "Yeah im ok, I think I have eaten something dodgy, I feel a little ill." Tilly replied to a curious looking Diane. She smiled weakly and made her way behind the sofa to the front door and although it felt as though she broke every rule in her mind she fought herself to keep her gaze forward and opened the door rushing out and slamming it behind her. Once outside she leant her back against the door taking in a few deep breaths, shutting her eyes. She could instantly feel the regret of not looking back to Jen and it felt like she had left her heart on the stairs.

She let out a sigh in the street and made her down to the pavement, she didn't know where she was going, where do you go when your mind wants to run away for a while. She looked up the sky and let out a frustrated sigh, she wanted this feeling to leave her, why was she in a funk now. She walked down the street and let her legs carry her for a while as her heart was carrying her heavy emotions. She sat down when she saw somewhere she could place herself and looked around her surroundings, she was sat on the faithful bench, it now was becoming the place where all major decisions were made, it was where Jen and her went separately to think of each other, where they met and allowed it to become something igniting their hearts for each other. It was the seat where the first heartbreak occurred and where they ran to each time as though searching for each other or the answers they knew but didn't want to realise.

Jen listened to her ipod until the music drove her crazy, she was trying to calm herself down from thinking of the teen who was upstairs with the girls. She knew she had turned both herself and Tilly on but she could not march up the stairs and grab her so she was left to sit alone on the sofa and turn the pages of one of Sinead's magazines not really taking in any of the gossip it displayed to her. She pulled the earphones out of her head chuckling as she skipped mindlessly through songs as they reminded her of the girl, there was not a song or beat she could not assign to provoke her mind. She threw her ipod onto the table and sat up looking down to her crinkled top, she smiled and made her way into the kitchen heading for the fridge to take a cold drink to quench her thirst, the weather was scorching today and Jen had the least amount of clothing on as she possibly could, she was in a vest and shorts, her bra had been thrown as soon as she had made it back indoors.

"Hey, whats your plans for this evening" Diane caught Jen off guard and she turned startled, "Oh hey Di, erm.. Im not sure yet" she didn't actually know what she was going to do, she had not managed to speak to Tilly yet. She did have a lot of work to do now they were back at school but her need to see the teen was more demanding, "Well I think Sinead and Maddie are off to the coffee shop, there trying to get hold of Tilly but she's not answering her phone" the words rang out of Diane's mouth like a horn, Jen's attention was deliberately focused she heard the girls name and was baffled. "I thought she was with them upstairs" she replied a little more urgent than Diane would understand. "She was, Jen she left like two hours ago. You were here she came down the stairs all wobbly she said something about not feeling well and I think went home. To me she looked upset but then it could be hay fever or something" Diane answered a little irritated by the questions, Jen looked worried and tried to change her fidgeted posture, "Ah ok, right I might go see what work I have to do, see you soon" she skipped past Diane and ran up the stairs two at a time bounding into her room and shutting the door.

Her need to see if the teen was ok was overwhelming, her happiness mainly relied on how happy Tilly was, it amazed her how her mood was effected by the teens. She grabbed her phone and she had no messages, this was odd, if she had slipped out she would normally have text her to try and get her to meet her too. She opened a new message and began to type "Hey babe, are you " she pressed send and watched the screen expecting to see a reply straight away, after a minute or two passed she laid the phone on the bed the screen still lit awaiting a reply, she paced a little but kept her eyes in sight of the screen becoming impatient. She slipped off her vest and shivered as the breeze from her open window hit her bare chest, she threw on a t shirt and walked back to her phone sitting next to it.

After half hour she let her paranoia take its course and hit the screen scrolling down to Tilly's name and hit dial, she listened to the ring tone and cursed it as it continued to ring until hitting the network answer phone, why was Tilly not answering, Jen was confused was she reading too much into it should she leave the girl for a while and allow her to get back to her when she was not busy or should she continue to ring or worse ring her house phone and the possibility of speaking to her parents. She stood up and grabbed onto her phone shoving it into her back pocket and made her way downstairs bumping into Sinead and Maddie. "Hiya girls, off anywhere nice" Jen asked, she didn't care where they were going she just wanted to know if Tilly was meeting them, even if she knew this then she would know the girl was ok. It made her heart flip thinking the teen was ill or worse upset about something, had she gone too far teasing her outside. "Just meeting the boys at the coffee house, you can come along if you want" Sinead offered but Jen could see from her eyes that she was merely being polite. "No im ok thanks hun, I don't want to cramp your style im your teacher again now remember so it would not be cool for me to sit with all the students" she smiled and Sinead returned one. "Ok well have fun, do me a favour if Tilly rings the house phone can you text me please, I have no idea where she is, she wont reply to us." Sinead shouted as she made her way out of the front door, as Jen dropped her guard and let her eyes widen into their tormented state.

She let the girls walk their way down the street and darted out the front door too, it was 8pm and she was certain that whatever was causing Tilly to be apparently ill should have subsided by now, she text her again, "Im on my way over to yours now. Whats wrong xx" she span her mobile around in her hand agitated. She walked her way quickly to Tilly's house and leant against the wall next door, she couldn't just knock the door what would be her purpose if her parents asked. She walked away from the house after reassuring herself it was a bad and irrational decision, she wondered why she was so bothered by this, it just felt strange. When you become so close with someone, where your souls merge you can sense what the other is feeling, you can tell from a simple interaction how they sound but when you cant see them you can feel the pull on your heart like they are calling for you when they need you.

She wandered through the village as the boiling sun dwelled down to a dull heat with a slight stuffy breeze, she was thankful she was barely clothed as she was already wiping a bead of sweat irritating her forehead. She walked cursing her choice of flat shoes, she could feel the blisters beginning on her heel as she walked a little uncomfortably checking her surroundings for somewhere to sit, she was already on her way to the place she went to think and she knew the bench was near so she continued up the path trying to seek a reason why she was missing the beat in her heart. She sat onto the edge of the empty bench slipping off her shoe and massaging the red and bloody skin letting out a little gasp. She sat herself back into the bench confused as to why the seat was already warm, she blamed it on the weather and looked forward to the trees letting her hair blow a little with the wind as her hands brought themselves together as she ran a thumb over her bangles. A bird scuttled its way across the floor looking for food once it found a crumb it fluttered off back to the trees returning seconds later with another bird, she smiled a little, it was cute.

Jen sometimes thought of Tilly as an angel sent to her when she was loosing faith, she knew it was her father looking over her, she thanked him daily for sending her to her side, she could never imagine a guardian angel leaving her.

She lifted her legs to cross them under her as she warmed her heart thinking of Tilly, her yelped as she caught her ankle on something sending a sharp pain and forcing her hand to reach underneath her leg to see the item. Her fingers clasped around something and she recoiled it to her vision, she focused as she held it in front of her. Her hand shot to her mouth as the item made her heart break a little and a breath catch her throat. She knew something was wrong and it was not her senses being paranoid.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Tilly had been sitting on the bench for two hours before she felt calm enough to remove herself from her daze and make her return home, she had ignored all calls off her friends desperately trying to find out where she was or how she was feeling. Her mobile sat in her pocket on silent, she wanted to be alone to allow her thoughts to form so she could work out what was wrong with her. Her mind was unclear and distorted thoughts crossed over her eyes as she desperately tried to spot the clues as to why her mind was desperately trying to dismiss how she felt. It was scaring the teen as she clutched onto whatever thoughts she could that made her know she was happy with Jen, as soon as she focused on a reason it was being snatched away and telling her she did not feel that way, encouraging her to run as fast as she could.

Sometimes when the mind cannot grasp or understand things it sends you into overdrive, over thinking everything till you awake in complete turmoil and disregard everything you believed was right. The memories that make the smiles become distorted by the demons reeking havoc and forcing you too see everything that helps you think it was wrong. The memories are significant moments that remain for a lifetime these demons will do everything to destroy them, sucking all of the happiness out of what makes them so special, an empty shell remains and it becomes easier to crush.

It had been near enough over six months since she had first laid her eyes on Jen, within a few minutes her eyes became focused and were slowly working out why they could not retract, she was hooked. Even when Jen seemed nothing more than a new woman in town who critised Tilly's art work she had a feeling inside that made her stop and notice for a moment, she was completely provoked and thrown into a new emotion she did not know whether she was ready for yet. The simplicity of it all is easy, focus on what you see and initially feel, the attraction and lust comes quickly but after the intimacy is when the heart is forced open and then the sleepless nights and change of appetite kicks in, your entire world you knew and the way you look at things change and it proves scary to be thrown in a direction you were unaware of. Tilly knew she loved the teacher, there was no question in her mind of this but she was suddenly aware of how deep these roots were beginning to dig. The problem with love is it's a second hand emotion to happiness, it is often the side effect of love, described as the heartbreak. It is true that it makes a fool out of whoever it claims, as we all rush in and ignore the unsteadiness of a potential fall.

Tilly automatically cradled her necklace when her thoughts went to Jen, it reassured herself that she was real, she had not made up this dream. She rotated the little bottle in-between her thumb and forefinger searching for some sort of message to jump out to her, nothing came to mind while she sat pondering on the bench. The complete uncertainty of the thoughts was tormenting her, she sat still as her heart was beating one melody while her mind took the tune away, she had no idea what she was supposed to believe or feel. She did not want to split up with Jen or even talk to her about any of it but she felt overwhelmed and it was throwing her mind against her inner walls, she felt like she was in her own prison with no escape, completely and terrified as she was trapped. Tilly was aware she was a smart girl, maybe the over analysing had taken account and kicked into overdrive, she thought sometimes her mind could be used for better things as she would think and re think things over to work out every possible clause she could find. The negativity was not something she chose, optimism was something she thought she prided herself on but it seemed that the negatives were always lurking around close by.

The depressive mood was forcing the teen's eyes to burn as she desperately tried not the let wet confirmation release, she swung her legs underneath the bench allowing her shoes to scuff as they swung back. Her hands still clutching to the necklace now laying in her hands staring into the bottle, this memory was still physical as the sand gleamed inside, this could not be taken away. She placed it on her leg and ran her hands through her hair as the headache she had been cursing for the last few hours was starting to make her feel sick, the teen shut her eyes and leaned back against the hard wooden slates and tried to clear her mind and silence her thoughts.

After a while she opened her eyes and looked around, she was not sure of the time or how long she had been sitting trying to seek silence, it was odd that the area was quiet and isolated yet her mind was so loud. She was becoming angry with herself as she was not in control, what was she thinking, one moment she thought she was being pathetic how could she even contemplate walking away from something this amazing, something that made her smile for what felt like a lifetime. She felt like she was addicted to Jen, she was her own personal drug that no one else could take, but as soon as she began to believe this theory and stand up to run back to her arms the dark passenger in control swayed her into thinking that this would end in more devastation than she could handle. Could she walk away from Jen now, would this feeling of panic actually make her forget all the laughter she shared with the teacher, or could the pain over shine it all, would they share the tears.

She stood and began pacing around the bench kicking stones and picking leafs off the trees hearing them pop as she folded them, she was lost in her own mind and it was a lonely feeling. No one ever truly understands you, they think they do but your looks can change and you have the advantage of them loving you which makes them a little gullible. She kicked the bench in the middle of her breakdown and let out a shriek as she hurt her toe, throwing her arms into the air she turned and stomped her way down the narrow lit path back towards the village. She had not noticed how dark it had became, the sky was a midnight blue with a slight breeze, it was ideal for her to cast her eyes to the stars and look for some resolution.

She got back into the village and leant against the railings looking towards her house, she was going to be questioned when she returned as the girls probably would have rang a few times checking to see if she was ok, the teen reached for her mobile in her pocket to check how many time she had been called. She sifted through the touch screen and noticed 5 missed calls of Sinead, 3 off Maddie, 3 from home and 1 off Jen. She smiled a little and a frown quickly followed, she was still so baffled by her emotions that she cancelled and went back to the main screen to read her 6 text messages, the 4 off Sinead were non important it was the two marked Jen that caught Tilly's eye. She read them and her heart flipped a little knowing that the teacher was worried about her enough to go to her house, she looked over to her front door and wondered if Jen was sat in her living room with her parents as she wandered in the night thinking about how true her love was and what it all meant.

She was tempted to text Jen back but what would she say, she had had a mini meltdown about their relationship, about how she had became so close that she felt the urge to run away. That she was so terrified if she lost this love or the moments she found herself consumed in she honestly could not see a way back to her normal state. Her mind was still swirling but she rolled her eyes as the irony was she wanted so desperately to hear the teachers voice, it soothed her when she normally needed to vent and just the tone helped calm her down. She shook her head and hated the fact she was no closer to an outcome or any decision, she ran a hand along her neck and looked towards her house, she was drained and needed to sleep. The teen reached out her hand and grasped the railing as she frowned a moment wondering what was missing, she looked around the floor and checked her arms and it clicked on her that her necklace was missing, the instant panic washed over her and although it was just a necklace the entire evenings worrying and thinking about whether she was on the right path was made clear. The thought of loosing this necklace broke her heart as she bent to her knees and clamoured her hands along the floor snatching at her neck hoping it had just became caught in her top, if she can feel this scared and lost from loosing a sentiment how bad would it be to lose Jen.

Tilly let a tear roll down her cheek, she had been keeping it in all day and she was in a panic which was making her already weary heart thump against her chest, she started a slow jog back up to the bench she remembered it was the last place she held onto it, the darkness was eerie but she didn't care, she skidded to a halt at the top of the path and let her mouth drop as she watched her heart drop down the steps and the tears finally break out of her eyes and drop down her cheeks.

She let her trembling legs bend and step onto the next step towards the bench, she sighed and dropped her head glancing her eyes back to the image in front of her. Jen was curled up on the floor leaning her back against the bench holding the necklace in her hand which was clutched to her head, the glint of the silver against the teachers black hair, she could hear Jen sniffing and she knew she was to cause for this crying. She stood a little cowardly against the wall and only the moonlight shined onto her head a little, she held her arms crossed in front of her holding back the urge to stretch them out and walk like a loon over to the woman like it was all ok. She knew this moment needed to happen, she was supposed to share all of her fears with this woman but how could she tell her that her fear was in fact her.

Jen was trying to control her breathing as she lifted her head and wiped her cheek free from tears, she did not know the reason why this necklace was here, did Tilly simply drop it, was she in trouble or did she simply not want her anymore and left it in a place where she knew the teacher would eventually be driven to think. She rotated it in her fingers and looked around her dark surroundings, her eyes catching a glint in the dark and she made them out to be eyes. She let out a scream and jumped up ready to run, it was then she saw the figure of the red head make her way out of the shadows and towards her, her heart was beating something odd it was racing a beat or two and then waited seconds before letting another out. She let one side of her mouth curl into a smile but the other was not clear what was about to happen. "Tilly" she sighed out, and she took in a breath, "Where have you been" she commented as her voice came out shaky and begging. "I just needed some air Jen, I needed to think for a while" Tilly's voice was a little stronger but Jen heard a distinct hint of her mood and she knew the teen was suffering. She took a step forward and saw Tilly's eyes look to her feet and she stepped back again, "Till what is this, what's wrong" Jen was petrified of the answer but she knew the question was hanging in the wind and it needed to be asked. The girls face was pain ridden and Jen knew not to probe for answers but this occasion it was the only way she would find out, "Tilly talk to me" Jen beckoned and the teen finally looked up and met her eyes, they glazed over for a second and with a little encouragement from the breeze making her eyes blink she focused hers into the teachers and her heart made a funny movement in her chest and felt as though it re aligned a little.

"I cant explain, im not even sure what it was I just felt really weird" the teen shuffled her feet as she spoke, she was nervous how Jen would take what she was trying to say. "Is it us, this relationship, I understand if you're intimidated or overwhelmed Tilly. You have no idea how much courage it takes to accept the feelings that you have inside and how they change you" she knew she was coming across patronising but she had the uncontrollable urge to reassure the girl. Tilly looked up and grasped what was being said, the woman did understand what she was stressing over but she felt stupid for letting herself fall into this mood. "Im sorry Jen, I just I thought of how much I wanted you and I was happy and then suddenly it was strange but i was terrified of what I felt, of what I was thinking and " she looked away from the teachers eyes and fidgeted looking around. "You were scared of me" Jen finished her sentence for her and could not help the look of sadness crossing her face, she sat onto the arm of the bench and took in the girls mood waiting for her to continue, hoping she would say it was all ok and she had overcome the feelings and wanted it to remain as it was, her heart was begging her not to say what her heart was scared of hearing. She wished the girl would look back into her eyes and see her cry, there were so many reasons she needed the girl to stick around and her eyes could tell her why.

The scene by the bench was clear, the sky remained dark even the moonlight had become sheltered, the light had temporarily been removed and it scared both girls to their core, they told themselves that if they held onto it long enough it would never leave them, which one had let it go. "Tilly do you want to spit up" Jen asked and she almost sobbed as she said the words, Tilly jumped around shocked "NO" she shouted, she genuinely didn't. "I just need to sort out my mind Jen its making me run away from you, I don't understand it" the teen worked herself up again and she could feel the tears returning.

She needed to be pulled back, she needed Jen to grab and shake her and tell her she was not leaving, but even these words she knew she could not allow herself to believe. "A break would break my heart but if you need it, I shall leave u alone for a while. I understand this is overwhelming and you need space" Jen stated like she read it from a text book it was completely unbelievable, she smirked a little and looked back into the teens eyes " Babe sometimes you need to take some time for yourself, take all the time you need and if you want me to be I shall still be stood here. Even if you don't want me to be I shall still be stood here, I cannot let you go. Its not that I wont fight for you again, but I cant lose you again. You can run, I shall jog behind you, when you understand it one day we shall run together babe. Please don't cast me as just someone that you used to know". Tilly looked at her and although by the look in the teachers eyes was not aware of it, she had managed to pull the teen back to her again but was it enough.

There is nothing left to remind you how much you love someone, no empty space needs to be filled as the image of their face is all you can see and the glint in their eyes is what keeps you going. The pain comes hand in hand with the love and there is something tragically beautiful about it.

Sometimes you are so used to the pain that you can become blinded by the light forced upon you, you have to let it rain and learnt to dance through it.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

When the moment of truth comes you are told and forced to stay away, but your mind takes it on as a challenge. You have no defence mechanism to not stay around it does not even seem a plausible action, you must ring them just to see if their sleeping, if they are sleeping are they dreaming of you, the most ridiculous and over dramatic state of mind kicks in and at the time you believe it. You cant believe that they once picked you even though the darkness is overcast you go into denial thinking it is all okay as your memories tell you so. You walk aimlessly around with no direction, personifying everything you see, glaring at the trees as they snigger at you and mischievously dance in the wind. You know then it must have been love, the light makes you lose your sight and there is no visible route in view, until the love is restored you are frozen in a space in time you cannot fast-forward only replay in your mind. You wander deeper into your sub conscious, pass where the angels sleep knowing your playing with danger and heartbreak but your heart wants to go to the beat. The unknown already ran its course but you want to know the implications. You hear their voice, you remember back to what it felt like to hold them, through their eyes you see yourself and you beg to send them the message of wherever you will go you will take them with you.

Jen knew the panic Tilly was going through, she had after all been there too, she had to let her run, she just had to make sure she would awake when she heard the call. She would love to tell Tilly she was running too, that she was running for her soul, keeping her pace incase she fell. She could see her in front of her but she no longer could hear her, its just the hesitate, she just hoped it would not be the nightmare of where she looked her in the eye and deliver her broken promise of never saying goodbye. She knew that things would change between them but she promised never to go away. Jen bowed her head she didn't want the girl to think she was all alone, all she wanted to do was hold her hand, raise her chin and tell her eyes to open again. Tilly's mind had managed to run far away but the love the teacher had would find her, it was something that was permanent. She wanted to take the girls place, this was a panic moment but it felt like living the rest of your life in hell and she wanted so much to help the teen, let her innocent and precious mind stay.

The teachers eyes searched in the silence seeking desperately for answers but Tilly was not throwing anything her way to work with, she wanted to shake her, throw something just to anger her into calling her name or anything. The necklace in her hand was the only thing keeping them connected as both sets of dreary eyes laid upon it. Jen lifted her hand slightly gesturing whether Tilly wanted it back or would she be left standing with the sentiment and memories they shared alone. She did not want the necklace to wear as a collection of a jar of despair, a bottle containing moments which made her complete, but she could not let it out of her hands to be thrown away.

The look Tilly portrayed baffled Jen as it was still, she was as rigid as a statue, until now she didn't believe the theory that she might have to actually walk away not to see the woman she loved anymore, how could her mind have led her here. Jen did not want to remind the teen that they made a promise never to walk away, but she could not just sit there and watch them both fall. She hated the idea of Tilly's childishness, did she have anything to say, she could not just be a hollow shell and pretend she didn't care or love her at all. She was becoming impatient in the anticipation, this was far too long of a time space to decide whether she needed a break or to walk away, it was killing Jen to know what was in Tilly's mind. "You have to speak, say something, anything" Jen's tone brought Tilly back and she looked into the teachers eyes, they both sat adjacent on the arms of the bench looking to each other, they were so far apart but knew something was holding them close. "I don't even know what to say Jen" Tilly replied and looked down to her hands, it was this moment Jen was asking for her too look deep and ask herself how deep was this love and was she willing to fight for them.

If she could push through the uncertainty and the fear she would come out the other side where Jen was, still alive and completely in the bliss of love. But if the teen could not hold onto her now she would never be able to hold her again, her mind would banish it and she would believe it to be the only way, she needed to fight. Tilly was focusing on Jen's hands she was watching them as the necklace sat in her palm as her thumb delicately ran over the bottle, the teen was half expecting a genie to pop out but it seemed to be sparking something inside of her, she could see a faint hint of light and it was dragging her in like a firefly. She was not loosing this title of being Jen's lover, she loved her and the thought of her not being enough or becoming too attached was slipping slightly, she had finally managed to trace the pieces and fill in the blanks causing her distress, she smiled a little as she watched and felt her eyes properly align with what she was seeing all along. She was still scared and nervous but surely this was a feeling she could feel with the teacher, as she had been introduced to so many new feelings that Jen had given her.

She walked her way up from the teachers hands to her arms, she could feel herself in them and a happy tear ran down her cheek, she heard a sniff come from Jen and her eyes took a moment as she breathed in and looked up to meet her stare. "Why the tear my angel" Jen asked obviously upset for the teen, "I was looking at your arms, I know I fit in them" Tilly replied and rolled her eyes, she knew this was soppy but it was just them, no one else was ever involved this was always just them for each other. Jen's face eased a little as she realised this may not be the complete heartbreak she thought, "These arms miss you, even when you wander away from them, I will always pull you back into them Tilly. I don't even think I could let you go" the teacher smiled. The cold was beginning to warm up between them and they shared a heart warming smile allowing the love to circulate back through the empty veins and hit their hearts.

The moment was moving, it moved them both back into each other and the bench held them in unison as Tilly's cheeks flushed a little as she felt a little stupid for causing such a scene, "Im sorry Jen, I flipped out. I didn't mean to worry you" the teen apologised. "Tilly it is fine, honestly. Things happen we don't always know why but it was obviously something you needed to address and work out babe. Yes I was, still am worried but not as much as I was when I saw this" Jen held up the necklace and the teens face turned defensive and upset "Jen I did not leave it or throw it intentionally, nothing like that. I was holding it and I must have put it down and I left. that's why I came back to find it" she pleaded for the teacher to believe her she felt bare without it on already. Jen's smile was a little less painful now, she held out her hand with the necklace dangling through her fingers, she wanted the teen to take it from her, she wanted to feel the touch and the proof that she really was ready to take in the teachers promises. Tilly smirked and leant in and hooked the necklace over her own finger, she had to unwind it a little around Jen's finger and the action completed the spark they both needed. Tilly tied the clasp on the back of her neck and held the bottle in her clenched fist looking down to it, she would never let it go again, or Jen.

Jen let out a yawn and it reminded Tilly that she had been out all afternoon and evening, she looked around and took in the pitch black sky and stars. She smiled up and Jen followed her gaze, "There so pretty aren't they" Tilly commented, "Yeah my mother always used to tell me when my father died that each star is someone lost. They remain in the sky hidden in the day when the light shines upon you but in the nights when you feel alone and dwell it is then the stars will shine bright, its then when they look over you" Jen turned her head and caught the teens glazed over eyes and she offered a smile. It was a theory she had carried since the moment her mother had told her, she was not particularly religious and this was something to believe in based off something real, she felt real feelings for these people who she had felt love from, her own faith.

Jen jumped off the arm of the bench and walked around leaning her arms along the back of the wooden frame as she looked over to the teen, who looked peaceful. "So shall we make a move and get you home, im sure your parents will be a little worried if the girls have been ringing all evening" Jen smiled as she spoke she didn't want the girl to feel any more pressure. The teen looked to her mobile and sighed, "I have a couple of missed calls off the girls but I have 3 from home and an answer phone I think your right" the teen replied her eyebrows furrowed and her look was sad, know she was back on track with the teacher she didn't want to leave her. She wanted a night to just hold onto what she ran so hard away from, she wanted to kiss the lips that helped sooth her mind as she was in torment. She felt like she needed to show how much she truly appreciated the woman. Like after a near death experience you have a new lease of life and feel like you must embrace everything and everyone you love, live out the risks and fight for what you want.

Jen turned to see if the girl was following but she was perched leaning against the bench with a look in her eye that made Jen's stomach lurch, she knew this look and the girl she fell in love with was back. The sparkle that she lit just for the teacher gleamed in her eye and she beamed a smile provoking Jen to walk back up to the bench. She fought her inner desires to jump onto the teen as she was not sure how ready she was for the full on behaviour, she may still be feeling the after effects of her melt down and be vulnerable. Jen walked her way to the bench and stood a foot away from the teen her head held high, she could not help but ooze with protectiveness for the teen and Tilly knew it, she knew that Jen would always carry her through the bad times and she hoped the teacher knew she would do the same for her.

"Do you not want to leave, I don't know about you but this is creeping me out a little" Jen pointed to the surroundings which were proving to be if alone, somewhere you would not want to be. The trees were not visible but their shadows provided distorted images on the pavement and the noise was eerie, whistling and whispering as the wind swooped through their branches. Jen's eyes were caught up in looking around and jumping as she heard random objects rattling "I think we should leave, but can I request two things before we go" the teens voice was serious with a slight tremble and Jen picked up on the quivering lip. "Of course beaut, anything" Jen replied walking closer and leaning her hands either side of the girls legs so she could see her, she wanted her to know she was there completely. "One, can you kiss me" the teen asked and she smirked as the teacher was close enough to her that she felt the electricity run through both of them, Jen looked down smiling too and rose her look back up to meet the teens eyes and her wish, "Are you sure" she asked seductively and all Tilly could do was nod her head, she leant in to meet the teachers lips and gasped as she felt her entire body being engulfed as the touch shook her, she wrapped a leg around Jen's back and pulled her closer, Jen followed direction and rose her body to align with the teens and kissed along her bottom lip and once upon the top, she pulled away a little and saw Tilly's eyes shut her eyebrows frowned a little as the kiss stopped and Jen went back in to kiss her girl properly. She ignited the teens soul back into the present and she had never felt like she needed the kiss more.

After long minutes of reuniting the pair unlocked their sealed lips and Jen kissed her gently on her now closed lips again, the compassion the teacher showed her always made Tilly blush she felt amazing being with her and never ever wanted this feeling to end. She smiled and hugged the teacher embracing the touch, she reached and held onto her hand and squeezed it hard enough for Jen to know she needed her. "What was the second request" Jen asked a little flushed. Tilly looked serious for a moment before she replied and looked to Jen and decided to look away as she spoke, she stopped and allowed Jen to walk in front of her before she spoke. "The second is a personal one, more intimate that the first" Jen's eyebrows raised and she looked completely willing to help, "Behave Jen, well for a minute anyway" the teen laughed as she could feel Jen's palm begin to warm up with excitement. "My second request is will you promise never to leave me, don't let me get this far and let me go" she looked embarrassed as she confessed the insecurities of her heart, but it was something that scared her to her core, she could deal with many pains and obstacles but the thought of getting completely lost over her head in love and being left alone in unfamiliar territory would be soul destroying.

Jen's answer was simple, she smiled and ran her thumb across the teen cheek and along her jaw line, her own eyes wore a painful look she could never think of even not thinking of the girl for a moment, it was not something she could allow her mind to comprehend as it would be the moment she would say goodbye to her heart. She leant in and kissed the girl again, the kiss was long and powerful it was a full of emotion and reassurance, it settled Tilly's nerves. Jen kept hold of the girls hand the entire time and let Tilly squeeze it as much as she needed "Never" was all she whispered.

There is no such thing as a fearless love, the end scares everyone but unless you accept the fear you have nothing to risk loosing. When the moment arises do not smile and pretend that you are where the other is, don't settle for anything less than your own feelings as although they scare you to death they are marking a moment of change, nothing will be lost but a lot shall be gained. When your heart is like a stone don't throw it at the person who you love as sometimes it can be too overpowering to carry. Always remember that sometimes when you think your walking alone and can only see one set of footprints, it is then that someone is carrying you.


	30. Chapter 30

Last chapter

Within sweat and fear Jen tossed and turned in her sleep, her thoughts were of panic, it was her first day as a teacher in her first school. It was 6am and she hopped out of bed and made her way to the collage early to settle in this was going to be a long and hard day, she underestimated how daunting this was going to be. The pupils rushed in and the class went without fail she was very fidgety and noticed the constant shake to her voice but thankfully she pulled it off and the students did not laugh or show any disinterest in her speeches so she was content with the day, by the fourth day of the week she was settling in well.

The fire was something she did not expect the first week in her first placement but the adrenaline kicked in and she moved the students out without a fuss and managed to remove the entire of her class and some others without any problems. She walked and stood with the students passing comments to teachers as they walked by, she was unsure too what was going on but thank god no one was hurt, or so she thought. As the doors swung open and a blonde girl exited with a red head slumped in her arms Jen's heart tugged and the realisation was not immediately obvious. She ran over with the other teachers and ambulance crew caught up in the hype of the situation, she was ushered to go with the two injured girls to the hospital and of course she agreed, but casting a look to her side she too needed a doctor as she was knocked for six by the sight of the woman who had stole her glances the day she went to the beach. She looked on at her and knew in this moment that whatever she may have felt she would not be allowed to act upon this and she broke the connection that glued their eyes together. Weeks went by and Tilly became nothing more than one of Jen's students and her teaching career boomed as she accepted a transfer to Manchester to teach in one of the art collages. She never again thought of this girl, she proved to be nothing more than a passing glance.

Jen awoke in disbelief early morning completely confused why now she was having this dream on the biggest night of her life. Tonight was the night she held one of the biggest parties at her art gallery with a star guest due to arrive. The gallery looked amazing with paintings of her students work hanging proudly across the walls and some of Jen's own. She had opened the workshop 3 years after leaving the Chester collage and it had been a complete success. Her mother came down and helped her decorate to the colour scheme she liked and furnished, they sat in the dust free and clean room taking in its now beauty, she was so thankful that her mother was there to witness her proudest moment. Jen sat up in her bed and scooped her hair out of her face and focused her eyes around the room, she had not heard these voices or had that heart stopping moment about Tilly in years, she shook her head and jumped out of bed and started her day.

The evening came and the doors to her gallery opened, the waitresses worked the floor carrying trays of champagne and snacks to the guests as they all walked in unison around the room looking at all the paintings. The one painted ten years prior was hung proudly in the centre of the room, it was what inspired Jen and what shone the brightest in her life, it was the source of her breath and the reason of the life, and it was being admired by many visitors as they walked into the gallery as the delicate and strategic lighting made sure it was the first thing people saw, it was the theme of Jen's life.

Jen knew the artist would be a little later than scheduled as they were being flown in from LA after the second successful tour so she had a little light entertainment for the guests to bide the time. As she cast her gaze to the window she saw the guest of honour was arriving as the black car pulled up outside, Jen was about to burst with excitement, for her students to meet and actual successful artist was overwhelmingly amazing and Jen could feel the atmosphere in the room change as everyone began talking, guessing who could have painted these fabulous paintings.

The artist walked in and made a beeline to Jen it was only professional to shake the hosts hand, the onlookers were full of gasps and many dived into their bags for pens ready for autographs and photos. Jen smiled and leant in to receive a kiss on each cheek and heard peoples comments as she took a kiss to her lips and an embrace.

She took the artists hand and walked around their art work and to greet everyone, it saddened Jen when she left Chester, it kick started her career and ignited her passion for art again but to leave felt as though she was giving up on so much and betraying promises she threw out to the universe many times that she would never walk away from certain things. She finally managed to summon the strength and left that life and everyone in it behind after 3 years and moved out to Crosby beach to live in the beach house she had saved to afford, it was here one night she met her partner one evening walking along the beach. It was intense and immediate but they knew they were going to spend the rest of their days together, laying under the duvets on summer afternoons studying their greys. For years she had waited for a savour to rise from the streets of Chester but they never came, she made the life changing move to Crosby and it was lonely leaving behind the things she loved but it opened a completely new chapter that was her own.

She remembered back to the day Tilly had to leave for university and it broke her, she fought so hard to be where she was but the school would not let her leave her position or transfer, they tried to meet on weekends and holidays but it fizzled out as both were too busy for the commitment they both so badly wanted.

After sticking it out for 3 years at the collage Jen could not walk the lonely halls anymore and finished that summer packing her bags and her dreams and went to the one place she always knew she was meant to be, she bought a little workshop and worked hard on getting her paintings out there but she seemed to spark attention of people asking to be taught by her, this gave her the idea to open a teaching class and a little gallery where their work could be on display to try and get peoples attention enough to buy their work. She had become well known as a lot of her students used her as a contact and were picked up for events and shows, Jen was proud she had made it.

As she sifted thro her mail the one morning with a coffee in hand she came across a parcel with an American stamp and revelled as normally she got sent samples from the people she had taught and it always filled her heart with joy as they remembered her. She ripped open the parcel and looked at the contents inside, this particular painting laid before her knocked her backwards, it was the most memorable and beautiful thing she had ever seen, her breath was stolen away from her and she forgot for what it felt like to have a moment in her life that stood still in time. She did not have the strength for the painting to be put away and it remained on her table taunting her all day, she needed this artist to come to one of her opening shows where she displayed new talent, bringing in someone actually famous would do wonders for her. She faxed over an invite and chewed a nail as she awaited a response, this took the majority of the day and apart from quick coffee breaks she did not move from her desk staring intently at the machine wishing it to ping. It was nearing 7pm and Jen was normally in her house by this time, but she was grateful she had stayed awake as she would have missed the reply. The artist confirmed they would be at the opening as her guest and the x at the bottom made Jen smile. She kept this smile as she made her way out of the shop and walked her way home, she very rarely used her car unless retrieving supplies, the walk home was nice, the weather was always pleasant and the journey consisted of Jen walking her way along the beach front hearing the ocean and seeing the iconic gnormley statues. She slipped off her shoes and walked her way along the beach feeling the sand between her toes, the tide was on its way out as the wet sand stuck to her skin, she sat on the sand dunes and stared out to the stars, they still meant so much to her, they blinked and Jen believed they were proud as they watched over her. She mellowed on this beach.

She was turning 28 the following morning and she was a little glum as she had no one there to really celebrate it with, she caught a breath in her throat as she watched a tear fall to the sand by her cradled knees, it was a brutal reminder her mother died the previous year, she was the last remaining thing left in the world that loved her. It was proving to be a lonely life.

So many times she sat and cried out for someone, anyone to come save her, a lot of the time her thoughts went to Tilly. It took her the best part of two years to try and forget she was addicted to the girl, it was hard to hold a candle in the rain. She knew she had to let her go, but even after this time period although the pain subsided she knew letting go of the teen was not something she could never do. She always gave Tilly the option to leave her as long as she knew if she did, she would take her heart along with her. So she just went along with the pace of life and went where it took her, she was a believer that destiny and fate will carry you where you need to go if you remain still long enough. She was finally able to stand and do what she wanted, there was no one against her anymore, although she hoped that one day she could have made it through and stood with the person she fought so hard for, against the world.

Like many times in her life when she believed it could not get any worse her optimism of it getting better did not follow, she sat back onto the sand wallowing, she had done so well but without someone to share it with what was the point. These statues heard her woes most evenings and unlike people they never left, she felt like they were something she could trust, even when the tide came in and the waves washed over them they still stood upright and remained the same composure, she felt inspired by them. The gloom of this evening in particular was vanishing as one of the statues she stared at in the distance began to move, it felt at that moment a scene out of a horror film and Jen froze in shock unsure what to do but revelling in the adrenaline, it was something to feel. She watched as the statuesque figure rotated around and hovered around the sand like a breeze, Jen could not focus her eyes anymore than she was, her eyes squinting for a closer look at this image calming her into not running. As the image sifted through the statues the vision now describable as a human came into view and Jen rose to meet them, she was stunned and taken aback and stuttered the only words available, "Hi" it was all that was audible from her lips and it worked.

Within minutes of talking to this stranger of the night Jen's world span into a whole new light, both as professional artists sharing the same passion and lust for life. It was strange for the voices in Jen's head to finally leave her and she did not feel empty or lonely she enjoyed the welcomed silence that came with it. It was overwhelming how this artist saved her in every way a person can be saved, and it was something she felt existed all along.

The gallery was heaving with people and the excitement of a limo being parked out the front made more onlookers come in to see what the hype was about, it made Jen's mouth curl up into a smile as more and more people looked in awe at the little workshop they had stumbled into. She grabbed the guest of honour and took them over to meet smiling fans as she waited patiently to satisfy their need for autographs of brochures and have photos done, she clocked her watch keeping track of time before the guest was to make a speech at 9pm. With a gentle hand to the lower back Jen gestured she was disappearing for a few moments to greet new custom, with a smile of recognition she was off and circulating the room talking and thanking people for coming all the while not letting her eyes off the heartbeat in the room keeping hers in sync. After an hour of meeting and greeting Jen ushered everyone in the function room and into chairs so she could introduce her guest properly, everybody obediently agreed and sat waiting to hear from the guest and seek inspiration.

Jen was nervous but it was not the speaking in front of a crowd that made her heart take this turn it was the introduction of this artist, her partner, she was so used to having to hide her partners either due to her sexuality status or due to it being judged upon that this was second nature. She could also not contain her excitement, she glanced to her right and smiled and when she received one back it forced her to giggle, she was smitten. She welcomed the gathering and blushed as she told then about the guest coming out, she knew their life and there motivations but it was for them to explain there inspiration, after all creativity is subject to your own impulses. She clapped and the artist graced from the right to the stage kissing the host again and taking the microphone.

It was a room filled with undivided attention as everyone looked on at what they believed they aspired to be. After clearing their throat they began, "Hello all, im honoured to be hear this evening and thank all of you coming. I would like to start by going back to where my inspirations came from and how it carried me through my life and made me find things I believed I would never find again. When I was a teenager I used to paint and draw to try and deal with the creative frustration bubbling inside of me, it helped to release something that screaming and crying could not. It was something deep inside that was raw emotion, this came across in my work and at time was messy" the room chuckled a little, "I took art in 6th form and realised it was something I was good at, it was something I could express and excel in and I just needed a push, I was given the chance by a teacher who inspired me in many ways that I could never thank them for, I was captivated by their knowledge and passion and it was something I was captivated within" The artist's head dropped as they spoke, a clear indication of emotion on the surface and the room was completely engulfed.

"I was told once by someone wise that; '_Art isn't just finding the beauty in things, its about capturing a moment, an emotion or a truth. Art is about allowing yourself to be surprised by the world around you, by the people that you meet'. _I am thankful to say that this analogy works not only with art but life, let yourself be moved by moments and memories as they sculpt your life and brush over the things you may not see". People began to raise to clap, "I thank you for your time today and please show gratitude to this woman who made this happen" a round of applause erupted as Jen made her way a little embarrassed to the stage nodding and smiling, her eyes mocking evil towards the guest as this was not planned. "This woman is truly amazing and is the soul reason for my inspiration and has never let me forget it since I was 17, especially as she is 35 years young today. Ladies and gentlemen please raise your hands for my gorgeous and talented wife, Jen Gilmore" After a little rib jab and a chuckle Jen snatched the microphone playfully, "Thank you, I am so grateful for you all for making the last 7 years possible, I ran away when I left Chester and came here to seek solitude somewhere and find myself, never dismiss feelings or thoughts as they often turn into dreams and sometimes, if you wish hard enough they just might come true. I am blessed with many things but I would like to thank my guest today and my partner for one pointing out my age, and secondly for never letting me forget my passion for everything that means something. If you must do anything in life, fight for what you cant let go. One more time can we raise out hands for my wife Tilly Evans" the room clapped again and people rose to applaud.

Jen looked to Tilly and winked as the evening had proved to be a success, she was so proud of what Tilly had achieved. She finished collage and left Chester to go to an art university and managed to get her work seen by a scholar who was taking peoples work away, her career began there and although it was the break Jen always wanted she never allowed herself to be jealous or envious of Tilly she deserved it and her talent was finally noticed. She allowed the girl to move on, she didn't want to hold her back, how often does love triumph a career. Thinking about it she allowed herself to not be as available to Tilly so she would learn to drift away from her, she knew Tilly would be faced with the dilemma of choosing and she didn't have to, she could have both. The entire time Jen tried to stay away from the teen in school she always thought she had to make a choice there and then and she never fully realised until she was in the opposite situation exactly what Tilly used to preach, she did not have to chose, she could have her career and still be in love and have the soul she needed to breath.

She didn't realise that with every breath she breathed she loved the girl more but was loosening the strings and even though she would be there until the sky fell down she would watch the girl from afar, it was what she promised, she would never take her eyes off her and would always watch over her. She remembered standing in that village the day all the students departed for university and she felt like she was being punished, like god had dangled something just for her in front of her and she became attached to it and destiny had other plans and snatched it away.

She hugged goodbye to Bart as he left to take a photography and designing course, he thanked her as she was one of the only people who ever believed in him enough to push him into pushing himself to do something with his life. Sinead and Maddie both applied and were accepted into a university in London for fashion courses, after the hugs and a few sniffles Jen really was going to miss this group, she looked around for the direction of her heart strings being pulled. She searched for Tilly and wondered why she wasn't in the street saying her farewells too, she paced through the street in the direction of the teens house, and as she turned and saw Tilly sitting on the wall outside, Jen's heart felt the realisation that she really was leaving she held onto the railing and struggled to catch her breath as her soul felt as though it died a little.

She looked across to the red head's slumped figure she could feel her empathy for her, she slowly paced herself as she carried her own heavy feet one by one across to the teen. She didn't need to say anything, the mood was obvious and this pair were isolated in their feelings from the beginning, from the first glance they allowed themselves to cast to each other. Jen cupped a hand to the teens cheek and ran her thumb across her soft skin caressing the face she would not see for a while, it was heartbreaking for them and neither knew what the future held, where they letting go or spending their lives holding onto the hope of never stop believing.

"What time do you have to go" Jen mumbled out, she knew it sounded like she was sulking but she didn't care. Tilly looked up and noticed the look in Jen's face, it was full of emotion, her lip was uncontrollably quivering and she could not stop her hands from trembling, her eyes scared Tilly they had the look of death like she was witnessing something dying. "In twenty minutes, my dad has gone to get petrol, they want to take me and settle me in" Jen heart let out a thud every few seconds and she moved with the force of it, she tried to keep her gaze up and look supportive but her entire body was shutting down, she could feel the light leaving her and she felt nauseous with fear. "Ok, well yesterday was amazing im so thankful we had the day to ourselves" Jen's voice was beginning to break as she was loosing her control, she was remembering how care free the day before was as they spend the entire day at the beach and frolicked by the sea in the evening, it was mind blowing for them both, instead of ravaging each other in lust they shared their sacred love and appreciated each other.

Tilly's eyes brewed with tears as she spoke "It was the perfect way to say goodbye" she muttered and broke, she allowed her tears to run onto Jen's thumb and they both watched as they could not save the drops from hitting the floor, "Babe this is not goodbye, I will come see you on weekends and you can come home on the holidays. Its ok we can adjust. I will always find you" the teachers words were strong and she saw teen smiled a little as she believed them. The pair hugged and although Jen clung to her words she could not help but see the future planning out and she could not see her being in it with the red head. A car pulled up behind her and Tilly broke the embrace as her father stepped out the car with her mother in tow, "Hello Miss Gilmore, its so endearing you coming to say goodbye to our Tills, she has been so inspired by you. Thank you" Tilly's mother held out her hand and Jen's shaking palm reached out to reciprocate, she was too overwhelmed to speak but managed a nod of her head. She watched Tilly's father walk out with a few more boxes of Tilly's things and then carried out an item the teacher remembered, it was the painting she did for Tilly's birthday. She could not help but look to the teen, she was moved but she also knew this was her heart being packed into the back of the car and being taken where ever Tilly went, ready for unpacking at her leisure.

After a loud cough from Tilly's father Jen unlocked her eyes from the teen, she was taking in her last drop of essence she could from her, sucking the light selfishly clinging onto the hope. She looked to her parents whose eyes were a little questioning as to why her teacher was so upset over a student. "Well have fun in university Tilly, it will be the best years of your life. Take care of yourself" Jen spoke almost like a textbook teacher goodbye, "Thank you for all your help this last year Miss Gilmore, I shall keep in touch" Tilly replied jumping off the wall, it was not the goodbyes they wanted to say but it was not a convenient time for Jen to scream _…Please don't go, I know its stupid to ask but stay with me, im begging you, im telling you, im pleading, im screaming STAY… I love you…._

Tilly leant in eager for a last touch and hugged the teacher with her parents looking on, she let her perfume fill her nose and a tear dropped as she realised this smell was the best thing in the world and she would miss it so much. They separated and Tilly walked with her head down to the car and got in the back, she waited for her parents to buckle into the front seats and looked behind her, her heart raced she wanted to get out and do a scene like in a movie and kiss her but the seatbelt signified the emotional restraint she needed to control and kept her clutching onto the seat as her insides bellowed and burnt her to get out. She placed a fingertip to the back window as the car pulled away and Jen's heart smashed to the floor as she tried to keep a smile as the woman she loved pulled a face she would never forget. As the car sped away Jen leant back, her legs buckling as she fell and sat on the wall outside Tilly's house, she dropped her head and her sobs became audible, "I love you" she shouted after the car as it sped away. Tilly dropped her head in the car and cried silently into her top trying to stifle the sound of her hysterics and she mouthed "I love you" sending their two broken hearts last words into the universe where unbeknown to them they would join again.

It was two months before they saw each other again and although Tilly still loved Jen she had changed a little with the stigma that came with university life, she wanted to go to pubs and clubs and drink with her friends, her one soul focus was no longer Jen and it was a transition the teacher found difficult to take on, she laughed along with Tilly's new friends and tried to keep in line with the new topics but after a couple of trips this was proving too much. Her work load picked up in collage as students seemed to be preferring the art courses and she had to cancel a couple of trips causing them to argue and drift apart. After a year they both resounded to the fact that this was not going to make it, a tearful meeting at the beach one day clarified a mutual parting, neither said it but both knew it. After that the two further years Jen spent at the collage dragged by and she knew she had to get out, the beach house was ideal, it was small and accommodating for her and her belongings, she never imagined having someone else live with her, until the night Tilly found her heart for the millionth time and unburied it handing it back to her.

As she watched the figure on the beach that night move its way with the sand she was fascinated, the shadow drew her in and she could not feel her legs to run she was completely stuck awaiting her fate, when the vision became clearer and a feminine form appeared with the familiar hair and dimples in the cheeks Jen could feel her heart twitching, she did not allow it for a brief moment, holding her breath as she waited to see what this shadow of somebody she used to know had to say. She had learnt from her lessons that she needed to protect herself, the last time she sat on this beach with the girl they handed each others broken hearts back to each other for the umpteenth time and departed leaving their desolate souls to wither in the rain. The smile this now adult wore was something Jen had not seem for a long time, even in her dreams the smile had turned into a malicious grin. The only word Jen could throw out of her throat was "Hi" and it was enough for the two people to smack back into each other, "Hey you" Tilly simply replied and Jen rose she was being pulled to her feet by some invisible force that was telling her there was nothing else she should be doing, it was her destiny. You could see in both their eyes that this would be the final goodbye, but that goodbye did not mean there and then it meant until the end. Neither could control themselves and they jumped into each others arms cupping their faces and like magnets their lips joined sealing in the moment, it sent the world spinning again and it was home.

They remained on the beach embracing each other as they laid side by side on the sand kissing, hands mirroring the same footprints they left upon each other years before, it was amazing how clear things were, how the simplest touch to the others skin reinstated everything that was correct, they still did not say a word and they made love on the same beach they once said goodbye on. After a passion fuelled greeting the pair unlatched their bodies and laid side by side again their hands never unclasped as they both stared up to the stars. Hand in hand they collected their discarded clothing and walked along the beach stealing glances to each other and smirking, it felt just as special as the first time, from her first glance Jen knew she was slipping into heaven on a day trip.

They got back to Jen's beach house and the Tilly could not help but grin as everything the teacher had dreamed of wanting had come true and she knew she was the last thing to be checked off her list. She spent her university days being overwhelmed with studying and meeting new people, she tried to shake off the weight weighing her down and she thought that it was Jen, after allowing the break up to go ahead she went and finished her course and got snatched up by luck by an artist seeker and started her own career, she was allowed to paint what she wanted and her theme was accepted, for once she felt as though she fitted in. After the two years passed she came back to Chester village to meet with friends and family, but it did not feel the same there was no spark there anymore it did not feel like home. As this realisation kicked in she seeked to find the light she promised never to let go of, they had both said as long as they never let go it would be forever, she wanted it back. This weight weighing her down was not Jen, it was love and her mind telling her she was throwing away her preordained future with this woman. She knew she had to find her, it was never the end but a moment of change and re-evaluation.

The evening passed with the pair catching up, they talked for hours until Tilly fell asleep fighting her eyes to stay open but with a gentle nod from Jen informing her she would be there when she awoke, Tilly drifted off to sleep the jetlag taking its toll. Jen just stared, she could not believe her deepest wish had come true, she was watching her sleep, the promise she made of what she found she could keep was coming true. She wanted to lay here in this moment and let the world stay impossibly still. She brushed a stray hair out of the girls face and kissed her cheek, "Today and Always, beyond tomorrow, I need you beside me, always as my best friend, lover and forever as my soul mate"

Tilly stayed with Jen for a few days in the beach house before leaving to go back to her agent for some of her work to be distributed, she arranged to return and she never failed on her promise, even four years later when they celebrated their civil ceremony she certified that her promises will never be broken and she would indeed love Jen forever. There was no way Jen was letting her go now, she was keeping her forever and for always.

Jen zoned back into the auditorium and held onto Tilly's hand as she said her goodbyes to her guests, after an hour the building laid bare and the pair were left on their own, the clean up could wait until the morning and they left turning off the lights and locking the doors, casting a quick glance to the portrait hanging proudly on show, the Gnormley statues painted by Miss Tilly Evans when she was merely seventeen was the foundation of their relationship . They stepped into the sea breezed air and walked the route back to their home fingers intertwined. Tilly did not need to go back to work for a few weeks and planned on spending some needed time at home with Jen, her tours took her away from her for a few weeks at a time, but to know for certain that she would be coming back to her each time made her time away fly past her, she would sit and re literate her vows to herself over and over "Even if the sun refuses to shine, even if we live till different times, even if the ocean left the sea. There is no doubt in my mind that there will always be a you and me".

A decade passes setting the pace of the future, forty seasons come and go and the population changes, but with six billion people in the world the only thing Jen noticed was the change of light on the only pair of eyes she wanted to see. The way the world span around, the way they made each other feel, it didn't matter what everyone would have said or how much they frowned upon their blossoming love in the beginning, their hearts could not hold back, they loved each other anyway, how could either ever walk away.

Don't regret anything you do, in that one glance, that one heart beat that skips and makes you think its only a moment, but that moment imprints on you. If you make a promise to yourself, keep it. Everything in life is temporary, because things change. It takes great courage to love, knowing it may end anytime but having the faith it will last forever, never stop believing.


End file.
